<p>We told our kids that we would pay all costs for instate public u’s. If they wanted to go elsewhere they would need to earn merit scholarships to attend. DH was adamant that they not graduate with debt. Both had the opportunity for merit at oos schools but chose instead to stay with instate. Both have been happy w/ their choices. S1 got full merit ride so graduated w/ a good chunk of money in savings that he is now putting toward the purchase of a house.</p>
<p>I paid for as much of my undergrad education as I could – i.e., my parents paid for most of it, I worked all summer and banked that money (no spending it on cars, nights out, etc.) in order to help pay what I could. DH and I paid for my grad school.</p>
<p>My husband’s parents paid for a little of his undergrad, saying that “loans were good for you” and then buying themselves a new house and a boat. We struggled for years to pay off his loans while they vacationed abroad. My niece’s mother did this too — “you need to pay for it” so the niece barely ate while Mom travelled the globe. </p>
<p>When my brother flunked out of his second school, my parents stopped paying his tuition. He quit school long enough to earn money to pay it himself. When he finished his degree, they repaid him for it.</p>
<p>My kids are expected to pay what they can – their books, and miscellaneous. We pay the tuition for all classes that are passed. Failed classes are “assessed” a 50% fee which goes in the family ledger, as does 50% of their apartment rent. At some point in the far future, they will pay us back that ledger amount, at whatever rate works for them. My parents loaned all of their children money – sometimes thousands — and we all were expected to pay it back at some point, when we could. In bad years, we wouldn’t pay anything, in good times, we’d do big sums. None of us owe them anything now, but we felt more independent and less like moochers, and more grateful for the things we had. Which was my parents’ point, all along.</p>
<p>There are lots of ways to approach the issue. Important thing is to know where everyone stands, and what is expected.</p>
<p>Interesting topic. I paid for most of my college, and chose to go to community college because of it. My son would be competitive for some very expensive and well “ranked” schools that do not offer much in the way of merit aid. However, he was also inline for some very nice merit money at lower “ranked” schools. So, we had a conversation with him that went something like this: </p>
<p>“We want to help you as much as we can, we know that your education is important. We can easily afford X amount of money to help you. If you get into, and really feel drawn to expensive and prestigous Y school, we are willing to use the money in our retirement to help you through school, and you will need to take out the maximum loans available to you and work while in school to make it work. Additionally, we will be living with you the rest of our lives, since we will have no retirement. Or you will pay us back our retirement money with interest. If you chose a school that keeps expenses in the X amount, none of us will aquire debt while you are in college, and you should not have to work unless you want to.”</p>
<p>He has chosen to go to a school with merit money, and none of us will aquire debt. Smart boy. </p>
<p>The same deal goes if he loses his scholarships for bad grades and remains in school.</p>
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<p>This seems odd – they want you to shoulder the costs, but do not allow you to choose potentially less expensive options (even if you pay them room and board living at home, that may still cost less than room and board away).</p>
<p>^ Yes. There was another thread like this. Your parents don’t get to have this both ways. They can decide they are not paying and you are, of course, but if they do that, they don’t get to also decide where you go to school. Money talks…[you know the rest]</p>
<p>However, my parents have also expressed that they will not allow me to attend community college first</p>
<p>then go to the best AZ univ with the best scholly. </p>
<p>How much is UAz offering and how much is AzSt offering?</p>
<p>Do you also qualify for a state scholarship for stats?</p>
<p>*and I cannot live at home. They are very set on me attending a four year institution and having “the dorm experience”. </p>
<p>*</p>
<p>My dad insisted that I go to a Catholic high school, but also insisted that I pay the tuition for years 3 and 4. I never paid a dime…I felt that if he wanted me to go, he should pay. He can’t have it both ways.</p>
<p>I am not making my D repay me but she has offered to help out with her youngest brother’s college tuition if she can. He is 8 school years behind her and she will be 3 years out with a masters (that we are helping with) when he finishes HS. I hope she doesn’t have to help us but it’s amazing that she made that offer at 17. I have a son older than her and 2 more in between my D and youngest son.</p>
<p>My parents did not pay anything towards my college and required me to pay rent every week. As the poster above said, that (along with other things) damaged our relationship to the point where they were both dead and bured before I learned about it and I don’t even know where they lie.</p>
<p>U of Arizona and Arizona State both offer solid academics, despite having a reputation as “party schools”…and Clemson and Auburn (mentioned by the OP) also both offer solid academics, despite having the reputation of being party schools.</p>
<p>Other than a change in geography, there’s really not a difference between the schools academically…so I would take the cheaper route and bloom where I am planted. </p>
<p>Use whatever money you can put aside to get “extras” for yourself that you might not be able to afford with out of state tuition…for example, one or more “abroad” experiences or internships, etc…</p>
<p>And inside your head, contemplate the fact that one day you will be choosing your parents’ nursing home…!!</p>
<p>Actually, by then you may have come around to their way of thinking, or maybe they will surprise you by turning over to you a nice bank account grown over the years from the money you “repaid” them.</p>
<p>As public state universities, I agree that all of the aforementioned schools offer roughly the same caliber education. However, the architecture programs at Clemson and Auburn are ranked far better than those of ASU or UofA. </p>
<p>Some have also questioned why on earth I would choose an OOS public rather than a prestigious private, given that they will end up costing about the same amount. In order to become a licensed architect, one must graduate from an NAAB accredited school. Unfortunately, most private schools are not accredited - the best accredited schools for architecture tend to be large, state universities. </p>
<p>Just to clear the air.</p>
<p>Yes, my kids will need to repay me back - have a nice suite for me at one wing of the house and cater to me as much as I did for them when they were little.</p>
<p>No, I would just want them to be as nice to my grandchildren some day.</p>
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<p>USC’s program is NAAB accredited, isn’t it?</p>
<p>you betcha.
