Anyone else wonder why Parents are on this Forum.

College Search & Selection
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<p>"Case in point: Who isn't a little creeped out by this thread? <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com...ad.php?t=130304"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com...ad.php?t=130304&lt;/a&gt;"&lt;/p>

<p>that posting is on the parents forum, which you seem to concede is the place for parents. why were you there?</p>

<p>cc is what it is - it is a place where parents and students post to ask questions and share info about colleges. plenty of students visit over in the parents forum, plenty of parents visit over in the student forums. if that makes you uncomfortable, then maybe this isn't the place for you -- but that is what this board is. </p>

<p>personally, i do find some of the parents' threads that fret over their students' high stats evidence that those parents need a reality check. often they get just that on the parents forum. i also find many of the student postings where students lament about how they screwed up by getting "only" 2300 on their SAT's also evidence that they need a reality check -- and from what i see, they often DON'T get that from other students.</p>

<p>and mmamon - i'm sorry, i just can't understand why you find the use of "s" and "d" as abbreviations for son and daughter disturbing. parents' aren't allowed to use shorthand for commonly used expressions on a message board? you don't find it normal? maybe after 50 posts here, you're just not used to it yet. </p>

<p>students and parents come at this from very different perspectives. some of us parents are new to the process and learning. some have gone through the process with one or more of our children. i really have trouble understanding why some students here view the fact that some parents would choose to share what they have learned or to try to better understand an important process their child is going through as "weird."</p>

<p>i'm sorry if your relationship with your parents make you feel it weird to have interested parents post here. hopefully as you go through life you will learn to appreciate that there are many people who can offer different views and information that can be of value to you, whether or not you choose to accept or agree with them.</p>

<p>and by the way -- if anything, this forum is just very open and honest about that fact that there are parents here - most make it very clear they are posting as parents. have you ever stopped to think about how many on-line forums you are on where you really have no idea who you are talking with?</p>

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<p>I don't think it's a bad thing to have parents on this forum (as someone pointed out earlier, they are very useful sources of information), but I do think it's strange that parents are so deeply involved in the college application process. Personally I did everything by myself, and my mom expected it to be that way. Sure, she proofread my essays when they were done, and bought me some stamps to mail stuff in, and hey, probably even went to the post office herself a couple times, but she never did any research for me, nor did she hint at what college I should go to or what I should put down in my applications. I think that's the way it should be -- don't you all? I have the satisfaction of knowing that I got into college all by myself. No one helped me figure out all the confusing, minute details of college applications or financial aid. Well, except for all you great people at CC :)</p>

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<p>(dang somebody beat me to it.NM)</p>

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<p>Using abbreviations for 'son' 'daughter' 'husband' and 'wife' is standard operating procedure (SOP if you will) for anyone who does alot of online posting. Why it would bother anyone is beyond me. I'm getting the feeling that some teens here consider the online world off limits to anyone older than themselves...lol.</p>

<p>The parents here have often been through the admission process before and offer good insight. Many have attended the very colleges you may be interested in and are a good source of information. College isn't just about the person going, it can effect the entire family (especially financially) and I see nothing wrong with parents supporting each other or using this forum to share what they have learned with teens smart enough to know a good thing when they see it.</p>

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<p>Okay, I'll stop using the S and D abbreviations on the same day all you teens stop using LOL, U, UR, BTW, and all the other teenspeak shorthand. Until then you are in no position to complain.</p>

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<p>" maybe after 50 posts here, you're just not used to it yet. "</p>

<p>Post total has nothing to Do with it, look at my Total, I still think it is pretty creepy. and I'm glad I'm not the only one here that feels that way.</p>

<p>lilybbloom- I agree 100% with your post because that's exactly the way with me, and Probably most of the students in America. NORMAL, parents encourage their kids to do well in school, make sure they get to SAT's and Stuff, maybe help out with an essay and help fill out the FAFSA, but they don't spend Hours and Hours on CC, getting their post count up to 3,000. Yes, parents can be Helpful to us and I appreciate all the advice and other stuff that I probably have recieved from parents on this forum, BUT that still doesn't take away the fact that it is really weird.</p>

