<p>Curious how families are dealing with this question. I feel guilty I cannot do more to help but I can't afford everything that my student wants.</p>
<p>Free College For All: Dream, Promise Or Fantasy? <a href="http://n.pr/1n4xsOd">http://n.pr/1n4xsOd</a></p>
<p>This is a link to an NPR report, in case anyone is worried that it is spam.</p>
<p>I think the answer stems from a blend of cultural perceptions of higher education, ingrained principles/beliefs, and the financial means of a family. Some families refuse to assist in paying for college even if it within their capabilities whereas other families put away money starting from the day the child is born to ensure that financing college won’t be a tremendous burden - other (and more often than not, most) families find that many colleges are far too expensive for their budget. I don’t think there is any set answer or standard that needs to be met. I think its best to give parents the benefit of the doubt and assume that there is some justification or reason as to what they’re doing (or not doing) when it comes to financing their child’s education - very rarely is it purely out of spite or anything along those lines. </p>
<p>I don’t think you should feel guilty about not being able to give your student everything he or she wants in terms of college - compromises are a part of life - people learn to make the best of what they have. Its how you learn to prioritize and value things mores. I don’t know the nature of what you child “wants” but I’m gonna assume that it not being able to pander to that want won’t be fatal and they’ll make due. </p>
<p>For me personally, my parents had always told me that all I had to worry about was academics - they’d handle the finances. I believed them and did my part - I got the grades, the scores, and so on to get into the colleges that I had strived for for years; “dream schools” if you will. However, as senior year loomed, I noticed that my father was becoming increasingly worried about just how he was going to manage to pay for college. To him, it wasn’t ever a matter of whether or not he was going to pay, it was just a matter of how he was going to do it. He considered a few extremes for a while - refinancing the house seemed to be something he harped on for a bit. A week before Christmas of my senior year, I had been notified that I had received a full scholarship to a local university that I applied to a just about a month prior. It was never a school that I had been particularly crazy about before - but the acceptance was a safety net - a backup if nothing else came through. Three months and 16 college acceptance letters later, nothing really “came through” - I had been accepted to a variety of schools, many of which were as stingy as they were selective, and I was left with the quandary of huge debt for a dream school versus no debt at a school I wasn’t head over heels for. I come across threads similar to this very situation quite often on College Confidential. </p>
<p>I knew a couple of things, though. For one, I knew that I couldn’t sign for all of the loans that I’d need to go to the school I wanted to attend the most - and I definitely was not going to burden my parents with nearly six figure debt so I could impress my classmates with a brand name bumper sticker school. I wasn’t going to jeopardize their retirement or have them take out another mortgage on a house they’ve nearly paid off. Second, I knew that pedigree meant very little outside of Wall Street and when it came to grad school prospects, the name of the game was keep debt as low or as nonexistent as possible. Finally, I knew that there is no such thing as a dream school - there are thousands of schools in this country, the idea that there exists only one where a student will thrive is ridiculous. I wasn’t going to take a mortgage out on my future for a dream school - instead, I’d work hard (and make financially sound decisions) in order to have a “dream life.” I chose the full scholarship. I consider it one of the best “Christmas gifts” I’ve ever gotten, lol. </p>
<p>I don’t blame my parents in the end, though. They didn’t really understand just how expensive higher education in this country is - they’re both educated, but my mother paid for her school (community college) through the G.I. Bill that she received after her service in the military while my father went to school overseas where higher education was free to everyone. When the deposit deadline came around and I had to respectfully decline offers of admission to schools I literally dreamed about just a year earlier, I allowed myself a week to mope around in typical teenage melodrama - but I got over it quite quickly. I think of how liberating it is to have the opportunity to graduate without debt, a privilege that quite a few are denied. I am very thankful. </p>
<p>The colleges and the government assume that the parents have the primary responsibility for paying, unless the parents are low income/wealth, or the student is 24 years old, married, or a military veteran.</p>
<p>I told my kids that if they got the grades, we would pay. That’s basically what we’re doing. We’re tight for money but the increased college costs can’t be taken on by my kids alone.</p>
<p>We made the commitment to pay for our kids’ college. We figured out what we could afford, and we were upfront with our kids. Both kids had to say no to choice #1 due to financial considerations. I don’t feel bad about that … they both went to fine schools, and they don’t have debt looming over their heads. It wasn’t always easy to make the payments, but we did it.</p>
