As a prospective transfer student, what advice could you give me for housing, and making friends while finding myself? How could I get as closest to the freshman experience as possible? (if I could)

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of Massachusetts - Amherst
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While I would LOVE you to read this long post for good answers, you can read this TLDR since I would like your thoughts either way:

  • I decided to go to community college first by regret it. Since I finished high school, I realized that I would probably love the college & freshman experiences.

  • Freshman start college in a new place with people their age and have experiences that transfer students can’t. As a result, the college experience is very watered down for transfers (Maybe you read the 3rd paragraph and critique it)

  • I wish I had came to UMass as a freshman and am worried that I will wish I did after I would come this fall, and deeply regret being a transfer student. I’m thinking I should take a 5th year so I have another year of the college experience.

  • I’m thinking about trying to get into Southwest since that’s where lots of partying happens, I don’t really know if I would be interested in that but I really want to experience it anyway.

  • I don’t really have hobbies other than using my computer but I want to try to make friends this fall while figuring out what other activities I am interested in. I would go visit freshman dorms in Southwest to do so if I end up in that area.

  • Read my questions in bold and at the bottom

Some background information first:

I liked being alone in high school and didn’t think I would want “the college experience” / an active social life during college, I thought Community College would be the best route since I wasn’t too sure about my major and I took gen eds to help figure it out (even though I was leaning towards and eventually picked CS). I’ve spent almost the past 2 years at home because of pandemic and electing to take online classes this past this year, and I’ve been getting tired of it. After feeling a little lonely sometimes, I realized that maybe, I would really like the college & freshman experience, I want to assume the worse and act like it really is the case. I regret not applying to UMass back in high school (my guidance counselor said I had a good chance of getting in too, even though I didn’t like my grades).

While feeling lonely, I’ve read about and have been thinking about the freshman experience and I think this is what it is: starting a new chapter in life with a whole bunch of other freshman and having this whole group of people in very close proximity. Lots of people are also away from home for the 1st time and are independent, and party very hard (especially at UMass I’ve heard), and I’ve heard that’s when guys and girls are at their most promiscuous (of course I’d love to get laid as a guy but we don’t need to talk about this specifically). It also includes First Year Experiences (RFYE at UMass) to help with the transition. Is there anything you want to add or critique about this paragraph?

Transfer students typically transfer after their first year (I will be a junior this fall), and by that point, students will have gotten used to the college environment and don’t party as hard anymore. Students from community colleges miss out on the unique things that occur freshman year at 4 year schools, and have a much reduced college experience as a result. Honestly, I just hate thinking about this, and am worried that I wouldn’t be able to make up for this or not get close with freshman students somehow and try to share those experiences with them. I also really don’t like the idea of finishing in 2 years either (and I tell myself, if I did get into UMass as a freshman, I would’ve finished in 4 years, and my 1st year would’ve been online anyway, what do you think?), so I’ll purposely take graduate as 5th year student, taking 12 or minimum number of credits each term (it’s worth the extra $ if the experience really is valuable, I mean lots of students across the country have this kind of rationale, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s right but I feel like it). I’m worried that after college I will look and feel bad about not being able to make the most of it because I came in as a transfer student instead of as a freshman.

With all of that said (I’m putting questions I have in bold):

As I’m planning to transfer here for the fall 2022 semester, I’ve been doing lots of research about UMass and thinking about what things would look like for me as a transfer student. Honestly, I don’t really have hobbies other than looking through Reddit a lot and reading lots of random articles (including computer stuff), but I really want to branch out after I come here.

I think, but don’t know if I would like partying hard, but I at least want the experience of it and perhaps getting blackout drunk; as well as something close to the freshman experience. I’ve been reading about the different residential areas and it seems like Southwest would be the best for the college experience (it happens in the upperclassmen dorms right?) But Sylvan is where most transfer students end up living. I’ve been reading about why I should not like in Sylvan since it’s farthest away form campus and seemingly the opposite of SW. I’ve heard transfer students get the last pick for dorms, is that right? And is it harder to make friends as a transfer student in dorms other than Sylvan?

