Rate my crappy essay plz!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hey guys, I just finished doing my 2nd practice tests and i feel like my worst part was the writing section. I just realized after copying it here and comparing it with other essays that it's very short (my handwriting is bad and my letter is very big). Im not used to writing essays and I had to invent 2 of my 3 examples lol. Anyways, here it is:</p>

<p>This carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>It is not that people dislike being part of a community; it is just that they care about their individual freedoms more. People value neighborliness and social interaction - until being part of a group requires them to limit their freedom for the larger good of the group. But a community or group cannot function effectively unless people are willing to set aside their personal interests.</p>

<p>Adapted from Warren Johnson, The Future Is Not What It Used To Be</p>

<p>Assignment: Does the success of a community - whether it is a class, a team, a family, a nation, or any other group - depends upon people's willingness to limit their personal interests? Plan and write an essay in which...etc</p>

<p>My essay:</p>

<p>The success of a community depends upon people's willingness to limit their personal interests. Being part of a community such as a debate club requires its members to sacrifice their time that could be used for personal interests.</p>

<p>Personally, I used to be my highschool's debate team leader and I had to sacrifice myriad days to devout myself to practicing with my team. I had to limit the amount of time that I used to spend playing guitar and videogames. I did this in order to spend most of my free time practicing for future debates which prepared me for encounters that were mostly won due to my efforts.</p>

<p>My father is another example as he has worked dilligently all his life; He has little to no free time as he works as a lawyer. He has had to limit his personal interests such as going fishing with our familly because his work is highly demanding. He has done this in order to be succesfull and to provide for my familly a confortable life.</p>

<p>College students in Ivy League colleges require extensive studying to get a high G.P.A. as these colleges are very demanding. They have to sacrifice a lot of time studying in order to graduate. Students need to constantly restrain their social lives to study. Activities that are venerated by most college students such as partying need to be controlled as the priorities for college students should be studying.</p>

<p>As we can see, being succsefull is determined by how much a person is willing to sacrifice in order to be succesfull and such if my father's case were he had to sacrifice spending time with our familly for working.</p>

<p>If Id have to self score I guess Id give it a 6/12, what about you guys?</p>

2

<p>Nope. It’s maximum 3/12</p>

3

<p>I’d give it 6 or 7. My only advice to you is increase the length of your essay. It’s a widely accepted fact that longer essays yield better scores! A stronger thesis, and a better conclusion will help. But seriously, increase the length.
I took the same test today, anyone care to rate my essay? more than rating, I’d be happier if I could be told me weaknesses and flaws… To the OP: didn’t mean to steal your thunder :expressionless: sorry</p>

<p>For any society to function consummately, it is imperative that everyone’s actions are in the greater interest of the community. As important fulfillment of personal goals and aspirations seems, we must realize that it is not possible to achieve them without cohesion in society. Only when our interests are in accordance with those of the community, only then will our hard work bear any fruit. As a part of a group, be it a class, a team, a family, a nation, we must be willing to realize the goals of that group before ours, insofar as restricting our personal interests for the larger good of the group as a whole.</p>

<p>As is demonstrated in politics, many of the newly formed governments are coalition governments. In this form of governance, parties that may or may not share common policies and thoughts come together to lead a population, restricting their own ambitions in the larger interest of the people they shall rule. By doing so, coalition governments realize the aspirations of the community they rule, and put their own interests on the backburner. </p>

<p>India is a very large country, with hundreds of cultures co-existing side by side. One might wonder how such a country with over a billion people with different views thrives. Truth be told, its success can be directly attributed to its people’s adaptability, and willingness to curtail their ambitions, which are against those of their community. Because people are willing to support and understand the dreams of their compatriots, they succeed in forming a harmonious and peaceful society. </p>

<p>In South Africa, when Nelson Mandela was released from captivity and went ahead to become president, the native Africans were inimical towards the Whites. Given the harsh treatment the Africans were subjected to (Apartheid), their hostility was understandable. But Mandela believed that a national couldn’t prosper, if its people are fighting with each other. He advocated that a united population is the characteristic of a united country. And when the Blacks let go of their own personal interests, the country began to reach unprecedented heights. And the rest is history. </p>

<p>Citing the above examples, though freedom and opportunities to pursue dreams and aspirations is essential, it is not as essential as the community’s goals are. Without cohesion and stability of the community, achieving aims and goals is very difficult. To conclude, willingness to restrict personal interests is key to the over-all success of the community, and once we realize this simple fact, only then will we be able conquer the destinies of the world. </p>

<p>haha, cheeky end. Hitler said something like that actually lol</p>