@cityran I feel for you. You are in the exact position that would have me wondering if we should let the WL play out.
Are you open to some thoughts? (If not, feel free to ignore me! You know your DC and family best!)
Am I right to say you are only on one WL? If I recall, you removed yourselves from the second WL, correct? One WL does feel pretty risky to let go beyond A10, if BS is important to you (unless of course you are fine to put down a deposit on A10 “just in case” that you don’t mind later losing).
Let’s go back to your first choice and house discussion. You don’t say flat out if you ended up listening to your sister or you ended up going with your own reluctance to name a first choice, but I’m guessing you followed sister’s advice? Also, it sounds like you did visit for interviews? (Again, a guess from what I am gathering.)
Can you in your mind go back in time and try to recreate those visits and reframe them in an imaginary world where you had NOT chosen a FC? (I shared on another post that we recorded conversations right after each school visit on our phone’s voice memo, and that was incredibly helpful for us now to take us back to our reactions back then – back in the glorious ignorance of thinking we would have revisits to evaluate schools!) Great tip for future applicants, but for you: is there any way you can put yourself in a quiet space and do your best to remember your thoughts and feelings from those visits? Have you found online campus tours to review in a quiet room alone to see if ANY memories pop up? I was amazed by what I remembered just by reviewing online campus tours. (And in fact, that’s when I remembered: omigosh! check my voice memos!)
A question for you to answer, but not necessarily to us: do you think your (and your DC) feelings about the two options you do have would honestly be any different if you had NOT declared another school as the “FC?” Can you remember why you applied in the first place? Also: can you remember why you DIDN’T apply to some other schools? It sounds like you applied to 4 schools? That’s a very targeted, short list. Given your own BS background, I would think this means that you were very deliberate and purposeful about each of the schools on your list. Can you get in touch with your own thinking back when you created the list?
Another thought: how much do you think the disappointment of not getting into FC is clouding the view of the other schools where DC was admitted?
Thank you, I am always open for thoughts and suggestions!! My daughter did take her name off another waitlist as she didn’t love that school when we visited. I knew it was a place she could learn to love had she been accepted and re-visited, but once she was waitlisted, it was time to let it go. We worked with an independent education consultant on our list, though having been through this myself many years ago, we already had a targeted list and our final list didn’t stray from that. We planned to visit 8, missed 2 because my daughter was sick, and then narrowed it down to five. We were naive thinking five schools would be a big enough spread, but our educational consultant was okay with it (perhaps because we had legacy at two, though that didn’t prove to be beneficial at one school). And I guess in the end, his goal was for us to get into “a” school, whereas I had imagined she would get into most of the 5 and then we’d have several choices. I should have listened to everyone on CC more! But in the end, she will find her place wherever she ends up, and we are grateful she has the opportunity to choose between two!!
Got distracted…it’s hard to do anything when kids have no school! My daughter did let her FC know that they were her FC, back in January. She has again written them letting them know they are still her FC and that she would love to have a spot off the waitlist. She is also starting to greatly favor one of the schools to which she was accepted over the other, so at least we are making some progress there. If she still has her heart set on FC on A10, what are the ramifications of putting a deposit down for one school and staying on the waitlist for FC? I am less worried about the financial loss than the impact on the school. I a) don’t like the idea of holding a spot that someone else might want and b) don’t want to burn any bridges.
@cityran , if you deposit at the school you plan to attend and stay on the WL at the FC, that’s fine. If you get into FC, you take that offer and forfeit your deposit at your “planned” school. The “planned” school will in turn go to its WL. This happens all the time. It sounds like you should do that.
FWIW, it sounds like your consultant did fine for you. Without applying to an extensive list, you ended up with options on M10. While your expectations were different, consider this a great practice run for college.
Thank you! I wasn’t sure if holding a place was frowned upon or not. We are taking our daughter’s lead on this and at some point, she may decide she’d rather make a decision on A10 and stick with it . And yes, it has been a great learning experience for our whole family and we will use what we have learned for future college and boarding school admission seasons.
