Anybody mind looking at my why penn essay and chances?

<p>we’re all worrying/obsessing, i guess… would anyone like to comment on my why penn essay? I only got to show it to my mom before i sent it, and i’m not sure i trust her objectivity.</p>

<p>Four years ago, I was offered a substantial scholarship to attend an elite private high school of about 300 students, and my parents let me decide whether I wanted to accept it. Ultimately, I chose to attend a public high school near my home (the closest thing to an “inner-city school” to be found in Colorado Springs). Although I don’t remember it, my mom always tells the story of my reasoning: “Mom,” I apparently told her, “Fountain Valley is like the froggie slide at the swimming pool and Palmer is like the high dive. Palmer is real life.” I wanted the challenge of a full community; I wanted the depth and breadth of academic and personal and life opportunities that a private school of 300, with all its material resources, simply couldn’t give me. My mom had doubts. I didn’t. My decision and my school have since proven to be perfect fits. Penn is my next “high dive,” the next perfect challenge and opportunity I want in my life.</p>

<p>For as long as I can remember, I have been a scientist. I want to understand how things work together. My days are filled with problem solving – be it in the form of calculating derivatives, understanding the motivations of the Bolshevik revolution, analyzing biological processes that can reverse metabolic changes of malignancy, or resolving Bach’s Fugue in C-Sharp Minor into tangible melodies. Although I excel in many fields that are typically thought to be distinct, I am most proud that I tie my passions together with a common thread of intellectual curiosity and that I bring a unique, integrated perspective to every task I face. I apply the insight I have honed as an artist and the composure I have gained onstage to my work in the research lab. I combine the patience and diligence I learned as a pianist with the endurance and concentration I discovered as a swimmer to further my skills for both.</p>

<p>I am drawn to the University of Pennsylvania by the wealth of opportunity I would have as a student to pursue all of my passions. With the number and caliber of talented students and professors, as well as available research opportunities, I look forward to sharing my varied and interrelated passions with people representing viewpoints and cultures I have never experienced. At Penn, my peers will be as capable and passionate as I am. My classes will both challenge me intellectually and be filled with people who are there because they want to be and who are eager to dedicate themselves to learning. I want to be a member of the Penn community because it is a community in the truest sense of the word: a common entity. A group of people cooperating towards common values and goals. I can’t imagine a healthier environment for my own intellectual and personal growth. </p>

<p>When I visited campus last spring, the only word I could find to express what I saw to my friends and family was vibrancy. The passion, the energy on campus was tangible. Everywhere I went, I saw people alive – laughing, talking, reading, even arguing, but so contented with each other and their school. The campus and the surrounding Philadelphia neighborhood flowed together into an intense and palpable whole, and I was excited by the diversity I saw everywhere – not only the ethnic and cultural diversity that I had heard so much about, but personal diversity. I saw students alone and with groups of people, I saw a restaurant off campus filled with people from Penn and from the neighborhood, I saw students outside and inside, studying and resting, talking in German and Italian and languages I didn’t even recognize. Everyone I met praised Penn as both intellectually demanding but fun, and comfortable, and home. Not one person had ever experienced the cutthroat competitiveness or sterile “acadehmia” that I always assumed would be unavoidable at a university as rigorous as Penn. I want to be in and give to an environment that pushes me to explore my limits and encourages me personally. I know I can at Penn.</p>

<p>Because of my passion for science – and more specifically, causality and interconnectedness – the course of study that most interests me at Penn is Biological Basis of Behavior. My curiosity about my world naturally extends to a curiosity of just how it is that I am capable of being curious, but I have never been satisfied by psychology, or, at least, by what I’ve found in my parents’ bookshelves and my local library. BBB, however, will allow me to extend a curiosity for psychology into my existing passion for cellular biology that I have honed through independent research. More specifically, what separates Penn’s program from a more typical neuroscience or cognitive biology is the BBB emphasis on the process of translation of an electrical impulse into a habitual behavior. While another program might explore neurons and explore schizophrenia, I know that BBB offers me the best opportunity to find every process in between; to trace the paths of causes-and-effects, the whole melody lines and harmonies of interaction – not single jarring notes – that lead to true understanding of any event. </p>

