<p>i'm 20 and he's just getting into puberty. our age difference is big, but before i was 13 we were extremely close and played with each other a lot. as the big brother i was the whole world to him, and he used to be so cute! we were practically inseparable at home.</p>
<p>then teenage years hit me. i had my own life and a girlfriend. i regularly shut myself in my own room and wouldn't let anyone in. i feel really guilty now thinking about how hurt and confused he must have felt as his main source of love and joy cut him off. sometimes i actually cry thinking about that.</p>
<p>now i'm 20 and he's just hitting the teenage years. ive grown up but he's just growing up - as my hormones take a rest i suddenly feel the void in my family and i feel this immense need to reconnect with him and the rest of my family. but he's the one locking himself up in his room now. he's not doing as well in his studies as I did at his age and I offer to help, but its so hard when he totally ignores me. the sweet little brother i had has suddenly become a teenage monster.</p>
<p>i'm really worried. am i alone in having his situation? would it get better once he hits 20? it gets worse: i'm international and i'm coming to America for college in a year's time. i won't see him for 4 years except during summers. what if we become total strangers as adults?</p>
<p>I watched something similar happen with my sons, who are 4 years apart.
Have you tried connecting with him through IMs, text messaging or the sites like myspace? Perhaps you could invite him to join you and your friends when you go out and do something that he also would enjoy. </p>
<p>What about treating him to go out and enjoy a sports game or some interest that you share in common?</p>
<p>Have you considered telling him what you just posted -- that you're sorry about shutting him out, and would like to reconnect with him?</p>
<p>Perhaps once you're in college, you can invite him to visit you during one of his school vacations. Hard to imagine he'd turn down such an offer.</p>
<p>Is there anything that you can ask him to help you with? Since you're high achieving, it may be hard for him living in your shadow, but he may be happy to help if it seems that you admire him for some talent or skill that he has that you don't.</p>
<p>I also suggest that you post in the Parents Cafe as some parents may have good advice.</p>
<p>FWIW, my mom wouldn't even look at her 11-years-younger bother when he was born, she was so angry that she didn't get a sister. In adulthood, however, they became best friends even though they lived hundreds of miles apart. So, if you keep reaching out, it's possible that you may be able to reestablish a strong relationship with your brother.</p>
<p>i never talk to my brother.....</p>
<p>oh yeah that was the way with me and my big brother once he hit his teenage years. It never felt awkward though, I just took to playing with my baby sister a lot. Me and her never drifted apart.</p>
<p>My brother was my bestie until he got his first girlfriend. I am nearly 7 years younger than him. He went through a serious bout of substance abuse, and it more or less made me grow up in a hurried manor.</p>
<p>Now things are so weird, he should've been the first gen college student, instead i am. He's helping to pay for my schooling, but he's still trying to smooth things over with everyone... including me. I feel closer to him now more than ever.</p>
<p>My brother and I talk, but it's never very interesting conversation. He doesn't read books and is apathetic about everything except his computer + the girls he talks to on AIM. In other words, boring.</p>