Boarding School Parents

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

<p>Calling all parents:
what were your reasons to apply? These "crucial high school years" would be nice to spend with your kids and why did you "ship" them off to boarding school?
Are all of you busy people that go on business trips allllll the time or just normal parents who have jobs and stay at home?</p>

<p>Ok my mom is debating whether boarding school is actually worth it and she thinks that all boarding school parents are like rich busy people. Can you, as parents, share your experiences with having children in boarding school and how you still stayed close to them?</p>

<p>Thanks, I'm just curious!</p>

2

<p>Regular joe family here, waving our hands! We sent our son to boarding school because he clearly needed something different–socially and academically–than he could get at home. Wouldn’t have done it otherwise–it’s wrenching to send a kid away from home so early, and we wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t so clearly the best place for him to be. I don’t blame your mom for hesitating, but we’re definitely not all rich, busy people.</p>

3

<p>I’d suggest taking her on a tour of a school if you haven’t already. It becomes clear relatively quickly, that BS offers a broader and deeper learning experience than day school. My kids note the 24/7 contact with their teachers/coaches and friends. BS also leads to a higher level of personal responsibility in my opinion. We live in a major city with outstanding private and public day school options, so I hope that helps provide perspective.</p>

4

<p>Simple math will answer this.
Full Pay applicants at a typical BS = >55% = RICH
FIN AID Recipients <45% whose income range is (0 - 250 K), If you take a median income of 125K, half of these folks (22%) are UPPER MIDDLE CLASS.
Rest: POOR to MIDLE CLASS = 22%</p>

<p>Now what do you think is the BS demographic? A lot of poor souls walking around trying to figure out how to get out of poverty? You can get a more refined result using higher level math, but this will give you an idea. :D</p>

5

<p>OP, ask your mother if she’d be willing to send you to an elite private college full of “rich busy people” in a few years.</p>

6

<p>Good one, DAndrew. </p>

<p>Also, if your family is full pay, remind her that she will be one of the “rich” parents as there are lots of families at BS that barely even earn the cost of tuition all year.</p>

7

<p>Well, maybe not “lots,” but a few maybe 1 in10.</p>

8

<p>well thats the thing if we dont get any FA its like digging into my college fund so theyre kind of skeptical.</p>

9

<p>^That’s fair. They don’t have enough resources to pay tuition for both prep school and college, but you may ask them if you don’t apply how would you know if you’d get FA or not?</p>

<p>About pulsar’s calculation, there’s truth in your argument, but 45% of students on FA is not “typical”. Overall, for the top boarding schools, that number should be 35% (+/- 1-2 percentage points for faculty kids subsidies maybe). Assuming all families with income lower than 200K get some FA (ranging from a few thousand to full tuition), then AT LEAST 65% and could be up to 75% of the families earn >= 200K. Against national average, 200K is not poor in any measure but in boarding school world it can’t be called rich for sure.</p>

10

<p>We’re digging into the college fund but it’s worth it. She was in the district’s top school and we’ve tried for years to get them to understand that their average scores weren’t high enough to land students an interview at a competitive college. That an average ACT of 21 for a graduating senior is appalling considering our oldest daughter scored near that as a 7th grader when testing for Duke’s TIP program.</p>

<p>Mostly - here’s the deal – in the midwest, a lot of parents keep their students close, are reticent to expose them to other cultures, allow them to travel to other countries, or pretty much apply anywhere out of a one hour driving distance for college. So my urban - Latin speaking, Shakespeare loving, classical piano and flute playing daughter was considered to be “strange.” She had to hide her identity. She was ignored when she took first in the regional debates. Ignored when she medaled in state flute competition. The district only praised sports stars. They didn’t brag about the rare kid getting into Yale, but touted profusely the accomplishments of students who got into “podunk U” which (truth be told) took kids based on a single interview without an application - because our lousy scores were the highest in the state.</p>

<p>She applied to BS because she was expected to be “ordinary.” She often heard “You think you’re better than us” from adults in her school when she tried to be smart.</p>

<p>So we didn’t send her away. She sent herself away. We told her (with much heartache) that if she got into a school, we’d support her and find a way to pay for it.</p>

<p>It’s been one semester. She’s been in plays, learned how to work with advanced graphics software, is playing sports she had no access to here in town, is headed for Europe with one of the groups. She’s happy - made friends from all over the country - and is talking about career choices in a way that is more concrete.</p>

<p>Her teachers pay attention to her, the staff all know her, and when I emailed a staff member with a question, he sent a picture of her he’d taken when she wasn’t looking. She was smiling.</p>

<p>She’s also getting an educational foundation that is ten times better than what her friends are stuck with here at home at the district’s top college prep school.</p>

<p>She’s exposed to a lot students - some rich, some comfortable, some not. The last two tend to be the most well-adjusted.</p>

<p>She’s happy. And when she’s not (which is rare - usually stress from a larger load of homework) - she knows she made the choice to be there. </p>

<p>And it’s worth every penny. We’re making the sacrifice, because she was willing to.</p>