I could pick which dorms I could live in and hope for the best, and if I don’t get what I want, I could through the summer change process. I could also request roommates, would it be possible to try to get into a freshman dorm that way? I wouldn’t be surprised if I couldn’t. I’ve also found that there’s a transfer RAP offered in both McNamara Hall in Sylvan and John Adams Hall in Southwest (what is John Adams Hall like?). I could sign up for that to get into Southwest (I emailed living@umass.edu about if it would be offered in fall 2022, but let’s just assume it will). That would solve not having friends in southwest (potentially) as well as being able to live there. Looking from the website, dorms are either just for Freshman or for upperclassmen. If I somehow ended up at Southwest, would it be feasible to walk to the freshman halls in SW, talk to students there, and hangout in the lounges? Sure I wouldn’t be in the same building as the freshman, but relationships could still work. But would my lack of hobbies make it hard to hangout with people?

I was thinking I could talk to people about whatever conversation topics I would come up with, try to do various activities with them (whatever they’re interested) and see if I like them and want to continue hanging out with them. Although I spend much of my time alone, I really liked talking to students in HS, especially cracking jokes, and I’ve actually been described my a bunch of classmates and a few other adults, as a big extrovert (I identify as an ambivert btw), I hope my personality somehow shines this fall and that would help with making friends. What would you advice be to try to figure out what things I like while trying to make friends and or not be lonely?

Now for the tough questions. To be honest, I’m not sure if I should’ve expressed my worries about the college experience as a transfer student. I feel like I only get told what people think I want to hear, so I would really appreciate honesty with your answers.

  • Would the transfer RAP help with transitioning into UMass? Is it comparable to an RFYE but for transfers? How would you compare the two?

  • Did I really miss out on the freshman experience, a seemingly special time during your college career, and maybe your life even? I’ve heard stories about people not liking their freshman years, but let’s assume that if I did start UMass as a freshman that I would’ve loved it like most students.

  • Is it realistic to try to like make up for missing the experience? What if I tried befriending freshmen and getting invited to their parties?

  • If the answer to those is no, then I guess I should just accept that I won’t have anything or anything close to the full college experience (I know I’m conflating them but still), even if I stayed for a 5th year? Because that’s better than trying to desperately chase something I can’t get?

  • Would I keep wishing that I started UMass as a freshman, or have lots of regret about it during my time at UMass?

Either way, I will try to make the most of my time at UMass.

My plan (you can skip this): Sometime in February, before the march 1st transfer FAFSA priority deadline, I will submit my MassTransfer application (MassTransfer guarantees admission if I finish my associates before the term (fall 2022) with at least a 2.7 GPA in CS), and then look back at the UMass website more thoroughly for transfer info, and keep track of dates for picking housing and make my moves ASAP.

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This post is a little mystifying. Community college transfers to UMass are relatively common and offer some advantages like priority registration, I believe. Look into housing options for community college transfers.

Due to COVID you have not missed out on anything, I would say.

The focus on getting drunk and having sex is perhaps understandable but most of us would not say those are the main advantages of coming in as a freshman. As a transfer you can still do both those things but I would not recommend black out drinking- you may end up in the ER or worse. And please be safe with sex if you have it- and avoid mixing drinking and sex to avoid trouble.

You will meet people in the dorms, in classes and extracurricular activities. I would equate the “college experience” with those three things, not the things you discussed!

Your post, in my view, shows some overthinking and maybe even obsessive thinking. It never hurts to talk to someone. I understand you feel left out, but if you go to UMass be patient and you will blend in just fine. Just understand that for freshmen it also takes time and effort.

Many people are lonely as a result of the pandemic so keep that in mind. These are unusual and difficult times.

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This is the core of your whole post, and it is a false friend. You have a fantasy of what you think college life is like for first year students- which has just enough truth in it (as in, for some people some of what you describe has happened for some amount of time) to make you think that it is more true than it ever is- and that it would be true for you.

But in real life fantasies never play out the way that you think they will. I have seen students who are not temperamentally party-hearty souls try to become that, and it never works. Your dreams of an endless bacchanalia suggest you are reading and watching fiction masquerading as truth.

On the other hand, I have seen students who were not at all social in HS become relatively more sociable in college- and that typically does work. It works for many reasons: maturing, a bigger pool of people with whom you share interests, a fresh start, and so on.

