anyone care to comment on my short essay?

Applying to College
1

<p>No class has ever influenced my decision to become a surgeon. But it is a lofty goal, and I, being human, have my share of shortcomings. These include being uncommonly lazy steadfastly stubborn at times. Given these shortcomings, I sometimes doubted whether I possessed the capabilities to attain my goal. I decided to prove to myself capable by signing up for AP Chemistry.</p>

<p>The difficulty of AP Chemistry was almost legendary at my school. I have heard stories (later confirmed) of students who were accepted at highly selective universities (like UC Berkeley) failing the AP test. But it was because of its notorious difficulty that I signed up for the class. For my purposes, the more nose grinding work involved, the better, right?</p>

<p>After eight months of not really nose grinding work (involving long hours of studying the aerodynamics of paper planes), I got a 5 on the AP exam, one of only two 5’s in the class. I had proven that I have the intellect. From now on, there will be no turning back.</p>

<p>All comments are appreciated. I will not be giving out chocolate.</p>

<p>This essay is released under GNU General public license.</p>

2

<p>Grammar:</p>

<p>uncommonly lazy and steadfastly stubborn</p>

<p>I decided to test myself by signing up for AP Chemistry. (sounds better)</p>

<p>change "not really nose grinding work" It's redundant.</p>

<p>Structure:</p>

<p>Change the last two sentences. They sort of leave the reader with a bad impression and aren't powerful enough for an ending.</p>

3

<p>a couple more specific questions:</p>

<p>my friend told me that talking about your shortcomings is good. Do you think I am overdoing it?</p>

4

<p>It would be nice if some love of the subject came through in your essay. Was there any part of AP Chemistry that you genuinely enjoyed from an intellectual point of view?</p>

5

<p>Plural of 5 is 5s or fives. You have it in the possessive: 5's. This drives old foggies like me crazy. </p>

<p>Also, it is would good to talk a bit about wanting to be a surgeon, or otherwise follow up on your opening sentence. </p>

<p>Keep writing.</p>

6

<p>Would saying AP chem is easy help me? In spite of its reputation, I didn;t find it that difficult. I don;t want to sound like I am bragging.</p>

7

<p>You show too many shortcomings...I would think you aren't capable if I were the adcom...IMO</p>

8

<p>so take some out? Like instead of uncommonly lazy and steadfastly stubborn, make it just lazy and stubborn?</p>