<p>First off, I hope your appeal runs through. I am pretty sure that it follows the guidelines of “new and extraordinary information that was not stated in your initial application.” Secondly, try and get straight to the point like others have said. Lastly, in reality this appeal may or not come through, so be prepared for denial; however, anything can happen, just believe 
Goodluck! </p>
<p>I don’t like that appeal. They want to hear how you OVERCAME adversity and all you do is give excuses. I find nothing compelling in it. </p>
<p>@TheLefty Thank you! I’m having a few more of my peers look over a further draft, I’m still working on being more concise and to the point.</p>
<p>@bomerr I totally get that. This is, by and large, the best I have to have a fighting chance. I’ve tweaked it a lot since the one in the OP, I hope those revisions make it seem less like a bunch of excuses, and more of as you said, overcoming.</p>
<p>To make myself more clear. You’re entire topic is, as the british would say, rubbish. You need compelling reasons for WHY you deserve to attend; glass half-full topics. Instead your entire essay is just one excuse after another. If they let you in, they should let everyone else in who had personal issues in life and allowed it to affect their grades. Despite trying to come off “nice,” you appear super into yourself; you aren’t seeing the bigger picture. Which is that the people who got in were better accomplished than you. Therefore if you want to get in, you need to show selling points, accomplishments that show you deserve a spot. Everything needs to go because, as i have said, it is just excuses. </p>
<p>@bomerr Okay. I think I see what you’re saying. I’ll keep that in mind, and try penning a new letter.</p>
<p>I think you need to let it go man. You already go into UCSB - you should be planning college life and your future, not looking at the past. Quite frankly, as others have said, your story just isn’t compelling. It’s sad, yes, and it’s certainly heartwarming, but schools can’t accept every student with a heart felt story - there are simply too many of them. You need to show how you can do better, how you have POTENTIAL, now why you did bad or why this and that - those are just excuses for subpar stats. I honestly think you should just move on. I hardly think it’ll matter much whether you go to UCSB or UCB as long as you work hard once you get there. It’s foolish to waste time on a prospect with such low chances for results. My two cents anyway</p>
<p>I don’t know what works in appeals and what doesn’t, but my gut is telling me that this isn’t going to get you in. I think there are two things that make any explanation of your grades pointless: your SAT score and your writing in this letter. If you were really UCB material and just weren’t able to keep your grades up due to the stress at home, your SAT score would be much higher. And your writing style, while not terrible for a high school student, is not going to make anyone sit up and take notice.</p>
<p>If I were on an admitting committee, I would only overlook things like subpar grades and scores if I were otherwise convinced that this student could really succeed at my school. Why would a school go out of its way to admit someone who might do poorly, or end up dropping or transferring out? One thing that strikes me about your story is that it doesn’t seem to be over. What if your mom’s health problems continue and you have to miss college classes in order to spend time with her? Will you be able to keep your grades up at a school like Berkeley if that happens? </p>
<p>Dustypig is right: Send your appeal, then forget about it. You tried everything. UCSB is an excellent school and you’ll do very well there too, especially since you won’t have to deal with all the problems at home - which is another reason why you should really go there, and not stick around SF. </p>