<p>The final testament to the community at Penn that I saw when I visited – and another thing that attracted me to neurological sciences at Penn – was meeting a professor of my father’s from 35 years ago. I was astounded when Professor Nachmias, with almost 50 years’ tenure, remembered my Dad personally – and was even more impressed when he proceeded to have a lively and lengthy conversation about students in my father’s class and specific research they had worked on. His care for and commitment to the Penn community spoke volumes. I want to learn from and contribute my talents to a community that I could love and be passionate about for more than 40 years. </p>

<p>The breadth and depth of academics, the opportunities afforded by a large research university, and the deep sense of family and community that I have come to associate with the University of Pennsylvania all have inspired me to apply for admission. I want to be a part of the diverse and stimulating environment that I saw at Penn, I want to be challenged academically and personally, and I know I can share unique experiences and perspectives with my peers as we all grow into the most influential four years of our lives. Penn brings many parts together into a vibrant whole – a perfect reflection on how I view my world and choose to make my mark. </p>

<p>ps, to put in context if anyone would mind assessing my chances: strong ecs (incl awards for cancer research, pres of theater club, swim team… etc)
satI 1560, sat II 800 (writing),750(math IIc),750 (spanish); IB diploma candidate
BUT uw gpa of like 3.2something.
will it be the end of me? thanks!</p>

<p>it is safe to post my whole essay now that the deadline's dead and gone... right?</p>

<p>i think your essay is pretty good for an otherwise dull question...there are some grammar issues and awkward sentences but those are trivial at best...the overall effect is good...i esp. like your beginning because it's far from usual...i think you have an extremely good chance...cuz you have pretty amazing stats...besides you're a legacy...i think you should not be worried at all....good luck!</p>

<p>btw: i wrote my ap euro history term paper analyzing the causes of the bolshevik revolution...great stuff..!!!-)</p>

<p>bump... bump-bump it up</p>

<p>GPA 3.2? whats the rank? I like your essay, i wanted to make mine that comprehensive, but on paper we had a page limit. Ah well. Mine was definetely to the point in comparison lol.</p>

<p>Yeah thats really long (and no I didn't read it)</p>

<p>I made a similar high school choice</p>

<p>I turned down a free ride to a new boarding school (long story short - we were supposed to move near it and it was too religious for me; it was conservative and im reform)</p>

<p>rank top 15%, but not 10 i don't think. it's pretty ****ty, i've been a dumbass. worst is that it is four kinds of obvious that i'm capable of better, because of my scores etc. </p>

<p>i know some schools put more emphasis on either test scores or grades, but i don't know about penn... how do you think my gpa in combination with my hardcore (or at least middling-to-pretty-decent core) tests and ecs? are they likely to dismiss me as apathetic/lazy, unfocused, etc, or is there a precedent for them to see potential for a better record at penn?</p>

<p>the essay was ok</p>

<p>certainly more comprehensible/revealing about yourself than mine...i just rambled. someone previously hit it on the nail: it's too long. my eyes glazed a little.</p>

<p>Well you have good scores but your GPA looks roughed up...what are some achievements that you noted on your app?</p>

<p>Yeah, my essay is less than half the size (in word length)</p>

<p>size 10 font, 1-inch margins it fits on one page. could be worse. </p>

<p>achievements: cancer research and won science fair awards (1st place at state, scholarship, medical association awards, etc) (in the scheme of things, it's not that notable... maybe if i was a seimens finalist or something, but i'm not); president of drama club and all that entails; nat'l guild honoree for piano; co-founder of a diversity club; public speaking stuff;.... i don't know, also a bunch of less-notable stuff. </p>

<p>in the context of the penn applicant pool, i'm not exceptional, especially because of flaws like my gpa. i mean, weighted it rises to like a 4.2, so that's not ALL bad, but i know that most of these top-tier schools don't care.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, weighting in arbitrary and varies considerably from school to school, so we cannot look at your 4.2 and compare it to the rest of the applicant pool's weighted GPAs. The only thing weighted GPA is useful for is comparing your accomplishments to those of your peers, and, given your rank, the 4.2 does not seem so impressive.</p>

<p>Your ECs are pretty impressive, though, and your test scores are fine, so who knows?</p>

<p>whats your exact rank? </p>

<p>or do you not find out until the end of this semester, like me</p>

<p>I think you still have a chance if you take everything else into consideration but as everyone else has said, the GPA might hurt you. I think that'd be the only thing the adcoms would scratch their heads over.</p>