<p>Anyone read this essay in the Jan/Feb Atlantic Monthly? I read it Monday, couldn't put it down and can't stop thinking about it. It's a compelling and haunting tale of everything I don't want for my son and makes me question where he should really go to college next fall (not that he's applying to Princeton). The author pretty much bares all about his experience at Princeton, but I imagine the school could be any of the Ivys. And the author takes a lot of blame (most of the blame) for his outcome. I'd love to hear comments on this.</p>
<p>It's available online only to subscribers. </p>
<p>Lost in the Meritocracy
How I traded an education for a ticket to the ruling class </p>
<p>by Walter Kirn </p>
<p>On the bus ride down to St. Paul to take the test that will help determine who will get ahead in life, who will stay put, and who will fall behind, two of my closest buddies seal their fates by opening pint bottles of cherry schnapps the moment we leave the high school parking lot. They hide the liquor under their varsity jackets and monitor the driver's rearview mirror for opportune moments to duck their heads and swig. A girl sees what they're up to, mutters, "Morons," and goes back to shading in the tiny ovals in her Scholastic Aptitude Test review book. She dated one of the guys a few months back, but lately she's grown serious, ambitious; I've heard that she hopes to practice law someday and prosecute companies that pollute the air. When she notices one of the bottles coming my way, she shoots me a look of horror. </p>
<p>Hmm... smart, high achiever gets into Ivy school based on merit, is treated badly by rich snobs, learns his middle-class, midwestern assumptions have no meaning to the intellectual elite, becomes a poseur, turns to drugs to cope, has a nervous breakdown, is treated even worse by the snobs, rebuilds his mind by working in the library, becomes a poseur again in an attempt to get into Oxford for grad school and is finally saved by reading The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. With lots and lots of details.</p>
<p>A few quotes.</p>
<p>"As a natural-born child of the meritocracy, I'd been amassing momentum my whole life, entering spelling bees, vying for forensics medals, running my mouth in mock United Nations meetings and model state governments and student congresses, and I knew only one direction: forward, onward. I lived for prizes, praise, distinctions, and I gave no thought to any goal higher or broader than my next report card. Learning was secondary; promotion was primary. No one had ever told me what the point was, except to keep on accumulating points, and this struck me as sufficient. What else was there?"
..........................
"Girls went by, but not a lot of them, and few that were available to our kind. Twelve years after Princeton had gone coed, the campus sex ratio still favored males by a considerable margin, placing a premium on pretty women that only rich boys and quarterbacks could pay. Our shape-shifting, agile, approval-seeking brains may have entitled us to live and study with the children of the ruling class, but not to mate with them."
............................</p>
<p>"Who knew that the essense of high culture would turn out to be teasing the poor fools who still believed in it? Certainly no one back in Minnesota. Well, the joke was on them, and I was in on it. I could never go back there now, not with a straight face."</p>
<p>This is one experience. My son is not at Princeton he is at Pomona and has had an amazing experience. My only concern is he wants to join the peace corp before getting his PhD and I hope the climate of the world is safer by then. He is thriving in his college experience so I can't talk for the Ivy's but I would not make generalizations based on that haunting tale.</p>
<p>MotherofTwo,
It doesn't say when he attended, but if it went coed around 1970, then the 1980s sounds about right. Same time I was in college.</p>
<p>Arizonamom,
Yep, just one experience. But a sobering one for those of us with kids who might get into elite schools based on merit alone (rather than legacy, money, etc...). I wonder if today there is still truth to his experience at P? I did get a taste of "the essense of high culture would turn out to be teasing the poor fools who still believed in it" when I went back to college for my masters in English, 14 years after getting my BA in it. Turns out the entire field had been turned on its head, and talking about the meaning of a piece of literature was considered laughably naive. It was all about deconstructing texts... finding Meaning was hopeless and childish. Princeton was ahead of the curve, which is why I wasn't exposed to postmodernism at my state univ. during the early 80s and which is why I felt like a complete rube when I got back to it. (though I still cling to the idea that author's create meaning, even <em>gasp</em> universal meaning). :)</p>
<p>Momof: Your incas will be fine. By far, most kids get into Ivies (as elsewhere) on merit--and my understanding is that legacies, etc., don't get in if they're not qualified, either. My S, admittedly much more laidback in HS than the writer, apparently (no academic competitions, Model UN or any of that, for him,) is doing fine at Columbia, loves the imtellectual atmosphere, and his feeling is that this is why everyone else is there, too. Maybe it's because it's a different time, or maybe it's because he likes learning for it's own sake, not for winning prizes like the writer, but his experience so far couldn't be farther from what you've summarized.</p>
<p>I would say that my son who is a junior at Stanford was sort of competitive high school, as far as academic competitions etc., but also likes to learn for learning's sake. There are a lot of smart kids like him at Stanford, and I have never heard him mention anything about socieconomic distinctions or anyone feeling out of place because of their family background (or ethnic background, for that matter.)</p>
<p>I read the article with the eye of someone from poverty who found myself at Harvard in the late 70s. My experience could not have been more different. To the contrary, I found myself befriended by people I would have expected to be snobs and their families as well. I found a type of openmindedness I had never seen before. I fear the author created his own experience. Please do not let the experience of one unstable person effect your believing that there is a place for all at the top colleges. The schools I'm afraid of are the ones you can still buy your way into, where wealthy kids who can not bank on their talents may still cling to their wealth/position to define themselves.</p>
<p>I enjoyed a story on 60 Minutes last night about a girl from Uganda who went from her third world village to a New England prep school where she found herself very welcome.</p>
<p>Kirmum,
"The schools I'm afraid of are the ones you can still buy your way into, where wealthy kids who can not bank on their talents may still cling to their wealth/position to define themselves."</p>
