<p>My son was accepted into 3 of the 4 colleges he applied to. We all agreed that he should go to a small or mid-size school, which would be a better fit for him. We are now in a tug-a-war about where he should go because my husband and I think the smallest school is the best fit <1000 students and he is leaning towards the mid-size school approx 3800 students. We are waiting for financial aid to see if that could be a contributing factor. The smaller school is approx. $3000 higher ($33,000) than the mid-size school ($29,945) BUT so far he was awarded a $5000 leadership scholarship from the smaller school. We are still waiting for the full financial aid notices from both schools. Our EFC is $24k, so we'll be paying most of the tuition anyway. Should we let him make his own decision or push the issue on where we think he should go. Both schools offer the programs he's interested in so there is no differentiation there. </p>
<p>Assuming money is not a factor, please let your son choose. He is going to attend the college…not you. You allowed him to APPLY to these four schools. In my opinion, if you really objected to one of the schools, this should have been clear before the applications were sent. Just my humble opinion.</p>
<p>How familiar is your family with both schools? Has your son had the chance to sit in on classes, eat in the dorms, walk around the libraries or talk to current students?
I clicked on this thread because I’ve just come from talking to a friend about her son’s transfer from one college to another because he was so miserable. She’s regretting now that some of his units won’t transfer, and that he just spent the last year and a half so unhappy.</p>
<p>Let him choose his own school, unless you have a financial reason to object. You think it’s a better fit, but that doesn’t mean that it is a better fit. And you run the risk of him having a poor experience (at least at first) at the smaller school because he may feel like you forced him into it, rather than it being his own choice. 3800 students is still a very small school, if it’s purely size that you’re concerned about. </p>
<p>Why do you think the smaller school is the better fit?</p>
<p>If the money is roughly comparable, why not let him decide? Treat him like the adult you hope he’ll become. Let him own the decision. 3800 students is hardly enormous. It’s not as if he’s choosing between a tiny intimate school and a giant state flagship.</p>
<p>Assuming that the cost is comparable, if you let him decide, he takes all responsibility for the choice, for better or worse. If you decide and he eventually does not fit or like the school, he will blame you.</p>
<p>It’s hard to stand back and let your child make a decision you may not agree with, but you need to give him the choice. Within our budget constraints we’ve let our first 3 choose their own schools-2 couldn’t be happier, and 1 realizes that perhaps she should have made a different choice. But she can’t blame us… and she’s learning to live with the consequences of her choice, and to make the best of it. A good life lesson, we think. </p>
<p>This has to be your son’s decision. I agree with the sentiment that was expressed by @thumper1. You paid the application fees at four schools. It is like sitting a toddler in front of 4 toys, telling him they are all good and then taking away the one he is reaching for. Most toddlers would throw a tantrum. Don’t take the joy out of this time in his life. </p>
<p>Absolutely, positively student. This is your opportunity to help him make a very important (though ultimately reversible) decision. In my mind, it is CRITICAL that he take full responsibility. If the money turns out to be NON comparable, he needs to make that decision too. True story - our DD’s decision came down to three schools - one was substantially more than the other two, but also in her mind a substantially better fit. We simply told her “this is how much we can afford to give you. When that money is exhausted, it’s on you.” My best friend told her son “We will pay half of the remainder, but you must pay the other half.” DD chose the most expensive school, which would have potentially left her with 10 - 20K in debt at the end. HOWEVER< then she independently realized that if she overloaded each semester, which her college does not charge extra for if you have the grades to support it, she could graduate a semester early. She figured out that she could take one summer class in LONDON, overload each semester by one class, do a semester abroad (which is actually cheaper than staying at her home campus), and graduate with 0 debt one semester early. We just kept asking her questions like “well, let’s project this out” and “it’s your decision, but …” She has had a fantastic experience, and will be graduating on time with no debt and having had the time of her life TWICE in Europe. With NO debt. And THAT is what I call a successful financial start for a kid. She now thinks she is all that, because she made all the decisions herself and chose wisely. Don’t cheat him out of the selection. </p>
<p>.</p>
<p>There was nothing in your post that helped me understand why you wouldn’t be jumping for joy that your son was admitted to a college he’s excited about attending, and that you can afford. Because you like another one better? Really? Who is going to college, here? Unless you can give more information about why this school would be a poor fit for your son, I’d think it would be extremely controlling and unfair to make him go to your choice.</p>
<p>I consider 3800 students small/midsized and agree with the posters above - let him choose, unless there is a big financial difference. </p>
<p>Are there other factors beyond just size that concern you? Maybe we can share experiences that will make you feel more at ease. </p>
<p>Im curious for the tiny school reasoning.
I have one child who attended a college of roughly 1300 and if I was to advise her today, it would be attend school of at least 3000, if not 13,000.
You really need more of a critical mass for programs and courses no matter how well funded the school.</p>
<p>Small specialized schools may be able to have sufficient critical mass, breadth, and depth in their specialty subjects. E.g. Caltech, Harvey Mudd, South Dakota School of Mines and Technology, New Mexico Institute of Mining and Technology.</p>
<p>But if you want to change majors, you may have to change schools.
Easier perhaps at Mudd.
The school I was thinking of is twice as large as Harvey Mudd, with more than twice the endowment. But not part of a consortium.</p>
<p><<<<
The smaller school is approx. $3000 higher ($33,000) than the mid-size school ($29,945) BUT so far he was awarded a $5000 leadership scholarship from the smaller school. We are still waiting for the full financial aid notices from both schools. Our EFC is $24k, so we’ll be paying most of the tuition anyway. Should we let him make his own decision or push the issue on where we think he should go. Both schools offer the programs he’s interested in so there is no differentiation there.
