One of our family friends is married to an Egyptian American physician who got married at 26 but by then she had almost given up on love and marriage and thought of herself as discarded object which no one wanted because most of her friends were engaged or married by 21. It’s just sad how human cultures can kill self esteem.
I want my kids to be healthy and happy. If that includes marriage and kids: great! If it doesn’t: great. H and I would never push our kids to get married by a certain age or to even get married at all. It’s their life, it’s not our place. I’ve seen parents constantly pressure their kids about marriage and grandchildren and then they complain that their kids live 3,000 miles away and don’t seem interested in spending time with their parents. Maybe, back off a bit? Let your kids do their thing…they may surprise you!
Oh and I got married (2nd marriage for me, first for H) to H: Me 34 him 30
Well said! You can’t plan and control everything in life, and a lot of stuff happens when it happens. It is nice to get help from parents with your kids, but I know people who got no help from their parents when raising kids, and while it was hard it worked out fine
Me 18
Girlfriend 16
Married me 26
Wife 24
Kids me 33
Wife 31
Hope I got this right. We were building our practice and traveling. I do wish we had kids a bit earlier I am 60 with a 22 and 24, year old.
I’m 64 and my kids are 30 and 25.
Makes people think I’m younger than I am!!!
I am 63 with a 24 year old. Sigh.
63 with an about to be 39 year old, and soon to be 36 year old. didn’t plan to have them this young, but it has worked out well. (Not a young grandma though, cuz D waited till early 30s but then had fertility issues/miscarriages. Healthy toddler and baby now–who are keeping me “young.” S in committed relationship, not sure they are thinking kids at all. It’s all their choices and I embrace whatever each does.)
30, 31
If you’re 60 now you would have been 36 when your 24yr old was born. Same age I was when my oldest was born.
I was raised in the south and the trend in my family is to marry young and start a family very soon thereafter. But for me, having children young was a cerebral choice. I figured I had my whole life to work (my MIL is still working at 82!) but only a small window of time in which to have children on my own terms (i.e. without fertility treatments).
Met–20
Married–22
Had Children–26,30,41
Divorced–64
Met at 29 (he was 33)., oops adding got married at 34!
Had kids at 35, 40, 42.
“Stayed together for the kids” and due to health issues in family
Divorced at 61
I think that varies so much by the individual and family. I had my youngest when I was 39 with no problems. At times I do wish I had them younger, but usually only when I think about what it will be like for them when we are old and our health is no longer great, but H’s mom is 83 and still going strong with no major health issues so fingers crossed (and plans will be made).
There is no way to know if you’ll have fertility issues if you delayed reproduction or aging related health issues before children are independent so it’s a gamble to postpone everything until life is ‘perfect’.
On other hand, marriage and children are the biggest stressors in life so why not postpone it for ever or until you had enough of carefree single life and willing to gamble for a change.
I guess decision rests on finding someone who is worthy of taking the plunge into couplehood or parenthood. It may come early or late for some and never come for others or it may come but they miss it waiting for someone better or ‘right time’.
It can be more complicated for ones who take plunge with wrong person at wrong time or have to do it multiple times until they do it right, settle or give up.
I agree fertility issues and decisions around that vary by individuals and families. I made the best decision for me. Happy to hear your decision worked out well for you.
Some kids are looking into alternatives to traditional marriage (and not just based on gender identity/orientation). Co-parenting with a non-romantic partner, for instance, whether same gender or other. Living in a coop. Marriage or partnership but not living together. Etc. There are some good books on this: “Stepping off the Relationship Escalator” and “The New I Do.” Off topic but just an observation.
Marriage was also a new thing at some point in human history so it’s not the only way but there are many benefits, LGBTQ community fought for its value.
Met: 18
Married: 20
Had Kids at: 29, 31
Married 36 yrs., divorced at 56
Oldest D:
Met: 25
Married: 29
Married 5 yrs so far, no kids
Youngest D:
Met: 17
Married: 27
Married 5 yrs so far (today is their anniversary), no kids
I’m glad H and I waited until we had established our careers to have kids. Sure, if we’d waited until we were wealthy and could pay for our kids to go to Harvard no problem and buy them BMW’s for their birthday and live in a mansion, we still wouldn’t have kids…haha!
My mother lived to be 96 and my stepdad is 93 and still works in his garden everyday and goes to the gym twice a week!
It’s been well over four decades; hope we make it to five. What a long, strange trip it’s been.