<p>Kajon – yes, three weeks apart from one another (S’s school has a quarter system and always has a late start).</p>
<p>Floridaylady, thanks for starting the post. I feel pretty much like you. I have an only S who’'ll be a freshman & goes to college in 2 weeks. I’ve had some anxiety all summer about it. Trying not to let it interfere with my son’s experience; I do want it to be positive. </p>
<p>It’s a big transition out of the comfort zone for both the parents and the college bound student. One thing, Floridalady, I think is great is your D recognizes she is both excited and nervous. That is smart on her part to acknowledge both those feelings. My S feels the same way, and also told me that he knows that pretty much all the freshman feel that way, even if they’re not saying it. It helps him to know that.</p>
<p>Gosh, what did we do prior to online forums? All of you responding with similar thoughts and feelings to this post, and to offer encouragement…it is so helpful to realize so many of us are experiencing the same thing.</p>
<p>One recommendation I have is to set up the capability to have video chat on your computer. If you haven’t used it before, you will be surprised how much more satisfying it is to be able to look at and hear your child “in real life”. </p>
<p>My child mostly sends me texts, which I like and appreciate. But once in a while we video chat. That’s when I can see him smiling, see whether he has lost weight, whether he looks tired, etc. It feels like a real visit, and if you want you can both just sit in silence and do other tasks, while still able to see each other. And it’s free. </p>
<p>You probably already have this on your computer. Just have your kid show you how to use it. It is very simple to use.</p>
<p>Apply2school - Your post was beautiful!! Just remember she isn’t really leaving you at all - most neighbors with college grads come right back home for a while before really launching out on their own! (ok, maybe that isn’t too reassuring…but it’s true!)</p>
<p>This might sound silly to some, but do NOT strip your child’s bedding the day they leave. When we got home from dropping off S1, I crawled right into his bed and had a good long cry. I was very comforted by his “smell” on the pillow case…and then I had several glasses of wine…</p>
<p>Kajon quote
This might sound silly to some, but do NOT strip your child’s bedding the day they leave. When we got home from dropping off S1, I crawled right into his bed and had a good long cry. I was very comforted by his “smell” on the pillow case…and then I had several glasses of wine… </p>
<p>Oh gosh sitting at work in tears (again) - just as well I’m self employed and not busy.</p>
<p>Applytoschool - can certainly relate to all your comments, especially the one about her periods. D has a hard time with hers.</p>
<p>Shrinkwrap - I agree about not trying to contact your child on Facebook, BUT it is quite a relief to be able to check your child’s friend-adds, comments, etc., if they are willing to friend you. My D and I had an agreement that I could look, but not post. Later on, she started to “like” quite a few of my posts so I asked if I could “like” hers…she agreed as long it was not a personal post about a boy, boy trouble, new relationship, ended relationship, or anything that a mom should not “like.”!!! And Facebook chat is a pretty convenient interface for us when we are both online.</p>
<p>I’m right there with you - oldest child to the opposite coast! Boston University did an awesome job at orientation helping us get ready to release our chicks from the nest. They spent a lot of time familiarizing us with the support systems so that we could refer our students to them when needed, reminding us of the importance of letting them solve their own issues, etc. One important take away for me from their conversations was to remind my daughter that drinking (which they said is done by 40% of students on anonymous surveys) is typically not the problem. The problem is the decisions that you make when you are drinking. This was a nuggat that we had not discussed that I thought was really important. Now we have, and it is done. We have raised our kids to be responsible and logical - now we need to trust them.</p>
<p>The most important “big idea” that really stuck with me, though, came from a parent sending her third child.<br>
- Remember that today’s problem is TODAY’s problem. This parent on a parent advisory panel succintly said “DON’T Call Back!” What she was referring to is the normal pattern, where your student calls complaining (e.g., my roommate is driving me crazy with her sloppiness.") You listen, give 100 suggestions which of course they discount or ignore, and then hang up. Then, you lay in bed and think of some infinitely better ways to manage this “major” issue. You call them back, and they don’t want to talk about it.<br>
Now YOU are stuck with all these great solutions, and feel you must impart your mystical wisdom. They are bugged, as that was yesterday’s issue, and today it is not a problem. Her advice was to minimize followup conversations on yesterday’s issues, or don’t bring them up at all. This was a complete revelation to me, queen of middle of the night ideas. Consider yourself honored to be their sounding board, and remember all the times that YOU have vented when all you really want is to discuss the issue aloud, release your own tension, and think it through witha good listener. Do you really want someone else to fix your problem? NO! If someone always bugs you about why you didn’t do what THEY suggested, do you want to tell them your problem? I thought this was full on brilliant.</p>
<p>all of you have such wonderful words - take my strength from all of them. one of my colleagues at work couriered a going away present for D1 and D2 - along with a beautiful note. Cried 3 times - once when she emailed me to say package was in the mail, second when i talked with her after, third after signing for the package. but I come back home and i am the strong one.
