Many airports offer the lanyard for free. I emailed our local airport and they sent one at no charge.
2 Likes
I just wanted to say that I think you are a wonderful mom and I wish your daughter the very best.
14 Likes
This made me tear up,thanks for such kind words. All of this is new to me and I have such regret for not getting my DD a diagnosis long ago so I am working with a lot of guilt on my part. The CC forum has been a great place to learn!
6 Likes
I never heard of this so I appreciate the information,thanks!
1 Like
Hey, we all just do the best we can. And thatâs not perfect, because guess what? No oneâs perfect! You are a great Mom!
8 Likes
It sounds like youâve gotten some good advice and are at least on a good path for now to manage this crisis.
I have to say that my hackles went up when you said she joined an âAutism Speaksâ group. Most people donât realize this, but most autistic people dislike that organization and do not consider it helpful. Iâll leave it to you to read about those issues if you want, as there is lots of info on the internet if you feel so inclined!
Iâd encourage you and your daughter to explore some of the resources offered from groups that are led by autistic people, such as the Autistic Self Advocacy Network, and the Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network. When it comes to disability, the mantra to remember is âNothing about us, without us!â
These groups focus on educating people about the wide range of autistic people and experiences (If youâve met one autistic person, youâve met⌠one autistic person). Most importantly, they provide wonderful resources for helping autistic people (and their friends and family) to understand and obtain the support that they need.
So glad you can be such a wonderful support for your daughter!
3 Likes
Hang in there! Please donât beat yourself up. Autism is a spectrum disorder, and none are alike in symptoms. When people think of an autistic person, they think âRain man.â I also had misconceptions, and the only indications that made me think my child MIGHT have autism were hand flapping and trouble making eye contact. His verbal skills were good and he even had a few friends. He wasnât diagnosed until he was 13 years old.
My autistic child is still in high school, so I am not there yet. But after all of my negative experiences with my kidâs academics, I can tell you that it is quite common for ASD children to be functionally behind their peer group. Your daughter may be 18 years old, but she is likely a few years behind in terms of maturity and other life skills.
For example, ASD kids typically have executive function and organizational deficits, fine and gross motor coordination issues, and attention problems in addition to their autism. College is hard enough for a neurotypical person; for an autistic person, it can be disastrous.
I am glad to hear that the college is supporting your daughter. I am wishing yourfamily the best of luck! Given that she got through high school with honors and without an IEP or 504 Plan, she does have skills to succeed academically in college. Socially, it is likely more difficult for her.
I also wanted to add that if, despite all the counseling and academic supports, she is still miserable, she may need to take a break from college to figure out what she wants to do. As I mentioned, ASD kids are functionally behind their peers and may need a few years to catch up. Ultimately, it will be her decision when/how she finishes college.
6 Likes
Iâm sorry your daughter has been struggling, but Iâm so glad youâre there and that youâve already had such a positive meeting with the school.
I wrote before about my D21, who is not autistic, but has always been a high-needs kid, with anxiety, sensory issues and dyslexia. I have often felt like I could have done better as a parentârealized things sooner, been more preventative, etc. But, I have always shown up for her and just been there, even if I donât say or do the perfect thing. Despite how desperate and difficult things have gotten when sheâs been in crisis, she knows that she is not alone in what feels to her like overwhelming chaos. Thatâs what youâve done for your daughter, and itâs a huge gift.
She will figure this out with your help and whatever support she needs from the counselor, medication, accommodations. Maybe it would help to think that she just needs to figure out how to get from here to fall break (or Thanksgiving). She doesnât need to grow up and figure out a career right now. Just wade into being a college student, which is a really big deal and goes so far beyond the academics.
You were wise to reach out to other parents! People arenât always open about this stuff IRL, but the not-a-straight-line experience is so common for kids leaving the nestâ¤ď¸.
9 Likes
It sounds like thereâs a chance your daughter is experiencing something like autistic burnout. If you do a google image search for âautistic burnout adultâ you will find infographics with the symptoms, causes, and solutions. It makes total sense that sheâd be experiencing some of these things given the challenges of her new environment.
Her Autism Club is actually breaking away from Autism Speaks because of this reason. I think some universities went with AS because it was a nationally-recognized group.
4 Likes
You should have zero regrets. There is not even a consensus on how to approach all of this even among the âexperts.â You support for you daughter sounds like it has been exemplary.
8 Likes
This DX is new for your daughter and you. It takes time to understandâŚitâs not an automatic thing. Iâm glad someone is working with your daughter and you to help sort what is related to this DX, and what might not be.
And pleaseâŚno guilt. If your daughter had needed help earlier, Iâm sure you would have sought that help!
