<p>D who is an only child is heading off to college in less than 2 weeks.</p>
<p>I find myself awake most nights worrying about things. They seem to fall into 3 categories.</p>
<p>1) The educational side of things. Hoping that she doesn't find everything too difficult and gets overwhelmed. She managed the IB program, so I'm hoping she will be OK.</p>
<p>2) The social side of things. She has a small group of close friends from High School and I find myself worrying that she won't make friends easily in college and will be left out of things - (goes back to my own childhood experiences :( )</p>
<p>3) The physical side of things. I worry about her safety and after 17 years of knowing exactly where she is and when she will be home, I'm finding this the most difficult to cope with.</p>
<p>Since we started purchasing her dorm stuff we have both felt that the time is going by so fast. She has expressed her excitement about going to college but also her anxiety about leaving home. I'm trying to be positive for her and tell her that most other people will be feeling the same, but I find myself thinking of all the dangers she could face and getting more and more worried about the situation. </p>
<p>I know we will get through this, just needed to ask how others are coping and ask at what point does it get easier.</p>
<p>We do love our kids, don’t we? Your daughter is going to be fine. You have to make sure that you are fine too. If you are too rattled, your daughter will pick up on it and it will make her transition more difficult. So, you need to pin a smile on, mama. Regarding your worries:</p>
<p>1 & 2: I commented on a thread the other day about these two things. Colleges are much, much more savvy than they used to be. They have academic help centers that go by various names on each different campus. If you google your daughter’s college I’m sure you can find a descriptor. Suggest that your daughter drop in and talk to the people there so she’s familiar with the system. Then, if she is having trouble in a certain class, or from the overall workload, she should visit there early on–don’t wait. </p>
<p>Colleges now put significant effort into making sure that freshmen get lots of organized help in establishing a social circle. They have mixers. They group freshmen into dorms units, study units, whatever, all designed to make sure kids have a group of young people they get to know very early on. Your daughter will definitely make new friends.</p>
<ol>
<li> Take a deep breath, mama. Your raised your child well. Now you just have to let go. Try not to contact her too many times for the first semester. She needs to get her feet on the ground and establish confidence. Later there will be plenty of time for you to reconnect and get a communication rhythm established.</li>
</ol>
<p>Now is the time for you to make sure you have lots of interesting and challenging things to keep you occupied and fascinated with YOUR OWN LIFE. </p>
<p>P.S. Yes, I know this is all very hard, but you must do it. Good luck, friend.</p>
<p>None of the things I worried about last year before D left for college (across the country) turned out to be even the slightest problem except one. D did need to learn the hard way how to study better/harder for math, but nagging and reminding her to go to study groups and tutoring accomplished nothing until she was motivated to do it herself. But even the math trouble was not catastrophic. Kids will make mistakes and will experience hardships through no fault of their own, just like we did at their age. However, if something does go awry with your D, of course you will be there to offer any help and support she needs. Struggles are important for our growth and development, so even if there is a problem of some kind, there will be a silver lining.</p>
<p>I found the month before we dropped off our only child at college to be really rough. I found it to be far more stressful than when my spouse was in Iraq.</p>
<p>I spent a lot of time crying in private and very little time having restful sleep. But that really was the hardest time. I howled like a banshee after we left campus on the drive to the airport for about fifteen minutes and then I started calming down. There were some more tears on the plane ride home and even in the first few weeks after we got home but it was so much easier than the anticipation of him leaving had been.</p>
<p>Suddenly he was in those classes I had worried about, making the friends I worried he wouldn’t find and navigating his way around a big city. I’ll admit to still worrying about his safety but it’s more manageable now. The more success he has, the lower my anxiety.</p>
<p>Big hugs to you. You’ll make it but it is a stressful time. Be extra kind to yourself and be proud that you’ve raised a young woman ready for college!</p>
<p>The first month after we dropped S1 off at college was the worst. We have AT&T for our cell phone carrier. If I was ever nervous about his safety, I could simply access our phone bill online and I was able to see that he was still actively texting. I had no idea who the numbers belonged to (nor did I care). It simply put my mind at ease! </p>
<p>With in the first couple of weeks, your D’s school will have some type of open house touting all the groups she can join. I say if something interests her then she should sign up. It is a great way to make a couple new friends and to have an immediate sense of belonging.</p>
<p>Yes the first month can be difficult for the parents, but by the 2nd day of Thanksgiving break you might be saying to yourself “Jeepers, when is she leaving” :p</p>
<p>It hurts! It just does. Time makes it better (really). It does help to focus on the adventures and opportunites before your child. Eventually, the hole in my heart was just about unnoticeable and it didn’t hurt anymore.</p>
<p>But it still feels like that last small piece of the puzzle is in place in my heart when our 2010 college grad is “home” for a visit and sleeping in his old room.I suspect that it will always be thus.</p>
