<p>Sometimes I wonder whether we’d all test out as having a learning disability if specialists looked hard enough. At what point do differences in learning styles cross the line and become “disabilities”? I’m a very visual learner, for instance – if you just read me a sentence or a paragraph out loud, I won’t grasp nearly as much of it as if I can read it myself on paper. I’ve learned to cope with that by, among other things, making sure that I take really detailed notes on what people tell me orally, otherwise it’s in one ear and out the other. I’ve never considered this a problem in anyway, just that some people learn better one way and some learn better another way. But it wouldn’t shock me if a teenager with the same learning style would now be diagnosed with a LD. It just seems to me to do a bit of a disservice to kids with more significant learning issues like dyslexia.</p>
<p>Hi Liberty55, so, all things considered, good news! The testing did turn up an explanation for your son’s difficulties, and it can be treated in six months. I recommend confirming through an EEG. </p>
<p>You now have information to open a discussion with your son’s school as to whether he can continue at that school. He would need to have time for the therapy, which may be difficult with sports and such, and there would need to be a therapist in the area who could treat him. </p>
<p>There are other schools. Starting over at a new school which understands and can support his LD might be a good choice. You may want to hire an independent educational consultant for advice about the best course to take in your area. [Independent</a> Educational Consultants Association | IECA](<a href=“http://www.iecaonline.com%5DIndependent”>http://www.iecaonline.com) Some admissions consultants have worked in private schools before becoming consultants. You would want to hire someone who knows the schools which provide support for LD.</p>
<p>You can research the therapy at this link: <a href=“https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/[/url]”>https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/</a>. It sounds like neurofeedback? Search for “neurofeedback” + whatever terms describe your son’s condition.</p>
<p>It sounds like they suspect either a visual or auditory processing disorder? Try googling these and see if they sound like your son. LDs are often not one thing or another - there are huge gray areas and lots of overlap. finding the right remediation is tricky and time consuming. IQ scores are often not a true measure of ability either depending on a child’s particular profile. I havent heard of that therapy but I would also suggest double checking/getting a 2nd opinion</p>
<p>Soxmom Im confused. How does labeling a student with a mild learning disability do a disservice to kids with more significant learning disabilities? The point of the labeling is to gain equal access to an education. (In public school you cant get extra help without an IEP ie “label”, private schools can make their own rules) If the disability is mild then that child will only qualify for minor modifications since every child’s situation is different. Although I totally agree we are quite label happy (I was/am quirky like you and am glad I was never labelled) and some kids are being medicated who really just need a different learning environment, The idea is to level the playing field so that everyone can participate equally - not to give any group an advantage over another.It is actually enormously difficult to qualify for modifications at most schools - children have to undergo testing and the results have to conclusively demonstrate a learning disability - you cant just sign up like its driver’s ed</p>
<p>Well the qEEG was completed today and the results are pending. The reason the qEEG was done at all was because my son performed poorly two of three parts of the testing which is the auditory attention and response portion of the testing. The fact that he performed well in one auditory attention and response was the reason the qEEG was performed. To throw a wrench into the mix… Of the three sections concerned with auditory attention & response, my son performed well on the more complex of the three tests!
