<p>A general question. How much help are you providing to your kids in application process? How much is too much help? Or, more importantly, how little is too little help. Filling up myriads of different of types of similar, but somewhat different mundane application forms, writing essays, getting recommendation letters, keeping up w/ EC's, AND maintaining that rigorous senior curriculum w/o unreasonably dropping grades, can be absolutely overwhelming for a student. This is especially true for kids w/ no school councellor. What is fair help? What is typical help that you give.</p>
<p>I am not a parent, but I am a student. I am applying to seven colleges, which have 8 different essays, am heavily involved in music (40+ hours a week), am an eagle scout and have the most rigorous course load my school offers. I have no college counselor and have done the entire college process, including picking schools, setting up visits and interviews, finding Financial Aid info, filling out apps, getting teacher recs, writing multiple drafts of every essay all by myself. My parents, though supportive, have not done anything college wise for me. This is partly because they do not know much about the process and partly because I like doing it myself. So far I have all A’s except two B’s in AP courses, but both are high (88% and 87%) and I should be able to bring them up.</p>
<p>So the answer to your question is your son/daughter is very capable of doing everything, and I mean everything, themselves. In fact, college will probably mean a lot more to them if they do it all themselves anyway.</p>
<p>I am also a student. I have done most of the work, but I am a pretty organized person so that helped me get a jump-start on everything. So far, my mom has helped with little tasks: picking up stamps and envelopes for recommendations, double checking due dates to make sure they’re correct, proofreading material for typos, obligatory gentle nagging, etc. So she’s helpful, but non-intrusive enough that I’m still handling most of the work independently.</p>
<p>SmallCollegesFTW: that is a great answer. Goodluck to you! I am sure your admission/college will be well deserved and wherever you get in, you will do well. </p>
<p>Even as a knowledgeable parent, I still find the whole process on the student overwhelming. So I would like to see other responses also on this posting to see what is typical.</p>
<p>Wow, answers from two great students, kudos to them!</p>
<p>From a parent, I confess to being more involved. I participated in the school search phase, that’s how I got hooked on CC several years ago. I conducted the travel logistics for college visit trips. And I took responsibility for all of the FA information and forms. As far as the actual application process, I gave my opinion when asked and did proofreading.</p>
<p>We followed D’s lead, but treated the process as a mutual venture. Developing the appropriate objectives, expectations, and contingency plans were critical. Probably the most important thing we did to help was working together on a financial strategy. Doing so helped eliminate some of the anxiety and potential pitfalls. All of the acceptances in the world are pointless without financial feasiblity. </p>
<p>Additionally, there are a lot of schools out there to look at, and depending on individual circumstances, I think most students benefit from some level of support. We visited schools together and had several discussions. Mostly, we served as a sounding board, helping mull over some pros and cons, sorting through the volumes of information out there, sharing perspectives, etc. We also talked about an overall strategy to give the process some structure. </p>
<p>I suppose that sounds like a lot, but it actually brought us together in a positive way. Equally important, it worked out very well. Working at it together, we eliminated some of the uncertainty, and hedged against the downside of any potentially unfavorable outcome. In other words, we were able to mitigate a lot of the stress and anxiety – for all of us-- and spend more time looking forward to move in day.</p>
<p>I stayed on them to complete the apps. early. I went by counselors office and picked up a rec. for S once because he was working and it needed to go in the mail. I proofread essays for S1’s scholarship apps. I got all forms together in the big brown envelopes and stood in line at the post office to mail them.<br>
After all the apps. were in, I kept a big file folder of any/all correspondence sent from the colleges applied to.</p>
<p>What entomom said (#5 above). I’ll also admit to some roleplaying with each of my three daughters about how to behave in an interview (eye contact!) or even make a phone appointment for a tour. The youngest was especially reluctant to call admissions offices on her own, but did it (after some strenuous discussions at home) when necessary and today seems perfectly comfortable with conducting all aspects of her college life independently. In fact, I wouldn’t mind knowing a little more about what’s going on. :)</p>
<p>Often I’ll read CC posts about how students should be able to manage the process with complete autonomy, as some 17 y/os do. The perception seems to be that, if a student can’t do this without parental help, he/she isn’t ready to go off to college. I think that a lot of growth occurs during the last year of high school, and the application process is over not quite halfway through the year. So kids who need prodding or handholding in November may well be off and running in August without a backward look.</p>
<p>(lurking on here with my parents!)</p>
