B.U. essay Please critique?

<p>Students consider many different factors when applying to college? essay… please cr
Hi! I am applying to B.U. and I had to write this supplement essay. I haven’t run it by <em>anyone</em> yet, please “INDICATE” can problem u kind with this essay. Also I have been in the U.S. for 2 years, so if there is any grammatical mistakes please let me know. Does it need to be any longer? All kinds of helps are appriciated… :)</p>

<p>A year ago, when I was a high school junior, I decided to visit different colleges and universities. I have already looked up some schools online and kind of made up my mind where I wanted to apply. Second thing I wanted to do was to visit different schools in Massachusetts. Since I was not in the U.S. for a long time; I decided to go with my cousin who himself was a Graduate student of Tufts University at that time. He decided to take me to Boston University first as a part of my college visit. The moment I set my foot in the campus of Boston University, I was amazed. The first thing that came to my mind was- “I can see myself in Boston University.” It was just love at first sight.
I walked around the campus-The campus was enormous, it was beautiful, it was like an attractive female who amazed me with all her beauty and made me her blind lover. The environment of the school attracted me. The school had an atmosphere of relaxed focus. I could just sit under a tree and could study in a relaxed environment without any disturbance like I do at home, I noticed although the campus is big, students know each other very well and on top they are very friendly. The thing that fascinated me more was to see how diverse the students were. There were students from all over the world. That made me more interested to go to B.U. as I always wanted to meet people from all over the world, wanted to learn more about the cultures of different countries. The professors looked friendly. Although my cousin told me to attend a class; I refused to do that thinking what the professor would ask me some kind of questions and I answer something stupid. Then that would hinder my wish to get into that desired school of mine. Then my cousin suggested talking to some students to explore the majors offered in B.U. As I talked to couple of students; I discovered the huge selection of majors that I can choose from if I go to Boston University. I also discovered that B.U. offers a 7 year accelerated medical program which is perfect for me since I wanted to go to the field of medicine and public health. Besides College of Arts & Sciences also offers some good pre-medical courses if I decide not to get into the Accelerated Medical Program right away. Students are also given great opportunities for interning not only domestically but internationally as well. I thought that, the opportunity for interning for top hospitals would allow me to experience the work environment while still continuing my studies.
On top of all of these Studying in the heart of Boston and just a couple of miles away from my house will allow me to live with my family and I could easily travel to the University from my house. I also thought that, with numerous advantages for students to travel, the study abroad program will offer me the multi-cultured experience that I always dreamt of being apart and that the other universities couldn’t offer. Academically the school is ranked as one of the nation’s top schools, which is an important factor in the decision-making process. Considering all of these facts, I decided to apply to Boston University and I thought that getting into that school would be the greatest gift I would ever get in my life.</p>

<p>k i like it but you should correct your grammar (especially the use of comma and semicolon) a bit. you can ask your cousin who attended Tufts. it's longer than mine but yeah... i think you can erase some sentences.. i get the idea that you LOVE BU. but i think you can certainly shorten it :) goodoooooooooood luck teeheeeeee</p>

<p>good but avoid cliches...and consider drawing the reader in with a clever hook :)</p>

<p>Thanks for the comments, That's really helpful. I appreciate the comments. </p>

<p>Can you guys chance me at B.U. please.Here is the link.
<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/boston-university/615053-chance-me-b-u-please.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/boston-university/615053-chance-me-b-u-please.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Nervous Tiger
How do I draw the reader in with a clever hook? Any suggestion?</p>

<p>Wet blanket here. This essay is a yawner. If I had spent a few hours reading essays there's nothing in this one to make me notice you at all. You like BU? How nice. So do I. Next essay please. </p>

<p>"The professors looked friendly"?</p>

<p>i think you should take the Tufts part out; i heard that colleges hate seeing another college's name on their application...
and maybe you should try to add some more life into your essay by adding some of your voice in it.</p>

<p>yeah i agree, clean up the grammar. there are lots of subject verb agreement problems and stuff like that</p>

<p>"The campus was enormous, it was beautiful, it was like an attractive female who amazed me with all her beauty and made me her blind lover."</p>

<p>-Huh? A blind lover? Why would an attractive female make you blind? I don't get it. And to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't submit this essay. Everyone here knows how wonderful BU is, that's why we still have tens of thousands of applicants every year even with a $50,000 cost. Admissions doesn't need you to tell them that. This essay would hurt you in the end, not only because of bad grammar, but because it's boring and doesn't sound professional. Admissions wants to know WHY they should accept YOU; they already know you like the school otherwise you wouldn't apply. If no one has told you this before, I will tell you now: you are supposed to sell yourself on a college application. "Oh wow, Jimmy has done research? Is published? Has a 3.8? I want him at BU!" not "Oh wow, Jimmy likes BU! Awesome! Let's bring him on down!"</p>