<p>Has anyone had or know of a child who was asked not to return to boarding school ( despite being liked by all who encountered him... We were tired of hearing what a " wonderful boy he is") due to academic performance?</p>
<p>I am aware aware of kids who were “asked” to leave because of academic dishonesty. They were given the option of being expelled or of leaving “voluntarily” to save face.</p>
<p>No, not that I am aware of. We had three leave the school but they were not due to academic performance. Not saying it has never happened but we have only been at our school for two years.</p>
<p>I know of two cases of academic dishonesty this year. I haven’t heard of anyone due to academic performance.</p>
<p>I hope this doesn’t have to do with the thread last March… I remember it because a really good friend of mine was going thru the same thing with her son.</p>
<p>Yes I have heard of such a case, but the poor academic performance was because the student just could not or would not go to classes on a regular basis. So I guess it was a combination of poor grades with no effort to get to class to remedy the situation. Sad thing was I think the student was actually a “junior” when it happened. Guess just a bad year or personal problems.</p>
<p>Unfortunately my S has had academic difficulties. After the first trimester he was placed on academic warning ( he always studied and went to class). He was given supervised study hall ( he was observed as he blankly looked at geometry he didn’t understand for example). We were not told of poor performance by any teachers. Apparently the advisor told us she was " watching our S because she was concerned " once during parent -weekend in mid October. We never received another call from his advisor until we mentioned this when we ask for a telephone conference call with the academic committee in mid-Jan. He was getting Cs . Well at the welcome orientation for new freshman, we as parents, were warned to expect Cs which eventually progress to Bs etc.
we hired tutors after the first trimester but math and language ( Spanish 1) were out of control. He remained in the C minus range in most courses with and occasional C and D! We had our first requested meeting in Jan ( phone conference) and the academic committee suggested possible testing for some learning deficiency . As parents we took it under advisement but felt that with further tutoring ( wishful thinking) it appeared as though he was turning the corner ( the testing was casually mentioned but not at all strongly suggested)! Never happened! By early March we agreed to have our son tested ( as parents we have to be part of this process) the school did not want him to miss any time from class ( 6 days a week) . Therefore, the testing will be done at years end. It wasn’t until Late March that the Academic dean happen to mention that perhaps this prep school is not the " right fit" for our S. As parents we were taken back by this casual statement. The dean stated not to focus on this notion ( are you kidding me?) and let’s see if our son can improve. Recall… It was that we called the first meeting in January when testing was casually suggested. No provisions for testing were given at the school ( 3 1/2 hrs away) and it was not possible to have three to four testing sessions done close to home on weekends since he attends class on Saturdays! It’s been an expensive and painful nightmare ! We didn’t want to be helicopter parents and he has never had any demerits or problems with honor or behavior! If we didn’t call the meeting and give a written helpful assessment of a very astute math tutor, no intervention would have occurred until later! We actually asked to suspend half of the supervised study halls since the problem wasn’t that he wouldn’t study but that he was lost.
