I wanted to write my essay with the prompt asking about a challenge I once faced. I was planning on writing about the day I waitressed during the total solar eclipse. My town was in the path of perfect totality and 20,000 tourists came to my town to watch. The quaint eatery I worked at suddenly had overflowed to above maximum capacity (there was a line out the door). I had extremely rude people that I had never encountered before call me terrible things (“bad word starting with s” and “worthless” although I wouldn’t put that in my essay) and I was actually praised by my coworkers that day for handling things so well. I wanted to write about how this negative experience shaped me positively-- it taught me resilience, empathy, and crisis management skills. (also, at the time of this I had just turned sixteen) If anyone has any tips on how to make this better, please reply!! Greatly appreciated.
Great start. Interesting, reflective & revealing.
This is a great start indeed. Very unique, attention grabbing, and shows a new side of you.
@lizlizzy: Best to think carefully about the structure of your essay & about what you would like to communicate to the reader, then just write a draft. Let it sit for a few days & edit & rewrite. (Although I do recognize that there are different types of writers, I think that you have more than enough time to write a draft, think for a few days & then rewrite.)
@op, I cannot speak for adcoms, but for me: you’ve already got me hooked! As I read your op, I honestly looked forward to reading the rest of your story…
It is a good basis. But… don’t come off as whiny about how hard it was and how mean people were.
That was my main worry! I don’t want to come across as whiny or with a “pity me” attitude, but it was an extremely tough experience. I’m having trouble figuring out to depict the challenge without it coming across poorly. Thanks for your insight!
Reveal your thought process about these encounters. Describe your initial thoughts & reactions. How did this comments affect you then & how did they affect your view of others & the world.
Don’t be afraid to include some fears, doubts & self criticisms. It is a big & varied world. Can you handle it ?
Were you excited about the eclipse? Did you get to see it? Maybe the stress at the restaurant becomes a smaller part of the story. Maybe your perspective has changed as you look back — you got to be part of an exciting nationwide science event. It was stressful due to crowds and some unhappy customers, but it as also a once in a lifetime intellectual experience. And you are proud of how you handled the pressure. I’d spend very limited time on how awful people were (like, a sentence or two). I bet there were some customers who were nice and patient as well.
Read the tips at the top of this forum. You don’t want to come across as negative or kvetching too much about people. Answering the question precisely doesn’t always make the best essay. Many experiences can be viewed in different lights when you think about them more.
I think that the rudeness & unexpected behavior of others could be portrayed as a growth experience for you. Rudeness conveyed as a one time event would be just the sharing of a past experience, but revealing how that behavior affected you then & now shows growth & reflection.
I think talking about the rudeness with no empathy for the customer’s situation could backfire.
Nobody suggested that she do that. In fact, a reflective essay which includes fears, doubts, self criticism should include an attempt to see the situation from different perspectives.
I think a good next step would be do an outline/draft of the essay and see how it turns out.
I would keep the focus on the positives – relay the situation but keep the major part of the essay about how you handled and grew from a difficult situation and how it has shaped/influenced you moving forward in life. The essay is a chance to tell admissions officers why they should want you on campus so keep that in mind as you write.
Please don’t focus just on the positives. Focus on the effect this experience had on you then & now. Be honest, sincere & vulnerable.
@intparent, I know you’re very modest, but your ability take one’s experiences and shape them, and then transition into how the experiences might speak to larger questions, and personal growth…very noteworthy. See post 8 for details, readers. :)>-
Lol. Too bad I’m not writing essays!
Great constructive criticism. Thanks, everyone!
I can picture a very interesting hook to grab readers in… GO for it!