Greetings all,
This question is for all of you current BS parents out there: is it common for BS families to use outside college counselors for your kiddos? Either in secret or with the knowledge of the college counselors at your BS? I’ve been told by several BS parents (from various schools) I should start thinking about hiring one by next summer. This can’t be true, can it? And if it is, are there counselors that specialize in BS students? This seems very suspicious to me, so I thought I’d reach out here to see what has been done. TIA!
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I am not a current parent, but I’ve had 3 kids go through boarding school, the last graduated 2 years ago. In my opinion the counseling is excellent. The one thing no counselor can do is know your child as well as you do. It’s really up to the families to figure out the type of college the student is interested in. And the counselor can take it from there, suggesting other similar schools, knowing the odds of admission, as well as nuances that don’t show up in online searching.
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Thanks @cinnamon1212! I’m wondering how many parents from your 3 kids going through BS used private counselors (that you know of)?
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The primary focus of boarding school college counselors is to get all students accepted to a suitable college or university. Their mission is not to get students accepted to their top choice reach school although it may seem that way at certain boarding schools due to the strong credentials of the students.
If parents hired private college counselors, it was not widely known, but I suspect that many did. Hard to know because students came from many different states and countries. We refused the services of the school’s college counselors and just did it on our own–especially since our focus was not on East Coast schools even though the most prestigious offers came from elite East Coast schools.
The most important aspect is to identify the objective or goals of the student such as major field of study, career aspirations, geographical preferences, and budget.
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Thanks, @Publisher! I appreciate the way you phrased that… makes total sense. I am curious to know if your kiddo’s pals used one, or if it was commonplace to use one? TIA
Again tough to say. A couple of students asked for my guidance. Both did quite well, but my guidance was primarily motivational as they were overwhelmed by the process combined with academic demands (think Andover, Exeter, St. Paul’s, Groton, Deerfield Academy). I also helped with school selection.
Lots of families had strong connections as alumni or personal friendship with director of admissions at the most coveted National Universities.
Almost a third (33.3%) matriculated at Ivies and several to Stanford & MIT. My guess is that it was based on student academic talent, but not athletic ability as none were recruited athletes other than one academic superstar who joined an Ivy rowing team. Very few URMS, although a couple went to Princeton. One had mediocre academics compared to the rest of the class.
A good number of students came from some of the wealthiest families in their respective countries, but I have no idea as to whether or not those students had private college counselors (even though some had private assistants based in their home country).
Maybe a lot depends upon the particular boarding school regardless of whether one formally relies upon the school counselors. We had open invitations to a couple of very elite schools (one LAC & one National University–both top 5) , that were declined by us.
P.S. I do not think that anyone would have used a private college counselor regarding academic course selection or selection of activities. The students just took the most challenging courses based on their interest and ability and pursued activities in which they had a strong interest.
A couple of students were disappointed only because neither received an offer of an Ivy admission. One had applied to all 8 Ivy League schools. (Both students were from Asia.)
P.P.S. Our boarding school college counselors seemed to rotate positions in the school after a few years. Maybe one had prior experience as a college admissions officer while others were new to college counseling. Didn’t matter as the school was well known to all elite East Coast colleges and universities.
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At our school, if you put a gun to my head, I’d guess 50% use private CCs. It’s something that hardly anyone talks about or admits out loud, save perhaps some whispers among the closest parents. But it’s nonetheless an open secret of sorts. And for sure the conventional wisdom is that if you use one, you do not tell the school CC that you are doing so.
Is it worth it? A very wise person told me that private CCs are as much about managing the parents as they are managing the kid/process. And I actually agree with that. At least in part. If you can’t stay out of your kid’s grill about collegecollegecolleg, hiring a private person may be worth it for that alone, for your kid’s sanity.
The private CCs will want to start with your kid immediately/asap because they’ll say they can help coach on course selection, ECs, etc. IOW beginning to craft/package from the get go. Personally I don’t think that’s necessary. BUT, I do think the BS process formally begins later than it should. At least the one-on-one process wherein a kid is assigned a specific CC and they being to meet. That begins midway through junior year at our school. Prior to that it’s all generic advice to all kids/families. At the very least, if you’re of the “want to see/visit a lot of schools of different sizes/types/locations” it helps to get a jump on that.
We took our friend’s advice. Once we realized that the private CC was about getting us out of our kids’ hair, we figured we could just do that ourselves. I think it helps knowing that our kids are intrinsically motivated. They don’t need us, or an outside/3rd party, riding them. They’re happily working with their school-assigned CCOs. But I get the value proposition for the right kids (or parents…)
ETA: guessing this is true of the other GLADCHEMMS but the CCOs at our school are in general excellent. Many have done it for a long time, seen it all, and are still able to adjust to the now. Many come from “the other side of the desk” as AOs at top colleges and universities. And their case loads seem reasonable. IOW, these are not the “guidance counselors” at large publics, each of whom may have to serve 400-500 kids and likely spend way more time on mental health/counseling stuff than college counseling.
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I do not know anyone who used a private college counselor. My experience was with two schools, Hotchkiss and Millbrook.
Agree with @Publisher – it would be ridiculous to use a private counselor to pick classes etc.
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I actually thought that timing was great. Once that starts, they meet with the student one on one every other week. They also set a great pace for the students, making sure essays, rec letter requests, college visits, are all done in appropriate time.