In my naive thinking I presumed that these educators at these expensive prep schools are experts at observing not just behavioral problems or disciplinary problems but also academic difficulties ! With this observation a solution must be reached! I mean this is unacceptable! They just watch a kid drown academically ( not due to behavior or lack of wanting to do well). I naively thought ( as my wife did) that our S is in good hands and they “are the experts”! I feel we were left out in the cold … Asked and did donate on top of full pay … And then they are just going to review his case at the end of the final trimester and probably say good-bye! Our S, though realizes he is on Academic warning, does not yet know ( thank God) how close he is to not being asked to return. He loves his school and friends. If they truly thought there was a learning disability ( a tough thing for parents to accept in one conference call with our son not being observed by us) then the bells and whistles should sound to stop the academic bleeding! If there is no such disability, then the academic team and our advisor should have communicated with us that tutoring ( not supervised study hall) should be instituted ASAP. That the Cs are not on there way to Bs but remaining as Cs and C-/Ds should sound an alarm . The advisor was worthless. We never received a call from a teacher and had no grades until more than half way through each trimester!</p>
<p>Wow! Sounds like a tough situation and quite worrying. I am surprised that more support was not given or offered earlier on. This is actually a small concern of mine — how not to be viewed as a helicopter parent but still be in the loop. I guess I had thought (hoped?) that the school would be including the parents on such issues…</p>
<p>Wow, I’m so sorry to hear your story. I realize you don’t want to be a helicopter parent, but you really should get <em>all over this</em> right away. I’d make your son’s academic situation the focus of his summer, regardless of whether he goes back to boarding school or not.</p>
<p>Has your son ever had academic trouble before? Could it be that he can’t handle the freedom of boarding school? There are plenty of kids with Facebook/texting addictions which interfere with schoolwork. (In our case, I had to take my child off Facebook for a semester until she pulled her grades up.) Maybe it’s a time-management problem. Many boarding schools offer study skills classes to freshmen, but not every freshman puts the advice into practice.</p>
<p>If your son is really drowning, it might be best for him to be at home where you can supervise his homework and advocate for him at his local school. I realize he’s in high school, but some kids just need supervision longer than others. </p>
<p>Will the school offer your son a chance to make up his poor work over the summer, maybe through online classes or home study?</p>
<p>If you honestly feel that the school is being unfair and is in the wrong, you should have some serious talks with them. They may not have given you a good return on the money you spent with them over the past year. The most important thing, though, is figuring out where your son is going to thrive academically from this time forward. And that might be at home, where he gets intense, loving supervision from you and your wife.</p>
<p>@BSbound … There were no such courses offered but that would have been helpful ! I do believe you hit the nail on the head with time management! This was his fault but again at 14 he was unaware if how to handle such rigor all at once. He had never had academic difficulty before ( almost wish he had it may have uncovered a problem). And you are right regarding the return in investment. It was a big waste of money! I tutored his rigorous biology over the telephone whenever possible ( 5 or 6 late afternoons per week) there wasn’t a place for privacy for this until I figured out for him to go to an academic building in a vacant classroom! ( the library doesn’t open until 7 PM). At home we felt much more supervision and exposure to public school teachers! I can’t believe I’m even saying this. In the name of independence the BS made sure that there was rarely if ever ( never for us common folk) any direct interaction with the teachers! They are only 14 and on there own for the first time. I know it’s “College Prep” but give me a self- righteous " break! Spanish one, as an example, had himself and only one other third former in his class. This particular boy was fluent in Spanish and the teacher ( who ordinarily teaches advanced Spanish) was teaching at a much more advanced level than Spanish one class should be. Yes he is to be blamed for initial time management ( first six weeks) but no sirens or bells & whistles were sounded until after we called the initial phone conference which is AFTER he was placed on academic warning.
He will probably come back to our local public school since this BS school has offered no help in what we should do! When I spoke to the local public school, he will be placed in REGULAR ( non honors ) classes because of the poor grades at BS! No weighting is given to these rigorous courses. So I paid over 60K for a previous honor student ( where even at the BS school everyone likes and is a great kid) to have him almost left back and drop to regular courses! I guess I’m the " Fool On The HILL". The school ( as they state) are not prepared for learning difficulties ( not yet diagnosed) should understand academic difficulties and help all if us . That’s their expertise! Stop the academic bleeding! I mean come on! He is alone and bleeding!</p>
