<p>She is 100% capable. Probably more capable than 99% of students her age. She is high achieving, very socially outgoing, active in her sorority and already a student leader at her UG. And pulling high grades in a demanding honors program. </p>
<p>I am a complete neat freak and yes, I make her bed when I visit her. (every two weeks or so when I am in her neck of the woods or when we go to games…my husbands gig) She actually doesn’t make it on those days, as it is a standing joke that it is just something I <em>need</em> to do. </p>
<p>She has her whole life to be a responsible adult. She has 8 years of hard schooling ahead of her. Her father and I have no problem with the relationship we have with her. Could she do it all on her own. Of course. Many times she had to because I am tending to another child that has more immediate needs. And many times she took on more than her fair share of the responsibilty when I was in the hospital 24/7 for months with a critically ill child. But when I have the opportunity to spoil her, I take full advantage. We all parent differently. I don’t judge. Who really can judge? We can and should share our experiences so that maybe people learn from what they feel are errors or mistakes, but to tell another they are doing it all wrong, is short sighted.</p>
<p>I have kicked out a few responsible, fully employed, financially, emotionally and spiritiually independant adults. It can happen even if mom makes their bed at age 18.</p>
<p>haha pearl…you know what…kindness is ageless. She will be making my bed when she if 50. She will have my back, just like I will always have hers.</p>
<p>(and just to clarify when I said I have “kicked out”…I was meaning that like “I have produced” not I have “thrown them to the curb”…but I have thrown one to the curb…just sayin)</p>
<p>I know there are people on this board who have differing philosophies of child-rearing. For my part, you can bet your bippy that I served as my son’s administrative assistant, and I still do when he needs me. I will do it from the nursing home, if he wants me to.</p>
<p>My son works very hard. He did in high school and he does in college. I never wrote an essay for him or did his homework (as if I could), and I never made his college decisions for him. I did remind him of things he needed to get done, do typing, make copies, research scholarships, etc. Stuff AA’s do for their boss. He literally did not have time to do the clerical tasks I did unless he would have given up (even more) sleep. I’d do it again. </p>
<p>I support my son in the way I can, just like my mother supported me in the way she could. And I’ve told my son the only way he can pay me back is to love and support his own kids.</p>
<p>Ditto…like collegeshopping, my now-junior D will call me to walk her through a recipe, for advice on anything from why her car makes a certain noise to gift ideas, and that’s fine with me. I helped her as much as she wanted with her college apps and continue to give her whatever she needs/wants. The boys don’t want as much help or contact and that’s fine. To each his own…</p>
<p>D both applied and auditioned for competitive musical theatre programs…which necessitated cross-country travel, hotel accommodations, coordinating calendar, different audition requirements in each city, etc. I considered myself Logistics Coordinator – I handled travel. She handled applications and talent. She did the regular admissions stuff, scholarship apps (and more travel factored in for on-campus scholarship competitions) and had to be prepared for her live auditions from October to March of last year. It was a 3,142 mile adventure for both of us, as I travelled with her (she was 17 at the time).</p>
<p>collegeshopping…I think it is wonderful that you have that kind of relationship with your daughter and that she appreciates your gestures of love and support. As a high achieving kid she of course could handle whatever she needs to do but isn’t it nice as parents to teach our kids that part of being in a loving family is to have each others back when we are able to. I noticed how you said your daughter took control of many things when you had a another child who was sick…this is what healthy families do so you don’t have to explain yourself in the least (IMHO).</p>
<p>Also, I was the organizer and detail person for all of my kids during application season. I would venture to guess most CC parents are.</p>
<p>Obviously, our esteemed readership has not gone thru art or architecture school admission process… </p>
<ul>
<li>start nagging around the beginning of junior year to start formalizing portfolios and school lists</li>
<li>find EC art classes or art related EC’s (competitions, etc) </li>
<li>convert a room of the house into the ‘portfolio room’</li>
<li>purchase tons of art supplies </li>
<li>interpret Admissions-ese language into English for portfolio requirements</li>
<li>manage the portfolio process (which schools need what by when)</li>
<li>photograph everything as required by school for submission (not a fun job even for a DSLR-lugging dad</li>
<li>ensure photography truly captures the spirit of each piece</li>
<li>help with the upload process or disc creation process or binding process and mailings</li>
<li>provide moral support in the process</li>
<li>bake signature desserts for HS art teachers, counselors, etc</li>
</ul>
