Arrrrggg--about to burst

Parents Forum
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<p>mstee:</p>

<p>I agree with your suggestion, but I do think that the student needs to probably wait until after grad so the school can't play games with his final grades and/or Val status. </p>

<p>The reason I suggest that is because even "asking questions" is going to cause them to go a bit nuts because they will immediately know why he's asking. Plus, they know that they won't be able to give an honest answer. </p>

<p>I bet that even tho the kid won't be asking for the other kid's stats, they will use the "confidentiality rule" to hide behind. Schools do this ALL THE TIME whenever they don't want to answer embarrassing questions that do NOT have anything to do with confidentiality.</p>

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<p>jlauer--good point about waiting. And unfortunately, I know exactly what you are talking about, the game playing that can go on.</p>

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<p>I am amazed! First I want to thank all of you for your advice and support. I can’t tell you how much better your help has made me feel. NYMomof2 hit the nail on the head. I felt betrayed. I depended on these people. Worse, I don’t know who was on my side and who wasn’t. I am the child of a single parent, and I had come to think of some of my teachers as almost family. </p>

<p>I will try to answer some of your questions. Please don’t consider me to be pouting and bragging as I try my best to answer those questions. It is true that you don’t have both sides of the story, and I can’t even pretend not to be biased. By the way, I only assume that the teacher’s kid got the nomination because that the way the other nominations went. The state board would only say that someone else had been nominated. And of course, the award has not been made. I feel certain that he was the nominne, but there is a good chance that this student will not get the award. He has so far not gotten any of the awards that he was nominated for. In fact, the school may have done him no favors in garnering all these rejections for him.</p>

<p>My school knew that I had to get merit money because my mother can’t help and my father won’t. He is wealthy, but he only has to pay child support until I graduate from high school. He unilaterally cut back my support at the beginning of my senior year. My mother correctly says that it would cost more to get that small amount of money enforced than it would be worth. My feeling aren’t hurt by his actions because I hardly know the man. </p>

<p>I would be the first to admit that the college I am going to gave more consideration to giving me a merit scholarship than it would have had I not explained the above circumstances. I don’t think that the college gave me more consideration than those equal to me in standing, but I think the college decided to give financial need aid to those who qualified and then had to figure out what on earth to do with me. Because I lucked out in this regard, I know that these gifts are given with regard to a lot of different criteria.</p>

<p>I don’t know much about how the Robert Byrd award works. I only found out about the award recently on CC. I have probably a couple hundred SAT points on the school’s nominee, and there are many students whose SAT scores fall between his and mine. I have taken every weighted honors and advanced placement course the school offers, and I still have perfect grades. I think the teacher’s son has made one B, but I am not sure; I do know that he hasn’t taken all the honors courses and is lacking a couple A.P. courses. He has received almost every honor, award and nomination that the school has to give. For a couple of those nominations, the school was allowed two nominations, and I got the other one. A third student and I got nominations for scholarships to a college to which the teacher’s son did not want to apply. </p>

<p>Other students have also been overlooked because of this situation. I have seen the tears. I don’t want to hurt my school, but at this point, I don’t see how I can in any way help to stop what I hear has been going on for a number of years. My mother did call the principal who told her that she (the principal) was not aware of any of this. But my guidance counselor had already told me that the principal had given the tie-breaking votes on some of the awards. I would never ever betray the confidence of that guidance counselor whom I consider to be an angel!</p>

<p>You are right that I don’t want to endanger my Valedictorian status by complaining further at the school. I don’t think that they can possibly do anything about that, but we’ll see. I have no younger siblings. I will be short on time. Remember--I have to go to college after I finish here. And I am not planning to go to law school—although I might go into politics. I am going to think about everything you have said, but I won’t do anything until after graduation in any case. I would so like to help future students, but I might not have world enough and time. I know life isn’t fair, and at this point, I have been blessed with my mother’s love and concern, a wonderful guidance counselor, and the understanding of a very generous college. And thanks to all of you, I feel better. You have allowed me to vent and rant, and you have reinforced my opinion that what happened was unfair. You have probably saved me many trips to the school psychologist next year. Thank you so much!</p>