<p>This makes me so thankful for the safeguards that are in place at my daughter’s school. Not only are study skills classes available, but there are weekly “tutorials” (office hours where the teachers are ready and willing to help students with questions). There are two-hour study halls every night – cell phones are put out into the dorm hallways, and Facebook is disabled campus-wide. Tutors are readily available for students (though they charge a fortune for their services). Faculty members answer parents’ e-mails almost immediately.</p>
<p>Check and see if these things are happening at your son’s school. </p>
<p>It sounds as though you need to have a face-to-face conversation with the academic advisor. I wonder if important things are being misunderstood because you’re not communicating regularly.</p>
<p>Any chance of you (or anyone on this board) naming the school(s) to help future BS families determine what sort of support each school has available? No worries if you aren’t comfortable with that – it was just a thought!</p>
<p>My daughter’s school (where safeguards are in place) is Episcopal.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry your son is having difficulty and for the stress it’s probably caused you (and him!). The academic warning you recieved early in the year was a shot across your bow by the Academic Head. It was a clear signal they wanted the testing done. That said, I know it’s an expensive test (ranging $1,500- $3,000) on top of tuition/ tutoring and many parents balk at the price tag. Timing could also be problematic, but it was incumbent on you to get it done… move mountains, etc. I would have gotten it done during one of the breaks, or requested a local referral from the academic office and forfeited tutoring/ free periods/ study halls ( for 2 or 3 days) and gotten it done there. The test takes six hours and you could have done the parent portion over the phone or by fax/email. </p>
<p>I also understand parents avoid the test because of what they might find, but that’s normal. I say find out as soon as possible so you can implement the recommendations ASAP. Since summer is here, I would call the Academic Office and tell them you will have the testing done first thing and will release the report to them as soon as it’s complete. In addition, I would outline any summer enrichment programs and tutoring your son will take part in- and I would also put it in writing.</p>
<p>It’s not uncommon for boys to have difficulty in both language and math. In fact, those two together usually point to a learning difference/ disability. When the testing gets done, his teachers will have better insight into how he learns and will be able to help him. They will also have a baseline and a list of recommendations… once everyone is on the same page his grades will likely improve… and so will his confidence!</p>
<p>The person benefiting most from the test is the child. Imagine the struggle, doubt and frustration he’s gone through this year. Imagine how much better he’ll feel when he learns why and that help is on the way!</p>
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<p>At this point, it is important to stop obsessing over “coulda, woulda, shoulda.” Get your son the help he needs, which begins with testing. Good testing–done by experts. </p>
<p>No prep school would ask a well-behaved, well-liked, healthy, nice full-pay student to leave unless the faculty had serious concerns that he could not handle the work. It is not the norm for parents to be tutoring students over the phone for days on end. The faculty do discuss students during the year. This means it isn’t one subject–it’s likely the opinion of many of your son’s teachers that he is having difficulties which can’t be explained by poor work habits. Read the teachers’ comments about your son carefully. When you have the testing done, give copies of the comments to the psychologist. </p>
<p>The first year is usually an easier year. The work ramps up in following years. As he will have finished the year, his academic record will not raise the issue of possible health or discipline issues–which leaving mid-year might have. </p>
<p>I predict you will likely find from the testing that your son is “twice exceptional.” (There is a great deal of information available on the web once you search “twice exceptional.”) He is smart enough to be accepted to an academic prep school, but had trouble when the work became more difficult. At this point, you should consider ALL your alternatives. Investigate your state’s special ed laws. The testing may help you make the case to the public school that he has a learning disability, but needs placement in advanced courses. </p>
<p>Are there private schools in your area? A good character reference from his current prep school, coupled with test results which help you pin down his (probable) learning challenge, could help you find a local school which could help him learn the strategies to succeed in high school and college.</p>
<p>Thank you Periwinkle. This advice should be coming from The Prep School! There was no suggestion to have him tested until we called the meeting in January. If the meeting wasn’t called the suggestion may have been made later. It wasn’t even a strong suggestion. Our insurance covers such testing ( which the BS didn’t even know). He is already ( and the BS knows this) scheduled for testing this coming week ( after finals ). Thanks for he input. They were not judicious enough to help stop the bleeding. The comments ( only given in writing after first trimester ) all stated they are confident that our S will be able to realize his full potential and improve. Never happened! Time management was the initial problem ( his fault ) and quicksand was the exacerbating problem ( their fault ). We needed help to figure out what to do!</p>
