Critique on my BU supplement?

<p>Most of you probably know the topic, but I’m supposed to write about who or what influenced me to decide to apply to BU. I wasn’t sure if I should take out the intro…I’m really obsessed with introductions like these that draw the readers in, and my Common App essay is the same way, and I feel like I may not need to do this for a “brief” supplement essay. Should I add more information about BU? I wanted to emphasize how suitable I am to be a BU student, rather than how much I want to go there.</p>

<pre><code>Being born and raised in Seoul, South Korea, I have always been a city person. After moving to the quiet, suburban “Columbia bubble” in Maryland, I learned to appreciate everything about a city. I missed the tall buildings, the busy streets, and surprisingly enough, the noise and the traffic that came with a city life. When I visited Boston for the first time this past summer, I knew it was the perfect place for my undergraduate education.

While there are more than 20 colleges currently located in the city of Boston, I have my reasons as to why I chose to apply to Boston University. One of the first things I learned about BU was that it offers 250 majors and minors, making it a great place for opportunities. Total undergraduate enrollment of more than 16,000 students is another fact that appealed to me. Attending one of the largest private universities in the United States means more open doors to various cultural and academic experiences. Because there is no distinct separation between the campus and the city, I also knew that I would fit right into the surroundings.

Furthermore, my record of standardized testing scores, grade point average, and extracurricular activities pointed to the high likelihood that I will excel in many fields at Boston University. I also came to the conclusion that my experiences in leadership, arts, and service will be a valuable asset to the school. I believe that Boston University, in every aspect, can provide me with the most suitable post-secondary education.
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<p>I would really appreciate any advice/comment on this essay!</p>

<p>I like the intro. Being a "city" campus, I think it adds strength to your short essay showing you fully understand the campus setting. A lot of kids just apply without every visiting so this shows you have thought about it and visited.</p>

<p>No offense to you, but I don't think its very good. (As far as content) I think you should focus more about why you will do well there and I don't mean because you did well on a silly standardized test. Picture yourself walking down Comm Ave...... Expresso Royale. At west campus eating a west campus burger...... Your supplement in its current state seems to be taken from the viewbook. Call me crazy. I wrote about some obscure stuff that you would really have to search deep to find or for that matter realize.</p>

<p>I agree with BUBound09. BU doesn't judge u just based on ur SAT, grades or how u do. The supplement I wrote is way better. If you want I can send it to you but not before Jan 2nd. But think more about why it's perfect more u, not because it's located in a city, but what major u gonna take and things like that.</p>

<p>BUBound09: My friend actually told me the same exact thing when I sent my supplement to her. Thanks for your help...I'll definitely make a lot of changes to this essay.</p>

<p>sowmit: Telling me your essay is "way better" than mine wasn't the kind of comment I was looking for. And no, I do not want your essay, thanks.</p>

<p>Your first paragraph seems to trail off why you selected BU. It just talks about wanting to go to a school in an urban area. There are plenty of schools in Boston and plenty more in other urban area such as New York or Los Angles. You could have written about the historical/educational appeal of the city of Boston that separates it from all the other metropolitan areas of the US. And it also seems like you didn't appreciate your experience in Maryland, which actually is a great point to show BU that you have a unique background that may add to the diversity of BU.
This second paragraph does explain why you chose BU, but the facts are rather very well-known. (People who are not interested in BU may know this as well) You should add specific details as to what cultural and academic experiences appeal to you. If you have a specific major in mind you should even look up some professor and their works that catch your eye.
And as for the last paragraph. Please don't add in your first sentence. It seems like you think you should be accepted on the base of your test scores and not who you are. Plus, they already know what your test scores are. Show a different side of you. They what to know who you are as a person, not how well you can score on the SATs.
Hope this helped! And I'm from Seoul too :D</p>

<p>you can only have 750 characters which is a long paragraph. you should narrow down your reasons and highlight only a few of your strongest appeals. good luck</p>

<p>little27, you do realize that this blog is a year old, right? the essay question has changed. lol</p>

<p>LOL, oh tg. i was going to say…‘were we supposed to write about this!!!’ haha :)</p>

<p>haha oops, I am new to this site. I just thought I’d offer my advice</p>