Alumni of UVA

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of Virginia
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<p>Shoebox- alum, parents, etc can be supportive of change without throwing the students under the bus. My D knows how outraged I am, and we have had a number of very productive discussions about it. I have also voiced my displeasure with President Sullivan and her VP. </p>

<p>IMHO, giving to the school right now is the worst decision that you could have made. UVA will look at that as condoning what they have been doing and be less hesitant to change. That doesn’t signal outrage and outrage is what is needed right now. </p>

<p>Your money would have been better spent going to women’s advocacy groups, or even UVA AFTER they show that they are serious about changing the culture. I appreciate that you love your school and think that current students, but I personally think that was the wrong way to go about it. </p>

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<p>@shoebox10 Thank you so much. What you wrote is exactly what current students need to hear. They need to feel supported, and right now, they aren’t feeling much of that. They know there are problems to fix - and they are ready to get to work!</p>

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<p>@shoebox10 “I donated, as a true alumni, for the first time the other day when I read this story. My money went to SEAS because I’m a Hoo and will forever love any fellow Hoo, young or old, Greek or not, athlete or not, but simply because they’re a Wahoo”</p>

<p>Really. Do you love the rapists, simply because they’re Hoos, too?</p>

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<p>Much2 learn, Amen! Other U’s will watch and adjust their policies as well. If I were Sullivan I would call the frat boys in my office tomorrow and tell them it’s time to talk and remind them it’s a privilege not a right to be at UVA. If they don’t want to talk they can finish their college careers elsewhere. </p>

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<p>@shoebox10 I completely agree with you. We donate to three Universities, and we would not abandon them if this incident were at one of those schools.</p>

<p>Not only are you showing support for the students, but also as a donor, even a small one, you have a stronger voice and better access to support the vast majority of students who want to reclaim their university from criminals and cowards. This should not be everyone against UVA. It should be students, Alumni and administrators making it clear that independent of this individual incident, the way rape has been handled in the past is no longer adequate. </p>

<p>Donating does not signify that you agree with what the U has done up to now. It means that you are invested in the students and in the University’s future, and want to be a part of the solution.</p>

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<p>Just out of curiosity, is there a way you can pull up all the posts/threads by a CC user?</p>

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<p>^^^^ Just click on their screen name.</p>

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<p>@Muchtolearn‌, thanks. And to comment on something you mentioned previously about going about certain steps after the rape, I thought the same thing immediately. However, the more I think about it the more I remember the complete lack of information given to students about what to do in cases like this. I can’t say that at age 18, entering college, I 100% that I didn’t know what a rape kit and the privacy laws surrounding these kinds of situations, but I don’t remember any public information supplied by either VT or UVa (I transferred to UVa 2nd year). This is huge and I hope this changes and information is widely given to all students from now on. </p>

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<p>@shoebox10, The issues re: sexual misconduct ,reporting, Title IX issues, seem to be evolving with many colleges (and probably will continue to do so for UVa given the current activism going on). There is lots of info on UVa’s website that seems to have been in place for awhile (but maybe not there when you were a student?) </p>

<p><a href=“http://www.virginia.edu/sexualviolence”>http://www.virginia.edu/sexualviolence&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p><a href=“http://www.virginia.edu/justreportit/sexualmisconduct/”>http://www.virginia.edu/justreportit/sexualmisconduct/&lt;/a&gt; <a href=“http://www.virginia.edu/justreportit/sexualmisconduct/students/”>http://www.virginia.edu/justreportit/sexualmisconduct/students/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>“Jackie” is saying she did feel support from the Dean. I believe President Sullivan has said the university (or maybe just her?) was not aware of the extent of the allegations until the Rolling Stone article. I am glad this may finally be investigated by the police. </p>

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<p>I’m a multi-degree Hoo and my daughter has applied to UVa. This whole situation disgusts me, and my daughter and I have talked a great deal about it in the past few days.</p>

<p>I graduated in the 80s. I was an independent, and there was nothing that even approached condoning sexual assault among any of the guys I associated with. I went to the odd fraternity party (generally because female friends were going), and I never observed anything disturbing or particularly odd. But I never wanted to be part of the greek scene because of the… I can’t think of another way of putting it other than “Bro-ishness” of the frat members I knew. There was an edge there that I just didn’t feel great about. Some were my friends, but in the company of their brothers, there was a vibe that I just didn’t like. The old Rugby Road song featured in the RS article, seemed to me to resonate with that vibe. We gladly sang the first verse-- because we loved our liquor-- and the verses about our sports rivals. But the sexually-over-the-line verse about women’s colleges seemed, to me, to be the domain of frat boys.</p>