<p>That's what worried me about this essay. Not having any experience with elite colleges, I wondered if this was still happening. It's very nice to know your experience at Harvard was so different. And, you are right, he may have created his own experience (and he definitely takes himself to task in the essay; I admire his honesty because he makes himself out to be extremely shallow and fake, exposing many flaws and mistakes, as well). </p>
<p>In your opinion, what type of schools, if not Ivies, would this type of situation still play out with frequency? </p>
<p>Garland, what your S is experiencing -- the intellecutual atmosphere -- at Columbia is what I'd like for my S (whether at Chicago where's he's been accepted EA or some other schools he's applied to). Glad to hear yours has found it!</p>
<p>DadofSam -- lol, sort of a cross between Wonder Boys and Good Will Hunting!</p>
<p>momof2inca -- I second Garland on Columbia. My son,like hers, is having a fine intellectual experience so far as well as fun. He also liked Chicago and, interestingly, didn't apply to Princeton, though he did apply and get into some other elite schools.</p>
<p>I have only your summary of the Atlantic article to go by, but I wonder how much it generalizes beyond Princeton. Did any of you read "The Rule of Four?" It's a sort of mystery written by two friends -- a recent Princeton grad and a recent Harvard grad -- but set on the Princeton campus. Much description of social events and eating clubs. I don't know how accurate it was, but it certainly depicted a campus culture that doesn't seem inconsistent with your quick summary of the Atlantic piece. Not that it didn't depict students with intellectual curiosity, but also students with lots and lots of old money and very different kind of atmosphere than what my son describes at Columbia, which used to be nicknamed "the working class Ivy".</p>
<p>Back in my day, I do think ivies had leanings reflective of the past. From everything I saw on my college tour last year with daughter and everything I hear from kids at these schools today, merit reigns. I have a very hard time believing that there is an ivy left where spoiled, rich kids hold sway. Anyone who has kids at an affluent private school knows that really, it is not the spoiled kids who make it into top colleges. The hard working, involved, achieving kids are in general kids with good values. When I read the list of kids who make it to the best colleges from the very good schools my children attendr, all seems right with the world. They are the kids who give, who in a true meritocracy have earned their places. </p>
<p>The colleges I worry about? I will be flamed if I mention names. Just look at private colleges with a majority of kids from private schools, low rate of minorities, low rate of financial aid........</p>
<p>There are spoiled rich kids just about everywhere. And some of the worst of the spoiled brats are not even rich. When I went to college, I was not overly aware of income discrepancies, and it really did not bother me a whit that I was on financial aid and worked at the cafeteria to stretch my money out a bit. In fact, several of the girls on my floor joined me at the job, as they could use a few extra dollars and did not feel like asking parents for it. However, my brother was always overly sensitive about these issues even though as the baby of the family, the money flow was better for him. So different people have different outlooks.</p>
<p>Well, in this essay, the rich kids buy new furniture and carpet for the common room in their house. The stuff is delivered one day to the surprise of the author, a freshman, who is told he has to come up with his share of the cost, which is about $500. He didn't have it and told them. So from then on, they refused to let him touch the furniture or carpet.</p>
<p>I lived in a "Three's Company" scenario one summer. We took turns cooking and though we did buy basic groceries together, we would often find we needed to run to the store to supplement when making the meal. Well, our cheapskate roommate decided to put up a list with 3 columns so that every time we spent anything on food, it was split 3 ways at the end of the week. So he duly recorded the can of peas, and hot dog buns he bought. Our "Julia Child" who had been subsidizing some top level cuisine, had bought Grand Marnier, phyllo dough, and any number of expensive groceries. So much for that idea. We never had any other issues regarding money after that.</p>
<p>This gives me pause and I really wonder why I never felt left out. Certainly many of my peers in college were wealthy. However, between financial aid funds, my work study job and the dollars I made doing research for a professor, I never felt I couldn't participate in the meals out and occassional ski trips with everyone else.</p>
<p>Kirmum I suspect just as the author, you had as much to do with "the creation of your own experience" as he did. Momof2inca, Adverse reactions to new environments can happen in any situation, the only thing you can do is educate your child to posible difficulties, and pray he will stay safe and emotionally secure. Some who go to Ivy's turn out fine, and some have truly horrible experiences--as in life, they can't be predicted or controled. </p>
<p>The best you can do is inform your son of your fears, have him read the article and any information you can get your hands on. If he gets in provide him with the vast array of student support services they have at Princeton, and at sever signs of trouble face the possibility that your son might have to (worst case situation) change schools.</p>
<p>Anyway I'm sure your son will be just fine and your fears are unconfounded, and just those of a mother about to send her baby boy off to University. Best of luck!</p>
<p>My D attends an east coast elite college, and I tend to agree with Garland and sac. I think so many kids at top schools are there on merit today that those who are not are actually the odd ones. I remember my D telling me after the first snow that she and her roomates were going down to the thrift shop to find their Brazilian roomate a coat, as she didn't own anything warm enough. They rarely eat at the many interesting eateries because they know that their meal card is paid for, and they don't want to waste it. I've actually been impressed with the frugality and care that my own D has shown regarding her finances. Two of her roomates have paying jobs at school and seem proud of the fact.
I'm sure there are wealthy kids who have lavish vacations and habits, but it doesn't seem the norm at all - or they keep it to themselves.</p>
<p>Funny, only in my recent research of boarding prep schools did I come to realize that wealthy kids often want to keep their wealth a secret. As I've endeavored to find out how my mixed race, affluent but not wealthy child would feel among the "elite", I got the same answer over and over: It's the wealthy who feel they have something to hide! Go figure!!</p>