If there were ever 2 years to miss being a 1st & 2nd year college student on-site, it has been these last 2 years. NOBODY in your cohort had a ‘normal’ freshman year- so you didn’t make a bad choice, because you wouldn’t have gotten what you are imagining anyway. The students coming back on campus are still not having a ‘normal’ college experience.

No matter what, you will be a 21 yo Junior, not an 18 yo Freshman- and what you don’t know (yet) (because it’s not what you read a lot about on reddit) is that the great thing about Junior year is that everybody has now declared, and you have your major cohort. Most people like to show that they are informed, and most people do like to be helpful. Lean into being the new student, and ask people how things work- what do you know about this prof? where is the best place to X ? how do you do Y here? etc.

Re: dorms- if it was me I would go for a multi-year dorm like Baker, but I don’t know how much choice you will have in real life.

ps:

Yeah, we do need to talk about this specifically. The belief that it is guys who want sex and that they have to figure out how to “get” it from girls/women (hopefully ‘promiscuous’ ones) is going to be a problem for you when dealing with real girls/women. My collegekid daughters would have you for lunch if you brought that sort of attitude to the table (and yes, they would recognize it a mile off).

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Lots of people are also away from home for the 1st time and are independent, and party very hard (especially at UMass I’ve heard), and I’ve heard that’s when guys and girls are at their most promiscuous (of course I’d love to get laid as a guy but we don’t need to talk about this specifically).

Students from community colleges miss out on the unique things that occur freshman year at 4 year schools, and have a much reduced college experience as a result. I just hate thinking about this, and am worried that I wouldn’t be able to make up for this or not get close with freshman students somehow and try to share those experiences with them.

This isn’t what the freshman experience is. I can’t stress enough what a terrible idea it is to try to target freshmen as friends with the idea of getting black out drunk and having sex. That’s a great way to find yourself facing Title IX charges and expulsion.

You aren’t going to get the freshman experience because you’re not a freshman, but that’s okay. If residential college is affordable for your family (is it?) you’ll get the residential college experience (living with others your age, immersing yourself in college life: courses, clubs, sporting events, and other college sponsored programs). It can be lots of fun too. If your parents can’t afford residential college then you’ll have to create your college experience as a commuter. That can be more challenging, but it can be done.

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Build a bridge and get over your “fantasy” about “missing out” on freshman year.

Every student in the past two years has missed out on a regular freshman year. What you need to know is that things have changed since those movies that you watched from decades earlier.

Freshman year is all about balance now. For some crazy reason you seem to think it’s about sex and partying hard.

In freshman year, as in other years, you’re trying to maintain a balance:
you have to maintain good grades,
while juggling your laundry duties,
keeping your dorm clean,
getting meals,
getting enough sleep,
setting aside time to meet with your professors,
going to office hours,
meeting with your study groups,
and getting to classes on time. AND finding time to study!

The universities don’t have the time, nor the funds, to put up with immature, hungover students. They have been sued for wrongful death by parents of children who have died from alcoholic poisoning or sexual harassment.
So, you’re saying you want to experience having your stomach pumped and/or going to trial?

Oh and @collegemom3717 is absolutely spot-on about young college women. The university does provide sexual harassment training and self defense tactics. So if you plan on putting a hand on our daughters, you’re going to end up in some very painful groin situations. These young women can smell you a mile away if you come on like a horn dog.

No employer, in CS, is going to want to have a student that has a low grade point average. That will happen if you “party hard“. The level of coursework at a major university is very rapid and is very different than the Community College. There’s not a lot of handholding that goes on. You will be expected to collaborate in teams. That means you’ll have to be able to meet in your study groups and will be responsible for a portion of project work. You will NOT be able to do that if you’re hung over and haven’t read or created your part of the project.

A university education is hard work and an “in-your-face”tough experience. If you think you can survive that, while partying that’s not going to happen for you.

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Can you transfer into UMASS with a 2.7? No, you won’t be able to wander around freshmen dorms, you won’t have a key. Freshmen aren’t typically the ones hosting the parties, and if UMASS is similar to my kids’ large public universities, it’s hard for guys to get into them unless in a fraternity or sports. I have 3 daughters who didn’t look at college as a means for random hookups - at all. They did/do have guy friends as well as girlfriends, mixed friend groups. All of my kids were off campus either sophomore or junior year.