<<<<</p>
<p>The small-but-bigger school will likely have more offerings. That tiny school could be like continuing high school…and it may have a male/female ratio that’s not that desirable. </p>
<p>You haven’t provided ONE reason as to why your son shouldn’t be able to choose his school. You and your H’s opinions about “fit” are your opinions and don’t really matter for this because your son needs to determine “his fit”. When he tries on shoes, do you tell him which shoes “fit” him better? </p>
<p>Student. D and I have a list of schools on a white board (I can see it from where I’m sitting). She will likely pick from one of these presuming financial costs are affordable for us - she will have skin in the game and I have already told her how much I can kick in per year (it ain’t much). These all look like we will be able to afford them pending standardized test scores and grades (she’s working hard). She is free to go wherever she can get in that we can afford. Safety is the local commuter college (actually a Division 1 sized university that she can stay on campus at for a decent on campus experience, so not all that lame). Yeah, you’ll need to let him choose.</p>
<p>Hi everyone - first…thank you all so very much for your honest feedback. I am new at this (both sending a kid to college AND reading through these forums) and I find the feedback to be very valuable. </p>
<p>Siliconvalleymom:
We have visited both schools so as much as one can get from that experience - he is familar with both schools. He did get a chance to stay over at the very small school and was extremely excited when he got in but then as soon as he got into the second one he changed his mind. </p>
<p>Baktrax:
We originally thought the smaller school was better because he goes to a very small high school now - we live in rural area and the teacher:student ratio is 1:14. More access to support and resources, etc. was our rationale but perhaps he could use the opposite. </p>
<p>Colorado_mom:
(“Are there other factors beyond just size that concern you? Maybe we can share experiences that will make you feel more at ease.”)</p>
<p>Yes, he’s a B student but that is with us pushing him and just not excepting anything less. I personally think he could do better with more effort and I am not one of those moms who pushes him to perfection for superficial reasons, I just believe that he should work to his potential but he’ll settle as long as he feels he did ok. I guess I’m just old school because my parents didn’t even think about paying for me to go to college as I had to work my way through so I took nothing for granted. On the other hand, he is the one who is pushing to go to college and we will support him through it but we have serious expectations and want to know that he’ll be able to handle workloads with what we think will be less support in the (mid-size) school. I definitely want him to step it up another level in college from an effort and drive perspective. </p>
<p>Moonchild:
I apologize that I didn’t provide more information but we are extremely happy for him and more excited that he is. We’ve simply shared that we think the smaller school could be a better choice but also asking him to make a sound comparison as best he can…pros/cons. We’re also telling him to perhaps"lean towards" his school choice but don’t get all wrapped up into it before the financial aid notices come in. While we don’t expect any financial assistance it makes sense to me to wait and see. He on the other hand is ready for us to send in the deposit check and shut the decision process down! </p>
<p>With all this said, the conscensus is that we let him make the decision and in the back of my mind I know it’s the right thing to do. I just wanted to get feedback from others. I’ve posed the question to close friends and family as well and have gotten similar feedback. Trust me…I don’t want to seem like we are controlling or “helicopter” parents - we’re just wondering how much we should sit back or at minimum give our opinion without being forceful…that’s all. Obviously, if there was a huge difference in cost that would be a factor. At least from an affordabiltiy factor compared to what we’ve commited to contributing. </p>
<p>I went to a very small school. Don’t assume that there will be more hand-holding or “pushing” at a school of 1000 than a school of 3800. Students are treated as adults, and largely left to sink or swim unless they ask for help, at any college. By the same token, 3800 kids is still a small, likely undergrad-oriented school. It’s not like 40,000 students on two sides of a river (and 20,000 in the dorms) at Rutgers New Brunswick, for example. There may be a bit more in the way of resources and personnel there, at the 3800-student school, than at the 1000-student school.</p>
<p>A student body of 1,000 can become very dull after the first or second year, and then classmates respond to the boredom by leaving campus for the weekends, and it becomes duller still for the kid who was hoping to stay and have a full residential college experience all four years. I would not do it again.</p>
<p>I think kids should generally be told the budget, and allowed to pick anything that is not crazy. Schools that are crazy choices should mostly be weeded out before the applications are made. I guess sometimes you apply, and then you find out that one of the schools is a crazy choice, and the parent is thereby left to guide a kid away from an acceptance that has begun to seem ill-advised. But it doesn’t sound like that has happened here. The smaller school may work out to be $2000 per year cheaper, but hopefully that hurdle is surmountable (maybe even by the kid working overtime during the summers?)</p>
<p>My first reaction to this post was ‘this isn’t a serious question.’ But well, there’s no need to be harsh. I’ll just add my voice to the choir to say that let your child make the final decision. It’s your job to insure that he or she has all the important facts and personal objectives in mind, so to make a sound decision.</p>
<p>If the schools are not too far off in terms of quality of education and the cost are not too big a difference that you cannot afford, I would suggest to let the kid make the decision. It will have a bigger motivation for the kid to think he is going to the school he picked than keep thinking my parent made me go to this school. Whatever reason they have behind their decision may not be important. When I was a teenager, if I made a bad decision, I would try to make the best out of it so it did not look as bad as I could not admit a wrong decision. So it may not be bad even the decision is not perfect in parent’s eyes.</p>