Bad SAT essay or good one??? Please check!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Here is the prompt:</p>

<p>“We often hear that we can learn much about someone or something just by casual observation. We are not required to look beneath the surface or to question how something seems. In fact, we are urged to trust our impressions, often our first impressions, of how a person or a situation seems to be. Yet appearances can be misleading. What “seems” isn’t always what is.”</p>

<p>Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is?</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<pre><code> First impressions are usually regarded as the final ones; in other words, they are commonly thought to give a complete overview of someone or something’s true character. This widely held view, however, is a rather erroneous one. First impressions provide only little insight into the whole situation, and afterwards, our perceptions are often clouded by the subjective mindset that we inherit after the first impression. To objectively analyze a person or scenario, a closer examination is needed, one that the first impression does not always provide. Indeed, there are situations where what something seemed was not actually what it was.
</code></pre>

<p>Jane Austen’s enduring novel, Pride and Prejudice, is often considered the epitome of mistaken first impressions. When Elizabeth Bennet first meets Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, her analysis of him is clouded by her initial idea that Darcy is a vain, proud, and conceited man. Of course, Darcy’s actions at the beginning of the novel certainly point to this conclusion, especially when he slights Elizabeth at a local hall. However, when Darcy realizes his love for Elizabeth and professes it, he reveals his true personality. He turns out to be kind, agreeable, sensitive, and empathetic. He begins to treat Elizabeth kindly, and even starts tolerating her mother’s misgivings just for the sake of her. Certainly, what Darcy seemed was not actually what he was.</p>

<p>When the French Revolution began in the 18th century, it seemed as though it was an attempt to bring a republic or democracy to power. However, that was not what actually happened. After a bloody internal strife, in which the prominent figures of the monarchy and thousands of civilians were brutally slaughtered, the French Revolution actually ended where it first began, because it brought another absolute ruler to power (Napolean). Of course, the French Revolution gave Europe the mistaken impression that it was a successor to the American Revolution, when it was a futile journey that changed little in France. </p>

<p>China’s increased economic prosperity has come as a delight to some. The nation is now portrayed as one that is rapidly developing, one which is bound to become one of the wealthiest countries in the world. This impression is a misleading one, because currently China is hampered by poverty, disease, and despair in some of its regions. The rich might be getting richer, but the poor are going nowhere. </p>

<p>The statement “Don’t judge a book by its cover” conveys a truth that transcends written works. It is true almost everywhere, because “what ‘seems’ isn’t always what it is”, as evidenced by Pride and Prejudice, the French Revolution, and China.</p>

<p>If there are any factual inaccuracies, please ignore them. Just tell me how much this essay would get out of 12. Thanks.</p>

2

<p>bump…10char</p>

3

<p>come on… 94 views and no reply!</p>

4

<p>This is good–not 12/12 good, but more like 10/12. You make a few grammar errors here and there, and sometimes, your writing is a little awkward- but it’s only a minor issue. Here are the sentences I find awkward:</p>

<p>1) To objectively analyze a person or scenario (This is a dangling modifier), a closer examination is needed, one that the first impression does not always provide.</p>

<p>2) Indeed, there are situations where (You can only use “where” as a subordinate conjunction when describing a place) what something seemed was not actually what it was (This whole sentence is awkward).</p>

<p>3) When Elizabeth Bennet first meets Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, her analysis (Analysis? That’s kind of funny, to be honest. Impression is a better fit) of him is clouded by her initial idea that Darcy is a vain, proud, and conceited man.</p>

<p>4) He begins to treat Elizabeth kindly, and even starts tolerating her mother’s misgivings just for the sake of her (One, just say “for her sake”. Two, in order to avoid confusing your reader, you should write “for Elizabeth’s sake”).</p>

<p>5) When the French Revolution began in the 18th century, it seemed as though it was (I believe “was” should be “were” because you’re using a subjunctive. Can someone confirm this?) an attempt to bring a republic or democracy to power.</p>

