<p>PackMom - My D too! She and her friends know when the bookstore will be shipping excess books back to the publishers and buy "only the needed" books a day or two prior. Saves a few hundred dollars each year.</p>
<p>Seriously...D1 is an athlete at a small but nationally competitive D3 school but they(coaches, advisors, counselors) know what the students are doing... study tables..checking with profs...actually checking to see if they sit in the first two rows at class. It is serious business! In her sport they expect academic excellemce. It is all about what you set as expectations. Stay firm and talk about what you think they are capable of. I have one D who will read ahead and one that couldn't be bothered. Both excellent students..different strokes. Good luck!!!! :)</p>
<p>I agree that at this point it is the student who has to fix the problem, and hopefully learn from the experience. Harping on it at this point is useless, he knows he screwed up, the issue is whether or not he wants to fix it.</p>
<p>hmom5 - What sort of help did you get for you son's study skills issues that you mentioned? This is something I'm sure my son needs as he has always struggled with this.</p>
<p>My D knows kids at her school - an OOS public - who have used the time management skills help offered by the college counseling services. I would think other schools offer this, but kids may think that counseling services are only for other issues. </p>
<p>I hope this also serves as a warning to parents with kids in high school who have not developed study skills. It is often obvious very early on - in middle school - whether your S or D has adequate study and time management skills. My D was fortunate to have a couple of teachers who taught study skills and closely monitored progress. They had to keep detailed agendas that were checked at least weekly and sometimes daily. </p>
<p>She has friends who were very disappointed in their first semester grades. She can't understand why they were surprised when she wasn't - they spent M-W researching where the parties were going to be Th-Sunday.</p>
<p>My son is not an athlete, so he has had more than enough time to get his work done. A freshman at an Ivy League school, he is taking introductory engineering courses that he is able to handle easily His problem is that he is addicted to the Internet - newspaper sites, comics, you name it. He kept up with the homework pretty well, but when it came time for the reading period for the exams, he stayed glued to the Internet and then panicked - out of 5 courses, he showed up for ONE exam. Just didn't show up for the others or hand the take-homes in. When he told us what happened shortly after coming home for Christmas break, I wanted to throw up. We had him evaluated for ADD (he fit every criterion) and got some medication. Now he can focus and is less distracted, but he just doesn't feeling like finishing the take-home exams. We've told him that he is on academic probation and risks being tossed out at the end of the year if he doesn't improve.<br>
In high school he was very diligent until his senior year, and that year we practically had to keep a gun to his head to get him to do his work. I wrote that off to senioritis and that starting college would provide new motivation.</p>
<p>Athlete S1 Update: Well, S1 came home last night and we were finally ale to sit down and talk today about his unfortunate situation. We were very pleased to find out that there are no issues with alcohol, drugs, or gaming. He told us that he was totally ill prepared for college courses, was very unorganized and unable to get organized so that he became so overwhelmed and did almost nothing after mid-terms, when he was sitting with 3 C's and 2 B's. We first told him how much we loved him and always would and then we followed it up with how disappointed we were and third, we began to discuss what the root problem was and how to fix it and move forward.</p>
<p>He was surprised at one of the F's he received, thinking he was only receiving one. He did say that none of his professors ever mentioned that fact that he was in jeopardy of failing..I'm thinking his final exams put him over the top.</p>
<p>Having had 5 days before he actually came home (after learning of this devastating news) definitely helped us all out so that we could have an adult conversation with led to some great communication. He was able to internalize/think through his problem without us all over him; apologize to his coaches and teammates and also speak to several people, one of whom was a senior teammate who had the same exact thing happen to him.</p>
<p>S1 understands his situation and the total commitment he must have for the next 6 months. He didn't even flinch when I mentioned getting some on campus counseling to help him out over what's going to prove to be a very difficult 6 months. We discussed many items that posters on this site offered and he agreed that he would benefit from them all, especially the time organization and study skills course. He also said he really needed a mentor or someone he could count on to help push him and keep him on track, finally realizing he is unable at this point to do it on his own - reason for not asking for our help...wanting to do it on his own.</p>
<p>We, as his parents, know what a long road and uphill battle he is facing, and that there will be some really tough bumps along the way (and told him) but we also told him that we believe in him and will support him and that if he can pull this off, he will be so much the better for it and truly know what it means to delve deep into one's self and work hard to reach a very difficult goal.</p>
<p>We also discussed many of the suggestions posters on this site offered us and he thought they were are good as well; so again, I thank you all very deeply for your time and your support you extended to our family! It truly made a difference.</p>
<p>Thanks for the report and I hope things improve. Keep us posted. I am very interested in student-athletes and their progress through college.</p>
<p>Finding someone to "book end" with is a great idea. It would be great to have someone he trusts in each class. They commit to helping each other - reminding each other about deadlines, calling each other before class if there is a temptation to skip and studying together. Hopefully, there will be kids he will feel comfortable approaching. "Book ending" is a skill that can and should be used throughout life. Everyone needs to give someone they trust permission to nudge them now and then - in a guilt free way.</p>