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From your other threads it sounds like you’re a low income student. It’s really important to focus on graduating with good grades and as little debt as possible.

Does your state provide enough grants for low income students to dorm? Transfers don’t usually get much aid. You should figure out funding first. Is there a 4-year school you can commute to from home?

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Oh, it sounds like you don’t know about MassTransfer. it guarantees admission if you complete your associates before the starting term (fall 2022 for me) and you’re GPA is high enough (2.7 for CS, 2.5 for most majors)
https://www.umass.edu/umccc/admission-requirements-mass-transfer-students

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Yes this year and last year have not been normal due to COVID. But haven’t most colleges, including UMass, been in person all year? Yes students my age (class of 2024) didn’t get the typical freshman experience, but would they not made up for it by now? By the time I would transfer, the classes of 2024 and 2025 will have already spent a year in person, and isn’t that when people are less open to making friends?

About sex, I was just trying to describe the typical freshman experience (or what I think it is), and wanting to be able to do those things. I wouldn’t do anything with women without consent (in fact, the thought of getting in legal trouble or possibility expelled actually scares the hell out of me, I wouldn’t take any risks).

Where should I live as a transfer student? Yes I would be in the same boat if I lived in McNamara at Sylvan with other transfers, but what if I could get into Southwest, with a RAP? or without a RAP?* If I would like partying, wouldn’t living at Southwest the close proximity to other SW halls (where freshman are) be an advantage?

* I heard back from UMass about the transfer RAP, they said they don’t know if it would be offered during the fall, but if they don’t, they might offer a Transfer Success Seminar with a living component. Let’s hope for the best.

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Honestly, I want you guys to be right, and that I will have a great time after I transfer and that I didn’t miss anything freshman and sophomore year that I can’t get after I do. But how can I be certain if I’ve found so many stories (especially on this website) that say otherwise? I’ve been many posts about whether or not a HS school should go straight into university or go to CC, and many people highlight that they miss out on a lot of the college experience & would have less friends in university by doing so. Also that some of students’ best memories in college were from freshman and sophomore year.

I’ve so read many posts about transfer students having a hard time with having a good time in college, and see replies saying that the college experience is just a fantasy portrayed in movies, at the end of the day you’re in college for the degree, just get over it, yada yada yada. they’re like two big contradictory circlejerks, which I’m seeing play out here as well.

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Those are not contradictory statements. College can be stressful and difficult and produce wonderful memories and friendships. That’s how life is in a nutshell. CS is a competitive major. You’re going to need to pay attention to your academics.

You can’t be certain of anything regarding your transfer and college experience. You chose the CC to 4 year path. It’s understandable to have anxiety about making that transition. However, there will be other transfers who have gone the same route and will be looking to make friends and have a good college experience just as you are. Take advantage of all transfer support and programs the school offers. Be open to meeting people and participating in activities and you’ll be off to a great start.

As previously mentioned, the last 2 years have been anything but normal at UMass (and hundreds of other colleges and universities). Just being on campus didn’t make it a typical year or years for the classes of 2023 and 2024. With respect, you seem overly concerned and a bit immature about the party aspect of college. There will be parties for you to attend. Take the advice other posters have shared regarding binge drinking and sexual assault. If you’re blacked out, you’re not remembering what you did or didn’t do during that time.

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I had 2 freshmen at large public universities this year, pretty much normal, your class was definitely not normal at all of my kids’ colleges, all online. My senior has a pretty normal social experience last year because she is off campus. One reason why most of my kids chose to move off campus sophomore was to not having to worry about getting caught partying in the dorms.

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One of my kids had an illness and went on medical leave for the second half of freshman year. This was a school that has “houses”" in sophomore year and my kid missed out on finding a roommate or group of roommates for the house, so they were sort of like a transfer student.

Yes it was lonely for a couple of months. So is the beginning of freshman year. I think you need to be realistic about that, and patient. Just go to class, do some extracurriculars, maybe work a part-time job or work-study and live in a dorm or off campus if you prefer. You will meet people and it will be fine. But it takes time for everyone, and if you just blame a period of loneliness on being a transfer, you will be unnecessarily bitter and regretful. Look ahead.