<p>My parents could not afford to send us to college. We had 4 kids within 3 years of each other (twins in the mix), and my parents did not have jobs that paid particularly well. We worked our way through school, although our parents helped where they could (paid our car insurance, for example). My H’s parents not only sent him and his sister to school, but they also paid for his sister’s boyfriend (later husband). They were not wealthy, but they considered college an important budget item and lived in such a way that they had the money when they needed it. H and I adopted my in laws’ budgeting philosophy … we were fortunate enough to be able to earn enough money that it was possible to do so.</p>
<p>If parents do not have the money to send their kids to college because they have bills to pay, then that is the way it is. If, however, parents have money but choose to use it for other things, my opinion is that they have mistaken priorities. I know a number of parents who paid ridiculous sums of money for their kids to do travel hockey, take private baseball lessons, keep a horse, be on a dance team, etc. - then they complained that they couldn’t pay for college. I don’t care what you do with your money - that is your business - but realize that you reap what you sow. Don’t complain about not having money if it was there but you chose to spend it for other things. </p>
<p>Parents don’t necessarily have an obligation to pay for college, but they must realize that, as ucbalumnus correctly states, “The colleges and the government assume that the parents have the primary responsibility for paying, unless the parents are low income/wealth, or the student is 24 years old, married, or a military veteran.”</p>
<p>With RETIREMENT looming in a decade, we set a max budget for S1 that we will pay for college. We will also have to launch S2 soon after. S1 is expected to qualify for fullride at schools that offer auto-awards, so he has adequate fallbacks.</p>
<p>The deal w made w S1 is that we will pay the ENTIRE full tuition at a 60k private school, only if he guarantees to pay our nursing home fees or changes our adult diapers in our old age.</p>
<p>He is seeking merit scholarships. </p>
<p>In this country, most of us live near enough to a local state school or community college which is usually priced reasonable enough that most of us can afford, at least the first two years of college for our kids, and with the Direct Loans available, most of that can be covered by the student with some summer and part time work with the parents just continuing to offer the same sort of financial and home support that were providing in the prior years for high school. </p>
<p>The cost issue comes into play most of the time when the student wants to go away for school and/or go to a private college. Who should be paying for those costs? I was looking at a package that apparently the state of California will pay for student to go to sleep away state college which pretty much takes care of full freight for a low income family student with work study and loans in the deal. Very nice, but I don’t think as a tax payer I want to offer that up to every single kid, low income or not. I am more than happy to pay up for those who do not have college opportunities within a commutable distance, and for those who are now at junior standing and have no 4 year program near by, but I don’t think every or anyone is entitled to go away to boarding college. If a student is so desirable that the College itself wants to pay for him/her to come there, then that’s up to the school, and they can incorporate that into their merit awards, maybe even through merit within need, but I don’t want my tax money going to pay for other kids private schools or sleep aways when there are local options available. </p>
<p>I fully understood that my kids could have commuted locally, and they all did have such local low cost options, and have covered most of the costs themselves., but that since they chose to go away to school and some picked private schoools, OOS publcs, it was up to us as parents to decide whether we wanted to pay for this, just as we might pay for other things for them that are discretionary. </p>
<p>Different people have different values. My wife and I both grew up poor, yet went to top schools thanks to generous financial aid, including a free ride to MIT for me. I’ve always felt an obligation to ensure that my kids could have the freedom of choice to go where they wanted to. We’ve never bought a new car. We didn’t buy the most expensive house we could afford, but did buy a decent house in a good school district. </p>
<p>When my oldest was about 4, in 1996, we started saving for college, calculating how much we would need by taking the then current cost of MIT and increasing it by 4% a year, and then assuming that we would earn 8% on stock investments and 4% on bond investments, we had a number with which we would consider college fully funded. </p>
<p>For a while, we put a huge chunk of my paycheck into the all-stock college fund until at some point near the end of the internet boom (I didn’t know it would end), I cashed out enough of my startup’s stock options to fully fund the college fund. I tried to have the college fund track the college cost trajectory, so when the market went down by enough, I increased the holdings, and when it went up too fast, I sold some holdings. When the oldest turned 14, whenever the market rallied, we started guiding the money, about a year’s cost at a time, to safer investments. 2008 was tough but we just poured new money into the college fund so that we continued to guide the fund to safety. When the kids each deposited at their respective colleges, I used the appropriate college prepayment plans to hedge against tuition inflation. </p>
