<p>Best fit = where would the kid maximize his/her potential to thrive? If your kid does better being in the bottom half of a class and needs to strive to keep up with others that’s one thing. If your kid would be better served by being one of the top 5% at a school and getting the cream of the internships and other opportunities that’s another. </p>
<p>Other examples: if they need a structured environment with close supervision of courses of study then you would harm them making them go to Brown. If your kid yearned for English and writing then Kenyon should be up their on your list; if aeronautical engineering then Lehigh; other examples abound.</p>
<p>P.S.; One earlier poster made the argument that parents should “maximize” their kid’s opportunities. The problem I have with that approach is that there is no stopping rule for “maximize” . . . that kind of directive implies that one should stop at nothing to give your kid the best possible leg up in the world. </p>
<p>As long as that kind of attitude includes the well-being of the student - mental health, social health, academic health - I guess that can work, if it is focusing on the whole child.</p>
<p>But there are too many parents who use “maximize” to mean “Top 20”, focusing primarily on the institution, not the child. Like the parent I met who was touring schools and was taking the kid to just Ivies, including Brown and Columbia, too schools with vastly different approaches to currciculum and what it means to get an education. It’s rare that any kid would thrive equally in those 2 institutions . . but then again he was going for “best school” not “best fit.”</p>
<p>I agree with what everyone else has said – the “best school” will be the one that’s the “best fit” for your child, not something USNWR deems best. Our D is attending a top 25 school but turned down others “ranked” higher simply because in the end, she decided she could be happy at everywhere she was accepted (otherwise she wouldn’t have applied), but she’d be happiest at the school she chose. Her father and I stayed out of it and didn’t say anything; we were determined to let this be 100% her decision. She’s thriving both academically and socially – that’s what’s important. FWIW, my parents never gave me the choice and forced me to go to a school where I received a full ride. I never wanted to go there, and it was not a good social fit. I transferred after my first year to the lower ranked school I had always wanted to attend and was extremely content. I still sort of harbor resentment for not having a say in the decision, so be cautious about “forcing” your kids to go where you want them to go and not where they want to go.</p>
<p>With money approximately even, my son chose the less-famous school over the more famous. He had our full blessing and encouragement, but DH did frame the acceptance letter from the more famous school. :D</p>
<p>I’d be fine with any school on the list where ds is accepted. We chose based on a certain criteria. I will let him choose. That being said, I will discuss the pros and cons of each and give him a perspective he may not have as a 17 yo. I understand the implications of a school where most jr/sr live off campus vs on for example. </p>
<p>Our plan, should he not get into his ed2 school is to go visit every school where he is accepted and crawl all over it from and academic and social perspective. I can point things out but I will be sure the decision is his. After all, I’m not the one who has to spend the next 4 years of my life there.</p>
<p>“As long as there is nothing too negative about the school they WANT to attend, then it should be the students decision, unless you can not afford the school, debt, etc.”</p>
<p>This is my position as well. If all the choices on the table make financial and academic sense, parents/advisors should let the student choose based on personal preference.</p>
<p>Just as an aside, to the extent that “best” has any general meaning, it is far from obvious to me that Penn is better than Dartmouth.</p>
<p>Normally I tell families that the trick to college search if finding the best blend of Fit and Finance. Where cost is not an issue… I’d advise fit trumping prestige… as long as the parents agree that the college and major are a reasonable value.</p>
<p>You could do a lot worse. Speaking as a Cornell graduate and parent of a Cornell graduate, I know that Cornell is big enough and diverse enough that it can be (almost) all things to (almost) all people – which was what its founder had in mind.</p>
<p>But I would never think of “sending” a kid to college. The decision should be the student’s. Hopefully, during the process of selecting schools to apply to, the student only chose schools that are good fits. But the student undoubtedly has preferences among them and may not prefer the one that is considered “best” (meaning highest ranked) or the one that is the absolutely closest fit.</p>
<p>I think there are “bands” in which I’d be generally indifferent and leave it up to the kid, but I’d have a hard time stepping far outside that band.</p>
<p>As an example: My kids’ chosen schools to apply to were, generally speaking, all in the top 30 or so on either the LAC or university lists. They had good, solid reasons for liking the choices they had, and at that level, I think it comes down to personal preference and fit, and we would have supported any one since they were all good choices. However, they each did have schools on their lists - one was maybe #70 and one was maybe #80 or thereabouts (not interested in looking up the exact numbers). I would have had a very hard time in the absence of something TRULY compelling / unique to that school supporting “dropping down” to that level if they had a choice between that and a higher ranked school. I don’t engage in the stupid is-Penn-better-the-Dartmouth type of discussion, since it’s all the same, but I’m also not going to pretend that Penn = Penn State either.</p>
<p>We sent our two to the school that, when they set foot on campus they said, “THIS is where I want to go! This is great! I really hope I get accepted.”</p>
<p>And that, for our family, is fit.</p>
