<p>I need advice concerning one of my roommates. I have a suspicion that she is bulimic and making herself throw up. After every time she eats she goes into the bathroom and from what I can hear she makes herself throw up. I don't know what to do because we are not close, I barely ever talk to her and she hardly ever talks to me, but we don't dislike each other. I don't know what to do...should I just straight up ask her if she's purposely making herself puke? Should I go to my RA? I already asked her if she was feeling all right and she said she was fine. So... I don't know what to do now. Any help would be appreciated!!</p>
<p>Your town should have a crisis hotline. Call it. Or call Catholic Community Services. They’re good for that sort of thing.</p>
<p>you could ask your RA for advice without specifically mentioning it’s your roommate (just say “someone I know,” though be prepared for the suspicion it’s you), to see how s/he responds.</p>
<p>your college probably also has a counseling office.</p>
<p>kudos to you for being concerned. If your roommate is bulimic, she isn’t going to get better without really wanting to and putting in a lot of effort. But you can help her realize what services are out there.</p>
<p>You could go to your RA, the Dean of Students, or the Health Centre on campus. When I was in college most of us knew who was bulimic, there are a lot of clues. This girls bulimia is not only a way to lose weight. She needs to talk to a therapist. Good luck.</p>
<p>It is disturbing to live with for you and you have a right to live without that stress. At the same time, your roommate needs some help. Maybe this behavior has not become entrenched as yet. Tell her that you want to talk to someone about it, so that she can get some help, and then do it. It’s hard. I know several kids who are dealing with this exact same roomie situation right now. These days, there is excellent help for eating disorders.</p>
<p>You could also try writing her a note — and just be honest. "I am worried about you because it seems like you are eating and purging. It seems like that’s not good for you. I don’t want to be a pain, and I don’t want you to be mad, but I am thinking maybe I should talk to -insert RA --and she can offer to help you if you want help. That would be up to you. And I wouldn’t talk to anyone else, but like I said, I’m worried and want you to be okay. " Or something like that. It gives her a little heads up, and a little time to react and be less defensive (because she’ll prob be defensive). But only the person with the disorder can be the one to decide to fix it ; all you can do is offer your observation, fwiw.</p>
<p>This is a tough one. It’s true that the bulimic person, like any other addict, has to first want to be helped. If she hasn’t hit rock bottom yet, she will be angry with you for revealing her secret because this means someone will now try to stop her from engaging in a behavior she still wants to maintain. However, since this student is away at college, those closer to her who would ordinarily be the indicated people to intervene (parents, siblings, or old friends) aren’t around. That leaves you. I think it’s important to talk to the RA because often bulimia and depression go hand in hand. And depression can lead a person down a very dark road.</p>
<p>At my D’s school, a girl attempted suicide last weekend. She was found in time to save her physical life, but not normal brain activity. Apparently, her friends had begun to suspect she was bulimic and were considering saying something to her, but never did. As you can imagine, they are wracked with guilt right now.</p>
<p>I think you should say something to her privately. I don’t recall if this activity had a name when I was in college but I lived with a girl that did that and none of us ever said a word. I still feel to this day that we (all of us “girls”) should have said something or done something, we certainly all thought it was gross and stupid, but it just wasn’t as well known back then as a real problem. What you say may make no difference but if she’s aware that others are aware perhaps she’ll give it a thought or even listen to you. If you talk to her then it will top bothering “you” which is important also.</p>
<p>It is way too delicate psychologically for an untrained peer to intervene. This kind of confrontation could have serious consequences. It is a hard behavior to give up, and there is a lot of shame involved too. I think a student in this position should talk with an adult, like a dean, and then let trained people advise and handle.</p>
<p>I agree with the other posters that you dealing with this alone is too much to handle. If you think she is throwing up her meals every time that she eats, then she probably is. It just takes one person paying a little bit of attention to realize that this is going on. It is very good of you to actually care enough to notice. That is an admirable trait. </p>
<p>I wonder if this is something that has been going on for a long time. If she is doing it now then she has probably done it in the past. Maybe the best person to know about this behavior would be her parents. </p>
<p>It would be a good plan to contact a professional such as a crisis line or some agency at school. They will be able to give you the best advice as to what your next step should be. Just because you were the one to discover what is going on does not mean that it is your responsibility. All that you need to do is take the next step and contact either an agency or talk to the RA and ask their advice. You need to basically enlist the assistance of someone who is more prepared to handle what is going on.</p>