<p>p.s. What is a private message on this board and what is “OP”?</p>

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<p>A private message is like an email that is sent only to you (doesn't get posted on the thread)</p>

<p>OP stands for Original Post (in this case, you are the OP because you started this thread.).</p>

<p>by the way..... shouldn't you qualify for financial aid since your mom doesn't make a lot of money? did she fill out a FAFSA form? Are you confusing the terms "merit money" and Financial aid?</p>

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<p>AID: in which state do you live?</p>

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<p>" I only found out about the award recently on CC. I have probably a couple hundred SAT points on the school’s nominee, and there are many students whose SAT scores fall between his and mine."</p>

<p>The teacher's kid may have gotten the nomination because he asked for it. That's the way many schools handle those kind of things. Consequently, the more research one does and the more assertive one is about asking for nominations and recommendations, the better are one's chances of getting those things.</p>

<p>It does take a lot of time and effort for schools to advertise all opportunities and then judge the various students who want them. Consequently, some schools simply let students approach them about the nominations, and the schools only have to have a system of selecting nominees if more than one student asks to be nominated for an award.</p>

<p>My own thoughts are that if you needed lots of money, you needed to have been doing lots of research to find out about opportunities, not expecting the school to automatically nominate you for things even though you had high need and great stats.</p>

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<p>I started looking for merit money two years ago because I knew that my father's wealth would not let me get need aid. I started getting offers in the 11th grade. A few schools offer very good money based on the PSAT. And I started looking for merit aid myself. I preferred to stay in state; my state has one of the top state schools in the country, and I planned to go there if I couldn't get the "full ride" at my dream school. I personally put my name on the list for the dream school scholarship, but when I checked in the guidance office, my name had been left off. I asked one of my teachers to put my name back on, but by then, I smelled a rat. Just a little while ago, I called the dream school to find out what had happened. A man in the scholarship office looked at my record, and he was surprised that I hadn't been nominated. He said that for in-state students (even though this is a private school), the college used the high schools' nominations for all the scholarships. On the phone, the scholarship guy offered me $7k. Of course, that was much less than I had been offered elsewhere. The three other in-state schools (the good public one and two good private schools) that I applied to didn't even mess with high school nominations. They all three pulled their nominees from their general pool of applicants. My wonderful state school offered me full tuition. A better school than my dream school offered me a full tuition scholarship also. A slightly lesser school than my dream school offered me a full comprehensive scholarship. I took the last offer because it paid for four years of everything. It is a large well-know school in the top 35 of US News and World Report. I interviewed for a very long weekend, and I love the school. I can't wait to start. </p>

<p>Perhaps the oddest thing about all this is that I thought the teacher whose kid got everything was a very good teacher. And this may sound crazy, but she often seemed exasperated with her own son. She also took herself off the scholarship committee, thereby allowing the principal the tie-breaking votes (if my information is correct about committee stuff). Furthermore, I liked her and thought that she respected me. Blood is thicker than water?</p>

<p>Thanks again to everyone. I did not plan to end with these two long essays, but I came to feel that such interest on your part deserved all the facts--or at least my view of those facts. If I need more seasoned opinions when I face decisions in college, I will be back!</p>

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<p>
[quote]
And this may sound crazy, but she often seemed exasperated with her own son. She also took herself off the scholarship committee, thereby allowing the principal the tie-breaking votes (if my information is correct about committee stuff). Furthermore, I liked her and thought that she respected me. Blood is thicker than water?

