This guide was made for this reason at University of Michigan. In the article you can download the article pdf. It pertains to Michigan but you will get the idea. Your concern is real but “just be yourself” and others will flock to you. Heh, the advantage to going to school with rich kids is that maybe they will invite you to come along to something…
The reality is no matter how much money you have either your a good /nice kid or your a jerk. Money really has nothing to do with it. There are a lot of really nice kids that just do happen to have money.
As stated above and I love it, My kids could be perceived to be upper middle class or even rich by some. We, the parents grew up… Let’s just say… Well… Poor, or not so fortunate. Both my kids work at school out of them wanting to. They work hard at school because they want to be successful.
Even as an adult we have friends that want to go out for a really expensive dinner or event. We will suggest why don’t we choose something not so expensive. It’s never been an issue. Usually we will turn that into them coming over our house for dinner /drinks. My wife is a known unbelievable cook and can easily make those expensive dinners out look silly when we entertain.
Again, if you can’t afford to do something just suggest a less expensive option if you want to go along. But remember also, sometimes your friends might want to do the more expensive option and that’s their right. You have to respect that also.
@Lindagaf Even though my kids also provided their own spending money, I don’t for a minute think there wasn’t still a gap in what they could afford vs kids from lower income families. My kids had their phones and flights home paid by me. They could research on campus for a summer and get by with just what they earned then - but I know kids doing that with them who held down a second job during the summer nights and weekends for financial reasons. I paid things like GRE fees for them. They got gift certificates for local restaurants for Xmas and birthdays.
I do think at meets need schools there will be kids like the OP. But there will be quite a few kids with more financial privilege, too, who may be unaware of it. The impact might depend on the location of the school. For example, Georgetown— very ritzy & expensive area — I could see how some wealthy students could make less wealthy classmates feel pressure or left out from eating out, shopping, etc. But a lot of schools aren’t really in areas where you could easily overspend (eg, Williams).
OP, I would not let that stop you from going where you want to go. And I agree that being matter of fact and up front as situations come up is best. Good luck with admissions.
Of course there is a gap. OP asked if it matters that he/she may not be wealthy as classmates. My response is that it shouldn’t make a big difference and that much of it rests with the OP. D’s friend at school comes from a nationally well-known impoverished urban area. It doesn’t seem to stop her friend from doing what most of her friends do. I think a lot of it has to do with how the individual handles him/herself.
OP, you might want to read “A Hope in the Unseen.” Great book about a student who attended Brown university after coming from very challenging financial and social circumstances. Excellent read.
It’ll show up a little in bigger ticket things like vacations and such, but by and large if you have a little money for coffee, uber and the occasional outing things are quite doable. And consider that kids that won’t make allowances for your DD’s different resources may not make allowances in other respects as well, so they might not make great friends. You learn a lot about others in how they handle differences with other people like this.
Don’t ever let that hold you back. Go after every single opportunity to better yourself that you have in front of you. That is the wonderful thing about the schools you mention- they make it possible. They want you there. Your voice, your presence is valuable. Not only will you benefit from that education and being around people with greater financial means, but your classmates will benefit from hearing and seeing a different perspective than they bring.
D18 is at Amherst College and the last stat I recall seeing was that the median family income was around $160k. My girl is friends with kids at the top of that chain, as well as kids from the bottom. I would like to think she is better for it. I know she loves her first year experience, in spite of a (fill in the blank) roommate. Híjole, the roommate! Anywhoo, my advice is GO FOR IT!
This can happen anywhere. When I was in college, a Presidential Candidate came to visit. When one of my friends said his name, the candidate asked if he was part of the New York or Boston family. They were very rich and connected. This was at a flyover state flagship.
One word: Swarthmore. I was so impressed when at the info session they said that Swarthmore is a “cashless” college. IOW, all events on campus are free. You never need money to do anything on campus. You do not pay to join clubs or attend any campus-sponsored event. In contrast, my daughter who goes to University of Michigan has experienced the complete opposite. She has to pay money to join clubs! I think that’s outrageous. And some on-campus events cost more than $100! They get high-profile speakers and charge big bucks. I think it’s horrible. If a university invites a speaker, they should not be charging students to attend.