The only thing I think they could do better is to make it clear that, while you should be flexible, you should also be thinking down the line and looking at the whole picture early on. They do address that somewhat by assigning an academic advisor to each sophomore who helps with 11th grade course selection by also discussing and taking into consideration possible 12th grade selection and college goals.
I am very happy with the CC we received. They are knowledgeable, approachable and responsive. The couple of people I know who were unhappy (they are the exception) are ones who thought CC washed their hands of the process and thought CC do their job for them. The way I see it, they are a resource. They are there to guide and support you. As a parent and a student, you still have to be willing to educate yourself, form your own opinions, and to the work.
While ours is not one of the acronym schools, I know several parents at one of them who received very underwhelming and generic college counseling.
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Not at our school. Each one meets with the kid twice during winter trimester and twice during spring trimester. A total of four meetings during junior year.
If a boarding school student elects to use a private college counselor, it is imperative that the private college counselor be familiar with the boarding school.
One student at an elite New England prep boarding school hired a private college counselor based in a major city in the South. The student had solid academics and ECs and was from a very wealthy family. The student’s choices ended up as Skidmore & Hamilton. Was headed to Skidmore until the father spoke with me. This student should have had better options. Didn’t matter as the student ended up on Wall Street in large part due to family wealth.
In short as a word of caution: Private college counselors can mess up a student’s college choices if unfamiliar with the boarding school.
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We did not use a private counselor and were phenomenally well-served by the one at the BS. She “got” DS, made great suggestions of schools to consider, helped him through some of the messier parts of the process (ED deferral, WL, etc), and made us feel like we didn’t need to fret.
Based on that experience, I would suggest families at less well-resourced schools (i.e., our LPS) consider what an expert can provide. I also counseled several friends with younger kids at our school to use the CC at the school exclusively.
While I don’t know anyone at our school who used an outside CC, people must because the school asks that you let them know if you are using an outside counselor and has guidance for how to loop them into the school’s process.
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Yes @Publisher that was my immediate concern when given the CC advice. The question then becomes which CC? I was told Solomon consulting. But I’m weary…
@Drprimo, I think the best answer here is that some boarding schools are better than others with college counseling. The other aspect to consider is that numerous boarding school kids have gone through the “Free Agent”-like school selection process four years earlier – touring schools, writing resumes, sweating later summer essays, SSAT classes - understanding the REACH/MATCH/LIKELY pecking order dance. “Here we go again,” is a frequently sighed response.
I would like to add to @publisher and her response. The BS college counseling’s primary job is to get your kid into a reasonably nice school. Most kids in 2023 are gaining admittance into IVYs & top schools based primarily on what they have accomplished or what select “resources” that their families can provide. AT THEIR BEST, college counseling departments truly swing into action when they need to get a (relatively) low-stats/low-motivated student into a “nice” school. I’ve seen that happen a dozen times.
Sometimes guidance counselors “push” schools where an institutional relationship exists. My belief is that the boarding/private schools are not immune to the in-flux nature of college admissions rooms on a seemingly annual basis now. Quite frankly, I don’t think it’s the “overall” boost to admission for T15s that it was even 10-15 years ago. All that said, there are some boarding schools that still send a dozen kids a year to BU, to NYU, other comparable schools. Of course, most (if not all) of those students were also full-pay.
We did utilize an expert for one-time assistance with FAFSA/CSS filing for our specific circumstances. The group offered the occasional insight on admissions, but no earth-shattering nuggets that you wouldn’t find after spending a few days on CC.
Heart of hearts, most upper-income, professional families – as long as they possess a clear, realistic mindset of expectations - should be able to competently navigate these waters without spending thousands of dollars in counseling. The only issue I see is if high-income parents are too swamped with work obligations to dedicate the necessary time to the process.
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The purpose of this site is not to recommend or not recommend certain counseling services. Nor would any posts naming one be allowed.
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Wow. This thread is…eye opening.
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So far, I do not know of anyone at my kids’ BS schools that has used a private counselor. The schools have strongly discourage private counselors in their communications with parents. That said, I can’t swear that no families have hired one. Probably some have ignored the schools’ instructions.
I think the role of the college office at my kids’ schools has been to help with questions of fit, crafting a realistic list, and managing the process itself (deadlines, visits, flyins, interviews, financial aid). My impression is that there may have been some parents who were more involved than others, particularly among the day student families. I think most parents of boarding students were considerably less involved.
I have only one in college so far, and I was not very involved in her process. I attended two or three zoom meetings/Q&A sessions for families during junior spring, and I had one meeting with my daughter and her college advisor that spring as well. I think that I sent some questions via email a few times. But mostly, I trusted the school to handle it, which to be honest was probably good for my relationship with my kid. If I had gotten involved, I would have been tempted to micro-manage and hover. Instead, my main role was to run the net price calculators and tell her which schools on her initial list were likely to be unaffordable and thus could not be applied to ED. In fact, I didn’t know for sure where she had applied until after she submitted her first application. Although I did talk to her about where she was leaning in early October. A few weeks later, in late October, she told me where she had applied.
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I can guarantee with 100% certainty that you do know people who did, you just don’t know that they did 
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Yes, but the fact that I cannot distinguish them from those of us that didn’t use counselors proves my point. That is, their outcomes were not measurably/noticeably better.
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Unless you know who did and who did not use, you cannot make this determination. But I will let it be.
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