I would like some advice from CC parents: Right now my S will probably commence the local parochial school while he undergoes neuro- feedback . My question is… If the neuro feedback is effective would you recommend that I ask his boarding school to allow him back ( my S would consider this option) next year? Or would you just let things be and reapply to BS. Of note is that the school never called us to see how my S ( who they stated liked very much and were concerned about) was doing or what the plan may be. On June 6th he was to have been the major topic on the table of the Academic Committee. Maybe they’re getting their info about my S from CC …lol</p>
<p>@liberty,
</p>
<p>Looking at this as an outsider w incomplete information, my first impression is that the diagnosis seems wishy-washy, and it is very advantageous for the evaluator to recommend a solution that prescribes 6-months of revenue.</p>
<p>I sense you are also uncomfortable with the recommendation for the treatment.</p>
<p>+1 on GMYplus7’s post. I am certain that there are many circumstances where therapy for a learning disability is appropriate and helpful. But Liberty, in your situation where there has been no history of a diagnosed LD, you need to dissect any recommendations and perhaps even get a second opinion. </p>
<p>I remember when one of my sons was in second or third grade and a teacher commented that he was not holding his pencil correctly. This digression was blown into a whole educational evaluation and it was suggested that he attend some sort of physical therapy 3 x’s per week. For the first month or so we went along with it and compensated an educational consultant approximately $350 per week for her services. When we questioned our son he told us that she simply had him tracing the alphabet. We discontinued the “therapy” and never heard another word about it. He is now entering 9th grade in the fall and has no problems holding a writing instrument. </p>
<p>Make no mistake about it, this is an industry unto itself. For a child with a bona fide learning disability, this type of help is appropriate and necessary. Your mission should be to determine if in fact your son does indeed have a learning disability, and then to determine whether therapy or time will resolve it. I think my skepticism stems from the fact that this was your son’s first year at BS. There is a lot going on that first year, and if a child experiences a misstep, my instincts tell me it is an adjustment issue. BS is a life changing experience for most students.</p>
<p>Almost our entire family has experimented with neurofeedback. Here are the pros: obviously, it’s way less invasive than drug therapies, and you should be able to find someone to administer it who doesn’t need to be a nurse, much less an MD. So it shouldn’t be that expensive, even if insurance won’t cover it. Also, you’ll know quickly whether or not it is working for your son. I think an investment of a month of your time and money will tell you whether or not there are substantive benefits. Our answer was definitely yes, and it is something that CAN be utilized regularly, but sometimes just an “intensive” course (2x a week for 4-8 weeks) is exactly what is needed to jump start or reset problematic patterning. How well does it work and how long does it last, with an adolescent brain that has almost another decade to continue developing? Who knows? But I definitely think it’s one of those things that is worth trying out to see if it has an therapeutic value in your child’s particular case. We all have found it useful.</p>
<p>Thank you all. I have questioned if there is even an LD however I do not want to be one of those parents in denial! It was the BS who suggested testing him based on poor academic performance. If, in fact , this supposed LD is equivocal or nonexistent my original hesitation for having him tested proves correct. For example, I asked the psychologist to explain one of the auditory attention & response parts that my son performed poorly . I was stunned that he performed in the first percentile (1%)! In fact during our first meeting when I heard this I thought for sure there’s a very serious problem ( I mean 1%? You can’t get lower). My wife and I went home and were beside ourselves. How could our son perform well on one auditory attention & response part and so poorly on another ? It just didn’t sound right.<br>
I called the office a few days later and asked ( now that I digested the above) to explain the test. First she states that my son did well in the more difficult of the three auditory attention & response parts. Then when I asked her about the test where he scored first percent she revealed he did not respond quickly enough ( not incorrectly mind you) in 4 out of 30 responses. What? I thought I misunderstood but based on his age that puts him in the 1%! Actually if all other tested students got all responses correct and he missed one it would be the 1%! She went on to say that he didn’t incorrectly pick the right color rapidly based on what he was being asked to do, rather that his response wasn’t rapid enough. She then went on to say which " isn’t as bad". Not as bad? The % is not affected by that and neither is your decision to diagnose or not diagnose! So I am skeptical . Any test where only four missed responses out of 30 places you in the 1% tile doesn’t sound like a valid test to base such a serious diagnosis upon. The EEG is pending. Any thoughts or experience regarding above?</p>
<p>That could be a processing speed problem. Slow processing speed is very common; it’s really not that big a deal, except in our fast-paced world. There are numerous books for parents that deal with processing speed/working memory/executive function issues.</p>
<p>Processing speed issues would show up in a subsection of the WISC-IV IQ test. If you have your son’s full IQ test results in front of you, look for the processing speed and working memory sections.</p>