<p>MomB: In addition to figuring out how to organize his time/develop college level study skills, your son will have to take extra classes so he complies with the NCAA rules regarding "Progress towards degree." That one can derail athletes who become ineligible for one reason or another so have his academic advisor sit down with him and write down the number of units he needs to pass (and by what date) in order to become eligible again. Make sure it is spelled out for the next two or three semesters. There are limitations on where and when D1 athletes can take their units. The compliance officer at your son's school can tell you specifically what your son needs to accomplish. Academic ineligibility/flunking is shocking to parents, but is common at universities, especially the first semester of freshman year. One suggestion I have for you is to find a private therapist within walking distance to the university (and one with a flexible schedule- BB players are busy athletes since their actual season extends over both semesters, and always the week before finals in December). Make sure the therapist practices Cognitive Behavior Therapy, not just "talk therapy". Have your son see this person once a week. My son did this for 14 weeks following a rough semester and he learned how to manage his time (calendars) and get things (checklists, goal setting, etc.) done. I did it with a private therapist because I wanted someone who was solely my son's advocate, not an employee of the athletic department. Athletes are under a lot of pressure and they do not need everyone knowing all of their business. Try to use the resources available to him from the athletic department without disclosing any more than is necessary. Depending on the school, you can have him throw himself on the mercy of his professors and ask them to retroactively give him an incomplete. That will require a very compelling story on his part. If they agree, he can possibly make up just the last part of the class while taking a full load next semester. That may make him eligible immediately for this season if he has not already been declared ineligible yet ( that's usually when the grades are posted). He can also contact the Dean of his school and ask for advice, they may be able to help him out with study aids, etc. He will take a lot of heat and possibly derision because he is an athlete, but this can happen to anyone's kid anytime and schools usually have some programs in place or can make suggestions for students who need help. One thing I did was to have my son release all information rights to me. I had access to all medical and education information, including access to the academic tutor assigned to his sport. I could call anytime and find out what was going on. Not much was going on, but I found things got done more efficiently with a phone call "just checking in" once or twice a semester. He needs to find classes that work well for athletes. There are some professors who will NOT be flexible with scheduling, etc. and those people will be the ones he needs to avoid. Eventually, he will figure it out. My athlete just got straight A's for the first time ever in college! Yahoo! One last thing for all parents of athletes- have your children get to know their professors. They need to know you are interested in what they are teaching (sit in the front row) and that you care about your performance (visit office hours at least once a semester). Once they know who you are and that you want an education, they will help you out on occasion. Good luck.</p>
<p>"Make sure the therapist practices Cognitive Behavior Therapy, not just "talk therapy". Have your son see this person once a week."</p>
<p>Wow! That's pretty specific. I'm a big fan of CBT,especially for specific mood and anxiety disorders, but it might be a good idea to be open minded to the reccomendations of someone who evalutes him.</p>
<p>I suggested CBT because I think it offers patients specific skill building exercises that help create new habits and confidence. Although my only experience with it has been in relation to improving the study habits and organizational skills (personal & academic) of my child, I am sure it has many benefits for all types of situations.</p>
<p>I didn't see it mentioned, but since he said his teacher didn't tell him he at risk of failing (as if this is the professor's job), I'd have him make a point to check in with his professors on a weekly basis -- or if it's a large university, his TA -- to hold HIMSELF accountable and be sure to note if anything is missing or late or whatever. Especially when and if he gets back on the court and may be missing class due to games/travel, he really should have this as a habit.</p>
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<blockquote> <p>he said his teacher didn't tell him he at risk of failing (as if this is the professor's job)<<</p> </blockquote>
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<p>Maybe this happens at small liberal arts colleges, but not my experience with most big college programs...</p>
<p>The other thing that can be a shock for high school kids making the transition to college--the final can have a BIG impact on the final grade. It's not just another test. Prep very thoroughly for it.</p>
<p>Most colleges have a midterm and a final and perhaps a paper, so it is very easy for a kid to have a C on the midterm and think he will pass and then tank the final, resulting in an F. Most professors or TA's will not have a weekly report because nothing changes from week to week as far as they are concerned. They get the midterms and then that's it. It isn't like high school where the profs are entering daily assignment grades into "Webgrade" so everyone has a day to day report to guide them. Better to have a report on whether the student is attending class or taking notes because the professor will not know if they are going to fail until it is too late. Until a student wants to do this, no one can help them. In the case of athletes, some programs will send people around to make sure the athletes are attending class. That's as good as it gets. Maybe I should start a business called, "Is your child attending his expensive university classes?" and charge helicopter parents for reporting their kid's attendance! There IS one service out there that does offer weekly monitoring of college students on some campuses. It is organizational in nature and the kids meet weekly with the tutors. In some cases the university offers this service and in others the parents pay for it on their own. If I can think of the name of this company, I will post it.</p>