Yes. Colleges go through this too. They call it summer melt.
As you note, at some point, many students decide that they don’t want the ambiguity anymore.
While I know a kid who was accepted to Stanford in August and pivoted to go, most students aren’t up for a late change unless they have no other options. Once you start taking placement tests, picking classes, getting roommate assignments, hearing from prefects and teammates, it all starts getting more real and more exciting.
It seems like although you didn’t get into your first couple top schools, you got into 2 of your top 5. That sounds like a win by any measure!
We’re in the same boat. My son didn’t get into his top choice, but did get into another reasonably equivalent school that we frankly had never even visited. My wife and son have started falling in love remotely with this school, reading everything they can, viewing all online materials and videos, and even reading a book written by a retired instructor on the history and philosophy of the school. Perhaps there is something like that at your top accepted school?
For me, I tried hard to tell my son not to really get too excited about any particular school, and instead just apply to a wide handful and then we would only look at the ones accepted and pick the best from among them (although I had of course assumed the full-day revisit would be a key part of this!). I’ve tried the same for my daughter who is now applying to college and gets notified on the last of the schools later today. I actually didn’t even really want her to visit any of the schools in person before applying, because I was so afraid she would fall in love with 1-2 of them and then be crushed if she didn’t get in and go through college with regrets.
Anyway, with each passing day we feel more and more confident with the choice of Middlesex for my son. It was the school that actually wanted him and decided he would be able to succeed at that school. I think that double selection… from both sides… is important.
However, I will say that I’m surprised there isn’t more anxiety on these boards about what might happen if the schools are still closed in the Fall. I don’t mind paying for boarding school, not one bit, but I do have a severe problem with paying the full price for a remote online education, even if the teachers are better. But deferring a year seems a bit risky to me (even if it was allowed), and so I guess we’re just going to roll the dice and hope that my son can show up in the Fall, and that even if it wasn’t for the first semester, he’d still have 7/8 boarding experience even if he shows up in early 2021 on campus.
My thoughts exactly! I do believe that come August things will settle and schools will start. However if they do not and one wants to back out, will schools give refunds due to these extenuating circumstances I wonder?
@middlesexdad and @amumof2 I think the anxiety is definitely there (I have PM’d with one parent here about it) but I think many here are still in decision-mode, focused more on trying to choose a school than whether it’ll convene physically in September.
If September is punted to remote learning, I think at the very least all room/board should be waived, in large part if not completely (I get that a physical plant still has operating costs even if almost no one is there). I also think it would utterly suck for incoming 1st year students to begin a new school remotely. What a very unsatisfying way to kick off an experience it would be. (First world problem).
I also speculated in my PM convo that schools could try to shift the academic year back from September - May to January - August. It would mean fewer, shorter breaks assuming the same number of school days. But, it would obviously allow much greater leeway to get Covid19 in the rearview mirror. September is just close enough at this point where I could see schools appreciating the extra cushion.
The parent with whom I PM’d seemed pretty certain that such a thing would never happen.
@middlesexdad@DroidsLookingFor@amumof2 Surprised also there isn’t more discussion about September. We already made our peace with it being online to start, feeling confident that the full experience will happen shortly afterward. We’re in it for 4 years, so losing a semester isn’t ideal, but it’s not a dealbreaker for us. (And I would imagine some sort of financial adjustment – maybe not complete room and board, but something?) @middlesexdad – I’m so glad to hear that you are falling in love with your option even without visiting! I have to say: I’ve been very impressed by some schools’ abilities to convey community and tone through this imperfect virtual visit world! We had a few schools we hadn’t visited (and some that we had), so we had to rely on virtual visits and websites and phone calls and zoom calls pretty heavily.
To clarify: Not to say that I am predicting we will be online in September. But I could see the following scenario – virus weakens with warm weather. But fears about not knowing impact of colder temps result in postponing gatherings “out of an abundance of caution.” That I could see happening.