<p>Perhaps the school should have recommended it earlier, or been more proactive. On the other hand, you’ve been asking about this issue on this forum for a couple of months now, and I think the advice that you got from a number of parents on here was that if this was their kid, they wouldn’t wait until the end of the year to get the testing done, even if it was somewhat inconvenient to find a way to do the testing during the school year. At any rate, you now seem to have some pretty bad feelings about this school – if you think they’ve done such a poor job dealing with your son’s academic issues, why are you even considering sending him back?</p>
<p>I am sorry to hear this has happened to your son. </p>
<p>It does sound like a LD from the feedback of your astute math tutor and the “blank look” during study hall.</p>
<p>You would be surprised that some kids with great grades can have a LD so it can only help to get him tested. Sometimes they can be exceptional in one area and compensate for the shortage in another area. Perhaps with BS it became harder to do so. It is unfortunate that the testing for this has been suggested to be postponed. It can be done in two days - 3.5 hours each day and with parents over the phone, Skype, fax, email, etc. Usually teachers are key to this and questionnaires are sent to each teacher to help the neuropsychologist to evaluate kids who are being diagnosed. </p>
<p>Yes it is costly but someone like that (a good neurophsych) can not only figure out where your child may have a discrepancy in his profile but can also help with finding successful learning environments and career paths. Make sure you do use someone who is qualified to test for LD using the tests that are requested by the College Board also. These tests are valid for 3-4 years so if it turns out that he has a LD it will help him get the appropriate accommodation when he gets ready to take standardized testings - the PSAT, SAT, etc. </p>
<p>Yes, the classes will get more rigorous next year but that is expected. Talk with each of his teachers and get feedback. Reading comments on progress reports, report card is fine too but I find you get more information during an actual conversation. How is he in class, focused, distracted, etc. Does he struggle with certain concepts or with everything? I have gone so far to even ask to see tests to figure out where my child’s strengths and weaknesses are on a particular subject, and evaluate whether mistakes were made due to “silly” mistakes or because my kid just does not understand a concept. </p>
<p>No, I don’t see this as helicoptering at all. If they do, who cares. What is important is to figure what is going on with your child so who cares what label is slapped onto the parents. I have one child in BS and one in public. It seems that for both schools, the more noise you make, the more they listen. Also, depending on your BS, sometimes public school have better resources than privates when dealing with LD so I would also check out what your public have available to accommodate any LD.</p>
<p>They can’t stop the bleeding until they know what they’re up against. You can’t blame everything on the school- because even though you’re parenting from afar, it’s still a partnership. The friend I mentioned above went through roughly the same thing with her son. During this time she was also going through a rather intense divorce. She felt her son’s difficulty had to with that, but also allowed that he wasn’t acclimating well to the rigor of a new environment. She approached me because our sons are best friends and she was concerned what the testing would reveal and, of course, the cost. She was also afraid that once the school had the results, they would say: Sorry, we can’t help you. Well, she had the testing done and the results revealed several things that the school could address while also confiming (what everyone knew) that he was having trouble processing his parents divorce. What I like about this test is that it gives you the emotional piece along with the academic piece… a real clear snapshot in time.</p>
<p>Once the results were distributed to his advisor, dorm parent and teachers, his life changed- not overnight, but things started to improve significantly. Some of the recommendations were simple, yet very effective. Adjustments to his course load, an overhaul of his organizational skills, note- taking strategies, setting up peer mentoring, moving his seat to the front or next to the teacher, on and on- and while the data didn’t support extra time on tests, it did offer great insight/ suggestions that will continue to help him thrive in a highly competitive environment. I have to hand it to the school- once they had the results everything was handled discreetly and her son was incredibly grateful for that. I also think you’d be very surprised to know this isn’t a Hidden Gem- it’s a very selective Dream School.</p>
<p>I wish you and your son all the luck in the world. My post above was an attempt at illustrating the school’s point of view. I hope I didn’t offend you or sound critical- it wasn’t my intention. I always try to be helpful and write things that may ring a bell with someone ( for now or maybe in the future). The most important thing is the testing and when you get the results, you’ll be on your way- and hopefully on to a wonderful summer and school year too!</p>
<p>In an earlier post, you wrote,
</p>
<p>I would bet that some sort of learning disability will show up on the testing.</p>
<p>On the bright side, this is a better time for this to be discovered than freshman year in college. He has time to learn strategies to cope. It sounds as if he did not enter high school with deficits, thus he has not had years to fall behind. </p>
<p>It is important to stop blaming his work ethic. He studied, he went to class, his time working was supervised by adults, so it’s not a case of “of course I studied, dad!” Depending on his challenges, he may have been working really hard to get Cs.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your help! I will report back with the results of the testing. Hopefully some insight will be gained & steps offered to assuage the situation at hand.</p>