<p>"…an excellent example of bullying", TP?! Well, thank you very much, I always try to excell in all my contributions to this esteemed forum. But, the truth is that mine was a far cry from bullying. Anyone can probably see that it was meant as a little gentle ribbing, but then some of us have thinner skins…</p>
<p>To me bullying would be a threat of physical – yes, physical – harm, whether it be explicit or implied. This talk of mental/emotional bullying is really quite laughable when one considers the endless amount of assaults on one’s mental/emotional faculties which must be endured on a daily basis from all manner of people – and one gives as good as one gets, if he is to avoid a total breakdown.</p>
<p>Suck it up TP. — now, was there any threat in that? A challenge, yes, a threat? – no.</p>
<p>My grandmother always said “many a true word has been spoken in jest”
which I always took to mean that when people make fun of you, and say “it’s just a joke,” it’s usually not a joke at all.</p>
<p>My father always said “if you can’t say anything nice, maybe you don’t need to say anything at all”
which has proven to be excellent advice.</p>
<p>I come down with TParent on this. We shouldn’t be so PC that adolescence can’t unfold in a normal range (“rough and tumble” behavior, mistakes etc), but I surely want my kid in a school where bullying stands out as odd and unacceptable, and where the bullier is stopped in his or her tracks. And, no offense to Leanid, but to say that bullying only involves the threat of physical harm is just plain wrong; I could see it being the argument of a bullier, the self-rationalization. Emotional bullying is probably more prevalent and equally devastating than physical bullying.</p>
<p>RE: “Any thoughts as to which boarding schools “practice what they preach”? Which ones have a particularly strong anti-bullying culture?”</p>
<p>Quaker/Friends school tend to have a very strong anti-bullying culture. Back in my day many moons ago, at a Friends BS, lying and bullying would get you in more trouble than any other offenses. We use to say that you would end up in a frank discussion about personal choices if you were caught getting high but end up on a train back home for unkind behavior. Part of that is that, at least in the past, these schools were as likely to have a kid walking around in everything for tie-dye to caps to sports jerseys to LL Bean attire. Individualism and respecting the individual were priorities.
It was not that bullying never happened, it was that it was dealt with if it did…but students and faculty. Hope they have stayed the same.
D is at a pretty earthy ‘free to me’ kind of school now and has not seen or experienced any bullying. My son who was at a very ‘good’ school with more structure saw and experienced horrid bullying. We got him out of there. Sigh.
T</p>
<p>“I was at a party recently where freshman boys from an Acronym School showed up with bizarre hairstyles. I was told that “some of the boys” cut their hair to show support for their team a couple weeks before… They looked ridiculous, and it was obvious hazing, which they submitted to in the name of “team spirit.” My wife looked at them, and thought DS needn’t bother applying there next year…”</p>
<p>I’m pretty sure they didn’t have to do it if they didn’t want to, and no one on their team would blame them. It’s not hazing. It’s, to quote a freshman on the swim team of the school I think you’re talking about, who also shaved his head bald, “opportunity of a life time.” It’s something to write home about. It’s bonding. It’s team spirit.</p>
<p>there are many types of bullying. at one school there are many rich kids such that if one is not wearing gucci, they are looked down on – girls feel like they have to buy expensive clothes to fit in.</p>
<p>Someone who says that if it’s not physical, it’s not bullying, has never been around 8th grade girls. A huge reason why my DS wants to go to BS is the bullying culture of her school. Nobody has ever laid a finger on anyone else, or even threatened to, but the various forms of control, exclusion, mocking, isolating, have driven more than one child right out of the school. Queen bees don’t need to threaten physical violence to dominate, cow, humiliate and otherwise make the lives miserable of anyone they want.</p>
<p>Bullying definitely exists in boarding schools, though it’s more subtle than what you would find in a local public school. Have you read “The Best of the Best: Becoming Elite at an American Boarding School”? Students at the school (Exeter) while denying that they are cliquish, have tight cliques and are not shy about vocalizing disdain for other groups. Unless your child is applying to a very easy-going school, she is likely to encounter cliques and peer-driven unpleasant behavior.</p>
<p>RE: “Any thoughts as to which boarding schools “practice what they preach”? Which ones have a particularly strong anti-bullying culture?”</p>
<p>Concord has a strong anti-bullying culture. The school principles of common trust and respect for individuality and diversity are pretty ingrained in the student body and faculty. I’ve asked my kids on various occasions about bullying and they basically just laughed at me. That said, I’m sure it may occur from time to time, but I don’t think it could survive for long. </p>
<p>Although the school has various groups, they’re not tight and there’s a lot of overlap. One of my kids was pretty quiet and not outgoing, but nonetheless felt very comfortable sitting down at any empty seat in the dining hall at meals, if the tables with close friends were full.</p>
<p>Photodad, so good to hear of CA’s antibullying culture. This is my C’s first choice for the moment, and the only school we visited where none of us, my C, my husband, nor I, had any misgivings by the time we left. C really loved the place, both the school and the town. Academically intense and socially low key, was our impression. We’re keeping our fingers crossed till M10.</p>