Between this thread and the hospice discussion on the “Parents caring for parents” I am getting a big sense of PTSD, or at least, deja vu. Families are complicated, and I really was a “go along to get along” type of person, until I realized that I was in a VERY dangerous situation. I will say, the hospice people and attorneys that deal with elder care and elder finances have seen everything. Get outside advice from people who have seen more than you have.
3 Likes
I have seen long-estranged children reappear after a divorce, when their mother suddenly had money. I can only imagine what the situation would have looked like if her ex had died first before the divorce. I’m very happy she and her children are no longer part of my extended family, I would not have enjoyed watching my relatives deal with that mess.
1 Like
Yep, this is exactly why my husband has had to deal with this now and if things get better then we will happily change things.
What I also can’t believe is how common these things are and how many people have family estrangements. Life is too short, but when you have a very bitter person meddling where they shouldn’t be, then it makes things all the more difficult.
2 Likes
For an update on my dad’s long drawn out saga, I got news today via my nephew and his lawyer that sis did, indeed, fire her lawyer. Evidently he told her something she didn’t want to hear, and of course, he’s wrong because she knows everything. This was lawyer #3 but lawyer #1 needed to be fired so I don’t hold that against her. Lawyer #2 probably made the same mistake as Lawyer #3.
Nephew’s lawyer submitted something to the court saying, in effect, that “Hey, this is what’s been going on for over 2 years now. Do something.” Time will tell if they do, and if so, what.
I’m pretty sure it will take sis a long time to find a 4th lawyer. She’s assured me that all of them in her county are dumb and crooked. If any word gets around, no smart lawyer will want to touch her with a 20 foot pole. I’m not even sure she’s paid the last two. Maybe.
Sis texted me yesterday asking if I had paid the mortgage on her (my) place (dad’s house she’s living in, but technically should be mine). I told her no and reminded her if I had to I’d sell it ASAP and would have 2 1/2 years ago as it’s not worth pouring more money into considering it needs to be torn down. Roughly 9K is left on the mortgage - she’s been paying it from the estate money up to now I’m pretty sure, but the estate account has supposedly been drained - esp since she hasn’t sold anything substantial to keep it going.
After I texted her that, she texted back telling me she knew I always hated her…
My patience broke at that point. I texted her the post I made in the “Say it here” thread. I actually sent it. So… I’m back on the naughty list, but it feels good not getting a gazillion texts in daily detailing her minute by minute life. Unfortunately it also means I have no inside info from her POV about this. I probably don’t want it.
I hope the court can just appoint someone to take over and get it done. I don’t envy that person. I doubt there’s much left to inherit even after things are sold.
I’m sorry dad. You don’t know how many times I’ve gotten mad at myself for turning you down as executrix when you asked, but I will still try to see that nephew gets the property you left him.
8 Likes
Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry you’re going through that!
I’m kind of dreading going down to Austin and dealing with my sister as we look through Mom’s things. I don’t know, she’s just so prickly lately. I feel like anything I say, she wants to argue with me. All I want is a few things out of Mom’s jewelry collection, really. My tastes aligned very closely with Mom’s (contemporary), while Sis likes old-fashioned stuff, so I don’t know why she would object.
I wish you well.
I’ve told my kids if they do any sort of fussing even remotely like this when we’re gone I’m going come back to earth and haunt them for life.
4 Likes
I’m hoping I’m wrong. I know Sis is exhausted from the last month of caring for Mom. And I sure appreciate her efforts. I think she’s gotten a lot of sleep the last couple of days. She was enthusiastic about going out for Tex Mex tomorrow night to celebrate my and my son’s birthday, so that’s a good sign.
6 Likes
I want my kids to take anything of mine/Mom’s that they want now (or when they get a house). They are likely to want almost nothing.
2 Likes
I’m predicting a squabble coming up in my wife’s family. My MIL inherited money and real estate from her parents and from her husband, who died a number of years ago. She and her siblings inherited included a company her mother had built and then she inherited a company her husband had built. Her brother as executor of the parents’ estate decided to run the mother’s company and bankrupted it. She decided to try to my FIL’s company. In both cases, they squandered millions of dollars. There is real estate as well, but she has decided (contrary to advice from me and from her lawyer) to give a valuable chunk of real estate to her grandkids because none of her kids want to take care of it (It is a huge property and the only two families that can afford it already have country houses).