<p>My D is a very organized person. But with her schedule of all APs, very time consuming ECs and work, I felt like I’d prefer her have an extra hour to study (or maybe even sleep!) while I addressed envelopes, etc.</p>
<p>One reason I was so involved in the process was for financial reasons. I wanted my kids to go to the best school we could afford. The state schools were out for various reasons. If they wanted to go the private route, there had to be merit money. I researched options that fit their criteria that offered good merit aid for students with their stats. Once they decided which to visit, to which to apply, I studied more scholarship options. </p>
<p>Here is a story for you: Second semester senior year, Son had narrowed his schools from 8 to 4. His class rank went up slightly, so even though the schools hadn’t asked for them, I sent second semester transcripts. The school that he eventually attended contacted me and said: 1) moving from the top 21.4% to the top 19.6% of the class meant more merit money; 2) on review of the transcript, they noticed an AP class that they hadn’t noticed the first time around, which meant more money; and 3) they noticed that he had AP Comp Sci which they counted as another math class, which meant more money. Me sending that transcript “just 'cause” was worth $12,000 over 4 years. That is the kind of thing that a very busy HS senior wouldn’t normally do.</p>
<p>Student here, and not even remotely. I don’t think my parents have any idea how far along I am on the application process or even which schools I’m applying to.</p>
<p>umdclassof80 – I hear you about learning independence but we weren’t willing to let DD get sick over "secretarial type duties of " college applications. Another part of growing up is learning to ask for help, and delegate non essentials, when you need it. Its also a necessary management skill. Asking for help is something women especially can take a long time to learn. While I am very hands off, I had no problem making copies and keeping files.</p>
<p>Herewith, my story: Not heeding the advice on CC against becoming a helicopter parent, I filled in the home address lines on a number of QMP’s college applications. The sad result is that QMP has completely forgotten our home address. I am certain of this, because we never received a single letter by U.S. Mail from QMP during four years of college! This is the last chance for your children to learn their home addresses! Don’t let them pass it by.</p>
<p>I am guilty as charged also. Learning how to apply to college and then doing it while keeping up with all the ‘stuff’ needed to get into that college and pay for it seems like more than a one person job. It was a matter of priorities.</p>
<p>D was very adamant about handling the entire admissions process without any assistance. I offered to help out on numerous occasions, but she firmly declined my offers. Even though it was extremely stressful, I believe that she gained a great deal of self-confidence. Believe me, I hated to see her suffer from anxiety. Her therapist agrees that she is a much stronger person now that she realizes that she is capable of handling life’s challenges on her own. I am amazed at what she has accomplished over the past year and very proud of her. She was accepted at every college she applied to, applied for and received a full merit scholarship, parlayed a high school internship into a paid summer internship at a research lab, and has now been asked by her faculty adviser to participate in research in artificial intelligence.</p>
<p>She recently took the Myers Briggs personality test. Some of her attributes include thorough, dependable, responsible, logical, orderly, and organized.</p>
<p>umd, but we do have to "love the kid on the couch"LOL
Not every kid possesses these sterling attributes. Not every adult does!
I am in favor of doing the dance: avoiding too much involvement, yet avoiding a crisis!!!
Know thine kid!</p>
<p>I love the “helicopter” parent saying! Yes, my ex-husband and I were the admin assistants/secretaries/receptionists…lol…</p>
<p>All jokes aside, because we were all of the above, my son is attending a private college for free. Some of his friends will be deep in debt when they graduate and some of them had to attend junior colleges. There is nothing wrong with junior colleges, but had these kids had parental direction or “the helicopter” parent, they would be attending a four year institution right now.</p>
<h1>39 Football Mom is right. Kids tend to take the world as they find it, so unless the parent seeks out and presents opportunities, the kid is likely to miss some good ones. That’s been my primary role in the college search: suggesting colleges, arranging trip logistics, researching FA information and filling out EFC calculators.</h1>
<p>On the app side, all I have done is nag, proofread, and provide the credit card to pay the fees. It helps that my D’s high school is very efficient and organized about the process. All seniors had to draft 3 application essays over the summer. The guidance department presented Oct. and Nov. deadlines for submitting Naviance requests for all transcripts and rec letters. Second semester juniors arrange for the recommendation letters via a schoolwide bid process. The EA/ED apps have all gone very smoothly and the Naviance system is great. Guidance departments come in for a lot of criticism on these boards, but I have nothing but praise for the guidance staff at my D’s school. They really crack the whip, so I don’t have to.</p>