@middlesexdad We lived pretty close to MX for many years. And one of my kids attended theater camp every Summer and another played sports there for many years. If you have specific questions about the layout of the campus or facilities, I’m happy to answer. As I’m sure you can tell from the photos, it’s a beautiful campus set up around a Quad. It looks like a tiny college. Buildings are well kept. The dorms are standard fare. The science classes are well equipped. The main admissions building has lovely carved wooden plaques which each graduate is required to make in order to graduate. You can go back and look at the ones from 1917 or the ones from 1970s and they reflect what is going on in society. They recently renovated the theater. And they have lots of sports fields up a small road. There is plenty of outside space. My oldest lamented that it didn’t have a lot of places to plop down and study ( outside of the library). Some schools have lots of nooks and corners others don’t. There were kids studying in the admissions area and a couple of other spots which gave us the notions that studying space was a bit limited. Maybe someone else can comment.
The only downside physically, is the distance from Concord center. While Concord Academy kids can walk down the block to stores and restaurants, MX kids cannot. They are too far away to take advantage of this nice town or access to the train ( which goes to Boston). MX is also a campus where it’s easy to get around and pretty small compared to a campus like Exeter or PA. It’s a bit isolated like most BS, but access to Boston, skiing, shopping etc is never far away.
Hi there, our daughter will be a first year fully pay boarding student starting in September. My husband and I are concerned that in-person school start in September may be impacted due to COVID-19. We are hesitant to commit to paying 10% tuition on April 10th and 45% in August if they will be doing remote learning. The contract and insurance does not cover Force Majeur. Is anyone else concerned about committing to a school during this crisis?
I was concerned, but now have just accepted that school may likely be online for fall semester. My situation is different, we have some FA. It would make me really frustrated if I had to full pay for so many things not provided (dorms, food, living with friends, living on campus with teachers, clubs, sports, the support & community). I think if it is online, maybe tuition will be discounted…
We just committed to our school (signed contract, paid downpayment). We look at it as an amazing four year education, and if the first 1/8 is not ideal, the totality of the 4 years still makes it worth it.
During one of my son’s BS virtual revisit Q&As with the head of school he indicated they are planning on holding all the regularly scheduled summer activities/camps and planning on school to start in person at the regularly scheduled date. With the big caveat that the school would follow direction/guidance from government as necessary.
I think every school is desperately hoping that it will be able to have everyone on campus this fall. I would also be dismayed if they weren’t planning for the very real possibility of being remote in the fall. Things are just too uncertain and the living environment at a BS makes it a contagion tinderbox.
The upside is that if it is online, the schools will have experience with online platforms from this year, and as @LeeLeeB notes, it will only be for a portion of your first year. Personally, I would not give up the whole 4 year experience because of this. From what I have seen, most BS are doing a better job of this than other schools.
I do understand the $ element. You should not count on getting a discount (or a big one) if you are online. It’s lousy, because you are missing out on the residential experience and live classrooms, but the school still has most of its costs regardless. And it’s going to need to keep personnel not involved in online classes ready for when your kids get back. So don’t assume this will be the case.
@gardenstategal I agree with so much you have said! To clarify, I was thinking more of a slight discount (if Fall is distance learning) for not having to provide food, the lower electric bill, etc. But you are right, people should not count on it. No parent should come at this with a sense of entitlement.
I’m guessing that their main expense is personnel (that’s what it is for public schools). A major boarding school draw is its family feel & the amazing staff. So with those heartfelt staff-to-staff connections (as many staff live on campus together) they can’t lay off many staff (that’s not what you do to family). Further I agree that they need staff in order to be ready if suddenly they can reopen (if they were planning a Fall closure, but then realize it isn’t needed); and to be ready for Winter/Spring session(s).
Also agree GardenStateGal: “the living environment at a BS makes it a contagion tinderbox.”
I think if these were day schools, they would be more sure they’d open in Fall. No other kind of business - only summer camps & non-commuter colleges - is in the same boat. […more, continued…]
But in the end, she will find her place wherever she ends up, and we are grateful she has the opportunity to choose between two!!