I don’t see or talk to my high school junior as much as I’d like. But I listen to her footsteps every day, upstairs, above me while I’m down in the kitchen, the clattering up and down the stairs, and the door slamming when she’s off to school. I’m going to miss these little rustlings of life SO much!
I think it’s normal to mourn the changes in your life and it can take awhile. Parenting has been the most important “job” we’ve had for most of us. But if you do feel like true depression is getting in the way of your day to day living, don’t hesitate to seek out a therapist temporarily.
From the late, great Irma Bombeck:
Children Are Like Kites
You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground.
You run with them until you’re both breathless.
They crash.
They hit the rooftop.
You patch and comfort, adjust and teach them.
Finally they are airborne…
They need more string and you keep letting it out.
But with each twist of the ball of twine,
there is a sadness that goes with joy.
The kite becomes more distant,
and you know it won’t be long
before that beautiful creature will snap the lifeline that binds you two together
and will soar as it is meant to soar, free and alone.
Only then do you know that you did your job.
Not so sure that lifeline snaps. I am spending most of my time taking care of my mother!
@MaineLonghorn
Illness and the realization that life is fragile certainly puts everything into perspective. So far the challenges we face together as a family make us closer. They have responsibilities and experiences that few of their peers understand.
Although I miss our college age children, they call to share their experiences, are dedicated to supporting their younger sibling and come home for breaks and summer internships to spend time with their dad while they still can.
When the dust settles, I’ll go from a large active house of 5 to just me and pets. It will be time to brush off the cobwebs that have accumulated from years as a caregiver, wife and a mom, return to work doing ‘who knows what’ and create a life as a single person without parental responsibilities. They know I’ll visit wherever they land.
I admit that I have been vicariously living through the accomplishments of our children. I tell them that it’s the one positive in all of our lives. We celebrate accomplishments while we mourn the losses. Resilience is the key lesson and if I have taught them, I should be able to be resilient when my all consuming jobs are done. We’ll see…
D19 is gone. What I find interesting is how willing I am to help D23 around the house with chores. Before kid chores are the kids’ responsibility, but now that D23 has started HS and playing a sport she is having some time issues. And I am more willing to lend a hand. Maybe it is because I miss D19.
Being a second child myself I know the second child gets plenty of advantages. Plus D23 is more easy going.
I love the fact that our kid is on his own trying to become more independent and grow. No, I root for him and look forward to doing things with him in future. But I really miss my mom who passed away three years ago.
Sometimes, I feel like something is wrong with ME as a mother. When we dropped only D off at college, 10 years ago, H had to pull the RV off the road on the way home and sob for an hour - in front of my 4 boys. I, OTOH, couldn’t stop smiling. Not because my D was gone, but because my D was gone TO COLLEGE and I was the one paying for it! I had to attend a CUNY school and live at home for college, so just being able to afford to send my own child away to school made me over the moon happy. While I missed her terribly and missed/miss my 2 sons who went away (the last one is away now), the joy and sense of satisfaction I feel about having my own life’s hard work pay off outweigh the sadness over not having them home.
Do I miss them? Absolutely. I keep in touch with my youngest by text. Every day that I am home, i text him the final jeopardy answer and we try to guess the question. When he’s home, we watch the show together. We both love our little tradition and we get to keep in touch while learning something new each day. My D is more than 5 years out of college and I don’t see her that often, but we are taking a girls’ trip this weekend and that is something I would never have dreamed was possible based on our relationship before she went away to college.
My D is 29 years old, married, successful in her career, and expecting their first child. She now lives 600+ miles away and I STILL miss her like crazy.
Every. Day.
It’s the perfect place to post my favorite “Pearls Before Swine” comic strip:
It is hard. My son is a Junior in college and I still miss him. I hardly ever saw him after his Sophomore year in HS. He was a terror his Junior year and I was ready to get rid of him! Then Senior year he became human again. He would be around to help out if I needed something. I miss the little things like going to his polo matches. Now I rarely hear from him. He isn’t a texter or a caller and definitely not into Facetime. When he does call it is really nice but brief. He is so very busy and so independent. We only saw him a few days all summer. I work but I still have his schedule on my credenza and think about where he is at some point each day.
I am very happy for him though. I’m glad he went OOS (12 hours away) to get away from the craziness at home. As was said above it helps when you have seen one of your kids not do well to be happy for the other. My oldest needs to go! I will miss her but she needs to be independent. I won’t miss all her drama.
I do feel for you. I have friends who did everything with their kids for 18 years for each one and are now feeling lost. I have one who is going to be a basket case when her daughter leaves next fall. Just stay busy and be happy for them!
