burned out from last semester (this is a stream of concious rambling rant)

last semester my professors were extremely challenging, and I needed straight A’s in order to meet UCD requirements for their CS degree. It was mainly my calc professor who at the beginning stated " you will probably need to drop other classes to keep up with this one" - he ran it like it was a nasa facility and we were building a space ship, where we had tuns of ridiculously hard problems to do that counted for little points, but with so many, you needed to do them all to get an A. I know these courses are designed to weed people out, but fellow class mates would come up to me and ask " is this the hardest thing you have ever had to do in your life?" - I would reply yes of course.

I don’t mind the work, I love this stuff. What really got me down was his attitude. One day for no reason he told us " A farmers wife made great meals or her sons every day" - and started naming a few like steak, stacks of pancakes, etc. “then one day her sons came home to stacks of hay, they said “OH HOW COULD YOU” - she replied, well sometimes you give me no reason to think I gave you anything other then hay” - then goes “that’s how I feel about this class” - the entire semester was super awkward from then on out. He really made a lot of people who loved math hate it afterwards, almost including me.

His attitude towards the class and the amount of work he assigned really drained my spirits. It also took time away from my family. He would say “sometimes in college you have to make sacrifices” as he would hand out a huge stack of extremely challenging series questions and assign online homework and a exam review before thanks giving break (which was one 4 day weekend) - the people who needed A’s just didn’t spend that time with their family’s…

It was nearly impossible to keep up with all courses but I ended up getting A’s in everything, which included that calc course, OOP with C++, and discrete structures. I really gave it all I had to get those grades and it’s been hard to bounce back this semester. I nearly lost all my drive and passion. I am going to school for computer science because I want to develop games, something I was fired up about and willing to work hard for. I found out I loved math and programming in the process. I want that drive back but have nearly completely lost it. Today I got my IGETC confirmed and will graduate with an AS this semester and could nearly care less. I feel all that work wasn’t worth missing time with my dog and my family. I feel like I am working hard towards A’s and getting nowhere.

I looked on rate my professor and found people feeling the same way. One person even said he changed majors from math to something else… Another said “glad to see all these bad reviews coming in, at the beginning I felt like I was alone in this and like maybe I wasn’t good at this but to see so many others feel the same way makes me feel better”[paraphrased] - When I read that I felt reassured it wasn’t just me who felt this way. I really have never experience something like this before.

I know a bunch of people went to the dean about this guy but idk what happened about that. Apparently he told the other calc course they “were obviously the weaker class” and would insult them directly. Students in the math club told me “he hated that class” - idk what kind of professor would say such a thing, but I hope the dean took the student serious. I went to the dean because he didn’t accept work I turned in early that got turned back to us ten minutes after it was “due” , because I told him I turned it in early on accident and he purposely said turn it in then handed out the other assignment(I turned it in with the assignment he handed back early on accident) so I couldn’t turn it in - and the dean could care less.

Has anyone experienced something similar I could talk to? Any one else feel like they can’t achieve their dreams? I feel like I don’t even want to try anymore… I have lost my love and passion for this and I want it back!

I really don’t want to post this since it is such a rambling mess but that’s how I feel inside, I can’t put this together and don’t know how to move on - I have never been through something so challenging and don’t know how to bounce back, I was hoping venting here would help and maybe others have been through something similar that could relate.

This semester I have calc 3, data structures, and my last two GE courses before I graduate with AS and transfer to UC - and want to strive through it but don’t have much left in the tank. I feel drowsy all the time and unmotivated to do the work. I look back and wonder how I was able to achieve doing the amount of work I did, and it was all for the dream of making a video game. After spending all that time and not being able to create a game yet makes me feel useless.

I really don’t know how I feel about posting this I didn’t know it would come out so long - and I really don’t want to get hated on, I don’t know how it is on this site and this is my first post - As a disclaimer I would like to add I have experience with a lot of different professors and have only received A’s my past 5 semesters, so I don’t think it’s normal for me to feel this way, as every semester has been an amazing experience up until this point.

after some thought I decided to post this, I know it’s a huge wall of text - but takes about 3 minutes to read so it’s not too bad.
Also it felt really good to write that - like really good…

Glad you feel better after writing that. How to get your drive back? Have you considered going to see an advisor at the college? Discuss your path to your degree, find out how much more you have to do and tell the advisor how this prof made you feel. No doubt the prof will say that others say the same. The thing is, you will have to deal with demoralizing jerks for the rest of your life. You can’t let every jerk ruin things for you. You won’t achieve anything if you crumble at the first obstacle.