<p>I recently found a fantastic collection of “virtual pamphlets” at [The</a> Unabridged Student Counseling Virtual Pamphlet Collection](<a href=“http://www.dr-bob.org/vpc/]The”>The Student Counseling Virtual Pamphlet Collection) </p>
<p>There’s a bunch about eating disorders. I looked through them all, and was a bit surprised by which universities produced the best (in my opinion) pamphlets. I expected the top tier schools to have a little more info. than the regional schools, but, instead, found the top-tier schools (Harvard, Princeton) to have old-school information and approaches, focus on BMI, etc. </p>
<p>The site I was most impressed by was the University of Illinois. They have a great wealth of up-to-date information, including pages about what to do if you suspect you have an eating problem, what to do if you suspect a friend has an eating problem, and body size diversity and acceptance ([Counseling</a> Center Body Size Diversity and Acceptance](<a href=“University of Illinois Counseling Center”>University of Illinois Counseling Center)). </p>
<p>Kansas State also has a pamphlet with info. about self-help for bulimia: [Bulimia</a> | Counseling Services | Kansas State University](<a href=“http://www.k-state.edu/counseling/topics/eating/bulimia.html]Bulimia”>http://www.k-state.edu/counseling/topics/eating/bulimia.html)</p>
<p>UT-Dallas has tips for improving body image: [Body</a> Image - Counseling Center at UT Dallas](<a href=“http://www.utdallas.edu/counseling/bodyimage/]Body”>Body Image – Student Counseling Center | UT Dallas)</p>
<p>University of Victoria has tips from women who have recovered: [University</a> of Victoria - Counselling Services](<a href=“Student Wellness - Student Wellness - University of Victoria”>Student Wellness - Student Wellness - University of Victoria)</p>
<p>Obviously, this issue won’t be solved by printing off a few pamphlets. I heard a statistic once that it takes about 5-7 years to recover from an eating disorder and issues associated with it (depression, anxiety, identity, etc.). If this is a recent development, and not an ongoing issue for her, maybe she’ll need less therapy, but it’s unlikely she’ll be able to solve this without a significant investment of time and effort. I believe the recommended treatment for bulimics is currently CBT, although ACT and DBT are also popular with this group. Not sure I would recommend group therapy for anybody with an eating disorder, but some people swear by it. Also, medication-wise, SSRIs help some with comorbid issues like anxiety, depression, etc.</p>
<p>Anyway. I don’t think you need to suggest specific treatments for her – it seems that is probably best left up to professionals, who are familiar with local resources, her history, etc. For me, personally, I found in-person conversations / confrontations very unhelpful in recovering from my eating disorder. Things were often so twisted around in my head – even comments that seemed “harmless” to most people (i.e. concerns about my health, being too thin, weight loss, etc.) were mostly turned into fuel for my ED. Even little things were completely misinterpreted (i.e. if somebody was concerned one day and didn’t say anything the next, I’d assume they no longer cared, I had gained enough weight to be healthy, I no longer had issues, etc.). I think most ED professionals have developed ways of communicating (i.e. never referencing weight, whenever possible – focusing on genuine, non-appearance-based compliments, etc.). Most non-ED people don’t seem to have this same sense of “tact”, so even well-intentioned interventions were mostly disastrous for me.</p>
<p>I honestly think that a nice letter or note would be just as effective. I wouldn’t mention anything about her weight, appearance, eating, etc. I would suggest just saying that you’ve noticed she frequently uses the bathroom after she eats and sometimes is sounds like she is purging. Maybe a short sentence or two about how this has affected you – i.e. “I worry about your health and am unsure how to help.” And, then, maybe, some info. about resources near campus, a link to Something Fishy, etc. Maybe, pamphlets. It’s possible she’s still in denial. She might be embarrassed, mad, upset, or angry with you for bringing up the issue. But, she’ll think about it, I can assure you, and I think that makes it completely worth the risk (in my eyes, at least).</p>
<p>Have you gone to the door and said are you okay in there? Sounds like you are sick… Or go in after and say ew did you throw up? Are you okay?</p>
<p>That would be normal reaction to hearing a roommate vomit. next time she throws up act concerned that she is ill. I am supprised after the first or second time of upchucking people didn’t say, hey, you okay?</p>
<p>Bulimia is a potentially fatal illness and is not something to be taken lightly. Here is a information page from the National Eating Disorders Association:</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/nedaDir/files/documents/handouts/Bulimia.pdf[/url]”>http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/nedaDir/files/documents/handouts/Bulimia.pdf</a></p>
<p>It is wonderful that you are concerned and willing to do something. This is much more important than you probably realize. I would suggest going to the Dean of Students rather than an RA as an RA is probably not trained to deal with this - and your roommate needs professional help.</p>
<p>Please go to the health center and talk to a doctor or nurse there. Let them decide the best way to handle it. They may send her a notice to come in for a “routine” check up and be able to work their way around to talking about how stressful school is and the kinds of behaviors they have seen “others” have. They can then decide how they want to keep following up her as well.</p>
<p>This is not a subject to discuss with an RA or dean or any non healthcare person.</p>