wonder how the DAYS will actually be</p>
<p>i am reading all the posts and learning something gradually.</p>
<p>Debbie Downer here to chime in that everything isn’t always “fine.” Lots of kids come home after one semester or one year, some schools call and ask the parents to come and get them, some kids get sick, mentally or physically, some can’t handle the situation academically, some go nuts with alcohol. I think every parent knows if they just have “general worries” (she won’t dress warmly enough, she won’t eat well, etc.) and a deep gut feeling that things could go badly. The “time to let go” advice is good for the former, but not for the latter. If you have a child who is really at risk of not making it, make sure you Skype and/or visit in person on occasion. Make sure your child knows the course drop dates and that it is permissible and advisable to drop a course they are tanking. If there could be physical issues, find a doctor there in advance. If they have impulse control issues, pay close attention to money issues. </p>
<p>Don’t engage in magical thinking. Everything works out great for most, but not all, college students. At orientation, the group of parents got a good laugh out of the speaker talking about kids acting like their semester grades hadn’t been posted when their (bad) grades actually had. Funny until it’s your kid.</p>
<p>Again, I think we all know the difference between real concerns and idle worries. Just don’t be blind to any real conerns that may arise.</p>
<p>You guys are wonderful. I have to save this thread. I have a whole other year to go but it still scares the dickens out of me, and I think I’m already trying to prepare by going through anticipatory grief. No doubt these feelings must be par for the course, and it sure helps to know others share it! But also for me, probably taps into some unresolved grief over several serious losses of loved ones. </p>
<p>I know this thread and the related ones will be fabulous later on. I find it especially heartening to read about how it’s not black and white ‘over’ as we might make it out to be, that you are still parenting, your child is alive and healthy and maintaining a relationship for life with you, they are still likely coming back home at some point, and so on. I will also try to think in terms of semesters, or chunks of semesters that crowd around holidays…our child is going away for 7 weeks or for a semester at a time, not ‘for life’. I am hoping this might help make the transition easier in the beginning for me, until I can get the hang of something bigger.</p>
<p>shoot4moon: so wise; where were you when we got the miserable sleepaway camp letters??..I wish I would have read your words back then; soooo true…</p>
<p>missypie: if only there was a magical formula to tell the difference…</p>
<p>“My son left yesterday and hasn’t called yet. I look for him on the schools welcome…”</p>
<p>was supposed to read …My son left yesterday and hasn’t called yet. I look for him on the schools webcam…</p>
<p>And with regard to facebook, my D learned to only let me see just the faintest sign of life, but initially it freeked me out that she was spending so much time on facebook, and talking about how she was procrastinating. After I posted “get off and go do your math!” she un-friended" me. Turned out she was much lonlier than she let on.</p>
<p>I must be the odd duck. My D traveled across the country and beyond for 3 weeks at age 7 and didn’t miss home a bit. Just got nervous about the plane ride. Then, she spent weeks every summer starting before her 8th birthday going to camp and we never got a homesick letter or call! I think she was ready to move away to college by the time she was about 14 or so, and has all the independent attitude to prove it! At this point, yes, I will miss her, but I can see that she is ready to fly on her own. As long as she leaves her bedroom here clean enough to see the floor and let light in the windows, all will be great until she returns for Thanksgiving…that is, unless she chooses to go to her roommate’s for the holiday if invited. Knowing her, she would!
Funny thing in all of this is…we home schooled from the time she was in first grade! I guess we did a great job of helping her feel confident, secure, and capable! Maybe I should have tweaked it down a bit, so that she would miss us!</p>
<p>“I must be the odd duck. My D traveled across the country and beyond for 3 weeks at age 7 and didn’t miss home a bit.”</p>
<p>^You are probably right, but I think this thread is about us missing our kids, and coping with that, not them missing us!</p>
<p>@shrinkrap, I guess I have learned not to get worried about her too much, because she has been so capable on her own since she was young. I think that was what I was trying to get across. I don’t feel like I will worry. Sure, I will miss her, but not like cry and be all sad. I am excited for D because I know she is ready. That’s how I seem to be the odd duck compared to all these moms who are losing sleep. I just see it as another of D’s travels and camp experiences. Maybe it will hit me after she is gone? I feel sooooo different from everyone else who has responded!</p>
<p>Well you do not seem different from me! </p>
<p>When my D went away at seven (only a week), she came back and said “don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but it will be longer next time!”, and it was. She hasn’t spent a whole summer home since. She does stay in touch though, unlike son who left a few days ago. I come home from work, and instead of a driveway full of cars, a house full of kids, an empty refrigerator, and a dink full of dishes, everything is just the way I left it. </p>
<p>He’s been gone before, and he never keeps in touch. I’m not worried, just wonder what he’s doing. </p>
<p><a href=“Alumni Mall, Loyola Marymount University webcam (California, Los Angeles, USA)”>Alumni Mall, Loyola Marymount University webcam (California, Los Angeles, USA);
<p>Hope that helps!</p>
<p>Your d will be fine, and you will too. My S was so ready to go to college, and I enjoyed seeing how much he grew up in his freshman year. Not to say it was all wonderful or that he had the freshman experience that I envisioned (I guess I’ve seen too many college movies) but when asked he says it was a successful year. I hope he continues growing his sophomore year too. Just make sure you keep in touch, and send those care packages…its old-fashioned but the kids really look forward to some treats or gifts from home.</p>
<p>teachandmom, my kid is very much like yours, and we have been very very used to being apart. All of our many separations have been very easy (for her but also for me). It has never been about worry, it’s just about missing her and what we had; feeling the loss that comes with any transition (and in this case, the transition signifying that she’s now ‘away and on her own’).</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>… or, having dumped their worries onto you, they’ve moved on to a happier place leaving YOU fretting. It took me a while but I finally realized that I did not have to reply to every single one of D’s complaining texts, and she eventually figured out her issue without my input. It was hard at first, but it became liberating. </p>
<p>Rising freshman parents, BIG HUGS to you, one and all.</p>