<p>SuperMom - I can't address any of the African-American issues. But I think I can speak somewhat to the issue of class.</p>
<p>You ask what is middle class, what is upper middle class, what is upper class - other than income. I will just tell you about my family background and then tell you what people in my family think. Please draw your own conclusions.</p>
<p>On my father's side, some Scottish sheepherders and cheesemakers came over to the US some time in the 1600's. The family joined forces with others, eventually some people owning lots of land in Savannah and Florida, others becoming part of the government in Michigan, others remaining in New York and parlaying their support of George Washington into a role as some of the bankers for the US railroads. By the time of Age of Innocence the family fortune was large enough to be discussed in the New York Times - in wedding announcements and articles on world travelers etc. This history includes a long tradition of men matriculating at Harvard.</p>
<p>My mother's family was more modest, and less impressed with themselves if I may say so. But they also came over in the 1600's and landed in the Connecticut river valley and eventually built, owned, and sold, a largish pipe fittings plant. My grandmother and her husband rode out the Depression having gay parties that moved from house to house. My grandmother, and my mother, went to Smith. My aunt to Vassar.</p>
<p>So it would be possible to call my family, in the past, well, let's say 300 years at least, pretty upper class. In terms of their income, their wealth, their educational opportunities, etc.</p>
<p>But by the time my generation rolled around, the family fortunes had dwindled. My father and my mother live, separately now, in very large houses. My brother and sisters and I live in moderate houses, apartments, etc. We have some wealth left, but it ain't too impressive at this point. All of us have to earn a living. None of us make incomes that would put us in the upper class now. In some ways, for the Bay Area, we are only at the high end of the middle class.</p>
<p>But for better or worse, when we gather together, and I say this knowing it reeks of conceit and self-indulgent neurotic conflict and that I may get flamed or whatever but despite all that it is the truth - we feel like the upper class.</p>
<p>And it's about several things. One, education. We are all very highly educated. This trumps all other factors. Two, experience. We have all traveled all over the world, and done so in great luxury and in extreme bare bones. Three, um, how to say this without being such a jerk but I guess I'd say we all feel kind of refined. Meaning we know about what an Impressionist is and why some people would argue that Matisse commercialized the movement and we also know that Bottega Veneta bags are subtle luxury and we've stayed at a Four Seasons but really feel that a boutique is better...</p>
<p>Aargh. Just describing it kind of makes me cringe. Because aesthetically we are such snobs. Artistically too. But personally, well, not. My family is very left of center, all the siblings except me are in the helping professions, and we are very very focused on being as open-minded and unbiased as we can. Except we are at our worst when someone walking by exhibits, gasp, bad taste.</p>
<p>So should you worry when you meet us, or our like, what we think about your class? If you are educated, open-minded, original, we will immediately count you one of us. No one will care who your father is or who your mother is or where you went to school if you exhibit signs of intelligence and the capability for original thought and, well, decent aesthetic taste.</p>
<p>You shouldn't feel like an imposter when you are with my ilk unless you are pretending to be someone you are not. And neither should your children. And, if your children are bright and open, we all hope very much that our kids go to school with them.</p>
<p>I imagine that some people in the upper classes are what my grandmother would have called nouveau riche. My family envies their private jets and Big Fat Fabulous Weddings, at least a little bit. They might want everyone else to feel like imposters. In my family that's just bad manners.</p>
<p>Time to go hide and not show my face on this board for a long time....</p>