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<p>I have yet to meet a parent (regarless of what they do for a living) who has not had an exasperating moment with their kids (you have probably given your parents a moment or 2 also). You state your self that she took her self off of the nominating committee, so everthing was above board.</p>

<p>It looks like after all has been said and done that everything has worked out for you. All of the book smarts and scholarships in the world mean nothing if not tempered with a little bit of gratitude and grace.</p>

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<p>AID, since you have a full-ride scholarship to a well-regarded school that you love -- let this go. It has worked out well for you in the end, and truthfully it causes a lot of resentment among other kids when they see someone get a scholarship they don't need. I remember kids at my daughter's school being irked when a kid who already had a full-ride merit scholarship at an excellent school enter & win a local competition that awarded $10K, even though the kid truly was outstanding and clearly deserved to win -- but to other kids who are struggling or who have had to turn down their dream school for lack of money, it just looks greedy.</p>

<p>Maybe the problem is simply politics -- not that the teacher tried to pull any strings for her son, but if you like her and respect her, maybe her co-workers and the school principal feel the same way, so they nominate her son for stuff as their way of showing appreciation. I saw the same thing happen last year with a parent at my daughter's school -- this was a parent who did the lion's share of work with the PTA and for all school activities for all the years her daughter was enrolled. The daughter was nominated for several local scholarships, even though she was not a particularly good student and ended up going to the local community college. So this was clearly a way of rewarding the parent. Ethically, it is dead wrong when this happens -- but then I have to say, welcome to the real world. Because basically you will find that the vast majority of the time, these sorts of plums tend to go to people with the best connections. If you are going to get all in a dither every time it happens, you'll end up burning bridges rather than helping yourself. </p>

<p>You seem to have done very well for yourself in college decisions you have made, and you have also shown that you are proactive and can advocate for yourself when you have to. So ... play the game. Be grateful for what you've got and since you like this teacher, be very gracious and congratulate her on her son's accomplishments. You know that its unfair, but diplomacy means that this is a good time to pretend that it isn't. If you really needed the money right now it might be different - but you don't. </p>

<p>I don't disagree in principle with the posters who feel you need to stand up for your rights, but I really think that in life you have to choose your battles. Sometimes you lose more by winning than you gain.</p>

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<p>If her son is up for a scholarship, then she MUST take herself off the scholarship committee to avoid the obvious conflict of interest. It is unreasonable for you to fault her for doing so! </p>

<p>You said in your original post that the scholarship nomination was "given under the table" to this other person. But this nomination came before the scholarship committee, according to you. How can this be "under the table?"</p>

<p>You are disappointed about not receiving these two scholarship nominations. Therefore, the system must be crooked. </p>

<p>There is another possibility--based on the criteria used by the school, the other student was a better candidate. Before "blowing the whistle," find out the criteria used by the school for these scholarship nominations and learn more about the student who received them. If you do this with an open mind, you may find the system is "rigged," or you may find that the school's decision was correct.</p>

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<p>I hate to say it...but sometimes life is not fair. Let it go. You have a wonderful scholarship to a school you sound happy to be attending. There have been DOZENs of threads here about students who were worthy of receiving rewards who received nothing. Bottom line...that is what happened. My DD has been the "non" recipient of awards at her school despite being 8th in her class (top 5%). It wouldn't bother her but ALL of the other top 10 students have received numerous awards...some of them several at a time, while she has never received an award in high school. She has let it go, and so have we despite some real disappointment every time awards were announced. I do not agree with calling the media and filing lawsuits. If you feel you MUST do something, make an appointment with your school principal, and guidance counselor, and simply say..."I would love to have been considered for this award, and wonder how a student like me might be considered in the future."</p>

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<p>You have a full-ride and you want this scholarship for spending money? Excuse me if I roll my eyes! :eek:</p>

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<p>He wasn't faulting the teacher for taking herself off the committee. </p>

<p>However, I think that the "fix was still in". The principal knew that he was the deciding vote and he knew that the teacher would still be at the school long after this deserving kid is gone, so he made it easier on HIMSELF and voted for her undeserving son.</p>