<p>We’ve now paid for college for two kids without a nickel of financial aid or scholarships, still live in the same house, still drive used cars, though much nicer ones, and are starting to treat ourselves more and more often. We’ve been fortunate over the years and built up a nice endowment to ensure a good retirement. </p>
<p>Even without the startup though, the college fund was our highest priority after getting a decent house in a good school district. If I had needed to, I would have borrowed whatever it cost. We both value the education of our kids above all else, most likely because we’ve each seen the benefits that our education has brought us compared to where we started out. </p>
<p>D1 just graduated , got a great education, and got a great job. I’m proud of her and I feel that I got my money’s worth. D2 is also doing great in the private college of her choice. </p>
<p>I understand that not everybody shares my values, but my values are the ones that colleges expect. </p>
<p>We are doing what we can and trying to feel OK about it. We’ve always said we would help but that we couldn’t provide a free ride. We have enough to fully fund a public commuter college (and we have two high ranking options available) but I admit when the time came, those felt like pretty shabby options.</p>
<p>I don’t feel we were irresponsible but we did make choices that contributed to this. I stayed home in the younger years. I only have worked part-time and during school hours since the youngest entered kindergarten. DH chose not to travel for work though it would have increased our income substantially. He wanted to be present in our lives and I don’t blame him for it. We focused on retirement because we’d rather our kids have some student loans than spend their adulthood paying for us.We stayed living in one of the most expensive counties in the nation because almost every member of our family is here and we wanted our kids close to family. There were music lessons and theatre classes and basketball registration. There were some family vacations for which the funds could have been banked instead of spent. I sometimes feel badly that there are other people who can do all that AND fully fund private college but otherwise, I feel good about our choices.</p>
<p>In the end, D found a private LAC willing to bridge the gap with scholarship, grant and a small subsidized loan. I feel badly about the loan but it was going to happen anywhere outside our commuter area. We’ll see what S does when his time comes. We aren’t taking out loans for D’s education and so should be able to offer the same (maybe a little more as I can go back to work full-time.)</p>
<p>SHOULD parents be responsible for college expenses? Well, it’s asking a lot these days. That’s all I can really say… it’s asking a lot. </p>
<p>I think parents should be responsible for whatever they can afford and not beat themselves up for what they can’t. As posters above have said, there are many college choices that will provide a fine education and not bankrupt the parents or student.</p>
<p>As older parents, we’ve always told our son that fully funding the best education he is able to consume would be our last financial gift to him as we have to ensure we have adequate retirement funds and do not become a burden on him in the future. I stayed home until he entered first grade and then worked (mostly) school hours, putting every cent into a 401K (for me) and a 529 (for him). Like others above, we live in a modest house, drive used (paid for) cars, don’t take vacations, live well below our means, and did not pay for any lessons or sports (kiddo wasn’t interested). We live in the “best” school district in a very education-poor state and are paying college rates to send our son to boarding school for high school that is providing all the enrichment he needs. I will work a few years longer, but his education is our top priority. We would not be doing this, though, if it meant loans or seriously jeopardized our financial future.</p>
<p>Yes. They should. A lot of a child’s opportunities (or lack thereof) are because based on what decisions the parent makes. If the parent makes bad decisions, the child shouldn’t suffer with a below average education because the parent didn’t make wise financial decisions. As a parent, you need to put your child’s future over everything else. I get that it is a lot of money. But it’s just money. An education is invaluable. You have to make certain sacrifices to put your child in the best position to succeed. My husband and I were planning to go on a European vacation next year where the entire family would tour Portugal, Switzerland, and France. It was very expensive, but my college bound daughter and I been dreaming about it for years. However, my husband and I recently made the decision to enroll my youngest daughter into private school. That changes and limits the amount of funds we can spend on lavish vacations. So instead of having my dream vacation in Europe, we are going to surprise our two youngest ones with a trip to Disney World. It’s not what I wanted, but you have to make sacrifices. Maybe I am not a good example because both trips are thousands of dollars, but for my family, we have to sacrifice certain things.</p>