<p>Not a mom, but from the student’s perspective (or at least this former student’s perspective), you would be surprised how many of the fears your D probably shares with you, even if she’s not showing it. It helped me a lot when I finally realized that I was in the same boat as my parents and it wasn’t just me stumbling around in the dark trying to feel out where the boundaries of my new “adult” life were, but they were tripping and falling right along with me. </p>
<p>Just try to take a deep breath and have faith you’ve done the best you can. One of my favorite musicians, David Wilcox, has a song about growing up, and he writes:
“the roads out there are to make your choice
And decide which way to steer
You’ll be on your own, I have no voice
At least not the kind that ears can hear” </p>
<p>I’m sure your D will have your voice in her head as she faces the big challenges ahead, and you’ll only be a phone call away. She (and you) will get by just fine.</p>
<p>floridalady- Hugs to you! I was in your shoes four years ago. Your anxiety will start to fade when she is actually off at college, and sharing enthusiastic recaps in her calls.</p>
<p>She will be fine academically. If she seems to be overwhelmed, remind her of the resources such as study groups, professors’ office hours, freshman dean’s office for study habits and counseling. </p>
<p>Socializing opportunities abound for freshmen- encourage your D to attend as many as possible and join clubs, club sports, etc.</p>
<p>Physical safety- this is the hardest! She will be fine, but you will feel the sting of that last apron string snapping for awhile. Ask her to call or text, or see her activity on FB or the phone bill (as suggested above) to appease your worries. I’m sure you’ve prepped her on alcohol, drugs, and you must now trust in her good sense.</p>
<p>Find an outlet for this vacuum in your mother energy–volunteer at the elementary school, dote on a new pet, form a book club, anything to retarget your focus.</p>
<p>Give yourself credit that you’ve raised a successful, competant daughter. Be proud that you did not stifle her by demanding she go to college locally and live at home. This is the most difficult shifting of gears life will hand you. But time, and an occasional margarita with other empty-nesters, will ease the strain.</p>
<p>I feel for you. I was there a year ago and it was awful. You’re never ready for them to leave, but know in your heart they have to. My D did a great job of keeping me in the loop via skype, text, email, and phone calls. Hope yours does too and you need to encourage that. Make sure she knows how important it is that you hear from her even if it is a quick text. D and I are friends on facebook, so I saw she was adding lots of new friends and felt good about that. I had well prepared her regarding safety issues, especially date rape, dating violence, alcohol poisoning, etc (I work for an agency that provides sexual assault services so she has been inundated with info for years!) and felt I had done all I could to protect her as she moved from our small city in Texas to New York City. She did fine, I lived, and now she’s about the head back for year two and won’t be coming home from now on except for visits. It does get better over time, but you’re always sad to see them go.</p>
<p>Freshman mom, and yes my heart is fragile too…but I’m also so excited for him, and I know this is what is supposed to happen. Its the natural circle of life. Doesnt mean i dont have a complete and utter sense of impending loss of his childhood and my mom identity…(oh I do)…but there is also a little underlying sense of pride and accomplishment in what a wonderful young man I raised, and letting him go into the world to show it to others on his terms now. We did good~!</p>
<p>Another yes here, from a single parent sending off an only. I hope the anticipation is worse than the reality and there is a new normal on the horizon.</p>
<p>Oh! You are still moms and dads.
Remember the toddler years? Early adolescence?
This is another transition.
They are still your kids, they still need you, but they may not know how or when.
My one piece of advice: try, try, try to not let your emotional needs dictate this transition. I know. Really hard. But remember kindergarten? It was hard to let them go, but somehow we kept from storming the classroom doors (except, maybe, for our scheduled weekly helper role). It’s like that.</p>
<p>q)why did i not find this earlier??
a)because now is when i needed this!!</p>
<p>I can feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes as I quickly skimmed two pages of posts. we will be travelling from Bangalore India to Boston with my D1 who is the freshman at BU. US citizens, been here 7 years and a combination of fate and reality made this sooner that we had expected. </p>
<p>we only began the college process in August so i have been on high drive with no time for introspection. people kept asking me if i was ready and i said it had not hit me yet. </p>
<p>this past sunday, i was running some trails and my shuffle belted out the ‘soul sister’ song from ‘glee’ which she had put on for me the previous night. I bawled my heart out - loudly - with not a soul in hearing distance. </p>
<p>this was the first time i cried :</p>
<p>• because i will miss her,
• because she has turned out to be quite a companion and i will miss her,
• because i can see who she is turning out to be and i am proud of her,
• because i will not see her every day,
• because i do not know if she will eat healthy and regularly,
• because she is too lazy to take milk herself,
• because she struggles she struggles the first two days of her period,
• because i cannot save her from the boys and the heartbreaks and the mistakes
which will make her who she will become.</p>
<p>I also have to deal with D2 Xth grade now. how will she be?
i have no idea what she will go through, not having any sisters of my own. </p>
<p>i will have to quote every poster here - all that you have said strikes a chord - even had to come back to edit this because i was crying onto the keyboard…
thanks for reading…</p>
It will be OK! It won’t be easy, but it will be OK…</p>