<p>Again, it does not mean your son is not intelligent. He just might need to work a bit more slowly, listen more carefully to the teacher (and take notes or record the lecture), and not fall into panic mode because he isn’t grasping things as quickly as other students. If he realizes he has this problem, he can learn to work around it.</p>
<p>Thank you BS bound. I do not have a copy of the IQ test but hopefully will obtain a copy as well as a full report soon once all testing has been completed.</p>
<p>My son has processing speed/ working memory/executive function problems. He is going to a HADES school, stating in the fall. We were very up front about his issues, and they clearly had experienced people in place to handle all LDs and related issues. They told us they needed to see all the testing, and that they do tell families very forthrightly if they have any concerns about that child not being able to handle the school. We sent all his testing and they said about 10% of their kids have very similar issues and that he should do fine. They set up extra time on tests, weekly reviews of his organizational plan, etc. We’ll see how it goes, but it seems like it should work. His previous school (private) was also very good about these accommodations. I know you had no idea your son had any of these issues but, if it plays out that he can handle the work with some accommodations, boarding schools CAN do a fantastic job-- because they do have such small classes and know the kids so well. Just be up front with any schools you’re looking at ( including the one you may be leaving) and realize that you do need to advocate for him and be CLEAR about what he needs-- once you know, of course. That’s not being a helipocter parent-- it’s just giving the school the information they need to make the best experience for your son. Lots of luck-- it sounds like you’re starting to figure things out!</p>
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<p>Throughout this thread, you’ve been very negative about the BS. Perhaps justifiably so. But that’s beside the point. I haven’t picked up any cues or signals that suggest you regard this BS as being competent and living up to its end of the bargain – apart from the complaints that are coupled with outrage and or concern that your son won’t be invited back.</p>
<p>I think, if I read between the lines here, that they’re waiting for you to pull the plug and find another option so that they won’t have to go through the trouble of doing it for you. It’s possible they’re wondering what other signals they need to send you to make you realize that your son’s future is elsewhere.</p>
<p>So, to help us answer your question as to whether your son should reapply – please remind us what makes this boarding school a desirable place for your child. I’ve got the “cons” side of the chart filled out in 8-point font, single spaced. I’ve got just blank space on the “pros” side of the chart.</p>
<p>I’m going to skip the part where I wait for a response and assume that the “pros” side will remain blank – or mostly blank. So, at this point I don’t even know why any thought processes are being expended on a future with this boarding school – let alone the time and money that would go into that effort. They’re even giving you the satisfaction of being in control of the “son left the school; he wasn’t asked to leave” narrative. Take what they’re giving you – before they decide that they need to initiate the separation. Don’t look back. Focus on your son, his needs, his future and cut bait. Now.</p>
<p>D’yer Maker@ tactful you are not! Perhaps you are trained to use honesty as an excuse to be the way you are . I have appreciated all of the helpful comments from CC parents except yours. You, sir or madam, are out of line. I was upset with letting my S academic woes getting out of hand. I never pointed out the positives of the BS since they were not germane to my son’s situation. Please do not respond in that manner again! You are not helpful and are rude ( honest or not).</p>
<p>I find Dyer’s opinion honest and not rude. I’m also confused about your statements that the school didn’t do enough for your son and at the same time you wanting to go back. I would focus on taking care of your S first and worry about where he will go next. Believe it or not, your son’s current school is not the only school that can provide him the education you seem to seek. I think everyone here is rooting for your son and your family!</p>
<p>@liberty, DyerMaker has been on CC for a long while and consistently gives insightful advice w good intent. DMs verbiage about the 8-point font, single spaced does come off as flippant, but DM, while blunt, makes valid points and is giving you good advice. </p>
<p>This is a very difficult and emotional time for your family. But you need to be objective about whether returning to the prev BS is in your sons best interest. It may be, or it may not be.</p>
<p>Valid points perhaps! I too can make valid points to patients who received an unfavorable diagnosis ( all in the name if honesty) and could also go to the local
shopping mall and point out the obese individuals in the name of trying promote good health. I asked advice since with treatment, my S may and probably will, perform well. My S has made a great deal friends at the school and if he was able to do well with treatment. would like to be afforded the opportunity to return …perhaps after a year! For Dyermaker to say or imply that the BS is allowing us to gracefully depart as if this were a government position and my S is given the opportunity to resign rather than be thrown out in disgrace is totally unacceptable and uncalled for. This maybe a disability for goodness sake! Where is your sense of compassion Dyermaker? Put yourself ( if that’s possible given your type) in the place of others and then ask yourself how you are coming across. If you have done this and still feel your comments are justified than you have your own problems.</p>
