<p>This essay is way too long and rambling and is really an autobiography rather than an essay. The college essay is not supposed to be your life story, no matter how intriguing you think that may be. You need to bring some structure to your essay so it isn’t just a laundry list. If your intent is to show how your varied experiences have molded you into someone this college should accept, you need to say that up front, limit your tale to three or four key experiences, and discuss separately how each one changed/influenced you. Remember what you were taught in English class about how to write an essay and follow those rules. (I’m going to assume the numerous grammar, punctuation and usage errors were the result of dashing the essay off in 30 minutes.) Best of luck.</p>