Cal Appeal Letter

<p>Can I have some feedback on my appeal letter to UCB? My stats were pretty decent (3.75 unweighted, 1910 SATs) and I had a lot of leadership roles, community service, a whole crap load of extra curricular, and basically everything that colleges look for, so what do you think my chances are of my appeal getting approved? </p>

<p>To Whom it May Concern:</p>

<p>My name is _________, and I was rejected from UC Berkeley.</p>

<p>After months of anxiously awaiting a response from UC Berkeley, I was disappointed to read that I was rejected. This was hard to swallow, considering that attending Cal has always been my dream. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing that cliché by now, but I cannot think of any other way to express my deep interest in your university. I went through my whole high school career with UC Berkeley as my ultimate goal. I strived to better myself in high school hoping that when the time came, I would be good enough to walk among some of the country’s best at UC Berkeley. Though saddened by the decision, I understand that the admission board had the difficult task of choosing a fraction of students out of a pool of equality deserving applicants, and I fully respect your decision in rejecting me.</p>

<p>However, I felt perfectly at home when I visited the campus. I’ve done so much research on the rich history of the university that I could probably write my own book. I listen in awe when my friends tell me of the world-class education they are receiving and how much they can feel themselves growing at UC Berkeley. I cannot ignore this sort of connection I have made with UC Berkeley, and that is why I feel obligated to give my dream school one last shot with this letter.</p>

<p>After carefully reviewing my application, I realize now that it left many of my personal circumstances unclear. It is for this reason, and a successful first semester of my senior year, that I find grounds for appeal.</p>

<p>• During my junior year, I lost my grandfather to cancer. It was a time of grief and deep heartache, and when I thought the situation could not get worse, I lost my best friend to cancer a few months after. I was in a state of shock, depression, and disbelief that had a severe impact on my academics. Through these tough times I was able to manage my responsibilities in my track team, my club, my family, and my church, as well as maintain a decent unweighted GPA of 3.59 (weighted 4.07). However, I received B’s in classes I had potential to earn A’s in had I not been in this terrible situation and were able to focus more on my schoolwork, resulting in a less competitive GPA. </p>

<p>• I failed to make clear in my application that I am the eldest of five siblings in my family. I have a five-year-old brother and a six-year-old sister who are my responsibility until my parents come home late from work. When I get home from track practice at six, my attention turns to my brother and sister as I help them with their schoolwork, make them dinner, and get them ready for bed. After they are put to bed, I finally start my own schoolwork at around ten o’clock. During my high school career I was able to balance this extra responsibility while striving academically. </p>

<p>• In my application, I mentioned that I have volunteered at my church every Sunday since freshmen year. However, I failed to make clear that my responsibilities at church were given to me prior to high school and I actually started volunteering for my church choir in the sixth grade. This gives me a total of seven years working for this organization and not just the four that are represented on my application.</p>

<p>• So far my senior year has been well off. Last fall my volleyball team had a very successful season, and I was named Most Valuable Defensive Player at the season’s ending. Since the beginning of the school year, I have been working and conditioning with my track coaches as well, even through volleyball season. I am currently ranked 3rd in the Central Coast Section (made up of 145 high schools) for the triple jump, and am on track to compete on the state level for the first time this year. Also, I won second place in a school-wide science fair and went on to represent my school at the district science fair where I finished in fourth place out of forty other projects.</p>

<p>I greatly appreciate the time you are taking to re-evaluate my application. I can really think of no other university that fits me better than UC Berkeley. I assure you that I have so much to offer Cal, not only as a student but also as an active member of the UCB community. I hope I have succeeded in providing you with a clearer picture of who I am and how I can contribute to your university, and that I will be granted the opportunity to continue my studies at such a fine institute.</p>

<p>Sincerely, </p>

<p>Your SAT and GPA are not near the average freshman at Cal. I am in a similar situation like you are in where I have many great extra circulars and numerous leadership roles, yet scores aren’t great for the schools I am looking at.<br>
For fall 2013, here is the admitted freshman profile at Cal:
SAT Reading- 678
SAT Math- 706
SAT Writing - 692
GPA - 4.18</p>

