<p>OK my brother is visiting me at Yale. He is a junior in high school, and he has been having some problems. He is really insecure about himself. He is a short guy, 5 foot 4, and gets ignored a lot and stuff like that and he doesn't speak very much. He hasn't had a girlfriend or anything like that. So I'm making my friends hang out with him and I told them to act like he is cool and stuff. But eventually I'll have to get to the heart of the problem that he is a quiet guy who probably won't be as popular as he likes. How can I tell him? Should I tell him? He keeps calling me for advice and stuff, but the kid is 5'4, not really dominant, and in fact is kinda quiet and gets picked on. I want to help but what do I say?</p>
<p>Aren't you kind, sticking together like that with your brother.</p>
<p>Isn't it funny. My 11th grade daughter is doing the exact same thing with her 24 year old sister. 11th grader is just emerging from a long long stint as a confirmed bookworm. She has been awkward and it's a long and slow process, getting socialized.</p>
<p>I don't think you should tell your brother anything negative. My older daughter just says that my 11th grader needs to watch and pick up the how-to's when older sis interacts with her friends and 11th grader is visiting and watching. In fact, older asked her friends to interact with 11th grader, just as you are doing.</p>
<p>You don't know what your brother will turn into. Sure he's quiet and maybe a bit behind, but he doesn't have to have his heart squashed with negative comments. He already has an inkling that he doesn't fit in too well, which is why he asks you so many questions. He admires you, so he will copy you. Make sure you are a great example, by the way. Keep having him visit periodically and toss out comments like, Oh, this is how I .... or let him watch you do it. Both work. And keep in phone contact with him once a week, and just be encouraging. That will go farther in helping him to blend in and find himself. In fact, I will go further and tell you that I have seen absolutely amazing things happen when you use positive reinforcement, like ignoring the mistakes as much as possible and praising the correct behavior you want him to continue doing.</p>
<p>Just wanted you to know you aren't the only one in this position with a younger sibling. Keep up the good work, big bro!</p>
<p>aw you're a nice brother! even though if i were him id feel kind of embarassed/upset that you were telling your friends to pretend to like me. if he finds out it was a set up, it might hurt him more than it helped him with his confidence.</p>
<p>well, if you really wanted to help him maybe you could ask one of your female friends to flirt with him so he can get more confidence with girls? i don't know...</p>
<p>5'4" isn't really that short. there's quite a lot of short guys at my school (i'm not exaggerating, they're shorter than me at 5'4") but you know, they are popular and have girlfriends. basically, they all become class clowns and they show a lot of confidence. some of them even flaunt their shortness because it makes them good at certain athletic activities. theres a guy i know who's way shorter than me but he pokes fun at his own height before people can make fun of him. he's so confident in himself that a lot of the girls think he's cute and would go out with him
i don't think you can make your brother have confidence. that's something that he'll have to develop on his own as he matures. you yourself probably weren't as confident when you were his age as you are now. if he's going to change, it's gonna be because he WANTS to change. he just has to find motivation.</p>
<p>if he's getting bullied you might want to show him some self defense moves. because just knowing that you can fight back gives you more confidence. you can also teach him to get better at making witty insults so people learn not to mess with him.</p>