Application Season Stress. I can't deal with it

Applying to College
1

It’s January 4th, and I have to write 9 essays by tomorrow, the 5th, for scholarship applications to a school. And honestly, I’m just so sick and tired of it. My whole life has been writing these stupid essays for over half a year.
I live in a highly competitive area so if you gave me some time, I could name over 50 people who I personally know who attended, currently attend, or got into ivies (or other top-tiered schools like stanford, mit, and the southern ivies). Everyone seems to have so much direction. It’s as if they’ve figured out what they wanted to do with their life at the age of 5 or something, and are just going with it. I just don’t understand that. I feel like everything in the world has an equal amount of merit, and I can never pick what I want to do. But all these colleges want to hear is about kids with focused passions, so I’ve been trying to fake it, and I just can’t do it anymore.
This whole process is just giving me such a negative outlook on life. I just feel like I’m out of place. I’ve been stuck in this crazily stressful environment, anxiety has freaking engulfed me, and I just can’t deal with the pressure anymore. I feel like I’m destined for mediocrity. I’m just not cut out to make any real impact in the world. I just don’t understand how everyone is doing so well throughout all of this. How do they cope with being average? with being just another fleck in the grand scheme of eternity? with never doing anything notable?

I really doubt anyone is going to read this or care, but whatever.

So far, I’ve applied to a school SCEA, and didn’t get in. I also applied to washu, michigan, cornell, brown, columbia, and upenn… as well as some safeties.

Here are my stats and my take on it:
GPA: 3.91 (I screwed up in the high school courses that I took in middle school because I didn’t care about anything)
-everyone who’s applying to the same schools as me probably have perfect GPAs, so that’s a downer
ACT: 34 (I took it twice, got the same score. I regret not studying, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it)
-everyone I know got this score or higher, so I feel super average.
APs:
freshman: us history(4)
sophomore: gov(5), psych(5)
junior: world(5), lang(5), ap studio art(5), macroecon(4), bc calc(5), physics 1(3)
-I wish I didn’t waste my time on APs I don’t care about (like physics)
SAT II:
Math 2-800
World-700

extracurriculars:
-nih internship (but everyone i know gets one in this area)
-studio art (a few national awards)
-captain of mock trial
-miscellaneous stuff that i’m too lazy to explain

everything i have is so mediocre and my essays are so mediocre and i just don’t want to deal with it anymore. i’m never getting into any of these schools, and it’s just so pathetic that i use these schools as a measure of my worth.

2

Your stats are actually pretty good relative to a lot people nationwide, 34/36 on the ACT and you feel bad about it?? I’m sure your worth more than you really think

I’ve seen that colleges tend to want to be able to know who you are in your essays, which is why they’re key to your admission. Be honest, I recon you don’t try being someone your not.

I don’t know if you’ll see this before you have to submit your essays, but in case you do, here’s some inspiration:

https://gist.github.com/tonybruess/237ce55cdf701f7e1a41

Good luck :slight_smile:

3

If you are seriously this depressed…please, please seek help IRL not on an anonymous internet forum.

If not…seriously dude/chickita… get over yourself. Your nearly perfect stats are hardly mediocre and you will not garner much sympathy for your first world whine. Welcome to the real world and adulthood!

Get your essays done, put it behind you and relax. You are going to be fine. You are certainly not alone nor the first kid to feel this way.

4

You are a 98-99th percentile applicant, and will probably get in to at least one of your reaches. As for your current predicament: You don’t have to do this to yourself. Wait for a decision from the schools where you’ve already applied. If you don’t get in to any of your reaches, just go to your best match/safety. College is what you make of it, and you are going to be fine as long as you keep doing your part.

5

Yup, everyone else seems to have it together. Everyone has direction, everyone else knows what they want to do.

They also have totally perfect lives (you know this because what their instagram photos show).

You don’t truly believe that, right? Hopefully you were just in a temporary bad mood. If you really feel this way, please seek help from a trusted adult.

Otherwise, get some sleep, get some headspace, get some exercise - you’ll be just fine!

6

You have very good stats, and you write well. You could very well be trolling us for responses, but if you’re not, I’ll answer: Think about what makes you happy. What kind of people do you want to spend time with? Do you like cities, wilderness, small towns? What gives you a sense of accomplishment? Ponder these things for a while, then set off on a course that seems to fit with your answers. You can always make mid-course corrections if you find you aren’t on a path that works for you. As you’re exploring, though, don’t get in the trap of taking on a bunch of debt, only to find that what makes you happy doesn’t earn much money…

7

Its pretty overwhelming all of it. I totally get it. Breathe. You are going to be okay. Take a break if you can. Get outside. Then write some essays stream of consciousness then leave them alone and come back to them later to edit. The good news is sometimes when you feel this way the most creative stuff can come out. This is a transition. You will get there. I am rooting for you.

8

Focus first on those schools you have interest so you are basically covered. What would you say if you were asked the essay questions and note your points and ideas in your response. Use those ideas to answer essays. What do you really wanting to say about yourself. Write an essay, set it aside and read it aloud later. Hearing helps me find and zap complicated sentence structure and clean up unclear referents. We tie ourselves in knots when we try to sound erudite. Just write the primary sentences without sounding choppy. Transitions such as however, therefore, additionally, etc. help connect ideas and sentences.

Just knock them out, ensuring you can track ideas. You are not writing an appeal of the death penalty! Just write something that reflects you, has an internal order, does not include complicated and convoluted ideas, and add transitions cleanly between many sentences. Personally, I can write a horror but after a break can edit into a reasonable essay. Be of drought heart!

9

You’re doing great! College is about finding the right fit for you and what you want to do with your career. The brand name makes little or no difference in the working world.

http://time.com/54342/it-doesnt-matter-where-you-go-to-college/

10

OK, 9 quality essays in a single day probably isn’t reasonable.

So you’ve got to prioritize.

Make one pile for the schools you really like, really want to attend, really can afford, and really have a good shot at getting into. Those get done first.

Another pile is any schools you don’t really love, aren’t sure you really want to attend or can afford, or don’t really have a good shot at. Those get done quickly-- possibly even reusing or tweaking essays you’ve already used.

The pile in the middle is the other schools.

Pour a nice cup of hot coffee, and tackle Pile # 1 right away.

And don’t worry about “making a real impact on the world.” Start by making a real impact on your tiny little corner of it-- your family, your classmates, your town. Once you get all those apps done and can see daylight, think about the kids in your school who haven’t begun to find their way yet. The kids in your senior class who don’t have a support network of friends. Make a difference to them.

You’re 17. You’re not supposed to have done anything “notable” at this point in your life.

Oh, and don’t believe every thing you read here. I think you would be amazed at how much of it is slightly-- or not so slightly exagerated.

11

How about writing something honest rather than fake? You will be accepted by schools that value who you really are.

It’s ridiculous to let a 3.9 GPA and 34 ACT score define you as “mediocre.” There are a lot of opportunities out there.

12

I’m sorry for your stress.

I love @bjkmom 's idea of prioritizing.

We are not in a competitive college admission game, but I insisted D look at colleges with good merit opportunities. Even so, she seemed kind of burnt out before things even heated up. She finally hit a point where she would not complete any applications that required supplemental essays or complete honors programs applications. So you are not alone in your stress.

13

Hows it going @jenniferw2000 ?