<p>I am a student. My parents and I all find this whole process overwhelming. Sometimes it seems there are just too many options - although now with the economic stuff going on, my choices are becoming very limited. If I’d gotten a 32 on my ACT it would have helped a lot but I just missed that and so now my schools are really limited by the money. Maybe that’s better.</p>
<p>Anyway, because my time is so restricted, my mom is doing most of the online, BASIC application stuff for me - name, address, fill in the blanks stuff. Then I work on the EC parts, essays, and the individualized parts. She proofs everything when I’m done then sends them if ask her to. They prefer to do the financial stuff themselves, when that comes. They also are aware of deadlines and give me little reminders. ha.</p>
<p>It’s not that I won’t or can’t do everything, in fact I started off that way, but we found it’s a matter of time and convenience. My mom has the advantage of being able to do much of the legwork at work when I’m in school and can’t, so it helps a lot and saves a TON of time, especially because we only have one computer at home.</p>
<p>My parents don’t have contact with the counselor at school for transcripts and things. I’m expected to do all of the counselor and teacher things, but the GC is so bad that they said they may have to step in because he still hasn’t sent out transcripts and it’s been 3 weeks. </p>
<p>So I guess my parents are helping keep me organized and helping with the “factual” stuff and sending things when I’m ready, and I’m doing the individualized things and dealing with my school. It seems to work out pretty well that way. They say it was so less complicated when they were in school - you took the ACT once and that was it, you only applied to a few places, you really didn’t even go on college visits, and you weren’t doing nearly so much stuff outside of school, not to mention community service things. So they are trying to assist me with the basics without doing everything for me.</p>
<p>For D1, I took care of all of the financial aid forms (FAFSA and CSS Profile). She wouldn’t have access to the financial data without my help anyway, so it was just as easy to do it myself.</p>
<p>I helped keep track of the visit schedule – reminders like “The open house at College X is in two weeks. Do you still want to visit?” I filled out some of the online visit forms and called to make reservations a few times (D was at school/sports/work when the Admissions office was open – she couldn’t make the calls even if she wanted to).</p>
<p>The applications / recommendations / transcript requests were handled by D1. She is always very organized so she did fine with details and deadlines.</p>
<p>D2 is a HS junior who lives in the moment and finishes everything at the last minute – it drives me nuts! I might have to nag more about deadlines when it’s her turn to fill out applications.</p>
<p>I did a lot in the search process for our daughter. I kept info from colleges sorted, set up college visits, and listened to her thoughts after each visit. As soon as she decided where to apply, with input from her Dad and I, it was up to her. Our son wanted to apply to one state school but we made him apply to four and he didn’t care to visit any before applying. The applications were their responsibility with only a couple of reminders about deadlines and they both were extremely busy senior year. I don’t think I even read their essays but my son got into all his schools and my daughter got into 9 out of 10. They are both happy with their schools one private and one state. Our kids can handle the apps for themselves, but it is nervewracking for the parents.</p>
<p>I helped S come up with his short list of schools, in a sounding board way similar to FLAVADAD. I also provided logistical support for college visits, such as printing out tour schedules, driving directions, and booking hotel reservations.</p>
<p>As for the application process, S did most everything himself, though I do recall having to make trips to the post office and once to the FEDEX box to send a last minute scholarship application. He proofread his own essays, but he did sometimes ask for assistance in cutting down the length of essays or short answers that exceeded the word limit (he can be verbose).</p>
<p>My D has already shown that she will need a bit more help. For too long, college literature was strewn over our family room floor near her computer. The piles kept getting knocked down, so I nagged her to sort the stuff into keep and throw away piles. She did not, so after having to step over it for months I finally made an executive decision about which material was worth saving, and put the rest in folders for her, which I stored out of sight under her bed. By contrast, S made his own files complete with lists of deadlines and required application material. I do not see D doing this in my lifetime.</p>
<p>because of the financial reasons, I help our children come up with their list. After that, the only thing I have ever done was to give them my creditcard to pay for the application fees. I did not read one word of their essay nor their applications.</p>
<p>I did push DD a little too much about studying for standard tests. And looking back, I made some bad college selection suggestions.</p>
<p>I try to keep track of deadlines and I filled out the FAFSA & PROFILE.</p>
<p>College tuition is a big investment for the whole family. I worried about the app process and did three things:
- Secretarial support - helped keep track of paperwork timing, made photocopies, and mailed envelopes from the post office near my work.