<p>"We were very pleased to find out that there are no issues with alcohol, drugs, or gaming. He told us that he was totally ill prepared for college courses, was very unorganized and unable to get organized so that he became so overwhelmed and did almost nothing after mid-terms, when he was sitting with 3 C's and 2 B's. "</p>
<p>I genuinely wish the best for you and your family.</p>
<p>However as a person who used to teach college, worked for 5 years in treating substance abusers, and who had a S who flunked out of college, I suggest taking with a grain of salt your son's insistence that he had no problems with alcohol, drugs or gaming.</p>
<p>Older S had a horrible gpa fall of freshman year due to what we thought was disorganization and spending far too much time working at the student newspaper (We could tell that he was spending lots of time there because we saw the stories he published). S had never gone to parties when he was in high school, and when he wasn't at home or school, he was working at a local newspaper. We knew where he was since S didn't even drive, so we were transporting him. </p>
<p>With S's approval, H went to the college and met with S and his advisor, who arranged for S to take a time management workshop, and also carefully arranged S's spring schedule (S had also gotten merit aid as a top entering student). Second semester, S's grades were even worse.</p>
<p>Anyway, two years after S flunked out of school, we learned via his blog that we stumbled upon that he had been using drugs and alcohol in college. Obviously, that had contributed a great deal to his disorganization and bad grades.</p>
<p>I hope things work out for your S. It may be that if he was partying hard, he has gotten a wake up call with his bad grades, and he'll cut back the partying, something that many freshmen do after they get their fall semester grades. Of course, he may also just have been disorganized and naive about the college process, but I suspect there also were other things going on.</p>
<p>"That's as good as it gets. Maybe I should start a business called, "Is your child attending his expensive university classes?" and charge helicopter parents for reporting their kid's attendance!"</p>
<p>I was thinking about that too but something along the lines of mentoring would be a better service. The thing is that you would need some access to dorms or a place on campus which can be pretty hard to do.</p>
<p>On grades, in engineering and CS programs, some classes are project-oriented and a good chunk of your grade depends on how well you do on multiple labs or one big project. Some courses are essentially one big project. You really need to get going on it early as there's no way that you can crank it up in the last week. It can be very rough if you're taking multiple courses with big projects as you have to work so hard to pull it altogether near or at the end of the semester.</p>
<p>Can college kids lie about drugs and alcohol? I suppose that they can but isn't this harder to do in the context of athletics? Don't they have some level of testing for drugs? And if you're using drugs and alcohol, I'd assume that athletic performance would decline sharply and there would be some noticeable use of money to pay for the stuff. If there were problems with drugs and alcohol, wouldn't there be some signs of this when the student was home during the break?</p>
<p>I can easily see organizational problems as a cause of major grade problems. It can be rough even when the student is well-organized and then adding a sport on top of that ....</p>
<p>I'm a helicopter dad (moreso than anyone else here I think) and it's been interesting seeing the stuff that happens on campus. I think that there are a lot of parents out there that are probably better off not seeing what happens unless academic problems arise.</p>
<p>College kids never go anywhere without their cell phones. Activate the GPS on your kids cell phone and then use a GPS tracker to watch each time he leaves his dorm room. Keep a copy of his schedule next to your computer screen and watch every day to see that he gets out of bed when you think he should and walks to the building each class is in arriving on time. The added bonus is that you can see on Friday and Saturday nights what time he is going to fraternity parties and what time he is getting home.</p>
<p><a href="ok,%20just%20kidding">i</a>*</p>
<p>^^^Funny MidweastMom. That's the thing. We can't track their every move and we can't force them to do all the right things. S2, who had multiple failures was actually enrolled in a 1hr. credit freshman class specifically for advising, study/management skills, etc in the Fall semester. Guess what? It was his first class of the day, he thought it was pointless, skipped it way too much (missing assignments of course) after Fall Break
and failed it.<br>
DH and I were in the dark of course because we didn't have S2's tracking device activated.<br>
S2 swears he will get his act together this semester. His advisor has promised to really keep up with him and his academic progress this time around also. The ball is in his court. Our fingers are crossed.</p>
<p>I'm new to CC. I'm also having difficulties with a freshman S who will be on academic probation at a private college in another state. He had senioritis in HS, but still got As and Bs. At midterm, he was doing okay, but now has a final grade of F in Calculus and a GPA under 2. He's admitted he slept in, missed his classes and didn't do his homework. He promises to do better in the spring. The grades were a shock to him and I hope he takes it very seriously and follows through with his promises. I believe S is addicted to the internet, especially MySpace and uses it to check on his gf back home late at night. He will resist counseling. What can I do?</p>