<p>Thankfully, they both were accepted to “that” school. (different school for each kid, but both had the same reaction when they visited “it”.)</p>
<p>We lucked out big-time in that both kids got ED to their top schools (which happened to be the highest ranked schools on their lists), but their ED II choices were probably each 20 - 25 slots “behind” their ED I choices, and that was fine with us. To me, that’s still within the reasonable band.</p>
<p>Money is power, and if a parent funding their child’s education chooses to use that as an opportunity to exert influence over the child’s choice, so be it. That influence can range from polite suggestion (“have you considered a more practical minor to complement your major in Underwater Etruscan Basketweaving?”) to conditional funding (“only four years”) to ouright control (“we will only fund Major X at Prestigious U”). There are both short term and long term consequences to such decisions, for parent, for child, and for the relationship between them.</p>
<p>What to my family makes no sense at all might work perfectly well for someone else. And vice versa.</p>
<p>I know of a student (not one of my kids) who decided, after sending out her college applications, that instead of just majoring in subject X, she would prefer to double major in X and Y.</p>
<p>This particular combination of majors was possible at some of the schools she had applied to but not others.</p>
<p>When she got her acceptances and rejections, it turned out that the most prestigious school that accepted her was one where double-majoring in these two subjects was not possible. She turned that school down and went to a much lower-ranked school where she could do the double major. </p>
<p>For this student, fit was more important than ranking. But I can see how some students would make the other choice – giving up the idea of the double major in order to attend the more prestigious school. </p>
<p>Different strokes for different folks.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Money is power, yes, but you are talking about the people who will decide whether or not you ever meet your grandchildren and who, someday, will pick your nursing home. So you might want to take some care in how you exercise that power.</p>
<p>I think, in the same way that a student should not apply to any schools he/she wouldn’t be willing/happy to attend, any parent(s) paying full freight have the responsibility – as well as the right – to make sure that they’d be willing/happy financing an education at any school on the student’s list. In other words, have the conversation and determine the criteria ahead of time. Then, once that mutually agreed upon list is developed, let the student make the decision.</p>
<p>Marian, what you’re describing is one of the rare occasions where I’d try to change a student’s mind (though I wouldn’t actually withdraw funding for the lower-ranked choice). Students often make the error of putting too much emphasis on the “major” and “minor” rather than on the courses available. If you get to take the courses you want, it doesn’t matter which subject/s gets listed on the diploma. Graduate schools and employers will look at the transcript, not just the degree. Double majoring often forces a student to limit, not broaden, her studies. This is the kind of rookie mistake where an adult stepping in makes sense.</p>
<p>FWIW, one of the strong points of USoCal (which we were told about at Parents’ Weekend) is that they actively ENCOURAGE students to double-major or at least major/minor in divergent fields and that is one of the reasons they are able to snag candidates that are told at other Us that they CANNOT double-major in biology and music while USC says, sure & you may win an award as a renaissance scholar as well!</p>
<p>Part of it is the attitude and culture of the school and how hard/easy they make it for a student to pursue multiple passions and how common such pursuit is. In my mind, it’s easier to do if you are one of several/many rather than THE ONLY or rare student who is trying to combine fields/majors. Several of the profs introduced also have multiple degrees in divergent subjects and serve as good role models for the students interested in combining subjects.</p>
<p>In re: changing the kids’ minds . . . as parents I think we have a responsibility to (at least) help channel our not yet mature kids when they are going in what we honestly think is a wrong direction . . . we were looser about doing that channeling as kid #2 started honing the list of schools, even though tremendous schools that we thought were really good fits were not in the kid’s list. There are just too many good schools in the US to be overly worried if the One Excellent School That I Know Would Be Perfect For My Kid isn’t on the kid’s list.</p>
<p>So we used the college visits NOT to select schools but to get the kid to talk more about what appealed/what didn’t. That fed a “keep the doors open” attitude (along with “you may be sure now but you will be a different person in 6 months so give yourself the flexibility to change your mind.”)</p>
<p>Then, after the acceptances came in, the school that was last on Kid #2’s list - and our choice for where the kid should go - vaulted to first in the kid’s mind. . Lucky us.</p>
<p>P.S. Agree totally with what orchestramom said in post #34 about having those discussions ahead of time.</p>
<p>“how hard/easy they make it for a student to pursue multiple passions and how common such pursuit is.”</p>
<p>This is what I’m talking about – how are they limiting your pursuit of multiple passions if they list Subject A on your diploma, but let you take the exact same courses with the exact same support that a student majoring in Subject B would get? How do you come out ahead because there are two subjects listed on your degree?</p>
<p>Would you rather send your kid to Juilliard or to the Colorado School of Mines?</p>
<p>I think fit is the key factor–but fit includes academic fit. And I also think that parents may have some insights into the big picture of fit that students may not have. For example, if the student’s idea of fit is soley based on the fact that boyfriend/girlfriend went to the school, more discussions need to happen.</p>