But the problem will arise from another property. One of the four siblings has long said she wants that house. In the original plan, she would get it as part of her inheritance (assuming that its value is no more than 1/4 of the total estate). But, she has convinced her mother that she wants to own it now. Unfortunately, she can’t afford it – after a promising start in one career, she went into touchy-feely health stuff and neither she nor her husband worried about making much money and were subsidized for years by the mother. Their only real asset is a two-family house whose downpayment came from his dad and which has appreciated a lot in value but that she doesn’t plan to sell. So, she wants to get the house today but to pay for it out of her inheritance when the mother dies.
There are two problems with that. Financially, it is asking the other kids to forgo the appreciation in the house for no benefit. And two of the other three kids love using the house. They would be deprived of its use.
I would have no financial issue if she either purchased the house today at FMV from her mother and left the cash in the estate to grow; or took it when her mother died as part of her share. The latter proviso is important because it is unclear that, if her Mom lives to say 100 (11 years, I think), there would be enough other assets in the estate to equalize.
The legal structure is for estate tax reasons is that the mother has a life interest in the house and the grasping sister and ShawWife have remainder interests. This means that ShawWife would have to consent to give up her interest. She says she will do it if her mother wants it. I have suggested that she say she will do it but wants to make sure it is done in a way that is fair to all siblings.
Feel sorry for ShawWife and for you for what you will ultimately have to put up with all those people in the mix!!
What about the other 2 sibs? Don’t they have remainder interests, also?
@CTTC, no and yes on the other two sibs’ interest. ShawWife’s family is Canadian but ShawWife and the grabby sib live in the US. This property is in the US and I discovered that if a non-US owns a property and dies, the government wants to make sure it gets estate tax on the house (my memory here is vague, but I think this is correct) and sort of impounds it until it gets the tax. I had suggested to my in-laws to set up a US company to buy it, but they didn’t. Later, the MIL went to a lawyer who came up with this structure.
There was also a Canadian house that she put in the names of the two Canadian sib taxpayers.
We had an agreement among the sibs that when either house was disposed of and taxes paid, the owners of house that was sold would compensate the other two.
I sorted out the Canadian house last year. Because of the MIL’s vagueness – she told everyone 25 years ago that she didn’t want to take care of the Canadian house. First three and two people signed up and maintained it. Then she said that although it was legally in the name of the two Canadian kids, all four kids owned it. Given the lack of clarity about who owned it, people did the minimum maintenance and the house declined. Over the past two years, we and a Canadian sib bought the other two out and knocked the house down and rebuilt it. The lot, which was what we in effect bought from the others, was not worth that much. But, given that folks were in two Canadian provinces and the US, there were meaningful tax issues that I sorted out (and saved the group quite a bit) and we closed the transaction.
The US house is worth a lot more and has jumped up in value in COVID. It has the same vagueness – two own it but all four nominally own it.
I’m curious, do the siblings that don’t have interest in the vacation property (and don’t pay), do they expect to be able to visit?
I know a couple of situations where the sibs who don’t have ownership or any financial interest, also expect to be able to use the property.
It can be a sticky situation with inherited properties
3 Likes
It all sounds quite complicated! I have my own weird tale to tell re H’s family and the inheritance scheme MIL cooked up. Things could get quite ugly after she dies.
@deb922, that is an issue. At one level they expect to and the MIL states that the other sibs should be able to visit, but that really isn’t sensible. This will cause problems.
@CTTC, it is but the complication is due to the combination of MIL’s unwillingness to listen and her lack of clarity.
“The legal structure is for estate tax reasons is that the mother has a life interest in the house” - Is that done via a trust or a deed? It sounds useful in some scenarios, but it must be tricky figuring out who pays the monthly expenses and the big ticket upkeep (new roof etc).
1 Like
Ugh, we also have a kind of vague thing going on with H’s family vacation home. His parents added his name on the deed a few years back - probably not the ideal move, but I think it was done so that he wouldn’t have to pay the increased basis on the property taxes when his parents pass. But the will stipulates that the house is an “advance on his inheritance,” and his S will be compensated for her half when his mom dies. His mom told him that his S needs to be able to use it sometimes. I don’t like the potential messiness of the wording about his ownership, and I worry that his S could actually get joint ownership if she decides to challenge it. I also worry about her deciding to spend too much time at the vacation house - she used to spend the whole summer there, so that’s what bothers me. I don’t want to be caretaker of her vacation home. We are prepared to sell if things get sticky. It would be a bummer, but it would be the best decision.
@CTTC do tell…
1 Like
Sometimes it is easier to be poor. We won’t inherit anything, and I don’t think my kids will either if I keep living and spending it on things like food.
5 Likes
I think I am glad that we nor our parents have a vacation home.