Am I being unreasonable?

<p>K...not every senior has to hold on to his ECs for dear life as school winds down....you have Jrs who will step up and fill any void...part of growing up is shifting and changing as you get older...and sometimes that means letting go of stuff you have been doing</p>

<p>what are his ECs that are going to be soooo demandings as school winds down?<br>
come on folks, we all know how at the end of SR year, the Srs let go a bit...as they should...</p>

<p>In a way, it can be an excuse</p>

<p>I can bet you there are many ECs that can be backed away from, thus allowing Jrs to step in and get ready to take over</p>

<p>ANd its also setting priorities...seriouslly people, kids can take a look at what they are doing to fill their time and give up things as seniors</p>

<p>By this point in their academic career, if a SR is still putting in as much time as they always have on homework, etc they haven't learned to time manage very well. After 4 years, you don't have to be perfect, you don't have to put in 5 hours on an essay, I am not saying slack off, but even the teachers aren't expecting perfection of second semester seniors, and as for ECs, its time to think about moving uoward and on.</p>

<p>My S has the most demanding second semester "senior" year. More demanding than any other semester. If the OP says it's demanding, it is demanding.
you don't have to be perfect. No, but you can strive for perfection. Five hours on an essay? Pshaw... A lot more time is required to produce a good essay.</p>

<p>Are we to encourage senioritis? Or to suggest that now that college applications are in, the ECs students supposedly were passionate about until December 31 can be tossed? hmmm....</p>

<p>The way my Ds look at it is this:</p>

<p>They both interned, as I said, very consistently, like work....they will do it all summer as well, though the oldest wants a fulltime paid job this summer...all the work they have done previouslly gives them a leg up when it comes to choices for jobs</p>

<p>My oldest wants to work in college and because she will have worked and interned for several years, she will most likely have a lot more options because she has a track record</p>

<p>We do have a coddled generation, school is important, but whole generations of people did some kind of work through high school. Instead, these kids want to keep doing the fun ECs and not bother with anything else</p>

<p>If he refuses to get a job, and he has alot of free time, which it sounds like he does, then take control- cut back the $ for gas, when he is home, he can do more work around the house, etc.</p>

<p>I am not saying that kids need to work hours and hours a week, but they can do something, and this well, school is work, If you really took at deep look at what time most ECs etc take, you would be supprised at how much is often just fluff</p>

<p>My D has a demanding schedule as well, but she has learned how to prioritize and seriouslly, if a SR spends as much time now as they did in the fall, they haven't figured much out about how to schedule their time</p>

<p>ANd if someone takes 5 hours plus for each essay, they need to figure out why it takes so long, and I am serious about that....it means they are wasting a lot of time....</p>

<p>I just have observed with my Ds school that much can be streamlined when it comes to ECs, that alot of time is spent fooling around, and that is fine, but to say, oh the ECs are super demanding and take up days and days is just not true</p>

<p>Sure, sports, done by 6ish, musicial instruments, goes in waves, but in a month or so, most ECs will be winding down and the OP herself said her son has oodles of freetime and just wants to "relax"...</p>

<p>And I just love the excuse, but I am such a perfect kid and don't do bad stuff, you shouldn't want me to do anything now, because I want to relax now and do kind of nothing</p>

<p>As for quitting ECs, as people get older, priorities change and they should....and looking at your plethoria of ECs and seeing what can give so that you can work is not asking too much of young adults </p>

<p>We act as if nothing should ever change for HS students, that they should just be able to play and do whatever for as long as possible, that they shuoldn't think about making choices, and planning for college.</p>

<p>Many kids start adjusting their schedules with regards to ECs as college gets in the line of vision so they will have $$ for college...that extra $$...its called GROWING UP</p>

<p>CGM:</p>

<p>You don't know what this kid's schedule is, do you? the OP thinks it's demanding and I will abide by that. I KNOW my kid was demanding--more than any other semester. Some days, he did not return home from classes until nearly 10pm, having started before 8am. And that was classes. It has nothing to do with study skills and everything to do with the levels of courses he was taking as well as scheduling issues. </p>

<p>Since we do not know the details of this young man's schedule, nor the type of ECs he is in, we should withhold judgment. IMO.</p>

<p>Once these posts, which start out as trying to help the person with the question, become self referential posts about why "my way is the best way, " or even worse, "my way is the only right way" they stop being helpful.</p>

<p>"He tells us that he works so very hard in school in order to free up his time at home so that he can relax a little. He does spend time at home on school work, but he also has significant "free" time."</p>

<p>guess you missed that bit</p>

<p>Blossom, I agree with you, maybe it's because I'm in HR...I think when kids hit 15 or 16 onto 17 or 18 they should have a small job, even if it's just 10 hours a week. I do look at resumes of young kids right out of college and see what real work experience they have. It doesn't matter how intelligent or bright a kid is, working is a whole different ball of wax and working does teach kids not only responsibility but it starts to teach them the political skills they will need in the workforce, those that weren't active in team sports learn team skills, it gives them the chance to understand how managers differ...just so very much in terms of life skills. Plus, I really believe it teaches abit of humility along with time management skills. My sons are bright but not off the charts scary stats wise, but they are used to teachers liking them and getting pretty good grades with minimal effort and schols expecting them to be a high performers and parents who make sure they don't foget this or that. Two of the three have jobs and I have to say it has really rounded them out in ways I would not have imagined. It takes more than brains to work at these minimum wage jobs, it takes social and people skills. To me it's not about being a "good kid" or not or needing the money or not, it's about life skills and it's another transition - after all we're supposed to raise these kids, then they are supposed to leave the nest, so in my opinion here's an essential life skill before they leave the nest.</p>

