It was my friend’s birthday today and we all celebrated at a restaurant. She casually invited 4 girls, asking them they wanted to go eat at ______ for her birthday. So each one of us bought her a birthday gift and ate dinner with her today. When the check came, she expected for us to pay for her and ourselves. This came as a surprise to me since she was the one who invited us out and we also bought us gifts. We’re all high school students who aren’t exactly wealthy and she chose a place that was $20 per person plus tax and tip. I understand that it’s her birthday, but the concept confuses me. Who should pay? On my birthday, I didn’t have a party or eat out and I didn’t get a gift from her which I expected cause i didn’t treat her out.
I would be confused as well but there is no right answer. I would have tried to get clarity up front about who is paying.
In my daughter’s group of friends (HS seniors), they occasionally do similar birthday dinner celebrations but the birthday girl (or her parents) pay for dinner.
Paying for yourself is not uncommon at birthday dinners but you should not have been expected to pay for the birthday girl.
I think that general etiquette states that it is NOT correct to expect people to pay for a dinner that you invited them to. The guests were rightly surprised to be asked to pay. I’m so curious as to how this actually came out…did she say, when the checks came, “Oh, you guys are paying for me right?” :0 .
In general I also think that at a group dinner, everyone should be totally prepared to pay for themselves unless someone offers to pay for them. Be gracious and never assume that someone is paying for your dinner until they offer.
For a high school age dinner to which a small number of kids are invited, I would expect that the host/ess would pay. In a group in which the income isn’t that high, you either go somewhere relatively cheap (like a pizza place), or you order in. That is what my kid has done for her past birthdays - people come over and then they order in. We choose a relatively modest place and we cover the costs. Pizza generally generates the smallest amount of waste, since its shared, and the leftovers aren’t from anybody’s plate, so they can be handed out to anybody who wants them (or needs them, as case may be).
So I agree, I find it a bit strange that she would expect you to pay for yourselves, and I find it pretty crass that she would invite you for a dinner and then expect that you pay for her.
I also agree that the person doing the inviting and choosing of the restaurant foots the tab, unless she communicated differently up front.
IMO young people may be totally unaware of social expectations and make these errors from time to time.
I personally wouldn’t risk the friendship over it, but ask about how the bill will be handled upfront if you go out again.
Wow, that was pretty tacky.
In DD’s social group the hostess (more like hostess’s parents) pay for birthday dinners and the guests bring gifts. If they’re getting together just for fun, then each girl would pay for herself, and that’s usually at a counter service restaurant, so it’s not awkward at all.
If the invite came through someone else in the group (like a surprise party) you would have known the expectation to pay. For a large group, paying for the extra meal would be a very small add-on.
For a group of four with birthday girl doing the invite I would have expected parents to pay for it.
But in any case you should always expect to pay for yourself.
(It was tacky for her to assume her meal to be paid for especially since you brought a gift as well but let it go.)