You seem to genuinely love CS, so just stick with it. You had a bad experience with a prof, but you might have good experiences with others going forward. I remember the hardest prof I ever had. Thirty years (or more) on, I still think this prof gave the most insanely difficult exams ever, but I remember him and have forgotten most of the others. That prof made me think, he made me struggle, he made me challenge myself. I am not even sure if I got a good grade in the class, I think it was a B, but I learned a lot and he taught me to critically analyze texts in ways that I still use to this day. Maybe right now you feel demoralized,but you won’t always. It’s possible you will even thank him one day for teaching you something about how NOT to treat other people. Onward and upward, my friend.

Hi Lindagaf,

Thank you for your thoughtful words. Reading that really spoke to my heart and made me feel a lot better. I’m glad you could share your experiences with me - and give hope to the future. I really fell in love with computer science :smiley: - I have a professor this semester that I had before and he is amazing. He is funny, uplifting, and really gives the best explanations. We had our first class yesterday and it really made me reflect.

Your post really made me feel a lot better and really helps - thank you.

Cameron.

I am sure that many who post here and went to college can tell stories about the challenging professors that they had. Like @Lindagaf, I too remember one or two that were really tough, and I went to college like almost 40 years ago.

The important thing to do is find a way not to let that experience drain you, because Lindagaf is right, you will encounter challenging people and just challenges in your life that truly–if they don’t kill you, they do make you stronger.

You have discovered something about yourself in writing your post, and that is that writing out your feelings and frustrations is helpful to you. You might want to think about journaling as a way to work on coping. You get all the feelings and frustration out in words and park it somewhere. Then move on.

Best of luck to you. You can do this. Life is hard sometimes, but if it weren’t hard sometimes it would be awfully boring and you might not also know what joy is.

hi @NorthernMom61 ,

I really appreciate your post and helpful words!
I agreed wholeheartedly, and will start a journal. You are 100% right, this helped me and I believe a journal is a fantastic idea!
it really did help to write this all out and I really appreciate you and @Lindagaf taking the time to read this and to lend out your experiences and to give me advice.

I wish I knew better words to thank you - it means a lot that you both would take time out of your day to help someone you don’t even know.
you guys are awesome!

Your advice @NorthernMom61 and @Lindagaf really speaks to my heart and helps a lot - I have been thinking about what you guys have told me a lot and it has given me a new perspective.
I’m glad I was able to learn the powerful life lessons you showed me I could learn from this - I didn’t think there was any good to come of this experience, but now I see the silver lining thanks to you both. I’m really glad you could share your experiences with me and help see me through this.

Thank you so much,
Cameron.
1-27-2017

Illegitimi non carborundum!

I had to translate that^^^^, but, yes :slight_smile:

You are welcome.

Also had to translate “Illegitimi non Carborundum.” You can’t let these experiences defeat you. Some professors feel this is the way to develop your potential. I have a niece who graduated with high honors from a very prestigious university with a double major (bio chem and biology) and the environment burnt out her professional interests in the subjects. She gave up her plans for a PhD in the subject areas, but found the background served her very well in other areas. Today she is a patent lawyer.

I’m NOT suggesting you quit. Find a mentor in your school. When you actually get into the game design, you may find it was everything you had hoped for and the creative juices will flow.

@retiredfarmer I did too - and it’s SO true!

I have amazing professors this semester, it’s been hard bouncing back and I started to get the same mindset that maybe this wasn’t for me and my background could help in other areas.
But I’m gaining confidence and the support here has really been invaluable to me.
We are all human and experience a lot in our lives, it helps to hear others go through similar things and prevailed through them

hi everyone - I wanted to thank you all. You don’t know how much you helped me, this was really hard on me mentally. The hardest part was sacrificing time from my dog - he looked much older after the course and I missed out the most important time of his life and that just torn me apart. I put a lot of time into him this summer. I love him more than anything. I am not going to sacrifice time with him for a grade ever again.
I ended up getting an A in this course and every other course that semester and the following semester.
I got accepted to UC Davis on a full ride and they gave me a pell grant so I will literally get paid to go. I never imagined this happening in my life. I never took school serious - I never even considered college - but I really love this, I love math and I love programming. I start UCD this fall on sept 27th. I am pretty excited for that. I still anticipate challenges but I am starting to love this again.

Just wanted to give an update and thank you all again.