<p>My son (almost perfect; but not quite) wrote a witty ironic esssay that some might construe as a hit on a religion. He mentioned his Halloween costume (a vampire Jehovah's Witness). My H and I both let it pass for one app, but I'm wondering if it might be offensive.</p>
<p>Though I'm sure your son's essay was wonderful and entertaining, I personally would choose to guide him away from anything that could be construed as discriminatory. I know others might disagree, and some adcoms might appreciate edginess, but the fact is, you just NEVER know into whose hands an application may fall. Why take the chance? I'd have advised my own son against doing that. And as always, YMMV.</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>what schools is he sending it to?</p>
<p>I agree with berurah. Essays are not the place for cynicism of any kind or for anything that might be construed by anyone as discriminatory. Unfortunately, one never knows whether or not your adcom is a vampire Jehovah's witness! Look at it this way, this is the ONE place where your son can show himself in a guaranteed positive light. Why waste the opportunity?</p>
<p>I agree. Someone reading his application could be offended by the essay and judge your son as insensitive or immature because of that. I'm sure your son can write a witty, smart essay that doesn't have as much potential to alienate or offend an admissions officer.</p>
<p>Did you find it offensive? Just saying it's about being a "vampire Jehovah's Witness" doesn't tell me enough to judge the potential offensiveness. </p>
<p>If he sent it to the college I'm thinking he did, then I think it will be OK but I agree that it might be prudent to substitute a different essay for future applications.</p>
<p>Since a major tenet of Jehovah's Witnesses is a refusal of blood transfusion, it's hard to see it judged any way except as making fun of a religion, even if meant as light-hearted, witty, and harmless. I would not send that to a college!</p>
<p>bethievt,</p>
<p>Your son is clearly really funny and clever, and I'm sure that this will come through in his essay, but I'm with the majority: why take a chance at offending an adcom, however slim that chance?</p>
<p>Yeah, I think so too. I'm glad it only went to one school. I can't believe my H and I both read that and let it pass. I'm definitely going to try to get him to delete that reference from future apps.</p>
<p>Beyond the issues of offensiveness, how does writing about vampire Jehovah's Witnesses present something that any college would see as a net plus for the campus community?</p>
<p>College essays are one of the most valuable opportunities to sell yourself to the college. The goal is not to write a clever essay. The goal is to show them a positive, engaged, vibrant teenager who offers something valuable to the campus.</p>
<p>The ones that really make me scratch my head are the essays about playing video games or being upset with parents "who don't understand me" or how "awful" high school has been.</p>
<p>Heck, I think a sense of humor is a HUGE plus to a campus community:). Sure is to a boring old grownup work community....</p>
<p>Yes. And many good college application essays have some humorous twists and turns. However, a college essay is NOT an essay for a satirical magazine. The humor should typically be an element of style, not a primary focus of the essay. An exception might be a student who is "selling" his or her involvement in satirical magazines, stand-up comedy, comedic filmmaking, etc.</p>
<p>The hard points, the insightful points, yeah, frequently best couched in humor. Concur.</p>
<p>In the what-do-we-know-anyway dept., here's advice from a pro, the dean of admissions at UVA, who votes <em>for</em> those risky lines:</p>
<p>I think it's great general advice on the topic (but I'm guessing that the qualities that he's talking about will emerge in your S's essay with or without the JW-vampire--S must be hilarious to be around!):</p>
<p>
[quote]
Any student who has already learned the basics of showing should think about taking a risk on the college essay. What kind of risk/ Think about starting an essay with: "I sat in the back of the police car." Or, as in the example (below): " The woman wanted breasts." These first sentences use what journalists call a hook. The sentence reaches out from the page and grabs our attention. It creates a bit of controversy and an expectation that the writer might be willing to take academic risks in the classroom. A good hook does not mean that a good essay will follow, but it does mean that a reader will look forward to seeing what will unfold.</p>
<p>A risky essay can border on the offensive. In some cases, as in the excerpt, it is possible that a few readers might write off an applicant based upon questionable taste. That is the danger of taking a risk. People wonder if they will be penalized if they do take a risk in an application. They want to know, in other words, if there is any risk in taking a risk. Yes, there is. I can say, however, that my experience in the admissions field has led me to conclude the great majority of admissions officers are an open-minded lot and that to err on the side of the baroque might not be as bad as to stay in the comfort of the boring.</p>
<p>The best essays are crafted not from a formula for success but by a voice that is practiced. Those who are willing to take a risk, to focus on that part of the world that matters to them and to show the passion and the practice it takes to write about it well, will help their chances of admission through their essay.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Marathon:</p>
<p>The only problem with the UVA article is that I do not believe that high school applicants wrote the sample essays. Neither the "good" nor "risky" examples have a voice that seems authentic for a 17 year old.</p>
<p>
Yes, I would agree with this: My son threw some really humorous twists into the chronicling of his interests in epidemiology and infectious disease stemming from the age of six. It came out <em>really</em> cute!!!! :)</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>As far as the UVa essays not seeming like a kid wrote them - I know many 17 yr olds who have an extremely mature writing style that surpasses the ability of most adults. It's really kind of silly to think that at 17, it's impossible (or even unlikely) to develop such a talent. 17 yr olds often read the same literature adults do, and have been since very young ages...ample time for the brightest to become very proficient and adult-sounding. Looking at the work of my peers (of course, many of them are going to Harvard, etc.), those essays don't seem unrealistic.</p>
<p>I think a funny or satirical essay, even one that uses humor all throughout, can theoretically be fine. The problem, from what I've read, is that the great majority of people really <em>can't</em> pull those off! As for the vampire Jehovah's Witness, although it's hard to say without reading the whole thing, my inclination is to say not to use it for just the reason you mention. Taking a risk is one thing, intolerance is another.</p>
<p>interestedad</p>
<p>The reference to his Halloween costume was part of a larger discussion of his intellectual interests and how they interconnect to help define him as a person and a learner. The vehicle was stellar, but this one occupant has obviously got to go. He's not intolerant, but I think this could make him sound that way.</p>