<p>Hello all, I am a senior in HS and I really want to become a doctor. I am leaning towards FP and also radiology. My concern is that I would like to have a small family. 2-3 kids and I was wondering when the best time to have children would be. I know that having them during medical school would be really tough and having then during my residency would be very strenuous but if I wait until after all that, I will be 30+ and I kinda feel like that is a bit old because if I dont get married until 32, then I wuld have kids 33-36 and that's really old. Also, I feel like my 40s will be the best years of my life and I dont necessarily want to be tied down with kids. I'd prefer my kids be older/grown and in a few years (50s) have sweet grandchildren running around. So when do doctors typically get married have kids and start their families?</p>
<p>People have children at different times. My cousin was born when my uncle (a physician) was about forty (well after he finished residency). My roommate (also the spawn of physicians) was born while his parents were still in med school.</p>
<p>I think for me, after 33 would be too old to have kids</p>
<p>I think you're planning WAY too far into the future. How do you know when you'll even be ready to get married? You can't predict who you'll be dating at the time. As a female, I've definitely thought about it, but I'm trying not to get worked up over something that will take place 5-10 years from now. I think that when the time is right, you'll know when it's appropriate to get married and have children based on how much you're working. It all depends on the person and their time management, as well as any networking you can do (i.e. having your family help you when needed).</p>
<p>Forget having them during medical school, since you are the woman. I knew a woman in med school who did that, and she dressed the child in sweats and put her to bed and the child wore the sweats to daycare the next day. Terribly busy, and the kids get shortchanged. Get married during your residency for sure. Get pregnant in your last year of residency. So, if you get into med school immediately after college, you will be 21 or 22, then 4 yrs is 26, then 4 yrs residency. Yeah, you are right, you will be 30. </p>
<p>So get pregnant in last yr of residency, in in radiology be sure to wear those shields around the clock, have first kid when you are 30. That is actually very acceptable, lots and lots of women are 30 with their first. Then space every 2 yrs, again that is quite normal to do. So 30, 32, 34. </p>
<p>Alternately, you can marry in med school, have the baby, dad can stay home and raise said baby while you are carrying on with med school, then have another 3 years later wherever you are in your training. </p>
<p>Of course, you do know that these things aren't always planned, don't you? 'Accidents cause people' is the way my ex-husband used to say it. Sure hope your life turns out the way you have envisioned it!</p>
<p>3-4 years is the length of the shortest residencies, and even there you're assuming no fellowship. A lot of residents spend 7 years in their programs and go on to 2-4 more years in fellowship. Now add that the mean age of a first year medical student is 24, since most applicants take time off before medical school. Training can finish as early as 29, but many young physicians will be mid-30s and some will be nearly 40 before they start practicing medicine.</p>
<p>Best laid plans......</p>
<p>To A Mouse
By Robert Burns</p>
<p>But Mousie, thou are no thy-lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men,
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!</p>
<p>Here's some actually useful advice:</p>
<p>Best time is during the fourth year of med school. Since this year has the greatest freedom in choosing a schedule, it works out far better - one month of an easy rotation, a vacation month, a month doing research with a faculty mentor, and so on, means you can spend a lot of time with the baby.</p>
<p>After that, the second year of residency is usually the most prevalent choice, but if you're in a family friendly residency program, any time will be acceptable. If you happen to be chosen for a chief resident position at the end of your residency (ie in medicine or peds - surgical residencies do chief positions differently) that's also a good time. As far as knowing if a program is family trust me, you'll know when you're interviewing. At one of my interviews, there were 7 pregnant females and I found out that three of the males had wives who were pregnant. </p>
<p>Depending on the fellowship, there are other options then as well: for example, all the pediatric fellowships have between 12-18 months of research time required. These can be busy months, but they're different than the clinical months and the time demands are more conducive to having a new baby at home.</p>
<p>Finally, the biggest factor of determining how all this will work is your spouse and family support you have available. A supportive spouse can make all the difference in the world, but so too can having aunts and uncles, and one or the other set of grandparents around. It's possible that having kids may alter where you decide to go for residency (choosing a spot close to your or your spouses' parents for a built in babysitter for example). I know quite a few resident couples who felt that was their primary concern and so they ended up in very specific locations.</p>
<p>The big thing is that nothing is impossible, and I honestly wouldn't make the assumption that you can't have kids simply because you are a medical student or a resident or a fellow. Are you going to be that idealized mom, the one who is present for every significant moment? Of course not, but that's part of the career choice in becoming a physician - we have to make sacrifices of our personal life in order to benefit our patients. If you don't think that's something you can do, then you need to reconsider your career path.</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice I probably am thinking about this too early And I am, by the way, a man. Sorry for the confusion, although I probably will not marry a woman.</p>
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"Thanks for the advice I probably am thinking about this too early And I am, by the way, a man. Sorry for the confusion, although I probably will not marry a woman."
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<p>You do know then that in this scenario, you can have children anytime you want right as you can go to either to the closest adoption agency or a fertility clinic right?</p>
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Also, I feel like my 40s will be the best years of my life and I dont necessarily want to be tied down with kids.
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<p>Um in that case, please don't have children. If you had at the age of 26, a newborn, you would be a 44 when the child is finally an adult at 18.</p>
<p>yes but being 45 with a ten year old is way different from being 45 with a 16 year old. I guess I could have kids anytime I want but I'd most prefer a surrogate mother and thats a bit expensive as well as adoption.</p>
<p>Also, it's not like I plan to be partying and getting drunk and stuff at 40, it's just I'd might want to go to different places or have romantic weekend get-aways and it's harder to do that with little ones, unless you get a baby-sitter. I guess it wouldnt be THAT bad. I was just curious as to most people's plans.</p>
<p>If you're looking into surrogacy, they have plenty of girls in India who'll carry the child for 9 months for around $8000. We were debating the ethics of the issue but it's legal and something many American couples are looking to.</p>
<p>that's it. I was estimating costs around 40k+ for surrogacy, I dont see anything wrong with it. I myself cannot get pregnant but would still like to have my own children. Also, there are many couples who would like to have kids but cant and surrogacy is a nice option. I wouldnt mind having half black half indian children. They'd be cute</p>
<p>It costs much less than in the US. The $8000 is just for the womb. You have to furnish the eggs and sperm. Sperm obviously doesn't cost much but eggs can run quite a bit of money. In college papers at Ivy League schools, there are always companies offering around $10,000 per egg from Ivy League girls. I don't know which you'll be furnishing so total cost can be as high as $20,000 for the egg + womb rental. </p>
<p>Obviously, the exploitation of the poor and the commodification of the body is the ethical issue. But, that's another discussion.</p>