<p>6) After a bloody internal strife, in which (Shouldn’t this be “during which”? I think I’m just being super picky) the prominent figures of the monarchy and thousands of civilians were brutally slaughtered, the French Revolution actually ended where it first began, because it brought another absolute ruler to power ( “Because” isn’t working well here. I guess it works, but I think using a colon is a better choice).</p>

<p>7) It is true almost everywhere, because “what ‘seems’ isn’t always what it is”, as evidenced by Pride and Prejudice, the French Revolution, and China. (This is just awkward. Did you forget a word or two while writing this?)</p>

5

<p>It’s a good essay. You’re on thesis throughout. Your example from Pride and Prejudice is excellent – to the point and well written. Your conclusion is also excellent – nice succinct summary, with the touch of the age old proverb.</p>

<p>To make it stronger:</p>

<p>(1) Streamline your first paragraph. It’s repetitive. You can easily remove 2 of the 5 sentences without losing much.</p>

<p>(2) Add two sentences to your second example. One sentence to quantify what happened as the tide turned from revolution to anarchy; this could be about the trials that followed the revolutions, the instant punishments, and the general repression of the middle class. And a second sentence to provide proof of how the world was misled by the revolution, confusing anarchy with a democracy; here a solid example is needed.</p>

<p>(3) Expand your third example. Your assertions about poverty etc. are weak.</p>

<p>Alternatively, instead of three examples, expand examples 1 and 2 – providing more quantitative proof, especially for 2.</p>

6

<p>10/12</p>

<p>Good writing, but you need to work on thought organization. Make your introduction more concise, and instead of having one strong example (Pride & Prejudice) and 2 weak ones, write 2 solid examples. Draw connections between paragraphs so that your readers can at least catch up with your transition from one example to another. If not, introduce what your examples will be in the first paragraph.</p>

<p>Awkward wording in your conclusion paragraph. Did you rush through it. Also, be more assertive in your conclusion paragraph. You’ve proven your point, now show your confidence.</p>

7

<p>@Cardgames
Thanks for your input bro. I did start to realize that some of my sentences were rather awkward once I copied the essay to MS word. I’ll try to improve my writing and make it less awkward so that I can get a 12/12. :)</p>

8

<p>@fogcity
I did want to do only two examples once I started the essay, but my greed for more content made me write 3. I should have scrapped the China one and expanded the other ones even more. Thanks for your input. :)</p>

9

<p>@rkanan
I did rush through my conclusion because I only had about 3-4 lines remaining. I’ll try to give two good examples instead of three next time. Now, I’ve got to make my conclusion sound more “conclusive” because it was too short and left the reader begging for more. Thanks for your input. :)</p>

10

<p>Is knowing facts as important as understanding ideas and concepts?
Ideas and concepts are a very important part of our life. Ever since we were born, we have been taught to do certain activities; however we learned them from watching other people and then getting the idea of it, not by learning something from a book. Facts make something unquestionable, even though they may change from time to time, whereas understanding concepts makes a person understand the inner workings of an object or a theory and whether it is plausible or not.
The disproved theory of the sun revolving around the earth was at one point considered a fact. Those who just learned this from a book and never researched what was behind it in the end were less intelligent, in comparison to those who did. Galileo was someone who did learn the concept and was thus able to understand why it was not correct and thus proved to us our current theory of the solar system.
Now let us take the theory of an expanding universe, for many centuries scientists believed that the universe was static, even those like Einstein. This was so, because these people were fed these facts from a book and never explained the concept behind it, by their teachers. Due to this they were not able to understand that it was incorrect, Einstein even included this flawed concept in his famed theory of relativity just because he believed that a static universe had to exist.
In conclusion, the circular motion of the earth around the sun is proof that understanding concepts is more paramount in increasing our intellectual capacity. All modern-day discoveries validate this opinion because we can introduce new ideas on concepts whereas we cannot introduce new ideas on facts unless we understand them.</p>

<p>thank you</p>

11

<p>3/6 h6ism… and I’m usually not a tough grader on here.</p>