<p>And as far as the Abbreviations go. </p>

<p>Don't look at it the way lol, and BTW. How about you find me a post where a student calls their Mom M or their Dad D. </p>

<p>"That's funny LOL" and "So my D just got her SAT scores today and I'm really feeling for here because she only got an 1160" Those tow are totally different.</p>

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<p>Some of us post because we want to pay it forward, and spread the knowledge because if you think the cost of an education is expensive try the cost of ignorance. </p>

<p>We freely share information for a process that is very daunting regarding: financial aid (need based, need sensistive, merit money) SAT optional schools, when the ACT is better than the SAT, what to look for in a college if you are a special needs student, if you are a B or C student, dispel a lot of misinformation about legacies, URMs, athletes in the admissions process, when the process is more holistic vs when it is mainly stat driven. We let you know there is more than one road to becoming a doctor laywer, investment banker, PhD candidate (fill in the blank) because we have acutally been there, done that and have hired those who have taken the alternate route. </p>

<p>Some of us are actually work for colleges as administrators, admissions people, financial aid counselors, Program administrators and professors. Others are actually doctors, lawyers, teachers, PhD's psychologist, guidance/college counselors, alumni interviers, etc.</p>

<p>Many of us are college graduates, some are multiple degree holders, PhDs, Doctors, lawyers, dentsits, etc. Yes, we may have taken our own kid through the process, whether it was the ivies, elite lacs, state U or matchbook U. We given others whom we have never met live information about programs they did not know existed. We have read their essays, given interview tips, cheered then on in their acceptances and shed tears for them when things did not work out as expected.</p>

<p>Look on the bright side, where else can you get such a wealth of information for free (as some of us are paid very handsomely in our other lives for the free advice we give to you for free).</p>

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<p>Clearly parents aren't going to reveal the names of their kids..."Bobby got a 2190 on May's SAT," etc. And as JoeySweets said, we don't refer to our parents as M or D, though abbreviations are often used by kids here, certainly. I would concur the usage of "S" and "D" is kind of strange, and I say that without malice or disdain. It's just strange. I don't have a problem with it, but I can see where other kids are coming from. Perhaps it's the psychological reduction of one's offspring to a single letter that's troubling...that son and daughter can't be written out. S and D are rather sterile, detached and objectified. Or just like letter grades "B+...A...B" and numbers "710...1980...200 hours...11 years" the "D" and "S" are irksome on the subconscious level...it's two-dimensional maybe. Or a means of (binary perhaps too) labeling and categorizing if you get my drift. But by and large, it's just an abbreviation, whateva. I have no contentions.</p>

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<p>On the origins of D/S: I came on CC back when the rocks were still cooling though there are still a handful of posters whose presence antedated mine.</p>

<p>There was a post I made elsewhere, in a password-protected environment, had some bearing on a discussion here. It's a very different environment, where most people know each other's True Names as well a life's worth of personal information, so posts there tend to use true names when talking about offspring.</p>

<p>I cut-and-paste the post here into CC and then replaced my D's name with the initial "D"...if anyone thinks that's too lazy, they can sue me. As I am/was a frequent poster, the usage became common. (I don't know that I was the first to use it, but I think I certainly popularized it.) My ownself, I would never use the preliminary "D", as in DH, DW, DD, DS unless I were being sarcastic...in which case I wouldn't make the post, because one shouldn't trash one's spouse/offpring on-line. Others feel differently and I would never dream of suggesting they not employ the first D.</p>

<p>During the application process, I was, as another poster put it, my D's research assistant. I came here with the intention of getting the answer to one question and disappearing...while waiting for the answer, I saw a question I could answer and wanted to stick around for the follow-up...the rest, as they say, is history. Using an anonymizing D/S also helps depersonalize posts, which imgdnsvho is a good thing when giving information on-line, reducing the "bragging" profile.</p>

