Bad essay :((

<p>My English teacher recently reviewed my common app essay and said it wasn't up to par and said it should include to a better story. Can someone help me? </p>

<p>Yes. What exactly did she mean by “better story?”</p>

<p>Can i pm you the essay with her notes? Sorry for such a late reply i had to go to work. </p>

<p>You can PM me the essay too if you want, I have a good background in English and love reading essays! </p>

<p>I sent you a PM.</p>

<p>If you still need someone to look at it, I can</p>

<p>Sent you a PM.</p>

<p>Have either of you got a chance to read and look over the essay?</p>