Hey! First time poster here 
So I’m in the middle of the college application process. I’m applying to some huge reach schools, and would rather not tell my friends. They’re nice, but I always feel like there’s judgement and gossip going on. Is that wrong of me? Thanks!
Not at all. It’s none of their business. Drop a name or 2 you don’t mind sharing and keep the others to yourself.
Read this article: “Tired of people asking where you’re going to college? Here’s what to say.”
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/the-most-annoying-question-high-school-seniors-get-and-how-to-deal/2017/02/22/955da1e0-e17a-11e6-a547-5fb9411d332c_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.d5f72553c8d8
No! In fact, not telling your friends is one of the smartest things that you can do. My kids were encouraged to do the same thing, and I think it worked out for them; also, they were told to tell anyone who asked where they were applying to simply say, “I’ve applied early admissions to [large public university], and I haven’t yet decided where else to apply.” (Which was true, at least to a certain point.)
My daughter passed that advice on to one of her friends a year behind her in school; and when this friend did not get into a reach school, she was quite relieved that no one else knew about it – in contrast to a classmate who bragged about applying to the same reach school, and also told everyone when the early admissions decisions were coming out; but when she didn’t get admitted, she then had to endure everyone asking, “What happened?”
I am quite sympathetic. I have seen high school seniors who were applying to very good schools that were a very good fit for them being bombarded with “where” and “why aren’t you applying to Ivy League schools”. Perhaps this is the other side of what you might be seeing, but it is a similar problem.
You should apply to at least a couple of very good safety schools. After that, where you apply is really your business and perhaps your parent’s and guidance counselor’s business only.
Someone posted recently that telling people where you are applying is like telling people the names you are considering for an unborn child. Everyone has an opinion and will try to rain on the parade. Keep it to yourself. It’s easier!
Thank you so much to everyone! This made me a feel a lot better about my decision!
@DadTwoGirls I am definitely applying to safety schools, thank you!
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with keeping that information to yourself, if that’s what you want to do. However, there’s also nothing wrong with sharing the experience with your close friends. Doing so might depend on whether or not you feel they would be supportive, and possibly whether or not you want to be a supportive friend in return. One might say that being able to share in each other’s triumphs and disappointments is what friendship is all about.
I wish my son and his friends had kept the information quiet. The kids were generally fine but one of the kids had a Tiger Mom who made her daughter miserable by grilling her about where everyone else was applying.
Also, when my son and one of the other top students were rejected by their Early Decision schools, it triggered an avalanche of fear among the other kids in their cohort. The naive consensus of the kids was that S and the other student were sure things for any university or college…it was a vicious circle that left everyone with self doubt, guilt, and anxiety after the ED results came out.
“I am going for a couple of big reaches…I will let you know what they are if I get in. I am also applying to some mid-size engineering schools and of course our State U.” Be vague.
One of the cool things about graduating from high school is the realization that you don’t owe anyone- other than your parents/spouse-- an explanation for your choices.
Be as vague as you want. Joke that you don’t want to “spit in the wind.”
This is your personal info. No one else has a right to know anything about your choices that you choose not to divulge.
It happens to parents, too. I have been the recipient of very direct and pointed questioning - interrogation, really - from other parents with kids in the same grade - about my child’s list and early schools. It is not friendly, they seem to be sizing up the competition their child might have on the home front. Then, when I don’t fork over details, they go to my child and ask the same questions! I don’t think this is right but say nothing. I don’t play the game and have advised my child the same.
You are very, very smart.