<p>All the stereotypes about UVa-- rich, preppy, snobby, tradition-bound, patriarchal, good-old-boy-- were to me the domain of the greeks. Over 8 years at the U, I associated with a huge number of folks from all majors, and while there were plenty of people I didn’t particularly like, it wasn’t because they fit those stereotypes. </p>

<p>And boy, we drank. We drank a lot. But even among my extended group of friends, and even viewed from today’s perspective, I never saw guys coercing girls any more than I saw girls coercing guys. I don’t recall witnessing a single sexual incident that gave me any moral problems.</p>

<p>Fast forward to asking my daughter whether she has any qualms about possibly (I’d say probably) attending the U. She pointed out that she knows a ridiculous number of UVa alumni and current students, and not one of them leads her to believe that the school itself has a culture of sexual assault. She’s not a partier, she has no interest in fraternities, so she figures her risk is no greater than it would be at any large university. If she were a more party-prone kid, we’d both be a lot more worried.</p>

<p>And I’m inclined to agree. I think the school did a lousy job with earlier assaults, and I think the school is feeling enough pressure now that they will be extra-sensitive in their handling of future assaults. I would actually be more concerned about sending a son there now-- I would be surprised if the University >doesn’t< begin to tilt the field in the opposite direction now, and there are plenty of instances at campuses across the US where the accused in sexual assault cases have been denied rights. But a) if my hypothetical sun had the same values that my daughter has, I wouldn’t be terribly worried about him getting in that kind of situation; b) I don’t think that field has been tilted yet.</p>

<p>Much2learn has a lot of great ideas above; I hope that some of them are adopted. </p>

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<p>“She’s not a partier, she has no interest in fraternities, so she figures her risk is no greater than it would be at any large university.”</p>

<p>Neither was mine until she hit her second year and started going to lots of frats and started drinking. </p>

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<p>^^^^^But how do you know the same thing wouldn’t have happened if she had transferred to Virginia Tech? </p>

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<p>I never said ( nor meant to imply) that it wouldn’t have. I was simply pointing out that the poster says her daughter won’t have to worry about these issues if she attends when that isn’t necessarily the case- kids change.</p>

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<p>So true. We can only hope that we have taught them well and they make the right decisions. And if they don’t, we hope that there is a friend nearby who has their back. </p>

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<p>I never argued that my daughter “won’t have to worry about these issues”; only that she is starting from a significantly safer mindset. Kids certainly change, but I like her chances against already party-prone girls. Risk aversion is a pretty powerful habit (and at times I’ve wished she was less risk-averse).</p>

<p>But I would also argue that when this whole thing shakes out, it may be actually safer there than at other schools. UVa is under the microscope, so there’s not going to any ability to sweep things under the rug anymore. There will be changes, probably big changes. I’d be willing to bet that those changes will be a mix of productive modifications (such as some of the suggestions in the thread above) and non-productive modifications (“yes means yes” codes and Duke Lacrosse-esque erosion of due process), all of which will increase safety for women on campus.</p>

<p>Also, the fraternities are faced with an existential crisis. In my discussions with alumni the last few days, many of them said they were OK with getting rid of fraternities (most of my friends aren’t greek, but some “fratricide” advocates were sorority members). Threatened with losing a presence at UVa, the fraternities will be forced to self-police-- in itself not enough, but WAY better than previous, and coupled with a new attitude from the administration it will surely be helpful. (I’m still telling my daughter she should stay away from those parties, though.)</p>

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<p>I think alcohol plays a big part here. I would argue that the “party-prone” girls may be in a better position because of their experience with it. Learning how to drink is exactly that a learned skill. I think it is problematic that many of these kids are unfortunately doing this for the first time, not in the company of family or trusted friends but brand new ones who haven’t had the benefit of knowing each others habits and normal behavior. </p>

<p>My children abstained through high school which I was very happy about, but when it came time to go to college, the summer before, I lightened up and let them “practice” at home. I am really happy with that decision, it took away the mystique and allowed them to understand the feeling in a trusted environment.</p>

<p>I understand the statistics and science behind the movement of the drinking age to 21 but I think it creates a whole new set of problems. I think drinking should be like driving, have a probationary period. Many European countries have it correct, beer and wine at one age hard liquor later. I wish the United States had that. It would really help with the binge drinking and inexperience. </p>

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<p>I agree with the comments about alcohol. The limitation at UVa is that virtually the sole source of liquor for undergrads is the fraternity party system. And reading the various accounts indicates that just going in the door makes you extremely vulnerable. </p>

<p>I’d be fine with a lower drinking age, or sororities being allowed to host parties, or some probationary period.</p>