- Financial support - FAFSA/Profile, credit card for tests and for on-line application fees, and paid air fare and hotel for college visits.
- Proofreading - especially to be sure the Why X? essay did not say “and this is why I really want to go to Y” - we had heard so many stories of that happening.</p>
<p>We helped out DD with financial aid forms (like others, she did not have the info) and some of the more mundane parental like stuff, such as travel arrangements (she had one February trip for a scholarship exam) and such.</p>
<p>Most importantly, we were there to help when the process seemed overwhelming, to help her present her EC list, and to proof her applications and essays. Content was up to her.</p>
<p>We found that helping as we could, and as she wanted, was a great way to relieve stress and get an idea of what was going on in her mind. But it was important to let her lead things as much as she could. After all, it was her future much more than ours.</p>
<p>Curiously, I still help her in proofing papers, essays and scholarhip/fellowship personal statements, even though she is in grad school now. After all, one mark of a good writer is that a good writer gets a second party to read materials for flow, mistakes and such. And it gives me a window into what she’s thinking. For example, two weeks ago I first learned of a major shift in her long term goals when I proofed a funding request personal statement she wrote. So we both gain.</p>
<p>I helped son come up with a list. </p>
<p>I made him visit some colleges spring break junior year, but went along with him when he didn’t want to visit any others until he was accepted.</p>
<p>I addressed envelopes because he claimed his handwriting wasn’t legible enough.</p>
<p>I helped sort through my files to put together a resume of all the jobs and volunteer things he’d done and the awards he had. He was inclined to leave off a lot of the volunteer stuff he’d done, because it wasn’t formal. (He did things like work on modelling programs for some professors.) </p>
<p>I acted as a cheerleader for the essay. We did some brainstorming. Eventually he came up with an essay that seemed adequate. Not as good as I would have written for sure, but good enough! </p>
<p>I proofread the entire application for typos or stuff he’d left out. He was very much inclined to leave things out.</p>
<p>We had some discussions about which SAT2s to take and which teachers to use for recommendations. The final decisions were his.</p>
<p>I steered clear of everything except financial aid forms. I strongly believe that going through each school’s application process is a good acid test of whether a particular student is a good match for a particular school. I told my D it’s like the making of any good match, such as finding a job or even finding a life partner – it can’t be based on artifice, or it will lead to problems.</p>
<p>I suggested colleges to my first and now my second son. I set up travel logistics and paid for college visits, some of which my husband and I went along on and some of which the boys did and are doing on their own. I gave our credit card number for the apps that had a charge and I filled out the finaid forms. My sons are on their own for filling out apps, writing applications, getting recommendations, etc. I figured that was their job. I did, however, purchase the stamps, envelopes and make the labels for the envelopes for the guidance office. I offered to read my older sons essay and check for spelling, punctuation type stuff and he declined my help and preferred to have one of his teachers review. I had an “oh no” moment which turned into an “oh well” moment when months later I found his essay on the computer and discovered it was basically about what he disliked about high school and why he was looking forward to college.</p>