<p>Uhm, no. You’re not a goof example. Respectfully.</p>
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<p>That appears to be the case for UC, but not CSU, if you check the net price calculators (but “full freight” still leaves a ~$9,000 student contribution for a low income student at UC). UCs are the more selective state schools in California, and there are fewer of them than CSUs (the 23 CSU campuses cover much more of the state in terms of reasonable commuting range than the 9 UC campuses). Note that only half as many students attend UC as CSU, and many students at both systems enter as junior transfers after starting at their local community colleges.</p>
<p>One can view, for a low income student, admission to a UC and attendant financial aid coverage of residential costs as a “merit scholarship” over admission to a local CSU. Of course, list price in-state and out-of-state tuition at UC is higher than at CSU, so some additional tuition revenue compensates for the additional financial aid costs.</p>
<p>The CSU system mission, in contrast, is much more oriented toward local and nontraditional students, with admission preferences for local area students and financial aid offers that do not vary by living situation, resulting in very low net prices for low income commuters, but usually higher cost than UC for residential students.</p>
<p>If you have kids you have a responsibility to raise them as well as you possibly know how. They need to be loved. They need to be emotionally supported. They need to be adequately fed, clothed and housed. They need to go to school. They need to be taught right from wrong.</p>
<p>The rest is gravy. </p>
<p>No one owes their kid a college education. No one. </p>
<p>If an 18 yr. old wants a college education it would be nice of the parents to help their young adult figure out how they can go about getting one. They could learn together. Maybe if that kid was lucky his parents had already looked into what was needed to help get into and finance college.</p>
<p>edited to add: Remember the thread about almost half of Americans can’t come up with $2000 in 30 days</p>
<p>I think that at a minimum, parents should willingly provide the information needed to fill out the FAFSA and CSS (if needed). I used to work as a tutor for high school students who were on the college track and often were 1st generation college students. They were in the program that employed me in order to get the support that many other students receive from their parents or from here. They did not know what they did not know and needed all of the support they could get.</p>
<p>I was very frustrated with the parents who would not support their child by not filling out the FAFSA. I knew that for some of them it was because they refused to file income taxes and did not want to be found out and that others of them did not see then point in going to college.</p>
<p>I have little patience for people that break the law or who apparently don’t want to understand that there is a wider world out there that their kids want to experience.</p>
<p>Bajamm, this happens a lot. My husband’s uncle refused to fill out any fin aid forms or anything giving out fin info for his kids as he felt that was too personal. So they got no money to go to college. </p>
<p>There are often reasons why they will not give up the info which can involve them getting possibly into trouble or complications, and many times it’s also because the kid isn’t gong to get anything any ways. IF the parent did not file taxes and should have, the kid isn’t going to get any federal aid. The FAFSA won’t go through, I believe. Correct me if wrong. My friend’s ex refused to give any info as he saw no benefit, only drawbacks in filling out PROFILE. He knew well his kids weren’t gonna get squat in any aid with what he made. All it would do is open a risk that his kids or ex would see what he completed. His attorney told him not to fill it out, absolutely not to do so unless court ordered. </p>
<p>Here are what I think are some responsibilities parents have in this situation:
<p>We see the results of failing to do #3 (often due to failure to do #1 and #2) every April in desperate posts by parents and students who cannot afford the students’ preferred colleges (or any college which the students were admitted to).</p>
<p>@CPTOFTHEHOUSE you are likely correct that the fafsa won’t go through without taxes filed. And, in general my question is why weren’t the taxes filed? And, I understand not filling out FAFSA or the profile, if one is certain that the student will not qualify for aid. I am not talking about those students, I am talking about the ones that will qualify for more than loans. Not only does the students family not have the money to pay full freight (even if they were willing to), the student then can’t get any aid.</p>
<p>And, if the parents have not filed a tax return, then they should go do so, so that they can fill out the fafsa. What have they done (or not done) that makes them unwilling to file their taxes? I would guess that several laws could have been broken if someone is that unwilling to file a tax return, and it may hurt for generations to come.</p>
<p>There are different types of support for our college age kids. Financial is only one of them. Providing the necessary information that only a parent can provide is another. And, living an ethical, above board lifestyle is one, too.</p>