<p>Now that my D is off at college, I find that I still have things to offer readers, both students and parents. Aside from my D's college in particular and women's colleges in general, I have--as several have pointed out--the experience of actually been through the process. My better half, TheMom, is a director-level employee at a top public university where she has worked for more than a quarter century...and I have a certain informed perspective I can lend as a result of that.</p>

<p>As for my D's process, she made all her decisions about where to apply and where to go to school. But as they say, two...or even three...heads are better than one and in gathering information and rendering judgments, three certainly worked better than one, and that's not even considering the limited amount of time that D had to devote to the process after classes and EC's. And certainly three sets of eyes/ears are better than one when digesting things like college visits. Among other things, many adults tend to have a lot more experience interpreting situations than do 17- and 18-year-old students.</p>

<p>As for on-line experiences, my first programming class was in 1968, my first paid job using computers was 1969, and I had my first on-line communities in 1984...so any one who thinks that on-line communities are reserved for teens can go suck eggs.</p>

<p>Fwiw, I applied to and financed my way through college single-handedly. Aside from times having changed--as many parents can attest to after having encountered rude shocks here on CC--I can say flatly that it would have been better had I had some thoughtful input from someone--or several someones--more much more knowledgeable and mature than myself at the time. In all likelihood, my college and majors would have been completely different and that's just for starters.</p>

<p>Finally, the proof is in the pudding: I look at the number of times I've been asked for input, asked to read essays, etc., and I have to hazard a guess that my time here is doing <em>someone</em> some good. Were that to cease, then I would re-evaluate. But until then, I think I'll weigh the input of those people more than I do someone who blindly asks, "*** are parents doing here?"</p>

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<p>I understand the OP's concern, but I think the main point here is that if he were to actually spend some time on here, he would find out that the majority of adults and parents on this forum are not the kind that he describes but instead are understanding of their childrens' needs, and more than that, are here to help and give advice to those that know less than them, as well as asking questions themselves. I can think of quite a few parents that have been on here for several years now, staying even after their kids finished the college admissions process so as to give help and impart their newly acquired knowledge to people going through the same thing.</p>

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<p>I feel kinda sorry for the OP. Apparently his parents did not have much interest or support for his college search and application process. Instead he believes it is weird that parents take an interest and he also believes that the parents must be very controlling. Actually I think the opposite is true. Many of us parents who have become heavily involved in the college process did so because we have very self-disciplined and determined kids. We are often just trying to keep up and provide some help while they lead the way.</p>

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<p>Honestly, the "information" and "insight" that the parents on CC offer is rarely useful at all. Neither is the information that most non-adcom adults have to offer. I know that my parents themselves were not at all helpful in my college admission experience. Sure, they cared about me, but they really couldn't do anything to help. I got all the help that I needed from my own research and from other students. No need to feel sorry for me because I had to do it all on my own; I got into Princeton. Many parents are probably just offering "advice" for their own peace of mind. </p>

<p>I'm sure that the original poster's intent was not to spark a debate between students and parents on CC, but to vent his alienation by certain parents' posts. So, original poster, I am just as weirded out as you are and I believe many of the parents on here are creepy wack jobs. I'm not trying to get the parents off this site or make them see their flaws, because that would be a futile battle. Just know that I am weirded out as you are.</p>

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<p>I haven't read through many posts, but I think it's cool that there're parents here. That's probably because I don't have parents who're savvy to the (elite) college admissions process (my mom was the only one in our immediate family to attend college, and she went to a CUNY in the 70s and dropped out after 1 semester). I'm happy there're parents who are knowledgable or are willing to learn about the process. :)</p>

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<p>edad, I agree. The OP and his supporters are to be pitied if they can't see the value in the incredible amount of helpful information shared by the parents on these forums. I know these angry little guys are in the minority, since we all have been thanked by many gracious students on this board.<br>
mmamon- congrats on Princeton. Now broaden your horizons a little so you can make some friends there!</p>