Another one of my kids did college, community college, then an adult learner/degree completion program. There are lots of ways to do college: go with what you can afford and make the best of it. I guess my kid went to a few parties at the first college but certainly didn’t miss them after leaving. I agree with others that you have some fantasies that won’t pan out no matter where or when you go!

Have you done any online dating? If dating interests you, you don’t have to wait for college.

The image of partying and fun that you describe is not what my kids ran into. More like smaller gatherings of friends.

I do wonder if you should go at all, especially if it costs your family money, if your priorities are social, understandable as those priorities are given COVID isolation. I am sorry for everyone who has suffered over the last two years. (And some schools are still virtual this month by the way…)

What are your academic interests and career goals? How do you think you will support yourself in a few years? These are the best things to be thinking about. Good luck!

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Contradictory things can both be mostly true.

Your post references drinking and sex as what you see as the defining element of the first year or two of college, but those are not the only (or even main) reasons that those years are so formative for many people. For most, it is (as you mentioned in your first post) the process of arriving with a clean slate into a much more independent and adult world- yet one that is still ‘safe’ in many ways: housing and basic food is usually provided for, there is a structure, but nobody is checking up on you. That can be exhilarating- but if you have spent any time on CC you also know that it can be scary and isolating. Every autumn we get students washing up here saying ‘everybody else has friends except me’ ‘I don’t fit in’ ‘My friends from home are having this amazing time & I’m not’ ‘I thought this was the perfect place for me and it’s not’.

Something you don’t see a lot on CC, but I have heard a lot from students, is that many friend groups re-form around the middle of 1st year, and towards the end of 2nd year. When you arrive as a 3rd year, you will start with your hall- which is why you don’t want to be with 1st years! you want to be with your cohort, the people you will be graduating with- and your major group (CS).

Is it hard to arrive in 3rd year? In some ways, of course- though less so at UMass-A, where there will be plenty of other new 3rd years. But 1) you can’t change that - there is no going back and 2) you will be surprised at how much bonding can happen over 2 years.

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I understand what you’re getting at. Most students don’t get to attend residential college, so the typical experience is commuting from home. I think you’re confusing the stereotypical “Animal House” frat type experience with real life. I think the typical experience is much different. College is a time for learning as much as you can. It’s for connecting with classmates and faculty on a professional level and building career connections. Along the way you’ll get to socialize and have fun, but keep your primary goals (an education, career connections, and solid gpa) in mind.

Do you know if UMass is affordable for your family without more than the federal student loans?

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You asked for my response via message. Here it is:
So you want us to say for “CERTAIN” that your life will be perfect as a transfer? Is that what you want to hear? Okay, I’ll bite:
Your life will be perfect as a transfer, although life will interrupt, and will be a witch.
“For certain” your life will NOT be like the Animal House movies.

Now, there is a big picture you are not getting: College is NOT about prioritizing having a good time.
You go to a university to prepare yourself for a career by taking courses that will result in a piece of paper that says you are ready to accept a career. Your grades need to be topnotch to get attention from employers.
Along the way, life happens in the dorm:
Your laundry gets stolen.
Your suite roommate’s boyfriend/girlfriend floods the bathroom.
Your roommates are not partiers.
There are quiet hours for a reason
Your pass key for the building is lost, broken or not working and people wont let you into the building.
The elevator broke and you have to carry your groceries and laundry up 10 flights of stairs.
Your RA is useless. You have to step it up and be mature and deal with issues.

My best and hardest year was my senior year. My lifelong friends had evolved by Senior year. More lifelong friends came with me out of graduate school. We all had the same types of ideas and morals.

If you go around trying to recreate Animal House, it is NOT going to happen. You are going to waste your time wondering why it isn’t happening and your grades will suffer as a result.

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One last word: you can’t be certain of pretty much anything- except to the extent that you make it so yourself. Sometimes it is easier than others to make things be the way you want them, and it is almost always harder when you are the person living it than it seems when you are looking at somebody else’s experience- but that is the way of the world.

