Score my SAT essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>Here is my SAT essay. I really want to improve my writing. I am quite confused about what to do. Can anyone offer some suggestions? Thanks a lot!</p>

<p>Do images and impressions have too much of an effect on people?</p>

<p>Here is a proverb, saying"to see is to believe."However, this is not exact. Judging something simply based on appearance can lead to misapprehension. Appearance is not always consistent with the essence. Indeed, people rely too much on images and impression when evaluating things.</p>

<p>For example, when Howard Schultz, the former CEO of Starbucks, was a little child, his father, Mr. Schultz lost his legs in a car accident. He indulged himself into drinking alcohol and always smashed little Schultz. Howard though that his father never cared about him. Thus, he studied extremely hard and went to the university to get rid of his parent. He seldom went home or talked to his father on phone. However, after his father's death, Howard discovered a letter for him when sorting his father's bequeath. His father apologized for his inability, and expressed his sincere love for Howard. And surprisingly, Mr. Schultz kept Howard's Christmas gift for decades. Although appeared to be phlegmatic, Mr. Schultz actually concerned about Howard but failed to show his true feeling.</p>

<p>In literature, there is a parallel example. In novel Pride and Prejudice, the heroine Elizabeth Bennet did not like Mr. Darcy at the first glance because he seemed to be arrogant and impolite. Mr. Darcy's behaviors always annoyed Elizabeth. She refused his proposal of engagement due to his appearance. However, as the time went by, Elizabeth gained better understanding about Mr. Darcy. He was just unable to express his feelings in public and was virtually of a good natural. He entertained Elizabeth's uncle and aunt with good manner; he was loyal to his friends; he paid off arrears for Mr. Wickham, who was actually a snob but looked like he was gracious and gentle. Elizabeth felt ashamed of herself. Therefore, impression impact Elizabeth's judgment to a great extend.</p>

<p>Another example can be seen in Sanlu Corporation, a Chinese big milk powder company. Sanlu advertised a lot, and invited many seemingly trustworthy celebrities as spokesmen. Nevertheless, it added melamine, a fatal chemical in to the milk powder. The product of Sanlu killed many children, which astonished the whole China. No one even thought that poison milk powder was hide behind the delicate package and persuasive advertisement.</p>

<p>From the examples of Schultz, Pride and Prejudice and Sanlu Corporation, we can see that impressions and images influence one's judgments too much. The best way to understand something is not observation but cerebration.</p>

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<p>Bump bump bump</p>

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<p>Anyone??? Please.</p>

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<p>bump bump bump plese help!!</p>

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<p>TvT desperately wanting help</p>

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<p>“always smashed little Schultz.”</p>

<p>LOL</p>

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<p>bump…please help</p>

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<p>Too many sentences that seem to be influenced by foreign language sentence structures… Don’t think in YOUR language, while writing an essay your inner voice should be speaking in English.</p>

<p>Too many grammar mistakes, even though it is a 25 minute essay, you make so many “unnatural” mistakes, which is not atypical for a foreign test-taker anyway.</p>

<p>4 MAXIMUM for your view on topic, I’m not sure how the official graders grade the essays, but I think this could easily be a 3.</p>

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<p>Sorry for double posting; I can’t edit my previous post.</p>

<p>To improve your sentence structure, read articles online, read literature books -or novels, even reading the novel Twilight in English can give you a great sense of the way you should write and talk- and simply focus on English. Forget your native language.</p>

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<p>Please grade my essay and give comments, too if you guys do not mind. Thank you so much!</p>

<p>The prompt was “Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?”</p>

<p>Numerous ingredients are essential for the recipe of future success in our society and planet. Among these, the easily most essential quality needed in the status quo is an explosion of creativity. Most dictionaries explain that creativity is the “ability to reason abstractly.” With that said, it is so much more than that. It is not a stretch to claim that creativity is the defining characteristic of intelligence that can make or break success. Without question, creativity is vital now more than ever in the world because it allows people to break down the constructs of routine society while also promising massive technological breakthroughs.</p>

<p>In his classic novel One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Ken Kesey elucidates how creativity is necessary to fight the restrictions society and the world enforce. Quite simply. he argues through the text that creativity is nothing less than freedom. In the novel, the protagonist McMurphy gets arrested for a small crime and chooses to serve time in a mental asylum rather than a traditional penitentiary. He fails to anticipate that this asylum is run by a power-hungry totalitarian dictator named Nurse Ratched who has cleverly tapped the patients on the ward and removed all their freedom. McMurphy’s massive creative abilities allow him to open up new avenues for the patients to rebel and fight for increased freedom. For example, McMurphy both plans a carnival and a fishing trip to achieve this paradigm shift for how the ward is run. Through both of these creative avenues, McMurphy allows the men to have fun and taste freedom, ultimately leading to the demise of the dictatorship of the nurse. As is clear, it was only through McMurphy’s creativity that the micro-society of the ward was revolutionized and in the same way, creativity is needed in order to fix the fundamental issues with out society.</p>

<p>In addition, Mark Zuckerberg’s creation of Facebook is brilliant proof that creativity is of the highest necessity to cause technological advance. Mark Zuckerberg is a true genius in countless aspects. Importantly, his massive creativity led him to explore revolutionary new ways to connect people on the internet. Years of insight and “messing around” with computer programs in undiscovered realms led him to the idea of creating a social network. In the late 2000s, all this creative exploration came together with the launch of Facebook the revolutionary website that connects individuals across the globe. Indeed, his creativity led to this leap in technology and our world needs creativity to further future technological innovations.</p>

<p>When examining the facets of our world that need to be reinvigorated, creativity is an obviously one. Through breaking down the constructs of traditional society and through the advancement of technology like with Facebook, the importance of creativity is more blatantly clear that is ever has been.</p>

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<p>To steve1sterling, I would give your essay a 4 based on your well structured essay and good use of language.</p>

<p>On the content level, I would suggest that you do not use a novel as an example but a real-life example instead. The only criticism is that you spent a really long paragraph regurgitating the content of the novel and missed the point of answering the question. Hence, if that paragraph were to be written based on an actual event, you would have easily gotten a 5.</p>

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<p>To zhuziyan, I would score your essay a 4. While you presented your examples well, you did not weave them in appropriately to answer the question. </p>

<p>I would suggest that you add a topic sentence or linking statement at the end of your paragraphs to highlight the point that you are making in relation to the question. You mentioned that it does make an impression, but WHAT KIND of impression and the significance of it to society. Like steve1sterling, avoid fictional examples as it is less convincing than real-life ones.</p>

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<p>Thank you for your comments!</p>