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<p>I guess I am the Origional Poster. You really shouldn't feel sorry for me. I'm not sure I would want my mom or dad telling me where to go to school. It's kind of something that you really should chose by yourself. I've visited colleges with them and stuff, but I'm not sure I would want them telling me where to go.</p>

<p>The reason I started was exactly the point that a few other people made, That some of the Parents on this forum are kind of very unusual. and that one evening when I posted this topic I was wondering mainly, "do these kids even know their mom or dad is posting all this stuff about them". I just got this picture of someone forcing their daughter or son to do Community Service and then actually paying 1,000 dollars so they could get a good score on their SAT and then constatnly drilling them every-night about EXACTLY what they had for homework. and if they get a 15 out of 30 on one of their math tests, then the will lecture the kid about maintaining your A's and that "they'll never get into an IVY now." </p>

<p>and then the real thing that cause me to make that comment, was becasue a Parent actually posted something on a chances or something, and said My daughter has excellent Rec's and a Good Essay.
I mean how are you certain that your daughter is going to get good reccomendations, did you call the teacher or something??</p>

<p>I guess the VAST majority of the parents on here are actually really helpful and I am kind of sorry that I offended them and I am sort of sorry about that. But some of the stuff is just really quirky and lame. such as the D and S thing. I guess that must be the GENERATION GAP.</p>

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<p>I have no trouble with the parents' presence here, nor with the D's and S's. I actually prefer the parents' forum to the kids' -- the discussions there tend to be much more civilized, with overwhelmingly fewer flame wars.</p>

<p>I moved to the United States four years ago, and no one in my family went to college here. If it weren't for the parents on this board I don't think I'd be half as informed as I am now. More than that, I've been accused several times on this board of "disrespecting my parents". In some ways, I suppose that's true. I have many wonderful memories of my childhood, but just as many sad and terrifying ones. When it comes to raising kids in a stable environment, I respect many of the parents here more than I do my own. I'm sure someone will jump on me for this, but before I found CC I'd pretty much decided never to have kids -- not because I didn't want them, but because I figured my lack of experience with functional families would necessarily make me a bad mother. I've since reconsidered. </p>

<p>I admit I was a pretty messed up kid... and in some ways still am. Regardless of that, the parents of this board have been nothing but kind, helpful, and courteous towards me, which is more than I can say for some of the kids. For that I can only be grateful.</p>

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<p>ThisYear'sGirl, you just managed to hit a nerve, in a good way. I grew up in a dysfunctional environment before it had that name or it was trendy. I knew that I would be a parent someday and, for all the mistakes I may have made, I was relentless about creating a healthy, stable environment where my daughter could both be herself and achieve her potential. Sometimes you don't know how important something is unless you haven't had it. Good luck to you when the time comes.</p>

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<p><strong>But some of the stuff is just really quirky and lame. such as the D and S thing. I guess that must be the GENERATION GAP</strong></p>

<p>It's just internet shorthand. If you are active on ANY 'grown up' forums you will quickly learn things like DD (dear daughter) DS (dear son) DH (dear husband) etc. Kids have their own shorthand for things they would rather not take the time to spell out each and every time....:)</p>

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<p>TheDad,
Thank you for the encouragement.</p>

<p>
[quote]
knew that I would be a parent someday and, for all the mistakes I may have made, I was relentless about creating a healthy, stable environment where my daughter could both be herself and achieve her potential.

[/quote]

From what I've seen of your posts, you appear to have been successful. :)</p>

<p>As for the abbreviations, I can't count the times I've seen teenagers use "GF" and "BF" for "girlfriend" and "boyfriend". How is this any different?</p>

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<p>Let's see ...hmmmm......Capacity and willingness to learn. Admission that you don't know everything. Recognition of those trying to help you. And oh yeah - the biggie , understanding the concepts of gratefulness and thanks. You've passed the Parent Aptitude Test. When you find it appropriate (IMO about age 28, you don't want to be 50 at your kid's high school graduation ) , you should consider having children. Some of your compadres have some lessons yet to learn. ;)</p>