I can tell the story of my collegekid’s journeys in ways that make it look like their paths just unrolled for them, easy-peasy. But: I can also tell their stories in ways that you would feel that the path was long and challenging. It’s all in how you navigate the puddles in your path (because there will always be puddles), and what you choose to highlight.

Your challenge is not to kind of create some mythical experience that you have heard about, but to find your own path- one that suits you, as you grow into your own self. The FOMO that is currently consuming you fades really quickly when the actual life you are living is fulfilling and satisfying and (mostly!) happy.

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This is a tough one. You cannot go back and be a freshman at UMass Amherst, to make up for not having entered in fall '2020. But that’s okay, because NO ONE got to do it in fall '2020, at UMass. So in that respect, doing community college for the first two years probably saved you a ton of money, and you didn’t miss out on much, due to the pandemic. Most of the class of '2024 didn’t have a normal freshman experience, so it was just as well that you chose community college. And if you didn’t have a high GPA at community college, but can take advantage of a transfer agreement to get into UMass Amherst for comp sci (which is an extremely competitive and highly selective department), then I’d thank your lucky stars that you have this option, and start thinking about how you’re going to hold your own there, academically, rather than worrying about how much you’re going to regret not having had something that NO ONE from your year had.

If you think that college is about some drunken bacchanal sex orgy, you have got another thought coming. You could get kicked out, arrested, imprisoned, or die.

If what you want is anonymous, no strings attached sex, seriously, consider paying a professional sex worker for it. Don’t think that this is going to happen for you at college, that it is your right to have sex, as a rite of passage at college, and PLEASE do not think that you’re going to have sex with a young woman who is impaired by being drunk or drugged. You are very likely to wind up thrown out, arrested, possibly imprisoned, possibly with lifelong monitoring on the sex offender registry.

The way to make friends is through shared interests, shared activities. The way to get a girlfriend who wants to have a sexual relationship with you is through shared interests and shared activities, because surprise, she is a human being, just as you are, and deserves the respect that every human being, male or female, deserves. The associations that come about for freshmen by virtue of hanging out together for the first few weeks of school, as they all get their bearings as 17-18 yr olds away from home likely for the first time (hence the saying, “Freshmen move in packs”), tend not to last beyond the first few weeks, if even that long. People quickly find friends who share their interests, and stop moving in packs. So don’t think that you’re going to find a wild social life through living in a freshman dorm. First of all, the university is not going to put you there, and even if they did, the connections that one makes through being on the same floor don’t last if there are no shared interests to back it up. And if the only shared interest is drinking and drugging, believe me, these are NOT relationships that you want!

I think that you would have more success finding out online about the dorm situation at UMass by looking on Reddit, or by joining a social media group for the Class of '2024 for UMass, or a subset for Comp Sci students at UMass, or for whatever your major will be. I agree that finding a mixed dorm setting would be a better idea for you, than being in an apartment-like setting for upperclassmen in an outlying building, where there really is very little social life in the dorms. You also might want to consider proximity to the buildings where your classes will be held, since it’s a fairly big campus.

If you have any ethnic, religious, or club interests, it would be a great idea to reach out to those now - that is where you’re going to find like-minded people with whom to become friends at school.

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Are you a senior at your community college now? Have you been accepted to UMass or are other schools still in the mix? Where you can dorm may depend on your financial aid and housing rules for transfers. When I was in college low income students could pick the less expensive dorms. I don’t know if MA has dorms at different price points, but @MADad might.

I think you mentioned that you’re in the honors program at your community college. Is that right? And you’re looking for ways to take advantage of the residential college experience and make up for missing out on the freshman experience. I don’t think getting blackout drunk, pursuing freshmen relationships, and being promiscuous is going to get you where you need to be after graduation. MADad, @DadTwoGirls, and @EconPop all give great advice and I think they’ll be able to help you find the balance you need.

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I will first clarify that I did not read all of your post and the extensive responses, but wanted to give you some simple advise.

  1. Get involved in something right away, try out new clubs, play on an intramural team, sign up for trips and events sponsored by the school, go to a game, pull an all nighter with your classmates and spend 90% of the time eating and talking about anything but the class your studying for, volunteer for a community service project.
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