<p>Do parents really think they know everything their kid(s) are up to? INCLUDING AND ESPECIALLY the basically "good" ones? I highly doubt it. My parents didnt, and I know I don't hear every tale (some I hear a few years later). I do think my kids have shown general good sense; but when a group of teens/young adults are together, with free rein...you never know.</p>
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A favorite college nightspot, Murphy's Bar, was selling "Three Wise Men" by the pitcher. The drink is a combination of Bacardi 151 rum, Jagermeister liqueur and Crown Royal whiskey.
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<p>Holy sheet! I think I have a clue, and then I see something like this and suddenly feel so.... naive! Why don't they just hook em up to an IV bag at the bar? Inject 'em with 100% grain alcohol? Selling that concoction by the pitcher is insane!</p>
<p>Seems they would have several fatalities every night serving up that stuff, or at least several sent home via ambulance.</p>
<p>That drinking holes like Murphy's Bar or Frat Parties can thrive underscores a negative aspect of our culture that no amount of good parenting or school policy can readily correct. Alcohol abuse is so embedded in our culture that it is not likely to change. We decry here the lost of one young man but how many of us here actually links the same tragedy to the 15,000 or so people who die each year due to drunk drivers? As a person who has never consumed alcohol, not because I am good but becuase my body metabolism cannot even tolerate the fume, I had to suffer through my college years always as an outsider in any party settings. I probably would cave in if I am able to drink the stuff. so, I am sensitive to the kind of pressure college kids are subjected to. Needless to say, I don't have a solution.</p>
<p>ag54 - Best of luck with Business Honors...sincerely hope he gets in! :) My d got in Liberal Arts Honors and I was trying like mad to get her to consider honors housing. The honors quad is super nice imho. Of course, UNC-CH came along and for her, it became a moot argument since she really wanted to head out of state for college.</p>
<p>berurah: Way to go! I, too, have a D who made her own decision, not prodded by me, to not drink or do drugs, and I resent the insinuation that these kids are lying or abnormal. She even chose Sub-free housing because as she says, "drunks are obnoxious and I have no interest in taking care of and cleaning up after a drunk roommate." But is she perfect? No.And should she decide to take a drink, then it will be her decision, not the fault of any institution or individual. She has attended funtions where liquor was served, and she declined or left. The college kids are OK with that. Perhaps they are more mature about individual decisions that many think.</p>
<p>ejr~</p>
<p>{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}</p>
<p>You are another one I'd take parenting advice from in a heartbeat. Well, actually, advice of <em>ANY</em> kind! :)</p>
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Perhaps they are more mature about individual decisions that many think.
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I absolutely believe this. I have been around MANY kids who are.</p>
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And should she decide to take a drink, then it will be her decision, not the fault of any institution or individual.