2 Likes
OP- hugs to you. If itâs any comfort, I have a cousin who has a kid who got a DX as a toddler- the kid is now a teenager, and even after so many years, so many interventions, so many specialists, so much support, the health professionals who work with the family do not agree on what to do, how to handle things that come up. And THAT is itâs own special brand of guilt and doubt and wondering âwhat did we do wrongâ. Every time they get conflicting advice from the therapist/MD/OT they start to spiral. (increase the dose. decrease the dose. get more exercise. take up a musical instrument and cut back on the athletics. see a nutritionist. let him eat whatever he wants. see a sleep specialist. start him on melatonin for sleep. more therapy, less therapy- you get it.)
Bottom line is that you are there for your D and thatâs whatâs happening right now. You are both going to get through this- whatever âgetting throughâ means- and you canât start with the coulda/shouldaâs.
Hugs to you. This is a challenging situation and you are a wonderful parentâŚ
4 Likes
My friendâs daughter had a lot of trouble adjusting to college. Many of her Dx sound like your daughter (autism, ADHD) but sheâd had most of her issues diagnosed when she was much younger so had dealt with medications and other issues longer than your daughter.
High school was a very enclosed environment. She had help dealing with everything, from noise levels to medication to sleep routines. It is much harder at college when freshmen are trying to deal with everything new all at once.
Maybe your daughter should focus on one thing and try to set that up. New doctors? One club? Setting an eating, study, sleeping routine?
I think you can only take it one day at a time. At least your daughter is communicating her difficulties with you and not trying to do it all alone.
1 Like
Yesâit should help a lot to know that D is keeping op in the loop and communicating when she needs help even if she doesnât know what kind of help. That is a great first step for opâs D.
Op-you seem very willing and able to help. I helped my s a lot the first year with navigating college and that is what he needed at the time. Someone upthread mentioned being behind peers in some areas. It is really like sending someone in an 18/19 yo body with sometimes a 10 or 12 yo ability in other areasâŚso I donât always listen to the âlet them figure it out in their ownâ like many neurotypical students. You and your D (and really anyone) should be allowed to have your own timeline and what works best for you at the time.
2 Likes
I am on my third kid who is on the spectrum and/or with high needs. My two nephews also both just got diagnosed. Every word on this thread is relatable and I am bookmarking it!
After 21 years so far I will say that medications can make a big difference if monitored and prescribed correctly. And you need a real expert for that. IME a general physician just doesnât have that level of expertise. There are literally 100 different meds that can assist greatly and then infinite combos and dosages of each of those. Ideally you need a Psychiatrist who has done this for years and specializes in youth and young adults.
Just throwing that in there since meds havenât been mentioned much yet here. And there is a lot of help available beyond a low dose anti depressant like prozac or Lexapro (though these can be helpful for sure at the correct dosage).
For our family we have found that the relentless onslaught of anxiety and depression on oneâs body is incredibly harmful to oneâs health. The health of your body, mind and spirit. For us, those horrible side effects are way worse than any the meds have dealt.
3 Likes
BTW, the meds arenât for âcuringâ anything. Autism is absolutely a superpower. Anxiety and Depression mean that you care deeply and that is a super power.
But this world isnât designed around unique and special folks and deeply introspective folks who are highly self aware and very in touch with their own humanity.
The meds help one thrive and function within the parameters of this social structure we cannot control. Especially for younger people.
The meds are like sunscreen, insulin, heart meds.
6 Likes
Youâre doing a great job. This is difficult to navigate for those of us whoâve been in the community for many years; there isnât a manual, and all we can do is try our best and adjust on the fly. One thing to keep in mind is even young adults with advanced academic achievements can be behind socially and more importantly, emotionally. They may lag behind in things like conflict resolution and emotional processing. A good therapist can help with skills to process the new emotions which I imagine may be overwhelming at the moment. Add that to the feshman blues, and her mind may be âheavyâ with so many things to process. She is making such wonderful progress in a very short amount of time; hopefully her therapist can offer some perspective into how far sheâs come with self acceptance and advocacy. Thatâs actually pretty amazing. Reach out if you need anything, or even just to vent. 
7 Likes
I am so sorry to hear about your daughterâs struggles. Iâm also a mom to a kid on the spectrum. Autism really is a global delay. Even though she can handle the academics, she may not be ready for all thatâs entailed in living away from home. I think you did just the right thing in going to her immediately. Obviously her safety is the primary concern. I would also encourage her to stay, with frequent visits planned. But, if her mental health issues donât Improve, you may need to look at moving her home and having her do school nearby or online. Autism is just tricky. My son was diagnosed at 5 years old. I feel like an expert on my kid and autism, but then something unexpected punches me in the face.
7 Likes
As far as medication we might explore other options but weâre thinking itâs best to do that over a long break like the summer so sheâd be home where we could monitor her.
5 Likes