<p>However like UCB, I didn’t actually read the appeal letter all the way through until now. Losing your grandfather and best friend to cancer within a time span of a couple of months is a very compelling reason to give the decision a second look. I would not include the part about volunteering for the church choir since sixth grade because universities don’t really care/don’t take seriously what you do before high school. I was active with my religious group since I was in elementary school but I know from firsthand experience that responsibilities are much greater in high school. Are you trying to get a volleyball scholarship? If not, then I wouldn’t include the section about volleyball. Lastly, the section about the science fair should be removed. It just seems like you are nervous that you won’t get the appeal and start throwing every fact left out of the application (like the science m fair). The other arguments are strong enough to give you a solid chance.
All in all, I would say your appeal should get approved.</p>

<p>I edited out the wordiness to keep your appeal concise. The first paragraph is unnecessary. The point is to keep your appeal as strong, but concise as possible. You should present yourself in the best possible light instead of giving off the impression that you’re not good enough to attend Berkeley. Also, saying that UC Berkeley is your dream school won’t help your case. Instead, explain why you are attracted to Berkeley and what you would contribute to its campus. I moved this paragraph toward the bottom so that you can jump right into your appeal. </p>

<p>To Whom it May Concern:</p>

<p>I am writing to appeal the denial of my admission to the University of California, Berkeley for the fall semester of 2014. </p>

<p>• During my junior year, I lost my grandfather to cancer. It was a time of grief and deep heartache, and when I thought the situation could not get worse, I lost my best friend to cancer a few months after. My depression that came about as a result of my grief severely impacted my academics.While balancing depression and other responsibilities, I was unable to focus on my school work. I received Bs in many classes, and as a result, a lower GPA. Through these tough times, I was able to manage my responsibilities in my track team, my club, my family, and my church, as well as maintain a decent unweighted GPA of 3.59 (weighted 4.07). </p>

<p>• During my high school career, I balanced the extra responsibility of family life with my academics. I am the eldest of five siblings in my family. I have a five-year-old brother and a six-year-old sister who are my responsibility until my parents come home late from work. When I get home from track practice at six, my attention turns to my brother and sister as I help them with their schoolwork, make them dinner, and get them ready for bed. After they are put to bed, I finally start my own schoolwork at around ten o’clock. </p>

<p>• My senior year was successful despite my battle with depression. Last fall, my volleyball team had a very successful season, and I was named Most Valuable Defensive Player at the season’s ending. Since the beginning of the school year, I have been working and conditioning with my track coaches as well, even through volleyball season. I am currently ranked 3rd in the Central Coast Section (made up of 145 high schools) for the triple jump, and am on track to compete on the state level for the first time this year. Also, I won second place in a school-wide science fair and went on to represent my school at the district science fair where I finished in fourth place out of forty other projects.</p>

<p>I have always aspired to attend UC Berkeley. I felt perfectly at home when I visited the campus.
–> Instead of using anecdotal evidence to explain your desire to attend Berkeley, explain what specifically attracts you to it. Also explain how you would contribute to the community. </p>

<p>I greatly appreciate the time you are taking to re-evaluate my application. I can really think of no other university that fits me better than UC Berkeley. I assure you that I have so much to offer Cal, not only as a student but also as an active member of the UCB community. I hope I have succeeded in providing you with a clearer picture of who I am and how I can contribute to your university, and that I will be granted the opportunity to continue my studies at such a fine institute.</p>

<p>Good luck! I hope this was helpful.</p>

<p>Berkeley is all about stats: SAT, and GPA and major. Your SAT is just not competitive enough, sorry. </p>

<p>I know someone with nearly identical stats to the OP who got in in 2012. The difference? This student is the child of a very wealthy and somewhat famous person, who threw a lot of money at Cal, and also was able to pay for expensive foreign trips to a third world country where a fancy charity was established, so the student could pad up the resume with wow factor stuff. Honestly, I think that’s what it takes these days unless you have truly superstar stats.</p>

<p>thank you @agreatperhaps13 for your revision, it was very helpful!</p>

<p>I think that sending in appeal is worth a shot as long as you present new and compelling info. I agree that Berkeley is all about stats. Just because a person has lower stats or is disadvantaged, doesn’t mean he is less-deserving. </p>

<p>I don’t understand if your grandfather and friend passed away, why didn’t you write about it in your additional section? Berkeley is a dream school for a reason. Your stats aren’t as competitive as the accepted pool. Though it doesn’t hurt to try, don’t expect much.</p>