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And because she has been taught to realize this, the decision is one she will treat responsibly. </p>
<p>S chose sub free last year for the same reason as your D. This year, he's not in sub free, but he's rooming with a guy he met there and became really good friends with!</p>
<p>~b.</p>
<p>"no one can guarentee what children do when they get to college"</p>
<p>This is the truest statement in the thread. Last spring, the son of my friend who had just finished his freshman year was found brain dead at the foot of the stairs in an off-campus house near his college. He attended a party with several friends, apparently drank a lot, and fell down the stairs. His friends thought he had "passed out" and left him there all night to "sleep it off". The next morning the friends noticed that the young man was having problems breathing and called 911. It was too late. He died the next day. The day his sister was to graduate from high school.</p>
<p>The young man never drank in high school. His parents raised him to be responsible, he was active in his campus religious organization and his church at home, and was an excellent student. No one would have predicted that this would happen. His family is still devastated. No one is immune.</p>
<p>Incredibly naive and blindly optimistic are some of the first adjectives that come to mind when reading the posts of the ... mature crowd. </p>
<p>Rosy bifocals must be selling like hotcakes! I only wish some of you could REALLY hear what parents who lost their child to youthful stupidity have to say about the differences between their perception and the reality of college life.</p>
<p>Optimistic? YEP!!!!! :D</p>
<p>Blindly optimistic? Not a CHANCE. Nope.</p>
<p>Incredibly naive? Not on your life. Far, far from it.</p>
<p>I am always rather amused by young people who think we of the "mature crowd" have NO idea what's going on. Dream on. ;) </p>
<p>I have "adopteds" who call me for advice/counseling/mentoring on EVERYTHING from their drinking habits to their sexual practices to their issues with friends/parents/family to their jobs/future careers/educational plans. </p>
<p>I have children who confide in me and who trust me...and whom <em>I</em> trust fully.</p>
<p>Do I think my children are somehow "immune" to possibly making a foolish and perhaps devastating decison? Not EVEN. That said, I would never seek to ameliorate my grief by assigning blame where it doesn't belong.</p>
<p>My college son has been EXTREMELY candid with me about the realities of college life. I harbor no false perceptions whatsoever. I do, however, trust that he will continue with the essentially good judgment he has shown his entire life. I have known this kid intimately for nearly twenty years...my faith is well-founded.</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>No rosey bifocals, xiggi. What is not accurate about stating that not every kid will drink & use drugs? What is blindly optimistic about spending a lifetime instilling the internal controls of which berurah speaks so as to give your own kid the best shot possible of making smart decisions? That's proactive, smart parenting, I think. </p>
<p>I'm seeing kids running wild in middle school because they never have had to face consequences for any actions. Those are the future Animal House crowd. Will kids who had spotless behavior records in the past get swept up into the action? Yes. But many won't. I think most of us in the mature crowd would prefer the later. And we believe we have an influence on our kids even after they are away from home. That's not naivete.</p>
<p>StickerShock~</p>
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Will kids who had spotless behavior records in the past get swept up into the action? Yes. But many won't. I think most of us in the mature crowd would prefer the later. And we believe we have an influence on our kids even after they are away from home. That's not naivete.
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<p>Excellent post, and you are most correct. For every single anecdote such as the one given by quiltguru, there are thousands and thousands of kids who go off to college, do what they are supposed to do, and utilize the judgment skills that were fostered by the parents who had 18+ years to help guide them.</p>
<p>Dunno...beginning to think that my BELIEF in my children is worth more than any other thing I could have given them. :confused: They love me and respect me enough to not want to disappoint me or their father. Perhaps there is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the belief that "everyone will do it."</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
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I am always rather amused by young people who think we of the "mature crowd" have NO idea what's going on. Dream on.
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<p>Be amused all you want. Just know that we who ARE in college are equally amused --although dismayed might be a better term-- about parents who BELIEVE they know what is happening on campus in 2006 based on a couple of visits and a combinaion of emails and text messages.</p>
<p>Rest assured that this has nothing to do with students and parents having an open and honest relation. Roll the clock back to your own college days and ask yourself if you told everything to your parents. Everything? At the risk of throwing you in another spinning rage, ask yourself if any parents KNEW that their hard earned money was spent on hiring exotic dancers and drinking for the better part of Spring Break on a small street in Durham. Like it or not, I DO happen to believe that this behavior came as a GREAT surprise to at least one set of parents of a participant who was VERY close to the "action." </p>
<p>Pad yourself all you want on the back, if that makes you feel better. However, I wish you would sit in the same room as one of those parents who lost a child in an accident similar to this latest one. I really wish you'd hear how those parents DID EVERYTHING right, enjoyed a relationship with their children that almost anyone would dream to be theirs. Do you REALLY think that those parents did NOT believe they had done everything possible to avoid this type of situation? They had gone to college and also knew what to expect. They trusted their beloved son and knew he wasn't wild, crazy, or easily swayed by others. Yet, he died as his new "brothers" let him die like a stray dog on a deserted street. And a good kid he was! You could not dream of having a better friend. </p>
<p>Berurah, there is a world of difference between having NO idea --which is not what I said-- and having a completely accurate idea of the reality. Please don't tell that you are no longer shocked to see some of the videos of druken debauchery or jackass-like behavior. </p>
<p>If you believe for a second that this is about pointing fingers, you'd be wrong. This is about never stopping making people aware that the dangers loom everywhere, and that no amount of positive education will shelter youngsters from the tentations, peer pressures, and simple temporary bad judgment that are prevalent in college.</p>
<p>Have a happy Thanksgiving!</p>
<p>Dear Xiggi,
THANKS for reminding us again.