Read this essay by Rob Lowe on sending his oldest to college.
https://www.rd.com/true-stories/inspiring/rob-lowe-son-college/
Wow, great way to look at life @4gsmom . I’ll have to tell my DW since we have the same fraction.
I miss my son (last one to leave for college just a month ago) each evening when I have to feed and walk the dog. And I had to drive away from school after dropoff for each of my kids while DW cried.
I will be sad when DS20 leaves. His 9 year old brother however will be devastated. 
I am so sorry for all those parents who are missing their kids, but I have to admit I am a little envious of the eventual freedom that comes with being an empty-nester. As Mom to a son on the autism spectrum, I will likely never get to experience an empty nest. It is so tough to worry about what will happen to your child when you are gone.
So I’m happy to see parents celebrating the successes of their kids despite missing them 
It’s not half your life for long. I had kids at home every day (mostly) from age 30 to age 51. I loved it. Ultimately, that will probably represent something like a quarter of my life, or maybe less, even excluding a few years on either end I can’t remember or won’t remember.
Obviously, you have to find something meaningful to do with yourself that isn’t full-time parenting your children. Most people find that. And your relationship with your children remains rich and (I hope) joyful, just not quite as all-consuming as it once was (until the few months before their weddings).
She’s graduated from college. She has moved on to graduate school. She has a healthy relationship with a wonderful young man who is her roommate and seems to be her soulmate. I miss her every single day. But…I don’t want her to turn back. She is living the dream. The letting go is also the joy of what I hope was providing a childhood well done. For that I can tolerate the missing.
(The ability to text in an instant and FaceTime or Skype certainly helps too)
I’ve gotten used to our 1st and 2nd children being gone but I still miss them. I miss that energy, the smart debate and humor between them, the constant push to challenge themselves and us to grow. I miss our silly traditions, inside jokes, the endless banter of shared interests. We were surprised with a new baby late in life so still have a wonderful toddler at home. Everyone tells us how this lessens the blow but honestly, she sort of makes me miss them more… like we are starting over without them. I am so, so happy and proud of my independent young adults. I don’t worry about them but now that I mark my time in days with eldest and now weeks with middle… yes, I miss them terribly. Thank goodness for FaceTime.
Big hugs. Being a military family our boys have frequently been each others sole companions. So they have an incredibly strong bond even though there’s a large age gap. I wish I could post the pic I took of my 11 yr old right before having to say goodbye to his brother 4 weeks ago. It was so painful for him. We were all doing really well right up until he pretty much refused to leave. It was ugly!
BUT… I’m happy to tell you, he bounced back better than I ever could have hoped. He started school just two days later and is busy making friends and living his own life. Of course he misses his brother and there have been a few Face Time tears, but kids that young are pretty resilient.
So keep him busy but allow him some tears. I think he’ll be ok.
Yes. We miss our son a lot. We are very glad he is growing up so nicely and gaining independence, and yes, we realize we are lucky that he has a bright future ahead of him. We realize that, for him, his being away at college is an important step in the individuation and maturation process.
He has a major medical disorder, which added to our stress when his college career began with a three-day backpacking trip, but really, he has been great about handling his health independently since age 9. We have great faith in his judgement and decision making, in all aspects of life.
He is really good at communicating with us, which helps. Both my spouse and I still talk to our remaining parents every day, so it is not surprising to us that our son calls us most days. Last year he had a single and it was easier. This year, he has a roommate, but he has been finding empty classrooms each day and calling us from those. Some days are busy and full and he can’t call, and those days feel okay to us because we know he is engaged in what he is doing and having fun. Today is one of those; he just texted a couple of minutes ago, but he won’t be able to be alone to call us until Sunday.
When he is happy and enthusiastic, it is such joy to hear from him and we feel at peace. The hardest times are when he is not happy. It is agony to feel helpless as a parent, but that would be true whether he was home or away from home.
It would be nice to have a magic wand to remove all the challenges of young adulthood for one’s child. But we don’t. So all we can do is remember that we went through similar ups and downs when we were that age, and we survived and grew and ended up with a pretty great life. We can only agree that his stage of life is challenging and scary, but also exciting with possibilities.
Awww, DH asked me the other day if I wanted to start a new family :lol: I declined. DH is taking this harder than I am. When DD’17 calls he keeps asking her to come home “so she can mow the lawn” but really he just wants her here. And he keeps reminiscing about when they were little. That was fun but I’m also excited about the rest of college, weddings, grandkids, new jobs, etc. It helps that they are only 1-2 hours away too.
I find I am struggling a bit more with my college grads living and working in their new cities than I did when they went to college. This feels more permanent.
I am really lucky to be close to them, to be able to travel with them and see them somewhat regularly, but I am still a little adrift, not sure of my exact role now.