<p>I think people are ignoring the fact that this teacher's kid was not #2 in the class. THEREFORE, OTHER KIDS (#2, #3, #4, etc) were also cheated out of this scholarships. </p>

<p>I wonder if this kid (the OP) has spoken to the these other deserving kids. Perhaps if their parents also knew that their kids were not fairly considered, then an investigation will occur.</p>

<p>I don't blame him for needing the spending money -- this kid comes from a single parent home and a dad who cut child support this year (w/o court order) and is obviously not going to give this kid one dime for college (the dad has never been in the kid's life). It's not like this kid wants spending money for designer clothes and Starbucks.</p>

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<p>In our home, spending money is something the college student earns through summer jobs.</p>

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<p>
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think people are ignoring the fact that this teacher's kid was not #2 in the class. THEREFORE, OTHER KIDS (#2, #3, #4, etc) were also cheated out of this scholarships.

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<p>I think because we don't know the entire situation and how it relates to OP and his school and wwhat exactly are the scholarship qualifications, we are not rushing to judgement, saying that someone has been cheated out of something when we do not know all of the facts.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I don't blame him for needing the spending money -- this kid comes from a single parent home and a dad who cut child support this year (w/o court order) and is obviously not going to give this kid one dime for college (the dad has never been in the kid's life). It's not like this kid wants spending money for designer clothes and Starbucks.

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<p>He won't be the first kid in this situation and he definitely won't be the last. He is going to need spending money at college. Let him do what a large number of college students across the country to for spending money- get a job.</p>

<p>Would you be more put off by the fact that he won a scholarship for spending money at the expense of someone who needs the same scholarship money for tuition /room board?</p>

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<p>Actually, its very likely that if the OP did get an outside scholarship, the college he is attending would simply take it out of his grant money - the best case scenario is that they reduce the amount he is expected to take out in loans or work-study. And he probably would do better to apply for a scholarship from a local service organization, because he could get the same amount of money and the odds of winning are a lot better in that situation.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
In our home, spending money is something the college student earns through summer jobs.

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Mine, too! JLauer - you must have experienced the very worst of education in your public and private school experiences, because you are very quick to list the faults, downsides, problems, and conspiracy in situations. I'm sorry, but encouraging this kid to SUE, because he doesn't think he got what he assumes he had coming to him, [ for reasons that he assumes were favoritism towards the teacher's son -who, he assumes, didn't NEED money. ] is irresponsible. Let's help this kid get some perspective.</p>

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<p>Most teachers I know are not exactly rolling in the dough and OP did state that his dad is weathy.</p>

<p>Gotta pass him that tray of cheese because he certainly has had his share of whine.</p>

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<p>OP's dad have NEVER been in his life (his dad may have never been married to the mom -- I don't know but the lack of involvement suggests such). </p>

<p>And, the OP said that he has rarely seen his wealthy dad who just writes a court ordered check each month (and "dad" reduced it this year w/o court approval knowing single mom can't afford to go back to court for the difference since OP will soon be 18. The dad is an "operator" obviously who resents having to support a child he doesn't know.</p>

<p>sybbie: Actually most teachers I know have husbands who make 2 -4 times as much as they do. I know that teachers aren't highly paid, but OFTEN their spouses are (which is why these gals can afford to take this lowish paying job.)</p>

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<p>I know a lot of teachers who are married to other teachers, cops, civil service workers and just plain folk. I also know a lot of teachers who are also single parents. Generalizations can be made about any profession. As I stated , we don't know all of the facts or anything about the other party.</p>

<p>It seems that Op is a pretty smart cookie, maybe s/he should research the child support guidelines for his state (I live in NYS where child support can be ordered until the child is 21 or finishes college). If this is the case in his state, his mother should take Dad back to court for an upward modifcation due to their change in circumstance (kid is going off to college) and to get the support order extended.</p>