LA</p>
<p>"I believe that I have already stated that I think colleges should make sure that their own rules are upheld in whatever way is necessary."</p>
<p>That would be truly extraordinary, since virtually every college I know "prohibits" ALL drinking for individuals under age 21. (To be fair, there are institutions, even large ones, like the University of Oklahoma, whcih are actually enforcing it, with positive results.) I wouldn't go nearly that far. Is "whatever way is necessary" the same as "by any means necessary"?</p>
<p>But it sure would be nice to see more moderate drinkers. The data don't lie, and the number of "moderate" (non-binge/non-heavy) at many of these colleges is incredibly small (especially among white males), and virtually all of them are the sons and daughters of folks who post on College Confidential. ;)</p>
<p>mini~</p>
<p>Do your D's binge drink, particularly your college D?</p>
<p>
I am not prone to "spinning rages" as are some on this site. Can you please quote anything I've said on this thread that repesents a "spinning rage"? Thx.</p>
<p>This is an emotional issue for many on CC; those whose lives have personally been touched by these tragedies. I would hate for this to get into an arguement, when we all want the same thing - safe students who, if they drink, drink in a prudent and responsible fashion. Peace to all of you on this Thanksgiving night. Hug your kids if they are home safe.</p>
<p>The funeral for this kid was held around the corner from my house, the week of Thanksgiving. This is all so tragic- Maybe this is the wrong time to bicker about what is/is not responsible behavior.</p>
<p>
Yes. Or to berate parents who are doing their DAMNDEST to make sure the same fate doesn't befall their kids.</p>
<p>Having one post-teen and two teens in the house, I have seen so many tragedies occur amoong highschool and college aged kids. Some of the kids were "regulars" in the lottery line with their high risk behaviour, but there are enough kids who also get into trouble that were not the type, and enjoyed wonderful, trusting relationships with their parents. The truth is that we cannot be 100% sure what are children are doing when we are not watching. We can "feel" sure, but the reality is that things can change in a blink of an eye. A mood disorder followed by some unfortunate event can really turn a kid who would not ordinarily imbibe in substance abuse into a binge abuser. Seen it happen too many times, and not just in anecdotes but in my day when I was a student.<br>
Something to be know, but it does not have to color ones optimistic outlook on ones child. To sit around in fear and suspiciouns is not productive either. I think most of the parents here are aware of what's out there, and though they may have their feelings about where their child is in terms of many of those activities, they understand that things are always in flux, and hope that with open communication lines that their kids are those who do not get into trouble. Many do not; it is not a impossible dream, in fact, there are many who do not.<br>
The best thing any parent can do is just keep an keen eye and ear out for warning signs that things are going south or that the kid is already in some trouble. It does mean being aware of the situations out there and recognizing that even the best kid can stumble and do unexpected things. It is important also to be communicating with your student so his/her specific situations are familiar, along with mendsets. But to do more, when things seem to be just fine, appears to be on the edge or paranoia to me. I am at higher risk for these problems than many of the parents posting, and yet, I cannot see what else I can do to lessen the risks. To worry constantly is not going to help the situation. Prayer, talk, interest, awareness, information are the weapons at hand. Constant worry and stress about the possibilities are not.</p>