11

<p>I don’t usually post on the BS boards because my kids aren’t HADES kids. But, oldest went to boarding school because she wasn’t a good ‘fit’ for the school system around here. Loved it. Left after freshman year and never looked back. </p>

<p>Youngest will go to BS next year because her interests take her from the classroom a little too often, and a public school system is above all a “system” meant to be one size fits all. The kid has to shove themselves into the system. The system does not accomodate the kid.</p>

<p>Neither were “shipped off.” Completely up to them.</p>

<p>ETA: Also, we can afford it.</p>

12

<p>My son broke his back in two places during the 10th grade and missed his entire year athletically. He was in a body cast for over 3 months and physically disabled for 20. Neither his private day school nor any other school, public or private, day or boarding, in our home town or our home state would allow him to retake his sophomore year in order to recapture his lost year athletically. So, he filed applications to 10 BS’s out of state, got into several fine schools and now attends Hotchkiss, where he is playing sports again, making good grades and loving every minute of school. But for the broken back, my son would have stayed at his private day school, which was rigorous but soulless, if not soul crushing, and would have missed attending and enjoying one of the great boarding schools in the US of A.</p>

<p>So…the worst thing that ever to my son turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to him. Ain’t life strange and wonderful?</p>

13

<p>It sure is strange, but I’m not sure about wonderful, especially when I look at the National Debt. Anyways, I don’t want to get you started.</p>

14

<p>ExieMitAlum: yeah i grew up in the midwest and then moved to the east coast a few years ago. this concept of boarding school is relatively new to my family. being asian, we know TONS of brilliant kids who went to public school and have gone to the nation’s best universities. i went to John Hopkins CTY where my roommate goes to SPS and she told me about it. although my current public school is pretty well ranked, it has like NO clubs and i just feel so out of place there. the teachers dont care and even the HONORS students are like lol i dont care about school lets party! it sucks.</p>

<p>my parents arent really AGAINST boarding school but they dont think we will get FA and wont be able to afford it. most awk finnancial situation EVER. dont even get me started.</p>

15

<p>A lot of great posts on this thread. We fall in line with classicalmama’s description in post #2. Also, there are parents who do manage full-pay, but not without considerable sacrifice (dipping into college funds, as Exie said above, or retirement funds, or just everyday belt-tightening). The ‘middle’ class really does get squeezed, especially if you have more than one child, but strongly value doing whatever you can that is best for your children. Each child is different, but in our case, ‘the best’ definitely meant boarding school. I never would have dreamt that we’d have travelled this road (like toombs)…but it definitely is turning out the best. What a long, strange trip its been! Never say never, and keep an open mind.</p>

16

<p>My daughter wanted to go to boarding school. We live in an affluent community with a terrific public high school. She just wanted something else. In 8th grade she was contacting schools and having their admissions materials sent to us.</p>

<p>My daughter was a competitive figure skater and knew she would have to give this up, but said back in 8th grade that it was worth it. She is now playing hockey at a great school and whenever I ask if she regrets her decision - it is NO. She has always had the wanderlust and is very good friends with the International students. She would love a ticket to Hong Kong, Seoul this summer. She did visit a friend in Bermuda last year.</p>

<p>So to answer your question, My d did not go to boarding school because I worked, etc. She just wanted it. I miss her but am happy that she is happy!!</p>

17

<p>If I may speak for those of us who have had the boarding school life ourselves, sending our children off to board is something we valued from first-hand experience and, naturally, wanted our children to have it too.</p>

<p>Another thing is that, while it is important that the school be academically suitable to the child, it is not imperative that he or she attends a school whose ‘ranking’ is predicated on its academic rigor above all else. Rigor is important but, for those of us ‘in the know’, it is not necessarily the determinant. Boarding school is a “24/7” environment, so, of course, the quality of life at school is of primary concern.</p>

18

<p>I want to provide a slightly different perspective. My D is in her second year of BS at great sacrifice to us, because like many, she was bored at the local options and seemed ripe for something more. She is successful at BS academically and socially. However, as I’ve hinted at in my posts, we have some regrets about the path. Sink or swim for a 15 year old has just not sat well with me. It is an awful lot to ask teens to handle and frankly, no BS really can provide the same guidance and support as a parent . . . I’ve come to conclude that MOST teens can still benefit from the support and advice of involved (not Amy Chua involved) parents who knows their D/S far better than any coach/teacher/dorm parent ever will (and without the day-day we are compromising that role). There are benefits and trade offs, and how you come out may depend on what you value as a parent.</p>

19

<p>erlanger - Glad that your daughter is doing well academically and socially but it makes me curious as to specifically why you have regrets? If you are willing to share that is. Is it mainly the financial and personal sacrifices of family time or something else? Is she making decisions and choices that you don’t agree with?</p>

20

<p>Creative–see my posting under thread called “Parenting by email/texts.” I just don’t believe MOST 14/15/16/17 year olds are really ready for that much freedom, and in my experience, I just don’t think MOST strongly academic BSs are set up to provide enough guidance and support that almost any teen need from time to time. It is just too much independence too soon, IMO, even though my D was by all measurements the right type of teen that BSs are looking for (mature, independent, self-motivated, good with time management, etc.).</p>