<p>I’ve read every post in this thread – because I’m interested. There’s been a lot of great advice and there’s been nothing for me to add. Except on this question, posed to us, about the future relationship with the current BS, I have not seen anyone set expectations for the OP. The OP has catalogued, in compelling manner, breaches in communication of a very serious nature regarding the child’s academic performance, the child’s future at the school, the remediation plan, even as to the timetable and process for the child to continue to matriculate at the BS in the fall. It doesn’t even matter who is at fault – so there’s no judgment here – because this kind of disconnect is unworkable.</p>
<p>And it’s unworkable even before we look at the student. It’s unworkable because the parent-school relationship is one of the worst I’ve seen (again without getting into fault). If the communication is broken down this bad, it’s unworkable.</p>
<p>All along there’s been this running theme of uncertainty about the child’s future with the BS. The last was the fact that the school was going to meet and render a decision in June in advance of the testing, followed by silence from the school since then as to whether the issue was addressed. All along I’m scratching my head, wondering why it matters. And at each step along the way, the child’s return to that school becomes increasingly dubious as the OP gets strung along.</p>
<p>So then we’re asked point blank about the return, having had no positive feedback from the OP as to why in the world the OP would want to send the child back to this place. I don’t think there’s any question as to what the answer can be, given what we know and what has been shared here. I’m certain there are some positives – but are they things that can’t be found elsewhere? And whatever those positives are, they remain a mystery to us – balanced against a compelling laundry list of material and legitimate grievances spelled out by the OP.</p>
<p>This is not to say that the OP doesn’t have a better sense than we do about the best decision. From the information available to us, however, there’s only one direction for us to point to – since the question was expressly raised by OP – and that’s somewhere other than the current BS. I suggest OP revisit the previous posts – as I’m sure that reading them in bulk over just a couple sittings as I have done paints a more vivid picture than considering facts that have played out over 7 or 8 months’ time. None of us are owed an answer but if you step back and consider what has happened – and hasn’t happened – in one year of BS, on what basis would it make sense to return a child to that environment?</p>
<p>I think the relationship was terminal when the discussion about re-registering came up. Certainly it was over by the time the dean said to send in the form without any deposit. Maybe we can disagree about the exact moment when it was over but as of now I don’t think there’s room for debate among observers on this forum that it is over.</p>
<p>I had hoped that this would be good news. It’s one less ball to juggle at a time when so much is up in the air.</p>
<p>Oh gosh, where to start? I admit that if a bs made it clear to me that they wanted my child to leave, as the OP it would make me think very hard re returning dc to a school that clearly didnt have his back. That said we really cant claim to know whats right here. What if this boy is well loved but the school knows something - an incident- whatever- and the school is not being candid or there is no proof? Or what if a few summer classes could get him quickly back on track and he returns more confident and has a great 2nd year? If your child had one bad year wouldnt you want to at least try pushing back/salvaging the situation? Changing schools could be just as devasting as staying. It might take a whole year just to recover and it appears so far the boy doesnt know that the school has red shirted him - a very good thing! My dc had an abyssmal year (not my cc child) - raised red flags a go-go- and was so miserable that we didnt think her self-esteem would survive the year and we were frantic to get her out. She was accepted at a day school - and refused to go! She returned to her public school the next year older and wiser and won almost every class prize avail. I went from getting “very concerned” emails every week to hearing her praised as one of the politest and best students in her grade. So my advice is as Mae West says “buckle up cause its a bumpy ride” Even HADES kids have growing pains. These are kids and they hit speed bumps and we cant predict one year to the next</p>
<p>I think I can understand how the OP feels. The school is sending mixed messages. They say they like and respect the OP’s son, they have given him an award, he has made friends at the school. Those are positives. But then…they’re saying the boy has potential learning disabilities and they want him tested. They don’t seem to know themselves whether they want him back. They aren’t giving the family any encouragement or guidance.</p>
<p>It is these kinds of mixed messages that confuse people, that make them hang on too long to bad situations. It would be SO much healthier if the school would just come out and say what they’re really thinking. If they want the son to leave, they should just say it plainly and offer their help relocating him to another school. If they want him to stay (with remediation for any possible disabilities), they should say that as well.</p>
<p>OP, does your son’s school advertise that they accept students with learning differences? Many boarding schools have dedicated learning specialists to help students with learning needs. If your son’s school does not, perhaps they are doing you a favor to point you toward the door. But they should tell you clearly what they’re thinking, and why, and give you their best advice for the future.</p>
<p>I worry about the OP’s son’s feelings going forward. He sounds like a lovely boy, and it would be horrible for him to feel that he had been kicked out of school for something he had no control over. I actually applaud the OP for his patience in putting up with the school’s insulting treatment in the hope that his son can go back (as opposed to leaving in disgrace) and spend the next three years with his friends.</p>