He’s got 9 years left on his consolidated staffords.
And 19 years on our PLUS which we took out because of inverted interest rates.
He can easily these obligations on his pay and living style. The loans were taken in stead of spending down his UGMA. By having cash (UGMA) he can make decisions without regard to it being “affordable.”</p>
<p>Not once they graduate, but it was a condition of our paying.
They took the basic unsubsidized Staffords, we paid the rest.
If they did not progress continually, they owed us all we had invested to date.<br>
Once they graduated, our investment was our gift to them.
All did graduate, we make intermittent payments on their loans.</p>
<p>If you are required to pay your parents back for college I can’t see how they’d have any say in it at all. Operate as if you are completely on your own. It sounds like you all are playing chicken.</p>
<p>I think if I were you I’d tell them you were uncomfortable taking on that kind of financial responsibility, especially if you are just finding this out, and start making plans for cc and renting a room in someone’s house and getting a p/t job.</p>
<p>H’s parents always told their 5 kids (he’s the youngest) they needed to pay them back over time without interest. One of his sisters paid in full. A year after H graduated and we had already paid back a bit, they sent a note to all the kids refunding what had been paid back and congratulating the 4 that graduated from college. </p>
<p>I put myself through college, as my parents had no money, with a combination of merit aid, Pell grants & student loans. </p>
<p>We have told kids we have enough put aside to pay the equivalent of 4 years of Ivy undergraduate, however they can attend in-state and apply the balance to grad school. We are only paying the bills that come from the school - club dues, etc are their responsibility. Right now, D1 still has remaining local scholarship $ to cover her books. When she moves off-campus, we will need to review how much we give her to cover room & board.</p>
<p>After H and I were married, his parents handed him a bill for all the things that they had paid for over the years while he was in college. They had only agreed to pay for 4 years of in state tuition at the state university. He changed majors, and went an extra summer semester, so the tuition for that semester was on the bill. The bill also included tires for his car, car insurance, and other expenses that I would just have thought that they could write off.</p>
<p>So much for cozy visits at Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>My older two know that as long as they live under our “roof” (be it in our home or in a dorm we pay for) that they only get to keep 33% of their income. One third goes into their retirement account and the other 1/3 goes toward their room and board. Our plan for their “room and board” money is to give it to them when they are ready to buy a house so that their down payment is bigger than they had hoped. </p>
<p>Thankfully our high school has a great program that allows motivated kids to complete a transferable associates while still in high school (requires a decent committment of time outside the ‘normal’ school day) but they finish the AA at less than 1/2 the regular cost. Then they can start at their 4-year university as a junior; they get to go away at the same time as their friends but have a huge advantage in that in the same 4 years they can finish a BA/BS and a masters. </p>
<p>(Our youngest is disabled so our expectations for him are very different.)</p>
<p>We do not expect DS to repay us - except to make good use of the education we are affording him. We did tell him that we are paying only for undergrad and that any further education will be his to take care of through loans or whatever.
We have worked hard to provide this education for him and have made decisions/changes that have not always been easy, but that has been our choice and our pleasure.</p>
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This is our approach…fortunately we have enough set aside to fully pay for where the DS is going (the state flagship) because there was little scholarship money.</p>
<p>Might get a little tougher for the DD because she will likely be looking at private schools…but the plan is to try to pay as much as we can for the first 4 years. After the undergrad degree they are each on their own (we think).</p>