There’s a long running myth that college kids are always out spending money. Not our experience. Not once did either daughter need to forego, say, a ski trip— her friends weren’t skiers (not at college.) No one was running off to NYC or Boston on a weekend and dinners locally really didn’t happen until jr/sr year. It was the great local Italian place, a shared Uber, not some 5-star place. They occasionally ordered pizza or Chinese delivered, to share. And yes, her friends ranged from stratospherically wealthy to barely managing families. Some parent names you’d recognize.
Different clothes? Not really. Fancy car? So that kid might drive the group, not waste time putting down others who were car-less. There’s usually plenty to do on-campus, concerts, events, guest lectures. They’d go to the gym or library together, college sports, watch tv sports, throw a party, all sorts of things.
In fact, on an overnight, one of the things she liked was a group played a board game on a study break. Just kids getting along, based on common interests. We’d occasionally send them $10, lol. The rest was on them. No distinctions between the kids on work study and those who were full pay. Your own attitude matters.
@brantly. I totally agree. My son’s there also and with $11 billion in endowment like everything should be free. He is putting on a tech conference there in the spring and BTW… It’s free to students (with lunch served),at a nice hotel.
Genuine friends will not care about your family’s income. If they do, they’re complete snobs. I really don’t think it matters where you go to school. Wherever you are, there will be some sort of income disparity between the students.
It definitely happens that some of the wealthier students at some schools look down upon their “poor” counterparts. My lad’s fiancee had “friends” tell her to ditch him because he wasn’t wealthy enough or in an adequate job to be a good catch. Fortunately, she dismissed their admonitions, but for my lad who was brought up to consider all humans equal hearing it (yes they said it so he could hear it) was quite the shock. I should note that H is a successful engineer who owns his own business, but apparently that doesn’t count for much. We definitely aren’t in the Top 10% income-wise, but we aren’t exactly poor either.
We had a bit of a discussion about humans and “friends” afterward. There’s no doubt those young ladies have been raised knowing they have to “marry up” vs marrying to have a lifelong friend who shares dreams and values.
There will always be jerks. One doesn’t have to hang out with them (though when one of the jerks is a roommate 'tis tougher to avoid them all the time). Three more months…
@freethepuffles Well, it is definitely true that there will always be someone richer than you are (and likely someone better looking, smarter, more innately talented, etc). That is just part of being human.
That was definitely me–no $ but surrounded by people with $$$. I went to a small, rural LAC, though, and looking back, I think that helped: there just wasn’t much to spend money on. If there’s only one pub in town, no clubs, no fancy restaurants, no boutique clothing shops, then wealth is a lot less conspicuous. I mean, many of my classmates had nicer clothes and certainly better vacation destinations (I was usually on campus or at the home of a friend who lived in the region), but it’s not like my friends were frequently going places I couldn’t afford to go. We all drank the same crappy beer in the dorms, you know? I didn’t really recognize it at the time, but I’m grateful for it now.
@Knowsstuff Impressive stuff for your son. My son is that there, but we toured it. The cashless campus was one of my main takeaways. Especially since it contrasts so greatly with my daughter’s school, University of Michigan.
@Knowsstuff Oh – I misunderstood. I thought you meant that your son was at Swarthmore! Yes, of course, you post in the Michigan forum. Sure! PM me the info.
I have a friend whose daughter is at Columbia. She received great financial aid (basically a full ride) but the family has almost no disposable income. The daughter feels and experiences the difference between her economic situation and that of many of her classmates.
I have a friend whose d works at Google. She just started. She can also tell that their are economic differences between other employees and the managers and executives. She can’t do all the things they do after work and vacations etc.
And at church this Sunday. Some will pull in with nicer cars than others. Some leave more in the donation box than others and eat lunch at different places and some folks eat at home.
This is life. We can share experiences together and be coming from different places. Some economic and lots of others.
How about the pretty and handsome kids experiences. Versus a kid who might struggle with their weight.
The super smart and the student who has to work around the clock.
There’s the athletically gifted and the not.
Musicians and dancers and people with two left feet.
The shy and the gregarious. One with tons of friends and another who is very lonely.
College is just another example of the diversity of experience that life brings to the table.
It will be ok. And you have other gifts that others wish they had too.
Differences in wealth is often most noticed in some Greek organizations at large economically diverse state universities.
As far as work, just go to work in biglaw (law firms of 500 or more attorneys) or for a Big 4 accounting firm. The employees work so much that no one has time to spend their money so nobody notices differences in wealth much.
