Anxiety and Dorm Life

I’m sorry in advance for my ignorance about dorm living, as I’ve never been in or seen one.

I have very bad anxiety about being around other people. I used to live alone on the second floor of my home, meaning I had my own bathroom, bedroom, and mini fridge. When my parents downsized, I had such a hard time that I lost 30 pounds because I couldn’t eat in private, I would only go to the bathroom when no one was home or everyone was asleep, and I’d stay in my room as much as possible. It’s very bad for my mental and physical health to live that way.

Most universities require underclassmen to live on campus, which scares me very much. I’ve already accepted having to give up my dog and paying for a meal plan I’ll never use, but living with a stranger is where I might have to draw the line.

Do universities offer disability accommodated rooming for those with mental health disabilities, or is it only those with physical disabilities? Even if I were to get my own room, do universities generally have housing with personal bathrooms and kitchen spaces, or is that out of the question. It’s a large factor in where I apply, as I may have to resort to places that don’t require on campus housing :(.

Thank you all in advance.

It’ll probably depend on the school. I know that some schools do offer single rooms for certain mental health conditions, though rarely. You’d most likely have to obtain a doctor’s recommendation for you to live alone.

It’s probably out of the question. Pretty much all first-year dorms have some sort of communal/shared bathroom, and if they do have a kitchen, it’s communal. The only dorms that do have private bathrooms and kitchens are likely reserved for upperclassmen but are still shared between 2-3 students.

Don’t start your college search with dorms, though. Find colleges that you’re interested in and then have your parents or yourself inquire about possible accommodations.

look at each specific college that may have these options.

Also, I mean this very respectfully. Have you spoken to a professional about your anxiety?

My cousin suffered for years and got a lot of help before college. He’s a junior at Stoney Brook. He had 3 roommates in a suite freshman year …all had own bedrooms with common living area. he mainly stayed in his room. He also prefers to eat alone (even at family holidays) but he has made so much progress with therapy.

Good luck to you.

ps…he is a few hours from home and in freshman year would come home frequently on weekends. he just turned a corner with that…and now covid-19 has him living back home

Why do you want to go to college? What are your goals for your future and employment? How have you made it through high school thus far (meaning what are your coping mechanisms currently)?

I would agree with the above poster that a mental health professional should be helping you work through coping mechanisms now before trying to head off to college on your own. If you lost 30 lbs because you cant even eat or go to the bathroom in your own house, this is a huge hurdle to being successful at college and perhaps living in a dorm.

My son too lived in a quad meaning double occupancy 2 bedroom with a shared living room, kitchen and bathroom for the 4 boys in his suite/quad. If you feel you can be successful at college but not dorms, then you would have to choose to live at home or be able to live in an apartment independently so you would have to ensure the college you go to does not mandate all freshman live in dorms the first year.

Best of luck!

College was always an expectation and not an option for me. Not just because of familial expectations, but I understand that higher education is a requirement for any decent career in the modern economy. Leaning towards a career in agriculture or wildlife preservation but nothing I’ve set my heart on. I need a college education regardless. I was homeschooled after freshman year and don’t have a lot of experience in large academic settings. I saw a mental health professional but eventually stopped. I don’t think my problem is necessarily interaction on a day to day basis but rather, not having a space to be alone and do things the way I need to be comfortable, i.e. my own space for food and cooking, be alone, study in whatever environment I need (no distractions) would be a major hindrance to my ability to succeed in a college environment.

I appreciate you (and those above) taking the time to help. I think my best option is to find a university that doesn’t require on campus housing.

I think maybe you should try a different therapist. Sometimes it takes another try. If you could sort things out and even slightly get more comfortable in social settings…that will help you so much.

My cousin resisted for years and his parents told him they wouldn’t let him go away to college unless he tried for an entire year before. it really helped him a lot.

and don’t simplify whatever problem it is… such as having your “own space” it is more complex than that. I think you would greatly benefit from trying again.

You have your whole life ahead of you but first you need to take care of yourself i order to succeed in whatever career you choose.

also, maybe the first year choose a school close to home and commute until you are ready

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Leaning towards a career in agriculture or wildlife preservation but nothing I’ve set my heart on. I need a college education regardless. I was homeschooled after freshman year and don’t have a lot of experience in large academic settings. I saw a mental health professional but eventually stopped. I don’t think my problem is necessarily interaction on a day to day basis but rather, not having a space to be alone and do things the way I need to be comfortable, i.e. my own space for food and cooking, be alone, study in whatever environment I need (no distractions) would be a major hindrance to my ability to succeed in a college environment.

I appreciate you (and those above) taking the time to help. I think my best option is to find a university that doesn’t require on campus housing.

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I guess that would be my concern. You say you dont think its going to be the day to day interactions with people yet then you note you have little experience in classroom settings. How do you plan to deal with being in a lecture hall with lets say 30 plus people minimum for an hour or more?

As a college professor who sees MANY students struggling with anxiety, do think about reaching out for therapy again before starting college if possible. Setting yourself up for the best success is very important.

I guess that would be my concern. You say you dont think its going to be the day to day interactions with people yet then you note you have little experience in classroom settings. How do you plan to deal with being in a lecture hall with lets say 30 plus people minimum for an hour or more?

As a college professor who sees MANY students struggling with anxiety, do think about reaching out for therapy again before starting college if possible. Setting yourself up for the best success is very important.

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Thank you very much for your input, I really appreciate your perspective. I suppose you have a point. I’m going to try and pinpoint my exact worries with dorm life and think of ways to work through it so that maybe it’s less of a problem for me.