<p>my point is we have spoiled kids who just often fill time up with "stuff" and at some point they can shift things around and look at their NEW future- college and the expenses- and if perhaps giving up an EC or two in order to because a bit self reliant and do some work, why the battle against that?</p>

<p>And a kids that is in school for 14 hours, that is absurd and frankly abusive and foolish, are you saying he has 14 hours worht of classes a day?</p>

<p>CGM:</p>

<p>I did not miss that. I think that people, whether high school students or working adults who work hard, need some down time. I have some sympathy for the young man. I know better than to ask my H to fix things around the house when he comes home saying he's had a hard day at the office.</p>

<p>Nor do we know when the significant down time occurs. Sometimes, the downtime is just not convenient. In May, the young man will presumably taking AP exams and finals. Not a lot of downtime on the horizon.</p>

<p>Are we to think that someone who did not hold a job while in high school is ruined for life? Count me in. I did not. I did have lots of down time. But it's not the custom for high school kids in many parts of the world to be holding jobs.</p>

<p>I think that you have a fine son and he seems to know what he want to accomplish for his life. Everyone is different. I'll let him be if I were you.</p>

<p>CGM: I generally agree with you on this, except that I don't think it's a moral NECESSITY for kids to work. Generally, they'll get it eventually. I don't think it matters a lot whether the OP's son starts now or two months from now (when, you're right, the 11th graders will be running the show and will not welcome interference from the outgoing leaders). Or three months from now. Or next year, for that matter.</p>

<p>My daughter started working because we prodded her to, but she KEPT working because she genuinely liked it. Including, of course, genuinely liking having more gas-and-concert money than we would have given her, but it wasn't just that at all. Two years ago right now, when she was feeling tense about all the college stuff and the craziness among her friends as they simultaneously held on for dear life and started to separate, it was a refuge to go someplace where everyone thought she was wonderful, where she was paid for being friendly and creative, and where she could measure how well she was doing by tracking her sales.</p>

<p>Her brother saw what it did for her, and the weekend after his 16th birthday he applied to work in the shop where he had always wanted to work. A slot opened up a few weeks later, and he was in. (He looked for other jobs, too, but really wanted that one.) He has undergone a lot of stress this year, and working contributed to it. But unlike his other stressors -- colleges most of which are taking forever to get back to him, and some of which are likely to kick him in the face, and ECs where there are 100 problems -- work rewarded him with nice fat paychecks and lots of acclamation. He has never suggested cutting back on his paid work hours.</p>

<p>I definitely agree that we should be developing life skills and preparing kids for transitions in their life, and that paid jobs can be an important way to develop this. But, if this is going to be effective, we need to prepare them for these transitions, and often this means gradually working towards mastering different life skills, not just thrusting them on our kids overnight. </p>

<p>Seems the issue here is not whether he will/should get a job but when--why isn't summer soon enough? Geez, getting your first job can be scary--how many teens who have never worked are comforable interviweing or know how to fill out job applications or any of that? Some kids can't wait to get a job and take on more than they can literally handle. Some kids need more time to prepare for that first step. I don't know whether this is the case for the OP's son but if he is balking at it now but is agreeable to it in the summer, why is that such a big deal? Maybe he does need time to mentally gear himself up for this. But again if our goal is to prepare our kids to succeed in the real world, let's make sure we first give them the tools they need to do so.</p>

<p>My kids were perfectly successful getting summer jobs by starting their search the last month of school. They made it a point to go out and fill out 2 or 3 applications a week. They put down on the apps that they were available after such and such a date. A lot of businesses ramp up in the summer- movie theaters, for example- or stores hire summer help because so many of their year round employees are taking vacations.</p>

<p>The apps take about 5 minutes to fill out. Just the experience of beating the pavement, going out and "doing it on their own" is good, whether or not they even end up with a job.</p>

<p>I told my sons that I didn't care if they got a job as long as they applied to a certain number of places- like 10. If they hadn't have worked, they would have done volunteer work, so the incentive for them was to get paid. Like I said, they only worked about 15-20 hours a week so there was plenty of time for other stuff.</p>

<p>Some EC's are not just non-taxing fun. I would not be so dismissive of them.</p>

<p>Blossom, I am not against kids working. I am against the silly notion that high school jobs are somehow ennobling. Or that teens who choose to spend their free time differently -- even, horrors, relaxing -- are somehow deficient, as educated adults, in their empathy or employability...</p>

<p>I didn't intend to suggest that working part time during high school makes you more noble or empathetic than others. In the same post, I made several observations about my sons' experiences- that they had 1. made friends, 2. one s met his GF at work, 3. they had more spending money (which they like), 4. it made them independently responsible (I had nothing to do, did not know any of the people they worked with, didn't wake them up for work, etc), and 5. they got to see how the other half lives, and as a result became more empathetic to the plight of service workers.</p>

<p>The thread seemed to be going in the direction of resume building, and I thought I'd point out the other benefits.</p>

<p>All the qualities and opportunities that come with holding jobs can happen during summer and college. </p>

<p>I waited on tables the summer after college. You can bet I became more empathetic to the plight of restaurant staff!</p>

<p>I agree with you doubleplay about "seeing how the other half lives". One son worked maintenance at a golf course. He was the only native english speaking person on his work crew. It gave him a whole new view towards not only the people who will spend their entire lives working manual low paying labor, but also the problems of immigrants first-hand.</p>

<p>Daughter worked some as camp counselor (found out she really didn't like working with kids), one summer as waitress (she is now the biggest tipper in the family) and many summers working with animals (found she likes animals much more than people).</p>

<p>While I do strongly agree that during the school year, school is the priority--the summer work experiences were broadening experiences for my kids. That's not to say that volunteer work or camp experiences don't do the same thing--just in different manners.</p>